View Full Version : Opinion of mums who have used routine books
My DS is 6 weeks old and is pretty inconsistant during the days and sleeps two hourly cycles during the night after a bf each time. When pregnant, I was given Gina fords book to read. I liked the sound of it, however I also love being there for my son to cuddle, comfort and feed when he needs it. My maternal nurse and midwife at hospital are all very anti routine, which has put me off using one. I am also reading pinky mackays book at the moment and she is also anti routine and goes into explaining that a routine or cc ( I personally wouldn't do cc this young, if at all) can damage a relationship between mother and baby as the baby learns not to rely on you for comfort. I guess I'm asking for feedback from mums that have used a routine on younger babies and whether they have lived to regret it or worse, found that a damaged the trust and bond between mother and baby??? Thank you for reading.
We used save our sleep from 8.5 weeks. DD is so very happy and thrives on it. She feeds better, is more alert and at 5 months sleeps 7-7. She smiles going to bed and smiles getting up. I am happy because I too love routine and I'm sure me being relaxed and confident rubs off on DD. When we go out she will sleep anywhere. She rarely cries because she doesn't need to as her needs are always being met. You can see in her eyes that she loves us and feels safe and loved in return. HTH
threechooks
03-10-2010, 18:11
We used save our sleep too, though I would sneek breastfeeds in when he demanded it. I won't feed on a routine but we used the sleep routines. It worked well. I personally wouldn't do a strict routine until 3-4 months...
FearlessLeader
03-10-2010, 19:02
i use the babybliss routine and started when ds was about 12 weeks and his day sleeps were disappearing. I love it because it's not a 'at 7.15 do x' type of book, it just works on a sleep/feed/play cycle, and gives a rough idea of how long each cycle should last for your baby's age. It's really flexible so if bubs is having a rough day or a growth spurt it caters for that, but also gave me an idea of how long ds *might* (not should) sleep at each nap.
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I love routines too. I don't understand the idea that a routine would damage the relationship between mum and bub. Maybe if you were too strict with it and bub is crying for food and you're like "nope, it's not time yet!" But what happens with a routine is this......the people who come up with them have worked them out based on what works for MOST babies MOST of the time. So when you start feeding your baby at roughly the set intervals, they get used to eating at those intervals so they take enough milk at each feed to last the time. As long as you are flexible for when bub has a growth spurt or is unsettled, they're great. I think the claims that babies on routines are happier make sense. They know what to expect next, their needs are being met. I started this bub, now 6.5 weeks, on a routine from the start. Very flexible to start with, with my main aim being to get him to take full feeds each time and not letting him go longer than 3 hours between feeds so that they get most of their calories in the day. That set up a regular feeding pattern by itself. And I try to start each day at 7am. I found he automatically started sleeping longer stretches at night if I fed him regularly during the day.
I personally hated routines, bowed to pressure and tried a few, only resulted in me being more stressed out and therefore bubs being more distressed. I'm a go-with-the-flow kinda gal, and once I allowed myself to do this (following bub's cues) we both relaxed. I also don't get how a book can tell you what your baby is feeling, when it should be hungry, what it should be doing and when to do things etc. it doesn't seem natural and they are all different, I can't see how there can be a one-size fits all approach? When did we lose the ability to just trust our instincts and allow babies to just be babies?!
Geez, i'm finding it so tricky to make a decision. Both approches have such vaild points. I am a routine person generally, i guess due to being a single mum for the last 6 years and working fulltime but i never used a routine with dd when she was a baby. However i was very young when I had her and I guess I never new there were other options out there. I find I am just always second guessing my self with ds, is he sleeping enough, is he feeding enough.. The one part of the day that he settles really well and is exact in his actions is actually the evening, which is the one time of the day that has been the same since birth. This makes me feel he might suit a routine. However i fear that as pinky mackay explains, a routine does not take in count that each babies developmental stages are at differant paces and when forced, this can lead to lastig effects.
I like to sound of the feed play sleep, I think this is the structure that the day clinic I am attending on Thursday implement. I am such an indecisive person, and as I'm sure u can tell, I'm really finding it hard to listen to my gut feeling and I feel time is passing by and I will regret stressing over the right thing to do rather then relaxing and enjoying my beautiful healthy ds. Thank you all so much for your replies, any more advise would be appreciated.
Em1984, do you mind me asking, what age did your baby settle into a " pattern"? How freq does bubs feed through out the night?
Annabella
03-10-2010, 22:08
I used babywise very loosely. I didn't follow the routine as such (I'm pretty all over the place generally) but I followed the basic feed play sleep and not feeding to sleep, encouraging full feeds etc. I was very flexible and followed it to suit me and my baby and as a result ended up in a rough 2.5-3 hr routine. I have always followed my instincts and consider myself to be a very attached mum. My babies have always slept well and been very content. I started it from day 1 but like I said, it was more that I tried to do those things (full feeds) rather than putting my babies on a routine/schedule. That kind of just happened by itself.
Hollywood
03-10-2010, 22:11
My sister uses SOS Tizzy Hall for her DS, but waited until he was 3 months to start. Until that point she just fed on demand, had him in a bassinet in their room and didn't really follow any routine. She had great success with SOS and my nephew now sleeps through the night without a peep from 7pm until about 8am (sometimes 7am). Oh, and he is fully breastfed and has solids too (he's now 8 months old).
i agree with Em. i found that trying to enforce routines on my son and having unrealistic expectations gained from reading too many books made me stressed out and unhappy. Each baby is an individual with different needs, i think you are the one that knows your baby best and can rely on your natural instincts. we fell into a routine by about 3 months just by following his cues, and that routine changes as he grows, so its a matter of trial and error sometimes. plus add sickness, teething and separation anxiety and you do need to be really flexible.
trishalishous
10-10-2010, 13:17
I personally hated routines, bowed to pressure and tried a few, only resulted in me being more stressed out and therefore bubs being more distressed. I'm a go-with-the-flow kinda gal, and once I allowed myself to do this (following bub's cues) we both relaxed. I also don't get how a book can tell you what your baby is feeling, when it should be hungry, what it should be doing and when to do things etc. it doesn't seem natural and they are all different, I can't see how there can be a one-size fits all approach? When did we lose the ability to just trust our instincts and allow babies to just be babies?!
:yelclap:
I follow DDs natural routine, and she has settled into feeding/nap every 2hours in the day, with 8-12 hrs sleep at night (however she is teething/growth spurt so wants a night feed now, after 5-6 hours of sleep)
I'd reccommend just writing down what bubs does and when, and you'll probably find that bubs HAS a routine, and you can plan around that.
Em1984, do you mind me asking, what age did your baby settle into a " pattern"? How freq does bubs feed through out the night?
sorry I've only just seen this :o
Gosh it's hard to remember as it seems so long ago! I'd say we fell into a pattern when he was about 3 months old, but when I say pattern, it wasn't so much the same everyday but just a loose feed, play, sleep type thing. A routine didn't really appear till he was about 9 months I would say, when he started to have a standard two sleeps a day, went to bed at the same time each night and (most) night's slept through till the same time. He would also feed at about the same times each day so it became easier to work my everyday life/things around that.
It wasn't until then I was remotely comfortable with leaving him with his grandparents for short little visits as I never wanted him to go hungry or anything so that's what helps me remember in that I know I was able to leave him for about 3 hours with his grandparents at 9/10months.
As for night feeding, we had a rough trot between 4-7 months where he was waking every 1.5 hours over night, so I'm probably not the best one to speak to about that :laughing: It wasn't until we discovered what was waking him that we could do anything about it, but it certainly had nothing to do with him not being in a strict routine or anything.
I've turned pretty anti-routine I think because I feel like all they do is pray on (and make money out of) poor mums at their most vulnerable. They often involve principles which go way against everything I stand for and cause people to forget the fact that they are tiny little babies who simply want their needs met.
:yelclap:
I follow DDs natural routine, and she has settled into feeding/nap every 2hours in the day, with 8-12 hrs sleep at night (however she is teething/growth spurt so wants a night feed now, after 5-6 hours of sleep)
I'd reccommend just writing down what bubs does and when, and you'll probably find that bubs HAS a routine, and you can plan around that.
:iagree: My aunty actually suggested this and it's amazing what you realise when you see it written down in front of you! I did this for about 3 weeks. It's also beneficial to have as a record when you have yoru next so you can look back and go "this is normal!'
MummaBear03
10-10-2010, 13:47
I never used a routine book and DD slept all night every night and still does. I love Pinky McKay, she is so in touch with babies.
I would suggest reading a selection of books, as well as getting to know your baby and maybe use a bit of each or, or scrap some entirely and base your routine, or lack of routine, around the needs of your child.
Until a book is written on MY child, I will not be reading it like a text book and following it to raise my child :)
They are based on most, and are therefore not an exact book for any.
Boobycino
10-10-2010, 13:51
I saw tizzy hall and pinky mackay give a talk pretty much back to back and concerted my opinions of both of them.
Tizzy says things like she thinks that demand feeding is the source of babies issues.
Pinky says think about how many times we put food or drinks to our lips? I personally couldn't go 4 hours during the day without food or drink, and definately not 12 hours over night - I take a drink bottle to bed with me. I may go 8 hours, but not 12. So why would a baby with a much smaller tummy and body?
I did follow a routine. Kinda.... I fed Jasper as he demanded.... Every 2-4 hours.
I liked a pattern ;) sleep, feed, play, sleep, feed, play.
THOUGH
Omigosh don't listen to me Jasper still doesn't sleep at night.
But he's a happy joyful intelligent healthy child.
So.... I dunno... Works for us :yes:
I definitely agree with going with flow and following your babies cues. I was so worried about not getting any sleep when DD was 2 weeks old. I posted a similar thread on here somewhere and a lot of them said they just followed their babies cues so I did the same and I reckon DD started sleeping through at 3.5 weeks old. She'll usually do a 6 or 7 hour stint after she goes down then wakes up for a feed then goes down for another 3 or 4 hours. She's done a few 8 hour stints as well and TBH I'd rather her wake up for a feed so I don't wake up engorged - it hurts! When she's going through a growth spurt she feeds 3 hourly at night.
BabelFish
19-10-2010, 00:24
I think Mums have to do what works for their family. If they are happy, their child is being cherished, nurtured, attended to, loved and understood, then that is what is important.
If routine works and there is no anxiety or pressure attached to it for either mother or baby, fantastic!
Its not going to be a popular opinion but I love Gina Fords routines and for me they work beautifully for my bubs and my lifestyle. Just for the record Gina doesnt insist on control crying but mentions it is a method that can be used if problems occur but not that its the only method so I think the issue of CC and routines is a seperate one. Admittably most routines emphasise self settling but babies can learn this gently and easily without CC. I think with routines you do need to adjust them to suit your bub. My DS slept through from 12 weeks 7 -7 and was pretty much exact with day time sleep as the routine for his age and fitted it perfectly. My DD however is now sleeping 7-7 at 9 weeks but needs loads more daytime sleep so you do have to know your baby and their needs and adjust accordingly. we have to be out a lot for toddler activities so i make the routine work for me and what i need to do, dd has a lot of her sleeps out and about but I usually make sure im home for her biggest sleep so she can have that in her cot at lunchtime but that suits me because I like to get DS home at that time for his lunch. Realistically its not right for everyone and not right for every baby and you just have to make the decision that is best for you.
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