Made to feel like you'll be disappointing people if you don't have the right gender

[Tieko]

I'm in a bit of a catch 22 here (damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of situation) with regards to the gender of this baby and 'keeping everyone happy'. Honestly, my partner and I are not having this baby to please other people and couldn't really care less what 'they' want...however it seems no one else got the memo on that one and have been very forceful and extreme in their opinions on what they want this baby to be.

This is my DP's first baby (the boys are mine from a previous marriage so have a different last name) and my DP is the only boy out of all his cousins. Due to this his ailing grandfather has been very adamant that he needs this baby to be a boy so that he knows before he dies that his last name will get carried on - my DP is the only one abel to have a son to do this! I understand that to his generation this is very important but he has taken it way too far...in fact when he first found out we were expecting he actually took me for a 'private walk' to explain to me how important it was that he have a grandson with his last name before he passed and even tried to tell me that he will give us $2000 if we give him a grandson :eek: :confused: ....like the money would someone be able to 'make' me have a baby of a certain gender??? I was gobsamcked but what can you say to an old sick man? :rolleyes:

On the other hand, my mother made it very well known when I announced this pregnancy that I better have a girl this time because she wants "AT LEAST one granddaughter" :( Once again...like I'm some how able to control what gender this baby will come out? My SIL has also put a similar guilt trip on me...between our children there is only one girl (her eldest) and a total of 5 boys..or 6 if this one is a boy too! But she actually had the nerve to try and make me feel bad by saying that he daughter really wants this baby to be a girl and that she'll be really upset if I don't have one...sure try and make me feel responsible for upsetting a child now if I don't have the gender she wants!

So anyway the point of this thread is...WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!!!??? Why can't people just be happy that I'm having a BABY, regardless of it's gender?? I mean I completely understand gender disappointment - when it's your own child! But for heavens' sake....

So I'm curious if there is anyone else who has had to deal with this? What happened after the baby was born? How did people react if it wasn't the gender they'd hoped you were having? I'm due in less than 5 weeks and I hate having to worry that no matter what happens SOMEONE is going to be upset and disappointed, and honestly I do not want it around the baby. So I'm hoping that you will all come in here and say that once the beautiful baby was born, that everyone got over themselves and realised what was actually important... :o

[zombiekitty]

I am sorry you have gone through such a terrible time
I felt like people really wanted me to have a boy when I was pregnant with my second girl even though we explained to people we actually wanted another girl and held no desire to have a boy.
You poor thing.

[JabberJaw]

Gosh people say silly things :rolleyes:
As if you can change whatever sex you happen to be carrying to suit them.

Try not to worry about it, and just tell people you will be blessed no matter if bub is a boy or a girl.

[WorkingClassMum]

The only answer was to have twins obviously, but then again do you want 4 kids?

[elleandsam]

It's a bit frustrating isn't it. DH and I feel so blessed to be having a little boy, but we would have felt this way if we had a little girl too. But I got the "thankfully you're having a boy" comments. Thankfully? Why thankfully? We would have been over joyed to have two beautiful girls.

People are twits.

[Ruby Sneakers]

WTF!!!!!!!!!!

God it's like friggin Henry VIII (i think it's him) who cut the heads off all his wives for bearing girls!!!! It's a baby!!! It's a miracle in itself!!!

Please PLEASE don't let their feelings ruin ur beautiful babys birth! People are just ridiculous! Argh!

Sorry I hate idiots!! They make my blood boil!!! :hugs:

[swizzlestick]

Some people have no idea!!!!

We were in a similar situation, and I just kept telling people when they tried to predict the sex or tell me what I should have that as long as it's one or the other and not both I don't care, and neither should they! FYI we had a boy and he is very loved even by those who wanted a girl in the family!!!

[Lemonhead]

Thats awful that they are making you feel so guilty :no: try to ignore them, though I know its hard.

DS2 is due in just under 7 weeks and we are already getting "when are you having a girl?", "we would like a little girl in the family", "have you thought about IVF to get a girl?" (I kid you not!). It gets you down, like I know they are happy we are having a bubby but they would all prefer him to be a girl. Its putting a lot of stress on me because TBH I would love 3 boys but I feel like I need to make a girl to appease everyone else.

[~CupCakes~]

ohhhhh how annoying can families be sometimes :rolleyes:

my MIL told me i ruined the ***** family pattern after DD1 was born because we have boy, girl, girl

lol because it should have been boy,boy, girl, boy, boy :rolleyes::rolleyes: ...............im so sorry

[3blondies]

WTF!!!!!!!!!!

God it's like friggin Henry VIII (i think it's him) who cut the heads off all his wives for bearing girls!!!! :hugs:


Haha thats the first thing i thought of too!!!

[meme]

people :rolleyes: sheez. it will be a beautiful baby blessing nomatter the gender.

I think you need to buy a blue jumpsuit and a pink jump suit and just co ordinate visits of the grandies so that they each think they have their 'gender pick' :laughing:

or not, but the thought of that makes me giggle over the extreme silliness of them caring so much.

good luck with the birth, I hope you have a healthy baby:D

[ComeBackKid]

WTF!!!!!!!!!!

God it's like friggin Henry VIII (i think it's him) who cut the heads off all his wives for bearing girls!!!! It's a baby!!! It's a miracle in itself!!!

Please PLEASE don't let their feelings ruin ur beautiful babys birth! People are just ridiculous! Argh!

Sorry I hate idiots!! They make my blood boil!!! :hugs:

:iagree:

:no:

:hugs:

[TurnedBatty]

:( You poor bugger. Stuff them all. Just hide the babies actual gender, and pick a name that's unisex and dress the baby in only yellow and green. That will teach them!

My dp and I have three boys total combined, and our little one is only 11 weeks. I'm already getting the "it better be a girl next time" Fingers crossed I get a boy so I can rub his little willy in their faces :D

[River Song]

i agree...stuff them!

no matter what, we will never please everyone.

I would suggest your SIL perhaps trying to be friendly and joking..but the grand father...seriously.

I got majorly ****ed at my MIL who said (at my baby shower) "just as well you are having a gril, i only wanted a girl and not a boy"....so ummm, does that mean DS not an interest then????

I would have loved another boy...but am also thrilled with my girl.

I would ignore them and just know that if they don't love your baby just for being itself, then they are not worth knowing.

[Heavenly1]

i agree dont tell them the gender and pick a unisex name lol

i have people not telling me to have any more of either lol, but you cant live your life to make others happy

[bumpymum]

ugh. I can't tell you how it works out afterwards, but I have been wondering the same thing myself.

My situation isn't nearly as bad as yours, but a couple of weeks ago my Mum got all excited and said 'oh I hope it's a boy!'. I know she didn't mean anything by it but I was seriously p*ssed.

I am so happy and excited to finally be having a long awaited baby that I couldn't care less about the gender. Whatever we are blessed with will be what we are meant to have. And perhaps that's what I should have said to my Mum (instead I told her that's not very nice and she can't say that).

I have found myself secretly hoping for a girl so my Mum doesn't get her way. And then worrying what if it is a girl, will my Mum lose interest?

Sorry I can't help, I can only sympathize.

BTW, the grandfather should have learnt by his age that there are some things his money cannot change!

[PurpleStars]

My FIL passed away while I was pregnant with Sarah. I became really stressed over whether she was a boy (we didn't find out the sex) as MIL was hinting at souls coming back to earth etc... sorry I was ALREADY pregnant, her little soul was already chosen. I was very sorry for MIL's loss, but it felt weird and kind of possessive with our baby being referred to like that. I was soooo relieved when Sarah was born.

My BIL's wife went through similar with her pregnancy too later on, as far as finding out the sex so she could prepare herself for the MIL 'soul' thing if her bub was a boy. Her baby was a girl.

[chuppa chup]

My FIL has been a shocker..... right since DS was born. DS was the first grandchild for DH's parents so you'd think he'd just be happy but my FIL phoned my Mum the morning DS was born (to congratulate her :rolleyes:) and told her he hoped we had a girl next cos "little girls are so special"..... this was the very morning DS was born. Nice huh? When we announced our pg this time he was straight away saying he "hoped it was a girl", "DS needs a little sister" :ecomcity::ecomcity:

Anyway, it turns out we are expecting a girl this time. We haven't told our families ;) Obviously my FIL wants a girl but I've got my SIL predicting/wanting us to have a boy so she can be the one to provide the first granddaughter (she's already got a son). She's herself a "daddy's little girl" :barf: and knows a granddaughter would probably be the favoured grandchild by her father.

I really wanted a girl this time and am so happy that my wish came true but part of me wanted a boy just to p*ss my FIL off. But I'm happy having a girl so at least I get to p*ss my SIL off :D

I'm concerned about the amount of attention that's going to be lavished on my daughter once she arrives and the amount of extra pressure that's going to be on me to spend time with my in-laws (caused me great anxiety while pg with DS) but I've just got to remember I'm in charge and will see them when I want to. I found it a lot more disturbing though to realize that if I was expecting another boy that he was in effect being rejected before he was even born.