How do I deal with this?

[Orsumdad]

My 8 year old son has turned against me because I have found a new partner after 9 months of seperation.

Him and I had a great relationship, we always did things together.

His mother has had a lot to do with him turning against me, she tells him my partner is "Dumb" and "Stupid" and that she will be his "New mummy"

He has had major anxiety issues over this to the point of the ex holding him back from school and I have even agreed and paid for him to visit a psychologist.

He got on the phone to me the other day and said "I don't want to see you or talk to you anymore" and that was it.

My daughter whom is younger then my son, seems to have no issues with my new partner and she has even lied to her mother about my partner being at my house which leads me to believe she is feeding a lot more negative stuff into their heads then I originally thought.

It's as though my daughter feels she has to protect herself and me from telling the ex that my partner has been at my place.

Sad set of circumstances I know, but has anyone else experienced this kind of behaviour?
Should I just let it go in the hope that my son will realise that life isn't all that bad or should I do something? What?

Mind you my ex. has had numerous partners since our split.

[Jakois]

I would suggest some family counselling to assist your son in coming to terms with a new adult in HIS life.

Your DS is an age where ity is crucial for him to be heard and his wishes to be taken into account. He may very well be feeling confused and hurt and that is completely normal. It doesnt mean that his mother is turning him against you.

I found that slowly introducing my partner into the lives of my DS's helped for them to build a good relationship.

[TurnedBatty]

:( You poor bugger. Do a google search on PAS. Should help you find some solutions. I'm afraid jealousy plays a major part, and it's not easily forgotten.

[rapidlygrowingbrood]

Have you tried talking with him without your new partner or your ex around? 8 is very much a dad focused age for boys and he could just have feelings of losing you. Seeing a psychologist is a great recommendation but make sure its regular, one visit isn't going to help. You can get a mental health plan from a GP to assist with rebate from Medicare for psychology appointments as the children will be suffering stress from separation of their Biological parents. Your daughter may be experiencing loyalty issues and not sure where she stands with you and your new partner and her mum and her partners. All in all any child/family psychologist can help the children understand whats going on and where they fit in their new families.

[Benji]

My ex tells my DS bad things about my DP and also me. My DS wanted to call my DP "Dad" but his biological father lost it at my poor boy and told him he's never 'allowed' to do it again, which he is now too afraid to do. He also teaches DS songs to tease my DP and I and calls us names, tells DS we're stupid... it goes on.

Anyway, I wrote a thread on this not long ago and basically most of the responders said that my DS will grow up and realise that his Dad is simply being immature and will resent his DAD and not us for trying to ruin our relationships.

As for him not wanting to see you, all I can really suggest is some mediation or if it gets extreme, possibly a court order to organise some time for you and your son.

:hugs:

[Orsumdad]

My ex tells my DS bad things about my DP and also me. My DS wanted to call my DP "Dad" but his biological father lost it at my poor boy and told him he's never 'allowed' to do it again, which he is now too afraid to do. He also teaches DS songs to tease my DP and I and calls us names, tells DS we're stupid... it goes on.

Anyway, I wrote a thread on this not long ago and basically most of the responders said that my DS will grow up and realise that his Dad is simply being immature and will resent his DAD and not us for trying to ruin our relationships.

As for him not wanting to see you, all I can really suggest is some mediation or if it gets extreme, possibly a court order to organise some time for you and your son.

:hugs:

Hi guys, i checked out this site
www.parentalalienation.com.au (http://www.parentalalienation.com.au)
scary stuff.

That helped me understand exactly what is going on.

Their is a link on that site that re-directs to a psychologists interview with a judge on the topic, it's a must read for any parent faced with this situation.

[Cluky79]

8 is a hard age, my DSD used to lock me outside at that age it wasn't funny then but now it kinda is.
I always let her know that where ever DH and I are she has a home with us.
We know that when she gets home she gets questioned on everything we did, ate, drank, sleep etc. We don't question her at all, we believe at the end of the day she will grow and realize what happens.
Be sure to always tell him that you live him no matter what he says (even though it can hurt)
I hope everything goes well

[Cluky79]

Sorry a lot if mistakes in there hopefully you get my drift lol

[RunningWithScissors]

What a sad situation for you and your kids :(

My story is similar to Benjis. XDP is forever saying horrible stuff about my DH and me to the kids (we have been separated over 6 years).

Its really, REALLY hard to deal with.

Id just about bet money that your ex was standing over your son when he made that phone call. Its so wrong to use children as pawns to get back at you. Obviously you care enough to seek out help rather than being a fool about it and doing things to spite her, and trust me, I know how great the temptation is!

All you can do is remind your son that you love him and that he and his sister will always be number 1, regardless of who enters your life.
Tell him you are sad that his mum feels angry and upset at you and your new partner but that he is allowed to feel his own way and then ask him how he feels.

It's hard work, my son was 7 when I met my now DH. Its been a few long years but now when he needs something, he comes to his stepdad, even more so than me now, as he is heading toward his adolescent years.
He sees through our actions where his father is trying to tell him I don't love him because I'm seeing someone else.

Good luck with it.