My mother is a B***H!!!!

[mamesmumma]

okay ahead of time sorry for this pointless thread it is a vent and I need it!!!

So this is the april thread - we are all due around the same time and many of you have decided not to tell your family and friends until the 12 week mark. That was my initial plan (especially after my first doc appointment where here in japan they do an U/S) My baby was much smaller than my estimated 6 weeks. (I got my dates wrong) Anyway I couldnt keep it a secret after I figured that out and realised there was nothing wrong with my babys development. I rang my mother on wednesday but didnt get her til Thursday and gave her the news. I also told her the stresses and worries I had been having because of the size issue and that I had held off telling her straight away because of that. I gave her the web address to the blog I have started for everyone back home to see how we are doing. This is the beginning of the email I received tonight...

I did read your blog and I find the dates that were typed up, yet you could only find the time to ring me the other day. You are exceptionally nasty little girl. Yet you are my daughter, the one actually having the baby......Cyberspace knew before your own mother,...certainly indicates where I stand in your life......it is blatently clear now...... too obvious...it can't be hidden.

WTF??? How is making a blog from day one bad - I was under the impression everyone would be happy to be able to know what happened in the beginning because its normal not to tell people for 12 weeks? Am I delusional? And the ...........'s are hers not my editing.

Anyway I send her a reply telling her how I explained it all when I spoke to her - that I was worried there was a problem and would lose the baby but once I realised that was a mistake I had rung her. And that even though it seemed as if she mustnt of listened to word I said on the phone the worst part was she didnt just get upset but she attacked me. It doesnt help me feel loved, cared for or supported in my time of need.

Was I right? Or am I hormonal? She has really smacked the happiness I have finally begun to feel (now that I think my pregnancy is relatively safe) right out of me.

[cmd'smum]

mamesmamma...:hugs: :hugs: sorry about your mum's reaction!! No, she had no right to say those things, and when you feel YOU are ready to tell ppl about YOUR pgy is YOUR choice! I can completely understand where you are coming from. When I found out i was pg with Pgy no2, my family wasn't that happy for me, my mum was actually upset because DD was 11 months and my mum though it was too early for another one :rolleyes: She doesn't live in the same state as me so I can understand she was worried about me coping. I certainly won't tell anyone when I am pg next (as I lost pgy #2 after all, at almost 13 weeks) until I'm a good 16 weeks, only those closest to me and they will know at around 12 weeks.

Did you tell your mum how her remarks made you feel? I think you should, tell her what you told us, that you need her support and you want her to be happy for you and share in your joy. Tell her you wanted to feel confident about this pgy before announcing the news as you didn't want to upset anyone unnecessarily???

I'm sure she will come around sweety!! I think she's just "throwing a tantrum" because you didn't tell her immediately. Am sure you will sort this out with her and she will be supportive!

Congratulations and have a fantastic pgy. I know its hard being pg whilst away from family.

Let us know how things go.

:hugs:

[collyspark]

oh mames!! :hugs:

Your mum needs her head read, making you feel bad like that!!! what a horrible thing to do!! If it helps any, i knew my mum would throw a fit if she wasnt the first to know (after me and hubby), thats just the way my mum is! Maybe she just feels left out for not being able to be with you through your pregnancy? idont know, im sure she will come around hunni, just make sure your clear to her on how you feel.

And tell her you were building the bloody website so she could be involved! argh that angers me!

:hugs: again,

Colly
x

[Mikeswifey]

You poor thing.

Here is a :hugs: for you.

Hopefully when your mum calms down, she will realise why you did it.

I dont think you are a nasty girl, that was just her way of dealing with it - to throw slander at you.

We are all here for you if you want to talk about it.

Let us know if her reaction changes.

Rhiannon

[bronny-jane]

im not due in april, but had to say this, your mum is being really selfish, this pg isnt about her, its about you your baby and your partner.

alot of people wait till 12 weeks, she should be happy that everything is fine.

dont take her words to heart, and if you need to vent about her everyone here at bubhub is here for you.

best of luck with your pg:D

[ButterflyMama]

She probably just feels left out. Comfort her and reassure her, I'm sure she'll get over her tanty soon.

<3

[nuddle]

sorry to hear that, are you not very close usually?

[EskimoMumma]

That was really self absorbed of her to say to you. im sorry your mother had to act like that and actually think that EVERYONE on cyberspace knows your pregnant.

:hugs: to you and i hope she will calm down and apologize to you.

[lukaelmo]

Wow. I don't think there is anything in the world I could do to make my mother say something like that to me. I am really sorry that yours has done it to you.

When i was pregnant with the dude, I didn't tell my family until 16 weeks. They were delighted, and there were no questions asked as to why I had waited for so long to tell them.

[starstar]

Agree with everyone else, I don't know how your mother could say such awful things to you. Strange that she was annoyed with you for not telling her when she didn't react that well when you did tell her!

On the funny side, I have a different story to relate - my DH and I booked a lovely restaurant to tell my dad and stepmother I was pregnant at five weeks. My dad got angry with me for telling him so early! He thought I should have waited til 12 weeks. Big tears all round and he ended up apologising the following week. As it happened, I miscarried at 12 weeks anyway so I would've told him that I'd miscarried even if I hadn't told him I was pregnant.

Anyway, hope you patch the relationship up with your mum...:hugs:

[*Sparkles*]

I am not due in April either, but I wanted to say how awful that your mother has reacted this way instead of celebrating your pregnancy with you. She has totally made this all about herself and not you, which is wrong and if I was in your shoes I would tell her this. I would email her a long email about how hurtful her comments are.

We told our families at 7 weeks after we had the first scan and had ruled out eptopic PG and checked for a heartbeat. This is usually the sensible for any mum-to-be to do. We only told family at 7 weeks because we had been having insemination and we would get phone calls every couple of weeks asking how it was going :banghead: We actually lied to MIL for 3 weeks and pretended we were going back for the next insemination when we were actually going for the 7 week scan, because we wanted to make sure all was ok.

Surely you mother could understand the fact that you wanted to make sure that everything was fine first? :thumbsdown:

[JuniorMinime]

You poor thing Mammesmumma, my thoughts are with you. This is not what you need right now I am sending you lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Maybe you should tell her how you feel, but you can do that by emailing her or even better writing her a letter. You can get more out that way and also if you call her you can get upset with her and she can with you cause of the tone of voices.

Just a suggestion but just remember we are always here for you if you ever need to vent. But make sure you let us know how it goes. You don't need any added stress right now it's not good for bubba so do try and relax a little (hard I know).

Love Becs

[mamesmumma]

Thanks everybody.

I wrote her the long email telling her how bad I felt and that I was upset she had attacked me for no reason when I needed support and she told me she didnt really think I did need support!!!
Coz being in a foriegn country for your 1st baby, not speaking the language well at all, having to deal with out there traditions and not being able to have the things we see as basic rights eg, pain relief, skin to skin contact with baby. Being confronted with an ultrasound where doc. coudnt find the baby 1st then thought it was too small. Thats no reason to need support!!!
She also made excuses for attacking me by saying she was just lashing out coz she was upset and that everyone does that. Mum and I have never had a fantastic relationship so I think this is the final straw...I ended my reply to her reply with the fact that I will have to be careful for my childs sake because I dont want my child to be attacked by their grandmother for something she just imagined.

I dont know if that was too harsh or not but I havent heard from my mother since.