when is enough, enough?

[smog]

hmm i dunno if this is really be a 'should we have another baby' thread or not but im putting it in here for sensitivity to the gender issues.
please dont attack me anyone, i love my kids be they boys or girls or elephants..................












so...im having another boy. and whilst i love my new little man with all my heart already i cant help thinking im going to go again.

bit of background, i actually have a dd. a wonderful beautiful caring lovely dd who is more than any mother could ever ask for. but her father is an idiot so i left him and found my mr perfect:valentine:.
then we had a ds. all was perfect. and we toyed with the idea of another baby for a few yrs before making the decision. so it wasnt until i was preg with my 2nd ds that i realised i was desperate for a girl. call me selfish and maybe i am. i just wanted my dh to have both like i did. he doesnt really have that father/daughter thing going with my dd as she has that with her own dad.
as soon as i found out he was a boy i was crushed. i loved him and wanted him but the reality that dh and i were not going to have dd was devastating. i decided instantly that we would have another and i felt happy that i could enjoy my son for the boy that he was and know that our dd would still have a chance to come next.
so fast forward after a longer ttc round than we expected we finally got our bfp! and i was sure, so so so sure it was a girl this time. i even bought pink clothes:o. i decided boy or girl that this would be my last baby. i was done.
then we had a gender scan 11 days ago. and it was a boy. a boy. .......yep a boy. definite dangly bits on the screen. i couldnt belive it i was totally in shock. i actually suprsisingly wasnt as upset as i was with the 2nd son. but i sat in the waiting room trying to ignore my sisters constant chattering, saying over and over and over to myself 'i will not cry, i will not cry, i will not cry'. and i havent. not yet. it seems wrong to cry. it seems unfair to my perfect very much wanted little boy. i feel unworthy of being his mother.
and now its back, that little voice inside my head telling myself ill have yet another baby. its like my defence. i can accept and enjoy this perfect little boy for the boy that he is by telling myself that our dd is still coming. its a ridiculous coping mechanism. i cant just go and on having babies forever. what if we never get a dd:confused:

i know some people wont understand how i can feel this way when i do have my own dd. i dont understand either. i just wanted it so much for my dh i guess.

when is enough enough? ill have 2 sons now that i had hoped would be girls and i dont love them any less. is there anything wrong with having another baby because i want a particular sex? as long as i love and treat that child the same reguardless does it really matter why?

please dont quote my post as im ashamed of it already and will no doubt come back to delete it:o

[swizzlestick]

Please don't feel ashamed. I think it's completely natural for mothers to want daughters. And also completely natural to feel like you need to give your partner a son and daughter to feel the entire experience. It sounds like you are super aware that all babies are a gift and the way I see it, if you and your family have a big enough heart to accept more precious babies into your life why not keep trying! :)

[MissSookyLaLa]

Please don't feel ashamed. I think it's completely natural for mothers to want daughters. And also completely natural to feel like you need to give your partner a son and daughter to feel the entire experience. It sounds like you are super aware that all babies are a gift and the way I see it, if you and your family have a big enough heart to accept more precious babies into your life why not keep trying! :)

:iagree:

[Von Zipper]

Don't feel bad. If our next child is a boy, we will be heading back for another to try for a girl. And then maybe again if we end up with 3 boys. If we have 4 boys, then so be it, but I won't deny I'll be disappointed if I never get a girl.

[Happymumzy]

i was the same! after having 2 boys all i wanted was at least 1 girl, i didn't think i would feel complete if i didn't have at least one of each! when i was preg with number 3 i was sure it was going to be another boy, and deep down believed it would be and was already a little disappointed! but at my scan he told us it was a girl! I still didn't believe it until i saw her for myself!
Now i am preg with #4 and don't really care what sex this one is as i already have a girl!

I was also scared if i never had a girl, i would just keep popping babies out until i got one!:laughing:

Are you thinking of having another after this one?

[august]

Hi , When i met my partner , he already had 3 boys from a previous relationship, he is fulltime dad.
When we got pregnant I was convinced it would be a girl, I thought 'Ill prove to DP that he CAN have girls and Ill be the one to give him the little daughter he dreamed of'.

But low and behold , we had a BOY, as soon as i saw his little face at the scan I didn't care about having a girl anymore because my boy was beautiful.

Now we have 4 boys our 2yo boy and DPs 3 boys aged between 6-9yo and i do have a niggly feeling to go again for a girl.

We are still in debate over wether or not we will try again, i want to try and sway for a girl in a few years time , but DP would be happy not to have anymore.
He is being reasonable to a degree, we are busy as , lacking energy, finances and time therefore another baby would make it even harder.

But I don't want to regret not trying for the rest of my life.

So for now we are just going to wait and see how we feel and if in 4-5 years time , If things are easier and managable we will try again.

But I know 2 kids is my limit.

[smog]

:goodvibes:thanks for lovely replies girls:goodvibes:

happymumzy-yes i am toying with the idea of another baby after this one.

august- we did try to sway for a girl this time but i guess id try again if i have any more. if we do have more i think id rather do it quickly. my dd is turning 13 in a few weeks and ive had a baby in the house for 13 yrs. i started really young and i dont really want to finish late as well so id be going sooner rather than later. thats kinda exactly it im not sure if 5 kids would be beyond my limits. it sounds soooooo hard. and yeah theres time energy space money and all that to consider too. i guess what im wondering is at what point does this become to big of sacrifice to my other childrens quality of life:confused:

[mandypiee]

I understand where you are coming from. I'm also dying to have a girl. Of course I'll love it no matter what but I can't help but wonder when we have our next scan in 3 weeks which will determine the sex, If I will be disappointed or cry if I don't get a girl. I've already bought girl things.

Isn't it funny that you don't usually see women really wanting a boy, more women long for a girl... just from what I've noticed on other posts.

I guess at the end of the day, we don't have a choice.. so we have to accept it but I do understand!!

[sunshinebub]

I'm not going to attack you, but I really really hope you can learn to accept what you are given and be happy with it...

I, unfortunately can't feel sympathy for you...having recently had my 5th painful miscarriage, I would give anything to be pregnant and to have a scan and see a healthy baby.

Boy or girl, it wouldn't matter, I just would like to be pregnant and know I have this chance of holding another baby in my arms..

If you read some of the posts on this forum, you will see that indeed you are very blessed, and it may make you think again about what is really important, that is being able to get pregnant, stay pregnant and have a healthy baby.

But this isn't about me, it's about you. I do hope you can find peace and I am sure you are and will be a great new mumma...:yes:

[smog]

you know i thought i made it pretty clear in my post that i do feel blessed and happy with what i have. i love my kids with all my heart, every one of them equally.

indeed ive read many posts on this forum sunshine bub, ive even written a good many myself;). i didnt have the easiest road conceiving the son that i carry now and i can assure u that months ago i felt exactly as you do. that i would have given anything to fall pregnant. anything for a sticky bubba. anything to see that little heartbeat on the screen.

but the absolute raw and honest truth is that i feel the way i do.

i hope u get your own sticky bub soon:hugs:

[sunshinebub]

you know i thought i made it pretty clear in my post that i do feel blessed and happy with what i have. i love my kids with all my heart, every one of them equally.

indeed ive read many posts on this forum sunshine bub, ive even written a good many myself;). i didnt have the easiest road conceiving the son that i carry now and i can assure u that months ago i felt exactly as you do. that i would have given anything to fall pregnant. anything for a sticky bubba. anything to see that little heartbeat on the screen.

but the absolute raw and honest truth is that i feel the way i do.

i hope u get your own sticky bub soon:hugs:

I suppose the first thing I thought when I read your post, was that I just couldn't understand how you could think this way......that any healthy baby is better than none, never mind the sex.

I haven't been in your position so I can't understand how you feel, I can only say how I feel and that is, I would give anything to have what you have...

Saying that, we won't be trying again, we already have 3 and after 5 miscarriages it's all too painful to go through again...

But I am glad we can come on here, and say how we feel without being nasty and taking into account what others think...that is, although I don't really get where you are, I can show you no disrespect and hope that all will be well for you..

I am sure that as soon as you see your bubba you will fall in love....:hugs:

[PKKXP]

Just a word of caution if you proceed with the 'just keep trying' approach... I have 5 sisters. 6 kids is a lot of kids in one family and there would def be less of us if I had a brother. But as long as you're contented having more kids, why not keep trying :-)

[icugal]

I guess the main thing to consider is how will you feel if the next bub is also a boy? Because ultimately, that is your 'worst case scenario'. If you think you can handle another bundle of blue then I say go for it... that way if you do get a girl, then it will be a bonus.

(In other words, prepare for the worst, but hope for the best *LOL*)

[motheroffour]

lol we have the opposite in our house, I had a boy and a girl with exp and 2 dds with DP but he has now had vas so no trying for a son for him damn.actually now it is all over I wish I could try for a boy :(

[jaesmummy]

Hi!!

I can definately give you some lovin' on this one hon. I am in exactly the same boat as you, except a few years down the track. I have a DD as well - she's now 14 though. So we had another baby, a boy, number 4. So we tried again - a boy, number 5. So we gave it our last, last try - a boy, number 6! We now have 6 boys and 1 girl and now - yes, another on the way. OF COURSE I WANT A GIRL!!! This is definately the last (didn't I say that last time?) But, surprisingly, even though I want a girl for my hubby's sake more than anything (Janeah is not his daughter) - it has gotten easier to accept each baby as a boy each time. I am expecting to hear "It's a boy" this time as well. But it won't upset me now. I think of it like this - these boys grow up - my eldest two are 19 now. They have steady girlfriends who they will probably marry. I know they'll have children. And, surely, somewhere in there, out of 7 sons, one of my grandbabies will surely be a girl. Then I'll kidnap her when ever I want and return her when it's convenient!!

On a serious note, I truly believe we are given what we are meant to have. Raising boys is such an important responsibility. They are the future husbands and fathers. Our boys need to be taught how to love and respect women, how to nurture and provide for and support them. It's your (and my) job to ensure that we teach them these things. There may not be pretty dresses and long hair to play with in the near future, but the future will bring you real blessings in the form of sons who you have brought up to be good men.

You are a boy mummy - you are special. Leanne:flowerz:

[motheroffour]

Hi!!

I can definately give you some lovin' on this one hon. I am in exactly the same boat as you, except a few years down the track. I have a DD as well - she's now 14 though. So we had another baby, a boy, number 4. So we tried again - a boy, number 5. So we gave it our last, last try - a boy, number 6! We now have 6 boys and 1 girl and now - yes, another on the way. OF COURSE I WANT A GIRL!!! This is definately the last (didn't I say that last time?) But, surprisingly, even though I want a girl for my hubby's sake more than anything (Janeah is not his daughter) - it has gotten easier to accept each baby as a boy each time. I am expecting to hear "It's a boy" this time as well. But it won't upset me now. I think of it like this - these boys grow up - my eldest two are 19 now. They have steady girlfriends who they will probably marry. I know they'll have children. And, surely, somewhere in there, out of 7 sons, one of my grandbabies will surely be a girl. Then I'll kidnap her when ever I want and return her when it's convenient!!

On a serious note, I truly believe we are given what we are meant to have. Raising boys is such an important responsibility. They are the future husbands and fathers. Our boys need to be taught how to love and respect women, how to nurture and provide for and support them. It's your (and my) job to ensure that we teach them these things. There may not be pretty dresses and long hair to play with in the near future, but the future will bring you real blessings in the form of sons who you have brought up to be good men.

You are a boy mummy - you are special. Leanne:flowerz:
true true, my girls will need some special guys :yes::D

[mummyjac]

I just wanted to chime in and say I know how you feel. I desperately wanted a girl last time, but after 7 months of trying I was glad just to get a healthy baby. DS2 has been a real handful with reflux and is not growing out of it anytime soon. But because of this we have a very special bond, he is my cuddlebug and I wouldn't trade him in for anything. I still have that great need to have a daughter, and we will try for one more, although I am scared to incase it isn't a girl, then what?
But of course if I am destined to have 3 boys, so be it, but they better look after their Mother in years to come :laughing:.

[smog]

thanks for the replies girls:goodvibes:

sunshinebub of course i feel that any healthy baby is better than none,i never said it wasnt:confused: i dont think u really understand what i mean.....

icugirl i have no doubt at all that i could love and accept another boy. it took 15 cycles and 2 m/c to get this boy and it def taught me something about being happy with what u have.
but...honestly if i knew 100% that having another child would be a boy then i would stop now and not have more. its not because i couldnt love another boy. its because id really be going again for the girl kwim?

jaesmummy my dd is 13yo now and it feels like forever ago that i had a little girl..........i jst find the having them so spaced out thing so hard. and i suppose thats what makes me think its time to stop. if she were younger id be more inclined to try again i think. it feels like its unfair to her.

mummyjac my boys too have been hard work:laughing: both having severe reflux. ds 1 having an autism spectrum disorder and a behavioural disorder. ds2 having a sleep disorder which means he never ever sleeps. id be waiting to see how i go wit this baby and what he is like and how i cope and all that of course. its possible that i will feel like i cant manage anymore so at this point im just kinda thinking outloud.......