A Mummy Health Issue of a Personal Nature!

[Melski]

Hi all,

Just wondering if we could talk about something a bit personal for those who are open to it as I don't know who else to speak with about this.

I am getting worried about the lack of healing "down below" since I had my baby on the 5th may this year. Things just are still painful despite several dr's and gynos telling me everything looks okay.

I had a natural drug-free delivery in the bath with minor tearing and grazing which was stitched apart from a small graze right near the urethra. My baby was big (4 kg) with a large head circumference. This graze stung like hell every time I did a wee for about 3 months. Peeing has only just stopped reducing me to tears in the last couple of weeks, 4 months on. The wound is looking mostly healed (finally) but I still find it unbearble to have sex with my husband or to even have a pap smear. It seems that my vagina simply refuses to stretch anymore and I cannot work out what the problem is.

I am starting to despair at every being able to resume normal sexual relations with poor DH ever again (let alone conceive baby no 2!). He is being incredibly patient, but still, it does start to effect your relationship. :(

Sorry if this is too much information but I am really interested if anyone else had pain of this type way longer than what you should and how long it took to get back to normal?

Cheers! Mel

[Tea Lady]

Unfortunately this seems to be quite normal (from what I can gather). In the General Chat section in the Pregnancy part of the community forums there has recently been a discussion of this sort of thing and I remember someone saying that the lack of stretching is something to do with hormones, especially if you're breastfeeding (at least I think they said that!). From my own experience things do get gradually better, but I'm not completely back to normal yet (after 7 months - :( ) but people assure me that you do get there.

L

[MoushiMoushi]

Hi there,I had about 24 stitches (also form a v.large bub 4.4kg) but didnt suffer any pain/discomfort from stitches afterwards (Big thanks to my friend who delievered my bub and stitched me up! :p )
However I did experience painful sex for a short time after bub was born (6 wks till after the fifth month) it was probably more uncomfortable than painful, and I actually feel tighter (sorry if thats too much info :o ) after the birth. Its 14 months since birth and our sex life is better, however I still feel cautious about that area if u get my meaning. If I where you I'd be getting a second opinion if things dont start getting better- I wouldnt put up with the pain. Sorry I cant be much more help :confused:

[Benandrewsmum]

Hi Melski

Wow, I had my little guy on 5th May as well....also natural birth with slight tearing.

I also do not feel "right" yet and have not even attempted to have sex....the thought scares me silly!!

I am just hoping that things will improve over time......

Cheers

[BigW]

Hey Melski, I feel for you - I have a similar problem I was going to post about....
I had my little guy on 12th May, and am also still having problems. My husband and I have no issues just a little dryness (due to bf I guess). I have a fissure (2 small ones) and am having excrutiating pain with bowel motions. :( It was recommended I use Calmoseptine cream to help it heal (has anyone else been recommended this?) and wait it out, but now that it's been almost four months, I'm wondering how long I should be leaving it?! They can do a surgery on this type of thing, however, I would rather explore non-surgical options where possible. Can anyone suggest anything that I might try?
I guess I know what it means to be anal retentive now ...... ;)
P - mum to Izak 12/05/2005

[june05isttimer]

Hi there

I too have not healed down below fully as yet either.
My dd was born on 9/6 and I had to have an episiotomy and the vacumn extractor thing to get her out.

Sex is getting a little better. I think although its the last thing on my mind lately, you have to do it more often to help things out down there.

I have found sex not too bad, still uncomfortable and feels somewhat like a chinese burn at times. I did get my first period the other day though since having dd and boy I was uttlerly shocked that a tampon was as painful as it was. I had to use pads for this time but am hoping to try and use tampons next month. A tampon should be a walk in the park one would assume if you can handle sex !!!!

Anyone else found similar issues with tampons??

[our little treasures]

I've had third degree tear with dd and was in severe pain for 12 weeks. So very sore to walk etc. Although sex turned out to be better after that than before ie; not as tight. With ds who is only four weeks I was cut to stop me from tearing but I tore on the old scar anyway. This time I had second degree still took 2 hours to stitch however it isnt as sore as the first and I'm already thinking about sex (passing thoughts) maybe a couple of weeks I'll see. Although #2s keep tearing the tear everytime I go. I don't want to scar anyone but this doesn't sound the norm, I know a girl who had to have surgery to correct it as apparently she was stitched up wrong.
Did any of you have your six week check up? They should have done an internal to check the stitches.
Get it checked out just in case!!

[mum2rhys]

Yep, Still uncomfortable for me too. Three months on after natural birth and lots of stitches (apparantly the result of all the horseriding I've done) and sex is still uncomfortable. Getting a bit better as time goes on but I'm so cautious because my stitches have actually made it feel tighter. DH has patience of a saint but yes it does affect your relationship. Still, getting better as time goes on but if you're worried and in pain go to another Dr if you can - I actually feel a bit better after reading everyone's responses here as I was beginning to wonder if it was normal.

[Trix]

Oh God!!!!

I don't want to sound rude, but i'm in shock!!! I had no idea it was that bad and that difficult and long to recover!! :eek:

My first is due next March, I think i've just freaked myself out reading these posts!

I knew there would be healing time, but I didn't realise it affected going to the toilet and simply walking!

I'm scared! :(

[Ana Gram]

hate to burst your bubble, but my daughter is 21 months old and I still get pain during sex.

[Melski]

Thanks for all your replies! It actually helps to know I am not just being a freak.

I don't know whether it would help more to "push through the pain barrier" and force myself to have sex because it will help it stretch or whether this will actually slow recovery and therefore would it be better to wait?

Ughh... I hate this! I didn't even notice at the time that I had torn and now all these PROBLEMS and for SO LONG! :mad:

[BigW]

There's only really one thing to say to that then .....

Oh Dear. :o

[Aprilsmum]

Hang in there Melski. My little girl was born just 4 days before yours and I found sex to be quite painful for a while too. I think that alot of it was me being nervous (cos the first time hurt like hell). But....the last week has been great! I'm still very cautions and we take it very, very slow and use some KY to help things a little, but I can see that there's light at the end of the tunnel.

[alicesmum]

Trix
Don't freak out too much yet.

Though these things are not uncommon, they are not universal.

I did loads of perineal (perinium?) stretching before having Alice and luckily (apparently) a long second stage and didn't need stitches, though i did have a small labial tear. I was walking fine from Day 2, and had very little pain after two weeks. Had sex after 4 1/2 weeks, though it hurt a bit.

however, like the other ladies have said, it does take a while for everything to go completely back to normal. I only feel recently (after 12 months) that it has all gone back to how it used to be (apart from being a little bit asymmetircal!!)

go the perinium stretching!!! They call it perineal massage on all the sites and in the books, but I did the full on strecthing, and it worked for me. see http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/episiotomy/a/perimassage.htm

and google searches will give you others too! good luck... :p

[rynosmum]

Hi Melski,

I had the exact same problem. At 4 months post-bub, I went back to the OB and asked if he had put the 'extra' stitch in as sex was absolutely unbearable !!!

He checked it all out, said that everything seemed to have healed normally however there was a small amount of scarring from the stitches that was protruding. He cauterised it but recommended that the best way was to take it easy but 'work through the pain' for a while as I could not cause any damage. :eek:

That said, it was soooo painful for a while (being nervous about it didn't help) but not long after, the pain stopped and all was good again ! I think just learning to relax was a big part of the recovery - you can easily get your self so worked up over it. Oh, and the OB recommended that you're better off on top ! :o - although I figured that was too much information.....

It does definitely improve !!

Good Luck !

[Supermum]

Hi Mel

I had stitches with my first and I was able to resume sex about 3 months later ...

I had grazing with my second which hurt far more than stitches and, like you, it hurt like a mongrel to pee for months! My daughter is now 15½ months and it's all still a little bit taught ... and dry for some reason. I also had a prolapse (horrid feeling) which took six months to retract back where it should have been.

So I'm sorry Mel, but it was normal for me and according to my Obst & GP, not out of the boundaries of normal for most.

At the risk of getting even more personal, both my Obst & GP recommended lube :o ... and it's far less uncomfortable.

Good luck.