Help! hysterical baby

[cutiepiekai]

Ive decided that we need to try controled crying. our DS has been waking up every hour through the night. When we put his dummy in he goes back to sleep quickly but only until it falls out again. (He still needs to be wrapped so cannot put his own dummy in) Ive had enough and am exhausted so have started control crying today at nap time with no dummy. Is it normal for babies to get hysterical? I go in to him on a set time schedual but he does not calm down at all. I eventually picked him up and he calmed a bit and ended up going to sleep, but im not sure if i should be picking him up. How long can i let him cry hysterically for? For his lunch time nap he woke after only half an hour so i left him to go back to sleep (comforting him every few minutes to no avail), he cried hysterically for 20 minutes and now has stopped but is laying there awake, i suppose this is ok as long as he is soothing himself?? This is new to me so just a bit unsure about it all.:confused: Any suggestions would be great!

[Nomsie]

How old is your DS?

[cutiepiekai]

He is 5 1/2 months. i know they dont suggest in till 6 months but i thought this was close enough?

[Urban Tumbleweed]

We used controlled crying with our DS under the guidance of a baby sleep specialist. She conducted home visits and would stay long enough to show us what we needed to do and wrote up a plan tailored to our DS. Your DS shouldnt be hysterical at anytime... there is a right and a wrong way of doing CC so maybe enlist in the help of somoene trained in that area :)

[brogeybear]

*eeek* ..........ok, trying really hard to word this in the appropriate way.........

Ok, *IF* you are going to do CC, it should *NOT* ever involve your infant becoming hysterical! The reason he is not crying now is that he is exhausted and has given up. I know this section is for supportive, helpful comments on CC - this is my helpful 2 cents worth:

Get someone who knows how to help a child to *self soothe* to help you, or alternatively, stop tormenting yourself, I can't imagine what it is like to hear your child screaming hysterically for 20 mins and forcing yourself not to comfort, except at timed intervals.

Gosh I hope I said that nicely...I can only imagine your stress and anxiety levels at the moment.

[Ladybugz]

my little one is 4 months old and i do some control crying with her but only 1-5 min intervals. i usually sometimes even just stand in the room and reach in to put dummy in until she settles. at first she does a protest cry usually in her arvo nap and sometimes if i have to keep putting the dummy back in or it goes on for longer then 20 mins i get her up, but she stays wrapped and i put her on her bouncer with her dummy. and after a while she gets tierd and ill put her back into her cot.

hope everything works out for you :yes: evey hour at night would be annoying! does he have any wind.. or is it a continoue thing at night,
hope i have been somehelp.. but im sure it will get better for you soon :hugs:

[JetGirl]

Have you given Save Our Sleep a try? It's not really CC but it might work and be less stressful for both of you. Worked for us.

[fludo]

Some babies get more worked up when you keep going in and out. i'd stay out of the room for longer - 10 mins minimum, and if there's gaps in the crying, stay out cause it means they are settling down.

[EmyB]

We do CC and it works quite well but every resource I have consulted says to start with BEDTIME, only do naps once you have night-time sleeping sorted out.

One book said "because at least at night you know they will go to sleep, whereas at daytime naps they will often just keep being upset and never go to sleep and that will end up being extremely stressful".

[Mealsy]

Hi Pwickle, I was wondering who you used to come and help with a settling plan for you baby? I have been trying to find one on my local area -Mornington peninsula. Any help would be great, I am going bonkers! I am so confused with what is the best approch. Thank you.

We used controlled crying with our DS under the guidance of a baby sleep specialist. She conducted home visits and would stay long enough to show us what we needed to do and wrote up a plan tailored to our DS. Your DS shouldnt be hysterical at anytime... there is a right and a wrong way of doing CC so maybe enlist in the help of somoene trained in that area :)

[Urban Tumbleweed]

Hi Mealsy,

I live in Tas so im not going to be much help. The lady we used is also a midwife at the private hospital where I had DS. Her brochures were also in my OB's waiting room. You could check these places to see if they can recomend anyone. Our experience was fantastic and we would not hesitate to use the same lady again. She was very caring and gentle and at no time was our DS ever hysterical, he actually did a lot LESS crying once we had our plan.

Goodluck! Sorry I cant be of much more help! :)

[TurnedBatty]

I second save our sleep:) Has some good tips in there even if you decide another method.

And yes brogeybear, very nicely said without compromising your personal views :yes:

[Mealsy]

Thank you for your reply. I will look in those recommended places.

Thank alot again.




Hi Mealsy,

I live in Tas so im not going to be much help. The lady we used is also a midwife at the private hospital where I had DS. Her brochures were also in my OB's waiting room. You could check these places to see if they can recomend anyone. Our experience was fantastic and we would not hesitate to use the same lady again. She was very caring and gentle and at no time was our DS ever hysterical, he actually did a lot LESS crying once we had our plan.

Goodluck! Sorry I cant be of much more help! :)

[HelenHasTwins]

Have you given Save Our Sleep a try? It's not really CC but it might work and be less stressful for both of you. Worked for us.

I agree, this is the routine I did with my boys and it worked wonders very fast, so happy mummy and happy boys:D

[rynosmum]

My DS really went with CC. He only grizzled and within three nights would self-settle perfectly.

My DD on the other hand was hysterical. We tried it once and stopped. Some bubbies just need the comfort - I know it's hard - we were 6 months in before she would sleep longer than 2 hours. If your baby is hysterical, I'd stop straight away.

[BigRedV]

I don't know how you'd do it, but the first thing I would do would be to get rid of the dummy. I was lucky with my DD and DS that they only like the dummy to get to sleep and don't use the dummy once they are asleep.

[livvie]

Sounds like your bub is just like my DS was.... I completely understand the hourly waking, putting the dummy in, the hysteria. It's pretty nightmarish I really feel for you.

To be honest, I tried CC, under 6 months, after consulting my dad who is a paediatrician - he said it would do absolutely no harm at all. For us it didn't work. Most people say that it works within about 3 days, we continued (in an absolute sleep deprived haze) for 10 days. We had nights when we sat up on the couch with a cup of tea, me nearly crying, then nearly screaming, watching the clock, listening to our baby scream (not cry, scream). It was hellish. There were nights when he lasted longer, and then he seemed to go back to hourly. We got to the point where I had to leave him with my mum overnight for 3 nights.

First night he screamed, grizzled and cried on and off for 3 hours. She was actually in the bed in the room with him although he couldn't have seen her. She just watched and listened and knew he wasn't in pain or cold or anything and didn't do anything. After 3 hours she gave him a bottle and a cuddle and popped him back into bed and he went to sleep. Next night it lasted about 3 hours again but less screaming, more grizzling. Again she fed him and he went to sleep. I had no idea this was how she was handling it and would never have let her do this if she'd asked me btw. 3rd night I went to stay there too so I could have her support, and he slept through. He'd never ever slept through in 6 months! I couldn't believe it! He woke at 6 for a feed and went back to sleep!!! It was like a miracle.

Now, having said all that, that was never what I asked my mum to do, but she knew I was desperate and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, having tried literally every baby expert sleep book known to man!!! He was the worlds happiest and easiest baby awake, but my days and nights were filled with dread - how will I get him back to sleep, why is he crying / screaming?

Unfortunately it didn't really last all that long and he has never really been that good a sleeper, he wakes and needs comfort, we've done night feeds on and off til quite recently (we did make a point of stopping that at 3 months on the guidance of the maternal child health nurse but gave up that rule around 12 months when we realised we would do anything we could do to get him and ourselves some sleep and comfort). I now spend most nights from 4am on a trundle in his room. There are worse things than laying next to my darling DS, it's not going to be forever - I'm sure once DD is out of a cot she can lie there all night and he'll feel comforted there's someone lying next to him, that's just him!

With our DD she is 16 months and still wakes for a dreamfeed and another feed anytime between 3-6am.... we just feed her and she goes back into her cot awake and goes to sleep.

All babies are so different. To be honest, I actually don't think it makes any difference at all what we all do. Babies have personalities. They have needs outside the norm. I even heard the other day that some irritable babies maybe have ecoli in their guts and could benefit from 'babybiotics' which are probiotics (from health food shop) to balance out the bad germs in the gut - I would have tried it if I'd have known when DS was a bub.

My advice is - do what you can to get some sleep - if this means CC so be it. It may work for you. I would probably just stay out for longer periods, or not go in at all.... I don't know. There's no right answer. We had periods when certain things worked and then we couldn't bare to do it any more so we changed.... do what you can. It does get better even if it feels like it wont! Look after yourself.

[mumto3cherubs]

Hi there,
I feel for you. There is nothing worse than sleep deprivation (it is used as a form of torture after all...) I've had 2 children with sleep problems DS1 and DS3. With my first son I ended up going to a sleep clinic. Maybe it will be worth your while to check if you have such a service in your area. Check at the hospital, or with your GP or the local child health services if they have heard of one. The one I went to was called Riverton Centre in Brisbane. I stayed from Mon to Fri with many other sleep deprived Mums. Child health nurses help you with every step of the way and pediatricians check you child to make sure there is no medical reason why bub is not sleeping. Basically they use the CC method, but teach you how to do it. I found it a God send. They were supportive, kind, and understanding. I remember when all the Mums first checked in and we were sitting around a table introducing ourselves and chatting, we all ended up in tears. Everyone was sooo sleep deprived and emotional!
If you are at your wits end and it sounds like you are I highly recommend such a service.
All the best and remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel, its just sometimes the tunnel seems to be a very long one.

[cutiepiekai]

Thanks to everyone for your advice and support. We went ahead and continued with the controlled crying. It was certainly hard, especially at the start but i was determined to give it a good try. So after about 3 nights crying we have success!!!! He never took long to go to sleep at the start of the night, it was only when he would wake in the night he would cry for ages. But he stopped being so hysterical and would just cry on and off. The first night the on and off crying went on for an hour and a half but got less every night. By the way i got rid of the dummy completely. Anyway now he is going down at 7, having a dreamfeed still at 9:30 and normaly sleeps till about 5:45 - 6:45. :) Im so happy, just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping it continues!

I think in the end you just have to give things a try, if it works then great if its not working for you or your baby then you just try something else. i was willing to persevere with the crying cause i needed to try something to change our bad sleeping habbits. And so far it seems to be the right thing for us. So happy to finally be getting some good sleep! And DS seems so much happier during the day now too! Definantly glad i tried controlled crying.

[Electric Rodeo]

Thanks to everyone for your advice and support. We went ahead and continued with the controlled crying. It was certainly hard, especially at the start but i was determined to give it a good try. So after about 3 nights crying we have success!!!! He never took long to go to sleep at the start of the night, it was only when he would wake in the night he would cry for ages. But he stopped being so hysterical and would just cry on and off. The first night the on and off crying went on for an hour and a half but got less every night. By the way i got rid of the dummy completely. Anyway now he is going down at 7, having a dreamfeed still at 9:30 and normaly sleeps till about 5:45 - 6:45. :) Im so happy, just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping it continues!

I think in the end you just have to give things a try, if it works then great if its not working for you or your baby then you just try something else. i was willing to persevere with the crying cause i needed to try something to change our bad sleeping habbits. And so far it seems to be the right thing for us. So happy to finally be getting some good sleep! And DS seems so much happier during the day now too! Definantly glad i tried controlled crying.

Yay for sleep, I'm glad the CC worked for you and your DS.
Was just popping in to add my support but just got to the last post and realised you had it all sorted :laughing:
It has always worked for us.

[mumto3cherubs]

Good to hear!!!! I'm glad everyone is finally getting some :sleeping:, It certainly makes life easier. Enjoy your new DS and all the best! :yelclap: