Strange ... please PM

[Tisme]

I need to ask advice on HOW you told your DP/DH that you wanted to split (if you were the instigator) what was your reasoning? How did you tell HIM? How did he take it?

I understand this could potentially be a rather "Sticky" topic so please if that's your feeling PM me cos I REALLY need to know. I'm in the limbo at the moment .... as the Clash song says
"Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double"

[reAllytee]

I know this is something ive even toyed with of late & how hard this is :hugs:

I havent got any words of wisdom if you need me just call :hugs:

[LilShenanigans]

Hmm it's not easy... mine was long and drawn out because the boy's a dope.

I had just found out that my DD wasn't his first, so one day I said it was over, I was sick of going through BS, I hated him and hated all of his family.
The next day I had to tell him again it was over, because maybe I didn't say it right??
The third day, I was quite vicious in my wording and had to repeat myself ... Your dumped, Your dumped, Your dumped ...................

Guess it eventually got through because he started sleeping with someone else very shortly afterwards :) So I'd say he took it very well lol

[Tisme]

thank you ..... I just don't know MY reasons I guess.

Allyoo hang in there girly-o :hugs: I'll give you a call sometime when my head isn't in "Do this, do that" mode!!! (like that's gonna happen this side of me moving out!!:( )

[ashleerose]

Well as per my other thousand and one posts i left my ex.

I had no choice really. He was on drugs (couldnt or wouldnt change this and no he wasnt doing drugs prior to our marriage)..

Anyhow he broke an Avo within a year of it being issued (on a number of occassions but the last time he not only bashed me but pulled a knife on me in front of our two kids - this gave me more than enough incentive to get out of the relationship).

On top of it all he cheated on me throughout our marriage and to show our little the kids and i meant to him he replaced us within a week.

Its been a long road for me.

I fell in love with a guy that i thought i knew (hell we went to school together) but i guess you never really know someone as well as you think you do.

He has since had another child and to make it worse we are still legally married.
I did try to get a divorce but of course he threatened my life or wanted money...

I never knew about the child until i got a letter from CS.

He fought me through family law court (but i realise now it was just him being vindictive and putting on a show for mummy and his gf).
He didnt even complete the three months supervised visits (and they were at his mothers house of all places).

He hasnt kept in contact with the kids and i have no way of contacting him unless through the post or through his mother but since she herself seems to think that baby number four will replace my two and his previous son i cannot be bothered.

Oh well, its their loss.

I do get lonely at times (its been two years and a bit) and i would love to meet someone else but i have a limited social life and everyone seems to be joined at the hip.

Hopefully in time, i will find true happiness but for now i am focusing on being the best mum that i can be for my two kids and thats the most important thing of all.

[lukaelmo]

Umm I was married a long time ago. We had been together for 7 years, and I had been unhappy for most of them. My husband was not a bad person, he just wasn't for me. So I just told him.. I sat him down and said that I was leaving, that I was very serious and that in fact I was physically leaving that week.

He was very upset and tried to get me to change my mind, but what I was doing felt so right that I never wavered. I had to be very firm with him in telling him that it was absolutely over.

We didn't have children, so that was a lot easier, I could break it off completely and not see him again. He followed me around for about a year, and finally left when I started a new relationship.

That's it.

[Chanelc]

I was unhappy and told him I had enough and I was moving out by the end of the week - I actually moved out that night as never wanted to see him. It takes them a long time to register it is over... 4 months later and he doesn't get it even though I live in a separate place and moved on with my life on my own with my little one.
Follow your truth and it all work out - it is hard but the hardest step is doing what is right for you and not others

[Hector]

my ex and i met in uk (i'd been living there for about 3 years). we fell pregnant unexpectedly which meant i had to return to oz (visa issue). i forked out every penny i had to get him to australia (as even tho he'd had 4 months warning of the impending move he hadn't saved a penny and anything he had saved had gone straight to paying off his playstation game debts...god that should've been a sign!)

anyhoo his family used all kinds of tricks to get him to stay in uk - even making up stories about me that the bub wasn't his etc. they refused to meet me or to assist my ex in any way - even told him why doesn't he ask MY mum for cash?

he wouldn't stand up to them for me (or even for himself) and the whole trip home was hell (reservations lost, tours missed, the lot) and i just kept seeing how he could not, or would not stand up for me EVER - he always seemed to be of the view that everything that happened was my fault.

hard to explain but i guess it was the maternal instinct coming out - i finally realised that this guy would only ever look out for himself and never be able to look after me and wee one. finally came to a head when he abandoned me on a crowded dodgy street in Fiji so he could go off with some strange man who had stopped him and offered him a beer! i was crippled with stomach cramps at the time so needed to go back to hotel (ended up being bad food poisoning!!) but was left instead inthe street for an hour whilst he had a drink with this guy (this was the middle of the day)

i told him that afternoon that it couldn't go on.

it's been about 18 months, our dd is nearly one and he has been on and off a total ****...swinging like a pendullum between being still desperately in love with me and then making moves on anything blonde...

i think the thing i have most learned is that being dumped by a guy can be ****e...but being the girl DUMPING a guy is worse. even tho i'm now a single mum, ppl think i broke up with him just to be a *****...my family and others are constantly at me to get back with him (even tho we are clearly not matched) and his family and friends think i am evil incarnate...

despite the fact that i care for his child 24/7 whilst he lives the life of larry...

just be ready for the repercussions! my biggest regret is that i didn't do it sooner then i wouldn't have wasted all that money and he wouldn't be here making my life miserable now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tisme]

Thank you all for your advice/Stories. I guess the hardest thing is that he isn't REALLY a bad person .... for a bachelor. At times (most the time actually) he seems to want the PHOTO's of his gorgeous children more than the children and me ourselves.

I wanted to leave shortly after my DS1 was born and I repetedly had to ask my parents for the money for his formula because my partenr felt it more necessary to spend his weekly wage on videos ........ ? Then he came good ..... next time I got the urge to get away I went to the doctor for a stomach bug who 8 mths later produced a beautiful little girl. Then shortly after she came into our lives his 2 brothers came to live with us and they TOLD me to leave (all the while MY parents were financialy supporting me!!!!) then i got up the guts and suprise suprise DS2 was on the way.


Life is a roller coaster and I'm sick of living on the hills .... I'm bringing myself into the platform and joining the carousel instead!!!