youngones
24-08-2006, 19:46
Hi all, I'm newish to the forum - joined months ago when I found out that I was pregnant (am now 30wks), but haven't had a lot of time to take part in discussions.
I'm feeling a bit lost right now because DH and I are arguing over the usual issues - $, $ and $ and it is starting to draw other things into the argument. He wants me to go back to work at 12 weeks, after we'd initially agreed that I would have six months off (pretty reasonable, I thought, as most of my friends are taking 12mths, or not going back to work at all!). He's now saying that we need the money and while I'm not opposed to the idea, I feel like my needs and the needs of our baby aren't being considered. I'm actually feeling bullied about it. He's even suggested that we forget about breastfeeding, as I have to travel for work and it would be physically impossible to express enough to get us through times when I'm away. Also, what the hell is he going to do with a 3mth old baby when I'm away?
It raises a whole lot of issues, not the least of which is that we have no idea whether we'll have a good sleeper or a reflux/colicky baby, what my physical recovery will be like, that I am determined to breastfeed for at least six months (would you believe he is actually hoping I'll have enough trouble with it that I will just give up) and the fact that he is getting less instead of more helpful around the house.
I'm just so angry and frustrated that it seems to be me doing all the sacrificing. I've already agreed to give up my foxtel subscription, got a library card so I'm not spending money on books and have downgraded all my girlie supplies including shampoo to cheaper brands and I've also agreed to cancel the cleaner we have once a fortnight. This of course means that I'll get lumped with all the housework, in addition to most of the cooking, all of the cleaning up, washing, feeding/bathing/cleaning out animals, handling all the mail and bill paying that I currently do while he spends more and more time sitting in front of the computer on his sport and car forums.
What makes me most mad is that the only interest he's shown in this pregnancy so far is fairly academic - he did plenty of research into the best kind of pram, cot etc and found the best deals around town and on ebay, for which I am very thankful, but it would be nice if he would read a leaflet or two on maybe what to expect at the birth, how to be supportive, why I need more rest than usual, why he should be tending to our animals instead of me, what he can do to participate as an expectant dad, as a new father and so on, but no, golf and car forums are far more interesting.
Am I being ridiculous? Please someone reassure me that once the baby comes, he'll morph into a helpful, understanding, caring type when he realises that some babies can actually be quite hard work, that it is possible for us to do without some things in order to survive on less money and that if he showed a bit of interest in the 'human' side of things and made some sacrifices of his own - like reading, which I know he hates to do - then I might be more amenable to making the sacrifice of returning to work earlier.
I hope this happens before I go completely mad.:banghead:
I'm feeling a bit lost right now because DH and I are arguing over the usual issues - $, $ and $ and it is starting to draw other things into the argument. He wants me to go back to work at 12 weeks, after we'd initially agreed that I would have six months off (pretty reasonable, I thought, as most of my friends are taking 12mths, or not going back to work at all!). He's now saying that we need the money and while I'm not opposed to the idea, I feel like my needs and the needs of our baby aren't being considered. I'm actually feeling bullied about it. He's even suggested that we forget about breastfeeding, as I have to travel for work and it would be physically impossible to express enough to get us through times when I'm away. Also, what the hell is he going to do with a 3mth old baby when I'm away?
It raises a whole lot of issues, not the least of which is that we have no idea whether we'll have a good sleeper or a reflux/colicky baby, what my physical recovery will be like, that I am determined to breastfeed for at least six months (would you believe he is actually hoping I'll have enough trouble with it that I will just give up) and the fact that he is getting less instead of more helpful around the house.
I'm just so angry and frustrated that it seems to be me doing all the sacrificing. I've already agreed to give up my foxtel subscription, got a library card so I'm not spending money on books and have downgraded all my girlie supplies including shampoo to cheaper brands and I've also agreed to cancel the cleaner we have once a fortnight. This of course means that I'll get lumped with all the housework, in addition to most of the cooking, all of the cleaning up, washing, feeding/bathing/cleaning out animals, handling all the mail and bill paying that I currently do while he spends more and more time sitting in front of the computer on his sport and car forums.
What makes me most mad is that the only interest he's shown in this pregnancy so far is fairly academic - he did plenty of research into the best kind of pram, cot etc and found the best deals around town and on ebay, for which I am very thankful, but it would be nice if he would read a leaflet or two on maybe what to expect at the birth, how to be supportive, why I need more rest than usual, why he should be tending to our animals instead of me, what he can do to participate as an expectant dad, as a new father and so on, but no, golf and car forums are far more interesting.
Am I being ridiculous? Please someone reassure me that once the baby comes, he'll morph into a helpful, understanding, caring type when he realises that some babies can actually be quite hard work, that it is possible for us to do without some things in order to survive on less money and that if he showed a bit of interest in the 'human' side of things and made some sacrifices of his own - like reading, which I know he hates to do - then I might be more amenable to making the sacrifice of returning to work earlier.
I hope this happens before I go completely mad.:banghead: