Rules for young mums [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

bumMum

13-09-2010, 22:55

1. It is everyone's business, even strangers, if you are or are not still with your babies father. Questions like "oh, he's so cute.. are you still with his Dad" are to be expected, even in the line at Coles. and no you can't shoot that question right back at the woman who asked you
2. It is also perfectly fine for people to say things like "do you know who their father is?" and don't be offended that people think you got knocked up by some dude at a party..
3. It is not okay to point out positive things about being a young parent. period. this means you are actually condoning what you did, and what you did, is well.. just wrong! ;)
4. Do well in every aspect of your life and be happy all the time. otherwise people might say things like "yes, it must be hard, being so young" because everything bad in your life ever can be attributed to having a baby at a young age.
5. Make sure to do as much as you can from the minute your baby is born, study, work, volunteer, do everything possible to prove you are not a bludger.
6. Tell people you put ALL your baby bonus money into a locked savings account if they ask. that will stop them from worrying you spent it all on clothes and smokes.

I can't think of any more, hope some others can think of more.

Teley

13-09-2010, 22:59

7. Being excited about your pregnancy is not on. You must be solemn and sombre because it is a tragic, and not an extremely happy, event.

Bell & Bug

13-09-2010, 23:02

8. Your pregnancy has to have been an accident, its just not on having a planned pregnancy at such a young age.

WorkingClassMum

13-09-2010, 23:03

8. Accept that your baby will always be considered to be a mistake.
9. When your children have grown up and have left home and you can now travel etc as you please, the rest of the 'wiser' world will be green with envy ;)

Lemonhead

13-09-2010, 23:04

I shall add some from experience:

- If you have a spare ring, put it on your left ring finger when out in public. Being an engaged young parent is far more acceptable than being a de-facto one. Besides, you should have gotten married first, stoopid.

- You gave up your right to go clubbing once you got knocked up and don't even think about wearing anything revealing, dont you know that's how you got into this mess in the first place!

- You should be either studying or working in order to better yourself, not 'bludging' off taxpayers.

Teley

13-09-2010, 23:04

9. If your child is screaming, it is because s/he is neglected/abused. If an older mother's child is screaming, they are just having a tantrum.

Teley

13-09-2010, 23:06

WCM - I :valentine: you :goodvibes::goodvibes:. You're just such a positive wise person.

10. Employers should not hire you. After all, you have proven yourself to be irresponsible, and you cannot possibly be coping.

peanutbutter&jelly

13-09-2010, 23:07

Never complain about the trials of being a parent. Don't you know? You just aren't old enough/experienced enough to deal with a 2 year old having a tantrum because lollies are a great idea right before dinner :rolleyes:

Lemonhead

13-09-2010, 23:08

These are hilarious!

Im laughing so much bubba is going crazy and the cat freaked out and jumped off the bed haha!

bumMum

13-09-2010, 23:10

12. re assure everyone you are using contraception now. can't have another accident like that happening!

Teley

13-09-2010, 23:12

11. You have never being the ambitious type. Ambitious girls don't get pregnant young, and if they do they have abortions.

12. If your mum is helping you, it is because you fell pregnant young and you are now stinging off her and she is left to effectively raise your baby. This rule is void if you are over a certain age, when it becomes sweet and maternal to do so.

TacoFest

13-09-2010, 23:24

Accept the fact that if you have 2 or more children under the age of 25 that you will always be asked if they have the same dad, and then applauded like it's a miracle if they do.

:laughing: I experience this all the time!

TacoFest

13-09-2010, 23:26

Don't ever ask for help or a break, you chose to keep your baby and effectively chose to end your youth.

Also something I am told reguarly ;)

bumMum

13-09-2010, 23:29

:laughing: it's so funny that people are jerks like this everywhere! i thought I just attracted rude people to me or something!

WorkingClassMum

13-09-2010, 23:33

Just because women have been having babies in their teens for the past million years doesn't mean that YOU are mature enough to have a baby - in fact no-one in your family has had a baby in their teens ever since your grandma and her mother before her...

TurnedBatty

14-09-2010, 05:18

-You must now just be satisfied to have your kid/kids because there is no way your life will go anywhere. No way you can get an education or career, especially not if single

- Any fears you have for your babies health must be false. You are just too young to know any better, so your child must be healthy

supa_star323

14-09-2010, 07:00

These are hilarious :-)
It doesn't fit into to the rules really, but the other day I got told the reason ds has special needs is because I had him when I was 18 :-S
and so, if you are a young mum and your child has special needs you definitely should put them up for adoption because there is no way you could possibly manage on your own.

Teley

14-09-2010, 09:37

-You must now just be satisfied to have your kid/kids because there is no way your life will go anywhere. No way you can get an education or career, especially not if single

:iagree:Also, if you do end up at uni, you are something awesomely shocking, even if you are failing.

- Child health nurses reserve the right to call you a 'good girl' and also to ask when you will return to finish high school, even if you are in uni.

- Should you suddenly begin barely passing uni, it is BECAUSE you are a young teenage mother, not because something has just happened in your life.

- You cannot be feeling low for any other fact than a consequence of being a young mum. Everything bad, no matter how unrelated, now becomes a consequence of that one simple fact. The fact that you were coping before as a young mum is of no relevance and is a lie.

- You are promiscuous, because having a child is proof of promiscuity.

- People reserve the right to offend all young mothers in front of you if they first say, 'obviously not you, but...'

Tegan - :( I can't believe they said that to you :mad:. Well, actually, I can, but it's still not on!!!:hugs::hugs:

Teley

14-09-2010, 09:42

- YOU are proof that society is decaying. Yes, you personally.

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 09:55

12. re assure everyone you are using contraception now. can't have another accident like that happening!

Yep even doctors (aka my EX gp) have the right to say and I quote 'what are WE doing about contraception because WE don't want another 'accident''

Errrm said 6 week old 'accident' was in my arms, he also goes by 'jasper' :rolleyes:

And yerp EVERYONE has the right to ask if he was planned. By nearly 2 years old the precise details of his conception are kinda of no consequence now!!!

Oh and people have 'the right to give you a cheeky smile and say 'so when are you having 'the next one' and be shocked when you say your ttc.

Oh and you can never express frustration about ttc issue cos 'you have plenty of time what's the rush?'

sweetseven

14-09-2010, 09:56

You are such burden on your poor mother who has to raise your baby for you, irresepective of the fact that she lives quite a distance away, works fulltime, and barely sees you or the baby.

Benji

14-09-2010, 10:07

You shouldn't study, rent, or complain about not having much money because Jill down the road who had her babies when she was 10 years older than you has a mortgage and a good career to which she can return - if she can do it, why can't you?

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 10:16

Teley

14-09-2010, 10:38

Though I must admitt there is a magical difference between being pregnant at 20, having a baby when your 21 vs having a toddler at 23 - I must have passed the magical threshold so I'm no longer offensive to others ;) PHEW what a relief ;) now I just get the odd comment how young I am but it sounds like a compliment or jealousy, and occasionally a nice how mature I am for my age ;)

:iagree:I noticed this too. It makes me quite sad.

At 16 it was okay to publically abuse me.

Up until the age of 20, it was everybody's business what I did/where I went/how I felt, and they had the right to comment on it and degrade me.

Now that I am 22, I have noticed people just aren't in such shock. I think it was around 21/22 that I passed the magical threshold.

ETA - just because it is in the past, it doesn't mean I shall ever forget. I think that's what people don't realise when they suddenly find I've lost my offensive edge. The abuse may have stopped, but I'm just as angry.

jade24

14-09-2010, 10:47

This is a fantastic thread! :yelclap:I've never posted in here before, but I was once a young mum (had DD1 at 17), so thought I'd share something.

- Do not dare conceive again before the acceptable age of 30. Didn't you learn the first time?

- Your use of contraception is now everybody's business. You must offer up reassurances of this almost daily.

- Once you are a young mother people will forever tell you, "Okay, that's enough now!" After each child. But a woman who begins her family in her 30's will be worshipped for every child she has, even if it's the same number as you.

- Be prepared to be followed around shopping centres by security when you are out with your brood. You are young parents. Of course you shoplift :cool:

bumMum

14-09-2010, 10:51

Though I must admitt there is a magical difference between being pregnant at 20, having a baby when your 21 vs having a toddler at 23 - I must have passed the magical threshold so I'm no longer offensive to others ;) PHEW what a relief ;) now I just get the odd comment how young I am but it sounds like a compliment or jealousy, and occasionally a nice how mature I am for my age ;)

that's so true. maybe having kids makes us look older or something because the whole time I was pregnant people freely treated me like dirt at 18/19.. at the post office once, I was standing there with some centrelink forms and this woman actually said "Fuking pregnant teenagers get a free ride" :cool: and I could feel her spitting in my face in her head. but nobody says anything to me now really, a few friends accidentally say something insensitive but it's nothing like how it used to be.

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 10:56

Oh and everything you do is linked to your age.

As in - I've been told the reason I cope breast feeding so long is because I'm young (whereas under 12 months it was a surprise someone 'my age' would breast feed at all :laughing: hehe I should have told people I couldn't afford formula so didn't have a choice :laughing: ) but yes now I've had a few comments that the reason I can breast feed is because I'm young and healthy.

Oh and I cope with the constant night wakings because I'm young.

Nope it's cos I'm supermum!!! ;)

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 10:58

The annoying thing about that threshold is now I'm 23 I think I'd bite back - whereas I took it politely at 20.

Moorish

14-09-2010, 11:02

Hey girls :wave:

I took a little look around but couldn't see anything that could be the thread you're talking about.

Youngnotdumb or anyone else - could you give me some more info on the thread/topics, when it was etc and I'll do a more thorough search??

Thanks!

Awesome thread by the way :)
I probably wouldn't be considered a young mum - had my first at 22 (mind you I looked a lot younger than that) but continued having my family and ended up having 5 aged 7.5 and under but I definitely can relate to a lot of what you've all written. The looks, the "are they ALL yours?" comments, the "haven't you got a tv?" and "have you figured out what causes it yet?" comments too. Even the "enough kids already" from my own family!!

Anyway, great way of looking at things girls - you certainly are all doing a marvelous job of breaking the stinky stereotype that's out there in society! :yelclap:

bumMum

14-09-2010, 11:12

yay go us!!! :smiliedance:

and more go cat cos you started this thread :yes:
I can't remember what the old thread was called though so I can't help at all

jade24

14-09-2010, 11:16

Just thought of another one and couldn't rsist ;)

You will forever be the disappointment when compared with siblings, cousins, friends etc. Even if they sleep around, do drugs, skip from one job to another ... Apparently you are the one 'wasting' your life.

Annabella

14-09-2010, 11:29

I was a young looking 22 yr old when I got pregnant, my now husband was 18. Even tho 22 isn't even that young I used to get treated like crap from strangers all the time, I seriously felt like I had a sign over my head saying "tell me how to parent my child"! I completely agree there is a magic age where it stops, I'm 30 now and never get it even tho I hVe an 8 yr old.

Oh and I believe it's worse if your man is Aboriginal. Then you're REALLY dumb for getting pregnant and much more likely to be drinking your parenting payments...

Lemonhead

14-09-2010, 11:36

- Be prepared to be followed around shopping centres by security when you are out with your brood. You are young parents. Of course you shoplift :cool:

OMG this is so true!!

I find whenever we go shopping the bag checkers always take an extra long look in my bag and pram especially if DP is with me and we look like a family of terrorists (haha Im Saudi and DP is Portuguese but looks so Middle Eastern). I feel like saying, stupid woman DP earns more daily than you do in a week do you think I would shoplift? Grrr!

I used to be so intimidated to go out in public because of the looks, even though I was 19 when I had DS I looked younger. Now, I go out proudly, and remember that I have not done anything wrong and that people are just stupid haha.

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 11:37

Lemonhead

14-09-2010, 11:40

Oh gosh yeah don't have a baby with an aboriginal man or a foreigner for that matter - period ;)

Apparently the reason that hospital have big security doors on the labour ward is to stop Lebanese men coming and kidnapping or killing their babies or abusing their wife for having a girl. Gosh my heart was thudding so heard I could hardly talk as I grit my teeth and informed the jackass dad at tresillian that jaspers dad is Lebanese. His response? 'yeah but is he muslim' argh!!!!

So yes as a rule - don't have babies with anyone who isn't a white Australian!!!!

OH MY GOD CHEL! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Thats disgusting!!

Lebanese men are divine :laughing:

Oh and regarding having children with a man who is Aboriginal, well, you must only be doing it for all those extra payments you get hey? (Im being so so sacrastic by the way lol!)

Teley

14-09-2010, 11:41

Oh gosh yeah don't have a baby with an aboriginal man or a foreigner for that matter - period ;)

Apparently the reason that hospital have big security doors on the labour ward is to stop Lebanese men coming and kidnapping or killing their babies or abusing their wife for having a girl. Gosh my heart was thudding so heard I could hardly talk as I grit my teeth and informed the jackass dad at tresillian that jaspers dad is Lebanese. His response? 'yeah but is he muslim' argh!!!!

So yes as a rule - don't have babies with anyone who isn't a white Australian!!!!

What if you're not a white Australian yourself?;)

Here's another one:
- People have the right to make the assumption you still live with your parents. You cannot possibly do it on your own.

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 11:46

What if you're not a white Australian yourself?;)

Here'sown.

Nup :no: ONLY acceptable mate is a white Aussie bloke ;)

And Lebanese men are hawt ;) and lovely seriously blah blah blah I've heard is all total bulldust, most of the Lebanese guys I know are 'good boys' super respectful to their family and to woman, dps closest Lebanese friends all three remained 'pure' till they got married and are doting hubbies.

:rolleyes: not sure where these rumours got started!

Cos for a culture that apparently disrespects women all the Lebanese men I know are devoted mummas boys ;)

bumMum

14-09-2010, 11:47

:iagree::iagree: the Aboriginal parent comment and also have to add that people will always and forever be informing you in sly ways that you get more benefits than them

Teley

14-09-2010, 11:51

Nup :no: ONLY acceptable mate is a white Aussie bloke ;)

And Lebanese men are hawt ;) and lovely seriously blah blah blah I've heard is all total bulldust, most of the Lebanese guys I know are 'good boys' super respectful to their family and to woman, dps closest Lebanese friends all three remained 'pure' till they got married and are doting hubbies.

:eyerolls: not sure where these rumours got started!

Probably same as with young mums. Some people see a distinct few morons and go, I know, I know now, they're ALL like that!!!!!!:rolleyes:

Can somebody please tell me whether they've had this particular distinct feeling too, or am I going mad - we are from a CALD background, and people just seem to look straight past it for some reason. Is it to do with my age or what?:confused: Like when I try to tell people that we speak a different language at home, eat different foods I feel like they are looking at me and :rolleyes:.

You know when you get that feeling but you can't put your finger on it. Or am I just mad.

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 12:04

I dunno maybe people are uncomfortable. It's taken me ages to stifle my inner discomfort with people who have English as a second language. Fear of unknown maybe?

English is dps third language. I wish he'd speak Arabic to Jasper more because Jasper would pick it up, but that's up to him I guess. I can't teach Jasper Arabic cos pfft, in 4 years I've picked up like 5 words :o

I have admiration for anyone who can speak more than one language cos I certainly can't :no:

Annabella

14-09-2010, 12:04

I don't know an chen but have you read the book I think it's called Invisible man, from memory it's about how people of colour are 'invisible' to the majority, I can't really remember but it could kind of be what you are saying. Not so much you're 'invisible' but 'dismissed' iykwim?

Yeah I can imagine you'd get the same thing having (very cute mind you) babies with a lebanese guy :(

Moorish

14-09-2010, 12:05

Was it a specific rules thread?
How long ago? Who posted? Many ways I can try and find it!! ;)

Otherwise, this one's doing pretty good for itself :)

Teley

14-09-2010, 12:06

Annabella

14-09-2010, 12:08

When i say people of colour- it's American, about African-American experience, but may be relevant to other cald people, it's been a long time since I read it

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 12:09

Annabella

14-09-2010, 12:10

I'm pretty white:p just a bit tannend lol.

Oh whoops haha! So can people tell by looking at you that you are from CALD b'ground or is it when you talk ti them about it? Maybe they're just rude?!!

Annabella

14-09-2010, 12:13

I'm jealous of my half Lebanese baby. He has the most gorgeous skin colour. He's blond with blue eyes and has an all year all over tan. Only thing with that is I've been asked about why he's so tanned with a bit of an accusation. I say his daddy is Lebanese and they are relieved, I think they think I let my baby sunbath ;)

Two of mine are dark and ones white with blond hair so people always ask me if they have the same dad (coz I was young and all) *eye roll*. I'm jealous of my kids skin too, it's so beautiful :)

Teley

14-09-2010, 12:13

Oh whoops haha! So can people tell by looking at you that you are from CALD b'ground or is it when you talk ti them about it? Maybe they're just rude?!!

Yeah only when I say I am. lol dunnom probably making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe because I fit in so smoothly.

Boobycino

14-09-2010, 12:16

Two of mine are dark and ones white with blond hair so people always ask me if they have the same dad (coz I was young and all) *eye roll*. I'm jealous of my kids skin too, it's so beautiful :)

I do wonder about that. Not to a huge degree but wonder if I have a dark haired dark eyed baby would people wonder they have the same daddy.

We've been asked - like right to dps face is Jasper is his!

~ElectricPink~

15-09-2010, 22:08

WorkingClassMum

15-09-2010, 22:10

- If your child has a language delay, it's directly because you are a young mother who has no idea how to raise a child. Therefore the cause of the delay must be because you neglect them, or don't read to them enough. :rolleyes:

*IF* your child is gifted, that's inspite of you being young - your child is lucky she's smart - hopefully she won't make the same mistakes you did...

supa_star323

15-09-2010, 22:19

WCM and Shayley.. I love them :-)
this thread rocks, it makes me laugh just like the single mum one did.
Oooh I heard a good one today,
"You must be one of the only ones put there" in reference to my being young and single, yet at uni. Apparently we are meant to have children and do nothing for the rest of our lives.

And when I tell people I don't plan to have more children, "atleast you learnt from your mistakes".

I dunno what it is about me that encourages people to be horrid to my face.

Boobycino

15-09-2010, 22:21

- If your child has a language delay, it's directly because you are a young mother who has no idea how to raise a child. Therefore the cause of the delay must be because you neglect them, or don't read to them enough. :rolleyes:

Hehe yeah I just need to read to Jasper ;)

He just doesn't talk to strangers. :rolleyes:

~ElectricPink~

15-09-2010, 22:27

- It is entirely acceptable for a volunteer at Anglicare (where you've gone to ask for a bit of assistance in a time of need) to judge you for having a child at 18, and to tell you that "now you know to keep your legs shut next time". You are to grin and politely nod, after all, how DARE you have a child at such a young age, shame on you!!! :shame:

~ElectricPink~

15-09-2010, 22:29

Hehe yeah I just need to read to Jasper ;)

He just doesn't talk to strangers. :rolleyes:

Gotta love it hey!!!

I've just learnt to shrug it off now, but the judgements used to really get to me.

~ElectricPink~

15-09-2010, 22:33

[QUOTE=supa_star323;5137996]
"You must be one of the only ones put there" in reference to my being young and single, yet at uni. Apparently we are meant to have children and do nothing for the rest of our lives.

QUOTE]

Hahaha...yeah I know all about this one!! People seem absolutely amazed that I am completing year 12 at tafe so I can get into uni. I think we're meant to just dole bludge for the rest of our lives and have no hopes or aspirations for the future, we can't possibly be trying to better ourselves!! Lol

peanutbutter&jelly

15-09-2010, 23:04

I noticed this too. It makes me quite sad.

At 16 it was okay to publically abuse me.

Up until the age of 20, it was everybody's business what I did/where I went/how I felt, and they had the right to comment on it and degrade me.

Now that I am 22, I have noticed people just aren't in such shock. I think it was around 21/22 that I passed the magical threshold.

Though I must admitt there is a magical difference between being pregnant at 20, having a baby when your 21 vs having a toddler at 23 - I must have passed the magical threshold so I'm no longer offensive to others PHEW what a relief now I just get the odd comment how young I am but it sounds like a compliment or jealousy, and occasionally a nice how mature I am for my age

I would like to reach this age soon please :D I'm almost 22 now ;)
People now mostly have worked out I have 2 kids (at least in my area) who are sometimes challenging, but I am usually happy - Can't be failing society too badly then, huh ;)

I find whenever we go shopping the bag checkers always take an extra long look in my bag and pram especially if DP is with me and we look like a family of terrorists (haha Im Saudi and DP is Portuguese but looks so Middle Eastern). I feel like saying, stupid woman DP earns more daily than you do in a week do you think I would shoplift? Grrr!

:laughing:
We chat to them now, let them know that the plasma is under the nappy bag ;)
Though we do know that the girls at Big W have actually found stuff hidden under babies before, in the pram :(

Oh gosh yeah don't have a baby with an aboriginal man or a foreigner for that matter - period

Apparently the reason that hospital have big security doors on the labour ward is to stop Lebanese men coming and kidnapping or killing their babies or abusing their wife for having a girl. Gosh my heart was thudding so heard I could hardly talk as I grit my teeth and informed the jackass dad at tresillian that jaspers dad is Lebanese. His response? 'yeah but is he muslim' argh!!!!

So yes as a rule - don't have babies with anyone who isn't a white Australian!!!!

*head slam* People are SO stupid :no:

Probably same as with young mums. Some people see a distinct few morons and go, I know, I know now, they're ALL like that!!!!!!

Can somebody please tell me whether they've had this particular distinct feeling too, or am I going mad - we are from a CALD background, and people just seem to look straight past it for some reason. Is it to do with my age or what? Like when I try to tell people that we speak a different language at home, eat different foods I feel like they are looking at me and :rolleyes:.

You know when you get that feeling but you can't put your finger on it. Or am I just mad.

:hugs: Well I think the whole speaking 2+ languages is incredibly cool :o :laughing: I'm like Chel, can speak one, but another one is lost on me :o

- If your child has a language delay, it's directly because you are a young mother who has no idea how to raise a child. Therefore the cause of the delay must be because you neglect them, or don't read to them enough. :rolleyes:

Me! Me me ME! And just because you aren't aware of the fact that we're on a waiting list for a speech therapist doesn't give you the right to comment on how 'backwards' my little boy is compared to your 'very advanced' DD :banghead:

- It is entirely acceptable for a volunteer at Anglicare (where you've gone to ask for a bit of assistance in a time of need) to judge you for having a child at 18, and to tell you that "now you know to keep your legs shut next time". You are to grin and politely nod, after all, how DARE you have a child at such a young age, shame on you!!! :shame:

*speechless*

FrogsnSnails

15-09-2010, 23:35

9. If your child is screaming, it is because s/he is neglected/abused. If an older mother's child is screaming, they are just having a tantrum.
Very true- had a giggle at this one.

Nemmi

16-09-2010, 00:56

not sure if I'm classified as a young mum (i'm 22, bub is 15 weeks old) but mum has a really large family (8 kids, 33 grandkids and almost 4 great grand kids) and this rude cow said to me 'don't you think it's about time yous stopped now' (in referance to the children) all I coyld think was didn't realise I wasn't allowed to have my first child just because my mother has a large family.

With the aboriginal thing we had a problem with centrelink on the parenting payment partnered thing cos dp is aboriginal (his nan is VERY dark aboriginal) and the charming woman at centrelink informed him that he was 'a bit to white for my liking'

I was gob smacked lol

Boobycino

16-09-2010, 07:43

Nemmi - centrelink are just morons. After they made me' join a job agency at 39 weeks pregnant I have zero expectations of them to be rational or reasonable.

Teley

16-09-2010, 11:28

Teley

16-09-2010, 11:37

*IF* your child is gifted, that's inspite of you being young - your child is lucky she's smart - hopefully she won't make the same mistakes you did...

:yes: That is the problem we are currently having at school.

- If your child has a language delay, it's directly because you are a young mother who has no idea how to raise a child. Therefore the cause of the delay must be because you neglect them, or don't read to them enough. :rolleyes:

Yup. I constantly get told to read to my child and talk to him. Cause I so totally don't do that. Fine, you take him and see if his speech gets better with you - from my observations, other parents with 'normal speaking' kids put in FAR less therapy effort than I do.

WCM and Shayley.. I love them :-)
this thread rocks, it makes me laugh just like the single mum one did.
Oooh I heard a good one today,
"You must be one of the only ones put there" in reference to my being young and single, yet at uni. Apparently we are meant to have children and do nothing for the rest of our lives.

And when I tell people I don't plan to have more children, "atleast you learnt from your mistakes".

I dunno what it is about me that encourages people to be horrid to my face.

Uni is something that I can't stomach anymore. I try to avoid being there at all costs:barf:. After all the horrible things that happened there......and the scary thing is, the other young women they try to choke alive might not hold out as long as I did....makes me angry. Being on campus actually makes me physically feel sick - I've being trained as well as Pavlov's dogs lol.

Also, me at uni somehow makes me more 'socially acceptable', at the same time I am pushed out of a lot of job opportunities.

~ElectricPink~

16-09-2010, 11:58

Yup. I constantly get told to read to my child and talk to him. Cause I so totally don't do that. Fine, you take him and see if his speech gets better with you - from my observations, other parents with 'normal speaking' kids put in FAR less therapy effort than I do.

:yes: Out of all the mums I know, I seem to be the one who reads to my child the most, and I've been reading to him since he was born. Books have always been part of the bed time ritual, and we'll read some during the day too when we have the time. Also, because he is so far behind, I make a conscious effort to always talk to him throughout the day, to encourage him to have conversations and say new words. We do fortnightly therapy, plus every night we work through the activites that the speechie gives us. I HATE when people assume that he can't talk very well because I'm not giving him enough stimulation :banghead:

I'm also sick of feeling like I have to explain to everyone WHY he is behind with his speech. Every time some stranger asks how old he is after hearing his attempts to talk, and I respond with "he's nearly 4", they always look aghast like they're thinking, shouldn't your child be able to speak properly by now. And maybe I'm just paranoid, but it always feel like they attribute it to me being a young mother.... so I always feel like I have to explain that he has had problems with his hearing etc to avoid judgements...

Rant over. Lol :o

1CrazyMoose

16-09-2010, 12:13

- you just have ur 2nd bub at 21 and people say "wow is she yours? You look so young" but then you just smile and say " yes and my 2.5 year old is at home with his father" their eyes either role back in their head or they appear shocked, then they say "same father?" you say "yes what are you otherwise referring to? If it makes u feel more comfortable with my situation we are married, got a house oh and he is 26, happy NOW??"

- go to hospital to have bub 2 and they treat you like u haven't a clue what ur doing, what to expect etc even though you already have a toddler (roll eyes lol)

Teley

16-09-2010, 12:16

- You are not allowed to ask older mothers whether her children are from the same father or what her marital status is. It is the height of rudeness.

danni3

16-09-2010, 12:18

This thread has given me a huge laugh I had DD at 18 and DS at 19 (both planned) but I looked about 15/16 and I have gotten so so many of these comments...

I think it was sleepless who mentioned going through that age where you suddenly get judged a bit less. We moved to a new town a year and a half back (I was 22sih) and we got the kids enrolled in kindy/activities etc, have no prior attatchments with anyone here and only a few weeks ago when all the mums were sitting around talking about age and I said I was 23 were people really surprised, but not in that horrible your an evil person way.

I am so disgusted by some of the comments you girls (and me in the past) have received, I remember I used to feel like everyone was watching me. I even had a mother walking along with her maybe 8yo daughter snatch her out of the path I was walking down, preggo with #2 and pushing along DD and the mother turned to her daughter saying 'see don't you ever end up like that living of the government and popping out babies for drug money :eek: '

I also had an incedent when I was 38 weeks preg with #2 had DD in her pram and hubby was on crutches with a badly busted ankle. We were exiting a shop and I only had one thing in the undercarriage and the older woman in front of us had a pram chokkas with goods. She was waved through and we were stopped by the door person. They made me get down on the floor and pull out the one thing I had. I got stuck down on the ground being super preggo and hubby couldn't balance properly to help me up. One of the most embarrasing and hurtful things we have had happen as young parents... We did put in a complaint to the store and did get an official apology.

My addition to the list is

- No matter how old you get you are still going to be too young to have children of 'that' age eg 'what you have a 18 year old...nooooo, but your so young' even as we get older we won't escape it ;)

Teley

16-09-2010, 12:26

Yeah I don't really 'get' that magic age tbh - we still have the same age difference between our children. How am I at 22 more acceptable than when I was 16? What's changed?

The Fox

16-09-2010, 12:36

Im so glad that I have been fortunate enough not to get these types of comments, I did once though from a couple of regulars that used to come in for coffee where i worked. When they worked out that i was pregnant they asked me if the dad is going to stay around? and i was like umm yes we just bought a house together before i was UTD and then they said oh thats so good that your Dad helped you out with a house and stuff...Ummmm really WTH
I think also because i am at uni, engaged and own our own home that people think that its suddenly okay that im a young mum because im not bludging of society or something :rolleyes:
I dont particularly like being at uni though, i think the people that are even more judgmental of young mums is other people my own age.
Oh and another thing, because you are young you must be poor and in need, i have had so many people give me things to help but we really dont need it, we are in a good position financially yet people assume we must be poor :confused:

Teley

16-09-2010, 12:39

I dont particularly like being at uni though, i think the people that are even more judgmental of young mums is other people my own age.
:confused:

YES I love you!!!! We need more people saying this, I feel sorry for any young mother that has to go to university! I used to really look forward to going to uni because I thought it would be an interesting atmosphere but all there is is advertising about getting trashed, parties and studying overseas, and girls wearing the latest fashion looking flawless. I hate uni now!

mimsie

16-09-2010, 12:53

-If you have more than one child, then they MUST be from different fathers, because a 17yo cannot hang onto a man. The father of the second baby is a SAINT.

I expect to see the exact same thing come up again now, with two older kids and a new one on the way at an 'acceptable' age - no doubt DH is NOT going to be the father of the first two and has SO KINDLY taken them on.

People have no qualms in calling us a 'statistical anomaly' just because we're happy and still together.

Speaking as someone who has 2 1/2 kids to the same man :) I got this one allllll the time, I was 17 when DS was born and 19 with DD (we got married in the middle, when I was 18)

danni3

16-09-2010, 13:11

the other one that used to frustrate me was if I took the kids out alone I would get a lot of 'poor you' and 'horrible you' comments but if Hubby took the bubs out on his own it was 'oh your such a fantastic boy stiking around and participating in your childrens life' :confused:

meatpopsicle

16-09-2010, 16:59

Holy wars, and I thought I copped a lot of comments for getting married young (I was 23, it wasn't even that young!!). I'm so sorry you've all had to deal with this crap. Clearly you're all strong enough to rise above it though :)

Re the comments you cop when your kids are mixed race - a friend of mine is Caucasian and her DH is a bunch of different Asian races; their daughter looks South American so they constantly get 'Oh, where did you adopt her from?' It drives them crazy.

Heavenly1

24-09-2010, 20:54

i love when im out with 3 or 4 kids and i have 6 ppl tell me "well you have your hands full" from the walkfrom the front door through to the shop i want

oh and esp the family telling you to stop and telling dh to get the snip or offering to do it themselves even though they never babysit, never lend us money and hardly ever visit

babybutler

23-10-2010, 23:30

I love this thread its great.

It perfectly normal for people who dont really know you to say when they find out your pregnant.

"oh i though you were going to wait"

or my fav
"remeber you cant drink any more alcohol".

i just thought gee im 30 weeks pregnant but yeah cos im young i must not know not to dink while pregnant.

Also when i told my very prude unty she asked me how i was doing i said ''good but i wished my belly was more round sometimes i catch people looking and wondering whether i pregnant or just fat'', and her lovely replie was "oh no dear there probly just wondering how young i am". i was like ooo i forgot its illegal to have a baby at 20 grrr:laughing:

Boobycino

24-10-2010, 09:58

Yeah I agree big bird the most harsh judgements seem to come from young people - like at a job interview there was a girl talking to the group of us waiting to be interviewed and she was gossiping about :eek: young mums and the dumbass I am quietly said 'i'm 22 and I have a toddler at home' and she looked at me and harshly said 'and how's that working out for you?'

'errm it's great' *hard stare with arched eyebrow* she shuddup and back tracked a bit

:rolleyes:

And even my charming best friend in shock horror when I told her we were ttc 'but you can't even handle the one you have!!'

Thanks for the vote of confidence!!!

Oh another thing I don't think young mums are allowed to do is like take an interest in the environment and use cloth nappies, breast feed for long periods if time, not use controlled crying.

Because these choices aren't being attributed to me for just being awesome :p I can only do these things because in young.

Gosh it must suck to have babies at 35 when your too old and frail to operate a washing machine....

(heavy sarcasm.... I have zero issue with 'older'/apparently appropriately aged mums ;) )

lexxexx

17-11-2010, 19:03

Nemmi - centrelink are just morons. After they made me' join a job agency at 39 weeks pregnant I have zero expectations of them to be rational or reasonable.

Just like getting kicked out of the family house is no grounds to get assistance to rent a house with your boyfriend of three years. (and after telling them I had just turned 17 they asked if I was pregnant and that was why I was kicked out. *sigh*)

MummyCharmzy

30-11-2010, 19:59

I love this thread...

Its almost all been covered now but some of them struck a chord with me more than others

Why do people feel they have the right to ask 'do they all have the same father' love being able to say 'no one of them has a different mother' it always surprises them especially as its not very often the father has residency of the child.

I also don't understand why people ask questions and then get so shocked at the answers.. you asked, deal with it! For example: Wow you have 5 already, do you want any more? Well yes we have been TTC for over a year now...

Liddy

30-11-2010, 20:13

11.?? You MUST formula feed from day 1, I remember having this view slightly before I was a young mum myself that young mum's didn't breastfeed because their boobs were seen for sexual objects. I have breastfed for 5 months in total with both my girls, which isn't heaps but I know some pretty confident young mothers who have managed to breastfeed long term and I think it should be the norm :)

12. You're neglectful if you go out with your friends once and a while if you're young mum, even though mum's in their 30's/40's do the same thing, you're just seen as more neglectful or a 'party animal' if you go out.

krystallxx

14-12-2010, 23:41

I love this thread .. Too funny! My fave assumption is that I have no idea when my child is sick or just having a bad day because I'm young and wouldn't know the difference between moody
And hayfever/teething/asthma/constipationpain etc
Etc

trishalishous

15-12-2010, 02:44

don't forget that if you ever happen to go out without the kids:
-you are neglecting them and dumping them with anyone
-you have a drinking problem, and should have partied before you had kids
-you (if single) are only out to try and trap another man

tinynosetinytoes

08-02-2011, 11:08

:iagree:I noticed this too. It makes me quite sad.

At 16 it was okay to publically abuse me.

Up until the age of 20, it was everybody's business what I did/where I went/how I felt, and they had the right to comment on it and degrade me.

Now that I am 22, I have noticed people just aren't in such shock. I think it was around 21/22 that I passed the magical threshold.
.

I'll be 22 in September yet haven't seemed to pass that 'magical threshold yet'.
I always get the "you look too young to have a toddler, how old are you" or "how do you cope with a toddler" etc

On the odd occasion, I've been known to say "I am young! I'm 21. How old are you?" :laughing:

TheSudgestionator

08-02-2011, 16:02

Im 24, am I too old to be considered a young mum? anywho heres my contribution.

When you've past that 12 week pregnancy mark and decide it's time to start telling people your pregnant, be prepared for atleast half of them to say "OH NO! *insert terrified look here* 12 WEEKS! I dont think you can get an abortion at 12 weeks what are you going to do?!?!?!"

Oreo

10-02-2011, 10:28

If you go to the hospital for a threatened miscarraige, expect the doctors to be unhelpful and not tell you anything, and for the 'You're a f*cking idiot' looks and when they tell you there's no baby in there, expect them to say very bluntly and uncaring "You're Child is Dead." and then to be told to leave the hospital.

HeldAtRansom

10-02-2011, 11:15

I hope you don't mind me jumping in here! I was a young mum 18 when #1 was born now having #3 I'll be 22 there is a big difference my pregnancy is congratulated not frowned upon I'm offered a seat on the train not left standing.

Rules - a child a day care was sent home sick clearly it's your baby who made the child sick because well your too young to know how to look after your child.

- you are not allowed to have a say on what school you'd like for your child because well the general population don't want their kids going to school with the child of an un wed teen mother.

- it is forbidden of you to question any advice given to you by any one. Pfft you got your self into this situation so everyone else knows better than you right?

Eta - I'm "one of those" mums with kids that have different dads so I've copped it bad in that regard.

HarvestMoon

10-02-2011, 11:33

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teley http://forum.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/images/styles/BubHub/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://forum.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?p=5132697#post5132697)
:iagree:I noticed this too. It makes me quite sad.

At 16 it was okay to publically abuse me.

Up until the age of 20, it was everybody's business what I did/where I went/how I felt, and they had the right to comment on it and degrade me.

Now that I am 22, I have noticed people just aren't in such shock. I think it was around 21/22 that I passed the magical threshold.
.

I'll be 22 in September yet haven't seemed to pass that 'magical threshold yet'.
I always get the "you look too young to have a toddler, how old are you" or "how do you cope with a toddler" etc

I'm 25 now and still haven't passed that threshold either. I still get the inappropriate questions you wouldn't dare ask a mother in her 30/40's, still get the judgemental glares, etc..

Parrmum

10-02-2011, 11:35

Wow I can't believe all the s$#! you girls have had to deal with! I'm 22 but am commonly mistaken for 16, however even so I mostly only get comments ("but aren't you still in school?) from work friends, who I then give my correct age to.
It's horrible that we have to deal with so much distain and condesension from the public at large, especially when there are so many young mothers.

Heres my contribution to the Rules:

- after having a child in your teens, you cannot possibly get married in your teens/early twenties as it still a socially unacceptable age to do this. If you do, you are only doing so to try to make your "situation" seem better and not because you are in love or commited, and your marriage with inevitably fail because of this.

- you are strange and unnatural if you actually want to have more children. After all, falling pregnant and having to raise the first kid was an accident, and you can't possibly enjoy it or love your child.

higgleandgoot

10-02-2011, 11:37

Argh, love this thread! I fell pregnant with ds when I was 18. I'm now 21 and expecting no2, and people still look at me as if I haven't learnt my lesson already.. Pfft.

- I was getting ds out of the car and putting him into his pram when the guy parked next to me commented "gee that baby bonus looks like it came in handy" whilst gesturing toward my car. I just shook my head. Yeah cause 5 grand in fortnightly insallments will buy you an 07 vw. Freekin' iiiidiot!

- this one I won't forget. I had a long painful labour with ds, that turned into an emergency c section. I told the doctor, that woman in my family all fail to progress. Didn't listen, spoke to me like I was a child. Then after 6 hours of not progressing past 6cms.. She takes me into theatre. The eppidural is topped up, and I say to her please stop as I can feel you cutting! She threw the knife down, and said she was "fed up with this girl".

Boobycino

10-02-2011, 12:27

Parrmum

11-02-2011, 13:14

That's so true parrmum. When I was pregnant a coworker was talking about her aspirations for the next 2 years, then said 'what do you think you'll be doing in 2 years' (as a genuine question of interest) and I said 'I don't know, hopefully pregnant again' ) she looked half way shocked half way sorry for me and said 'oh don't say that'

What I was saying was 'I'm starting my family now' what she hearing was 'ive given up on doing anything else'

Sleeplessbeauty, What an awful thing for her to say! I'm a nurse at an aged care home, and when I told one of my residents sons that I was pregnant (very excitedly, after 6 months of TTC) he said, "Oh God, again hey?" and gave me a look of deepest sympathy!

Mind you, I have to feel sorry for people like that...he is in his 50's, no wife or kids, and spends every second day at the home taking care of his mother...he will never have the family that you or I have :)

Teley

11-02-2011, 13:24

You know, reading this is really funny.

And also, sometimes I don't always admit, quite painful.

Orris Apjoko

11-02-2011, 14:32

In the feeding room yesterday there was an older mum bfing her dd as i bfing ds and she asked how old he was and i said 4 months and she was shocked and said her dd was 4 months, she was just 2days older then my ds. She joked that i wasnt feeding him enough, when i explained what happened and its not reccommending we have another, she said 'well atleast if you have another accident, you can state it has to be terminated for medical reasons' i replied with well actually he was planned. I got 'why would you do that? You want to get somewhere in life dont you?'

pradamummy

13-02-2011, 18:39

I planned my little angel when i was 17 and had her at 18 my dad and sister thought i was crazy and told me to wait and so did my bf at the tie now fiance's parents but after a while when they realized we were serious and actually going to try for a baby they accepted it I'm so sorry to hear that people reacted that way with all of you i got the random dirty looks and are you still with the man and the shocking look of how old are you? :O but nothing so extreme as what i have read and haha yes i get followed and shops while with my daughter and was asked to show my bag which i would normally offer anyways but the guy beat me to it and i honestly just said oh right cuz ima young mum that must mean i steal are you f***ing kidding me you think im actually gunna steal with my daughter with let alone without her just beaucause you see tons of trashy teens aroound doesnt mean im one of them and just walked out i was so angry cuz it wasn't like can we please check your bag maam it was sigh open your bag! but yeah im surprised people actually act like that as if they think they are invincible when it comes to us and were just gunna take it pfft that guy had no idea what had hit him haha

Boobycino

13-02-2011, 21:40

Sleeplessbeauty, What an awful thing for her to say! I'm a nurse at an aged care home, and when I told one of my residents sons that I was pregnant (very excitedly, after 6 months of TTC) he said, "Oh God, again hey?" and gave me a look of deepest sympathy!

Mind you, I have to feel sorry for people
like that...he is in his 50's, no wife or kids, and spends every second day at the home taking care of his mother...he will never have the family that you or I have :)

That is a bit sad. I'm such a mum/family person, if someone hasn't had children I do feel so sad for them. Though I know it's just not *for* some people as well. but I can't imagine not wanting a family, much less not ever having one. :(

I'm so greatful to have had Jasper young, it means that while I'm disapointed we didn't fall pregnant 20 months ago now, there's no pressure. Even if it takes about year or so, there is time. It's disappointing but there's no ticking clock.

Anyhow - back to whinging, I forgot there's SBSOLUTELY no positives to this terrible mistake ;)

:D