18 months or double the time?

[Jamily]

Hi everyone

I had my gorgeous daughter 11 weeks ago, but am already thinking of #2! I am not considering doing anything until next year (besides I don't have my period back yet!) but was just wondering what is the best gap?

Some people are saying keep babies close together so that you can "get a life back more quickly" (not entirely sure what that means as I don't think with kids you ever get your life back, but I can see the point I think!). Others say aim for a 3 - 4 year gap so you can spend more time with bub #1 and then more time on bub #2.

Does anyone have these kind of gaps and what do they think?

Thanks!

[~Chick79~]

Hi!

We are currently trying for no. 2 and DS is only 5 months old! We wanted our kids close together so they could grow up together and be playmates so to speak... my sister's two girls are only just 12months apart and they play great.

But in saying that it is going to be definitely harder having them close together (we haven't got our eyes closed) but this is our choice.

I am sure my sister will log on and tell you about her two girls!

[melfunction]

I had my first son 11 weeks ago too and we are already thinking of #2 as well. It is a big decision as to whether we would cope having our babies so close, but people have twins, triplets and even more babies in one go and I think it would be nice to have them close.

There is 3 years between me and my siblings and we aren't close at all. My husbands family had 3 under 3yrs and then 6 years gap between the last one. The oldest ones are very close, but the youngest is not really and got savagely picked on.

I think I've just answered my own question. Better go start trying......
Good luck :D

[mim]

My DS and DD are 18 months apart (not planned!) and personally I wouldn't do it again. I left a three year gap for the next one. I felt like I didn't get to enjoy DD as much because DS was still so little. Of course now they are the best of friends - most of the time anyway. They are really close and spend a lot of time playing together. I really don't think they missed out with the 18 month gap - but I feel like I did.
Remember this is just how I feel, if you feel you would be ready again, then go for it, you really get your reward when they are older. :)

[MoushiMoushi]

Our son's 14 months and Dh really wants us to start trying for no.2, I do too but cant imagine having two bubs under two :eek: .
Then again I do want my kids to be close in age so I'll have to decide soon, also I started collecting baby girls clothes since before we found out we were having our son so I will be devastated if I dont get the baby girl I sooo long for ( I know very selfish of me to think about baby's sex but very honest too :p )
We really, to be honest can only afford one more bub so it makes me sad to think that the next bub will be the last time I be preggas, b.feed, hold a little baby again etc etc etc. So I kind of want to put it off for as long as I can and enjoy our son while his still little......... I'm obviously v.confused LOL :p

[Melissa1983]

Hi
I have 12months and two weeks between my two (not planned) It is really hard work, but like ryansmummy said they play really well together, yes they have there fights but they are best friends already. I can't turn my back for a minute and they are both into something. But i wouldn't change it. I think at least we have our family out of the way, and we can start enjoying the family life. Both DH and i have decided not to have anymore, as i don't think i could manage.

Good luck with your decision!

[Mumof3Princesses]

Hi Clairet,

DD1 & DD2 are only 19 months apart. DD3 was born three weeks after DD2 turned 3. I can see the upside to both gaps.

DDs1 & 2 play together and have practically had each other all their lives. DD3 likes to play with them but also enjoys her own space (especially while they are at school.

As for me, I had three wonderful babies who just ate and slept. If I'd have had a screamer, I would have found it a LOT harder. It was a given that our first two would be close together.

I am enjoying my time with DD3 by herself. But I love that DD1 and DD2 had each other to grow up together. I make a special effort to give each of my girls some "Mummy and Me" time, (doing something like shopping, beading etc, without a sister there). We really treasure both the family and the one-on-one time together. I can only pray that the three of them remain the best of friends throughout their lives.

We are trying for #4 when it happens d I will start all over again!! :eek: Even though we have finished with the bottles, formula, toilet training etc, I can't wait to have another little bub join our family.

Good luck with what ever you decide. You will know what is best for your self and your family. :)

[jaydensmum]

Hi its jaydensmum. Jayden is 5 months old and were thinking of conceiving #2 in the next couple of months. I think the first 2 should be close so they can play and grow up together. It is personal choice and you'll know in your heart what to do.
I was just reading one of the replies to this thread and she'd mentioned trying for #4! Good on you! I always wanted a big family but the DH is not so keen. He has agreed on 3 but I'll keep trying to change his mind!
jaydensmum :)

[our little treasures]

We ahve 18mnths between our 2 and it is hard work. My ds is only 4wks old so it is all fresh to us. Our dd still wakes often thru the night and with ds it is hard to pick which do you go to. Although dh is great he usually gets dd as I bf.

The hospital stay got me dd was very confused and didn't want to come near me she loved the baby but hated mummy. This was due to the fact that we were always together.

However This is a short time the baby and her will get easier over the months and I do love the way she loves him. When they are in the car she has to hold his hand although she has learnt how to say eyes ears nose mouth etc and likes to poke his eyes and ears out.

The lack of sleep gets us but we try to give each other nap time with dd, so one of us goes to sleep with dd while she naps, hubby gives me time out in the morning when he gets up with dd and to get ready for work he takes the newborn and lets me have sanity time before the highs and lows of the day...

All that aside if your patient do it, my two already have a delightful bond and I can't wait to see them grow together.

[Supermum]

Hi there

I have 15 months between my two. The youngest is now 15½ months and eldest 2½. At first it was quite difficult because at 15 months our toddler didn't even know what a baby was so when his little sister came along he was a little confused. It was also hard for me to get into the swing of things but as said before in other threads ... you soon find your own rhythm, as do they. I have many photo's of Carter feeding on the left while I was reading to Ben on the right!

Personally, I think that whilst it is more difficult at first having them close together - you get the baby stuff over and done with fairly fast. My two are very close and I can see that relationship blossoming each and every day. They will only be a year apart at school as well.

Most of my friends are only now having their second so there's nearly 3 years between them and they are all saying that they had forgotten how hard it is to have a new bub.

Regardless, you cope because there is no choice but to cope! Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be. :)

[mumsy]

Hi there,

It's a difficult one because all bubs are different. My sister and I are 14 months apart and although we would play together in the early years, we were chalk and cheese and when we got to the ages of 10-15 we fought allot too! From ages 15+ we hardly spoke and now that we're much much older we have more in common. But if you have a boy and girl combo or boy -boy combo, there again there is another difference which I can only imagine.

mumsy

[Terrible2+1cutie]

I have 15 months between my kids who are now 2 years old and 9 months old and love every minute of it. It is a personal decision to have your kids close together, it is really hard work at times but the joy of watching your kids playing together is the best feeling in the world. The boys are the bestest frends. We are already talking about number 3 but won't be happening until my 9 month old is at least 1 and a half lol.

Catherine

[SMBT]

Hi ya,

My two littlies are 23 months apart. Not too bad a gap! :) My son shared in the pregnancy experience with a little understanding that he was getting a new baby and I would often ask him to take things into the babies room etc to help along the way.
The first few weeks were shocking with him, because he was really attention seeking and tried at various times to poke and prod our baby girl, :eek: but he got over it. Sometimes he stills tries it on, but she is very resilient to him annoying her.
Bailey is quite helpful most of the time and really loves getting things for Tyllee and now that Tyllee has become more interactive (4 months) he loves to make her laugh and have chats with her. :p
The only downfall to it all is that Bailey likes to get up really early and Tyllee likes to sleep in, therefore I have to be up early too and Tyllee's sleep patterns are all over the place because I have to take Bailey to his various extra curricular activities.
I don't know how I am going to cope with the whole crawling and starting to walk thing with Tyllee because chasing after Bailey is a full time job, but I think I will just cope with that like I have everything else.
I do know one thing....try and get your eldest out of nappies asap before having another baby, because double the bums, means double the price and time to change them.
Good luck with whatever you choose, Melissa. :)

[philippa.s]

Mine are 19mths apart. I planned it that way. I want to go again at same gap, (which means concieving tonight BTW), but that is right for me. I fact it is great for my kids too. But everyone is different & what we want & need is different. You & your husband know best what is right for you. 1st borns are the only ones that get time alone with mum & dad, does that mean that all subsiquent babies & multiple births are disadvantaged in some way. No of course not. how could they. Children have love to share too. Not just with you but with each other. This is not some thing that you should decide for your childs sake but for your own. What works for you & your husband?

Cheers ;)

[TDH]

I think you should make the choice based on what you and your partner are comfortable with. After all, your children will never know any different!

My brother and I are 3 years 4 months apart and we got on great as little kids but then fought a lot when we were teenagers. But I think this had a lot to do with us being very different temperaments and personalities. It's also hard to say how much our closeness is affected by the fact that we are not the same sex.

Some advantages to the bigger gap I can think of are that I really adored my brother when he was born and I was not jealous at all. I also had a protective instinct (maybe all older siblings do) and I enjoyed looking after him (though not sure how much he enjoyed it!). Plus I got lots of attention which I really enjoyed as a little girl and got to experience a lot of time with my grandparents and relatives.

I am a few weeks from having my first and so haven't really thought how close I would like to have a second. However I can really see the benefits of having a bigger gap and I think I will tend to go that way, unless something happens to change my mind.

Anyway good luck with the decision.