Not sure what to do re: DD's surname/s

[RmumR]

Ok so i have a DD who is 3. Her dad is my X husband.
I have a DF who i am marrying in 3weeks and we have our own DD due in november.

Currently DD(3) has a hyphernated surname
My surname(9letters)-xh's surname(7 letters)

I had decided that i would hyphernate my surname when i marry DF so that i still have a name in common with DD which is important to me and i would also have a name in common with new DD.
It would make my name very long
My surname(9letters) + DF's surname (11 letters)
I was going to leave DD's surname as it was as didn't think X would consider changing it so i never even brought it up.

Today X called and in conversation asked what i planned to do with DD's surname when i get married. I said nothing cause i didn't think you would let me. He said that i should have a think about it and get back to him as he is open to changing it if its what i want.

So that blew me away as he isn't usually agreeable and i especially thought this wouldn't even be a conversation we'd have.

So issue for me is that when we separated i added my surname to DD's when i went back to my maiden name - hence her hyphernated name.
She is only 3 and if i change her name again she would have had her surname changed 3 times!
I can see the positives really easily. I can take on DF's name without hyphernating mine. DD and her new sister will have a surname the same and would kind of cement our little family. It all sounds very appealing to me.

But i don't want to decide either way without thinking it through properly. So please help me think it thru - what would you do?

Oh and DD is too young to know what a surname is at that moment. I asked her yesterday what her surname was and she said her name was 'Chelsea' i asked what her last name was and she said her name was 'Chelsea Mummy'!

[LizzardLover]

Perhaps you could give her your ex's surname as a second middle name?? That way she still has "part of him" so to speak but will feel like she fits better with your family and her new sister if you give her your new husbands last name.

[RmumR]

Unfortunantly as nice as X is being considerng letting me change her name at all i don't think he would agree to have his surname as a middle name.

I think the only choices i have are leave it as it is : mysurname-hissurname
or change it to : hissurname-new surname

[waterlily]

If it's going to be one or the other and that's that. I'd go for: his name-new name

[Benji]

Goodness it's all so confusing. I just left my DS' surname as his bio dad's surname and will probably keep mine forever so I'll be the only one left out lol.

What if you just take on DF's surname and give Chels his last name + exH, that way you have a name in common and you're not extending surnames forever. And new DD can just be you and DF's surname?

[TripleTime]

What if you just take on DF's surname and give Chels his last name + exH, that way you have a name in common and you're not extending surnames forever. And new DD can just be you and DF's surname?


Thats what i was thinking, so would be married name - XH's surname.

[RmumR]

Benji and Tripletime - sorry musn't have explained properly cause yep it does get confusing.
yeah what we are proposing is to change her surname to XHsurname+new surname (cause it sounds better that way around)
So that way i can just change my name to new DH's and new bub will have that name.
We'll all have the same name excetp DD's will just have a little extra on the start of her surname.

[TripleTime]

So it would be Xh's name - DF's name? Am i right?

I had DF's name - Xh's name is my head.

[RmumR]

Yeah thats right. It could be either way and still have the same effect but the names flow better when you say them the first way around.

Of course if XH agrees to change and wants his last then i will be happy to do that also - don't want to look a gift-horse in the mouth as it may never come around again

[TripleTime]

Fair call. Dont pass it up if his offered.

[RmumR]

Yeah i am pretty sure i will take up the offer, told XH we'll talk about it monday to give us both the weekend to think it over - i'm a teensy bit worried he may take back his offer so trying not to get too excited about it yet.

[WasntMeMum]

I am going to go against the grain here and say I would leave it as it is. Maybe I am just too much of a traditionalist but I am against children taking on the new partner's surname unless they CHOOSE to themselves when they are older. They are not a child of that partner, they are a child of you and their father.

[MummyDaddy]

WOW! So happy for you ... this is just so exciting!

My DP and I have talked about what to do when we marry and we have decided that all three of us will have a hyphenated version of both our names which is really exciting. We'll take one of my mothers names (middle or maiden) and his last name.

I still have my exhusbands last name and so does my DD but DD has my last name on her birth certificate so I can basically change her name to whatever I want.

We were thinking we'll also probably officially make DD legally his at some point in the future as well.

As my DD has never had contact with her FOB and never will I think we are quite fortunate to be in a situation where my DP wants to be a family and a father to her which he already has become.

[RmumR]

Thanks MummyDaddy it is very exciting and i can't believe its actually working out this way as i wan't even game to bring it up.

So update - spoke to X yesterday when i collected DD and he said i am fine to go ahead with getting DD's name changed and if i do the paperwork he will sign it next weekend and i can get it lodged.
We are now hoping to get it all done in time before our wedding and will introduce DD to the wedding reception with her new name! so excited.
DF is saying a special promise to her in our wedding ceremony and presenting her with a little necklace to symbolise the occasion.
I am now beyond excited that this is all falling into place. can't wait to be married to this wonderful man and have our new DD and we'll be a perfect family of 4.

Also goes to show my being polite and nice to XH though everything that has happened the last few years has paid off. Some people questioned along the way why i was always polite to him still and i always said because i was above all the rest of it and would not waste my energy being mean. Now i feel like him agreeing and suggesting DD's name change is my reward.

DF is over the moon and after i told him it would happen yesterday within 20mins he has already excitedly called 4 friends and his parents.lol