How to decide to have another when your first has high needs

[coreysmummy]

hi everyone
We would love another child in the future but am really unsure as our first has a high needs and am unsure if we have another whether they would also get what my ds has or whether my ds will take up so much of our time and we wouldn't want the other child to feel so left out iykwim.
So i am wondering what other mothers and fathers out there have done did you just have the one child or decide to have another.
any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

[jenpeterock]

Hi there,
im currently pregnant with our second bub, our first Evie was born with multiple congenital birth defects of her heart, brain and left side of her face. at the moment she is relatively stable, growing and developing at a steady rate, however her future is quiet uncertain, due to the fact she could have a stroke or bleed in her brain at anytime, or she go back in congestive heart failure and require more surgery.

we decided to have another child so close to her (15months) so that she would have someone to grow up with, and to have someone who is part of her, and to help her feel normal.

it was/is quiet hard because all of her conditions besides her heart problems cannot be picked up during antenatal scans or an amniocentisis. but the docs are quiet confident that this new bub is perfectly healthy.

goodluck and if u want to chat im happy to :)

Jen

[Bel1978]

I only have 12 months between mine so we never knew either would have problems one of them is diagnosed with Autism and the other Pdd-nos...

Never put off having another because of the 1st child if u put it the other way around what if nothing is wrong with the first but the 2nd has problems same thing!!

Saying that I would never have a third I don't have time with all the therapy appointments

[myhusbandswife]

I dont know what the needs are with you little one OP but my DD has a severe hearing impairment. We are always so busy with lots of appointments with hearing aids and early learning programs and all that goes with having a SN child.

We decided not to let that get in the way of us always wanting to have our children close together. Im now pregnant with number 2 and we will have a 16 month age gap. There is a good chance this baby will be hearing impaired too. So really what the difference between doing it for one or two.

I think if you really want another child you can make it work. I cant tell you how hard or easy it is but parents of SN kids are tough cookies and can handle a lot!

[mumstheword4]

while i personally dont have children with any problems but one of my friends has an older son who has sever problems due to a sesuire he had when he was first bron. She has also got a younger son with only 3 years apart. Hr oldest has mental problems and can't talk and needs constant supervision so much so that she had a video monitor in his room for when he sleeps. He is now about 9 but only about 2 developmentally and her youngest is turning 6.
She didn't let the problems stop her from having her second and she doesn't regret it for a second.
Hope this helps you make your decision.

[Nowhere]

Hey

Its a hard decision to make isnt it, My DD is 4 and has high needs, She is tube fed into her bowel and TPN ( iv food ) dependant, seizure disorder, growht hormone deficiancy, servere hypoglycememia etc etc

At this stage I am saying no to any more babbies as DD stil spends far to much time in hospital when she is there I like to stay with her I dont like leaving her by her self If I had another baby at home I wouldnt be able to do that KWIM.

If I had another child like DD i dont think I would be able to deal with them both, I wouldnt be able to put the time in with another that I have with DD. If I have a main stream baby Yes things would be easier but I feel at this stage they would miss out on the attention that any baby deserves


I would love to have another child but at this stage Its not fesable for me.


I gues you have to weigh up how much time you would have for the new baby and the one you have already and go from there only you would be able to make that choice

If you dont mind me asking what high needs has your bub got and would another child be effected