HELP! we have to terminate a twin :(

[CharlieSuki]

Hi ladies....... really need some positive thought right now.

We went for our 19wk scan today and the smaller of our twins has spina bifida and lots of fluid on the brain.

The humane thing to do is let him/her go and be an angel but this will be at some risk to the other twin (small risk I think they said) and i will have to still carry it up until delivery day..... this is going to be so hard!!

My husband as I are devastated and are so so sad...... we've been in absolute tears on the phone telling family how the scan went.

We were so thrilled we were having twins, we conceived via IVF and that was a hard road but this news has shocked us and all my family are overseas (his are here thank god).

We're got squeezed in to a booking for tomorrow so another hospital in Sydney can do a scan and start planning the process, cause there's only 1 week or so window they can do it.
They will inject potassium into the heart to stop it beating and that will be it until delivery day :(
......... then a whole other roller coaster.

I'm scared, shocked and saddened..... has anyone else been through this or known anyone who has?

I need some friendly words. :crying:

[summastarlet]

I haven't experienced this but I couldn't read without sending you some :hugs:

I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. My thoughts are with you and your husband during this time.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Myztiks#1Fan]

:hugs: i have never been through it either.

[Georgias Mummy]

OMG that is so sad and going to be so hard. Good Luck !!!

[1CrazyMoose]

Oh I am so sorry to hear, I am feeling very sad for you! I too have not been through this, but I wish you and your husband all the best in this very hard time.

[Izy]

I was facing the same prospect. For me it was terminate one to save the other. It's such a hard thing to try and process!

Sadly we lost both babies during a scan quite early on, so I can't give you an inspirational story, but I can offer you a whole heap of :hugs:

You are an amazingly strong woman to be dealing with this. Good luck, and don't let anyone force you into it if you're not ready. Perhaps you could speak with someone? A Counsellor or psychologist?

Can your specialist put you in contact with someone?

[danni3]

Couldn't read without sending you some :hugs:.

My thoughts are with you and your family :hugs:

[catch 22]

also you dont need to terminate. A disability is not a bad thing. :hugs:

[brogeybear]

Gosh! I was going to say the same thing as Izy, even if there is only a small window of time I hope they are providing you with counselling, etc. as this is a HUGE thing to go through and they shouldn't use the "1 week" as something to make you make decisions under pressure, etc. I hope that they are providing you will all of your options, and I hope that you can still have both babies alive and "well".

Huge hugs, my thoughts are with you.

[Izy]

are they concerned that carrying your other bubba might risk the first one?

[BigRedV]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

I know what it's like to be in your situation :(

Don't let them rush you, you can terminate after 20 weeks, but you will have to sit before a panel who will basically decide if you are allowed to or not, which could be why they seem to be pressuring you into making a decision.

[Little-Pink-Hen]

I couldn't read with out giving you :hugs: :hugs: I'm soo sorry for you and your dh

[Everyday]

Thinking of you :hugs: i am sorry I have no advice but just wanted to give some :hugs:

[headoverfeet]

I don't have any advice to add, just some love :hugs:

[sheep]

I am so so sorry :hugs:

[Baldie's Mum]

sending you some massive hugs! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[c38]

I have never been in your situation but wanted to send you some:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[ComeBackKid]

How heartbreaking. What a terrible decision you have to make.

Wishing you and your babies the very best.

*hugs*

[earthfairy]

:( Im so sorry you are having to go through this


:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Annabella]

Do you have to terminate? If it's not risky for the other twin could you continue the pregnancy as it is and let nature take it's course?

[CharlieSuki]

Thanks for all the love and hugs...... I know there's plenty of love that goes round on here :yes:

They're not pressuring us...... we actually both decided it was the right thing to do (for us) before they even finished telling us the whole scenario.

We don't want to bring a person into this world (if we can help it) who would have the quality of life they described. It's a pretty severe case.

I know other people think differently etc - each to their own. I respect all peoples personal choices.

It sounded like the healthy twin should be OK with the other one there..... but we'll find out more at tomorrows appointment.

It's just so hard cause it's meant to be such a happy time and you never think it's gonna happen to you..... and when delivery day comes it's gonna be the happiest yet saddest day of our lives...... can't really wrap my head around that yet.

I'm also a twin so it really has affected me, cause I know what that special bond is all about and really enjoyed envisioning that for them. Sadly I guess the universe has other plans.

I know there's heaps of other people out there this has happened to, was hoping for some insight into what we can expect etc. This is our first pregnancy and I am so GREEN on the subject, I know nothing about hospitals, babies, motherhood or anything...... I just play it one step at a time and listen to the advice of others.

I'll let you caring ladies know tomorrow what happens at this next appmt. I hope there's no more complications :(

[2girls&1angelboy]

Im sorry to hear that this has happened, you do sound strong, do what you think is best for you and your partner, ive never been through what you are going through so cant really offer much advice,

Want to send you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Take care :hugs:

[BigRedV]

Like I said, I've been in this situation. I fell pregnant naturally with twins and was referred to Royal Hospital for Women as it was very high risk. At 18 weeks ultrasound, it was discovered that both twins had a long list of problems. My partner and I dcided to terminate. One of the saddest moments of our lives and one we never even dreamed would happen to us. But my situation was slightly different, so don't really know what to tell you about what to expect. Will you deliver now or when the other twin is born?

[hunnybunny]

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. What an awful situation, wishing you much strength for the days ahead :hugs:

[CharlieSuki]

Like I said, I've been in this situation. I fell pregnant naturally with twins and was referred to Royal Hospital for Women as it was very high risk. At 18 weeks ultrasound, it was discovered that both twins had a long list of problems. My partner and I dcided to terminate. One of the saddest moments of our lives and one we never even dreamed would happen to us. But my situation was slightly different, so don't really know what to tell you about what to expect. Will you deliver now or when the other twin is born?

Lozzaaa, I think she said today we would deliver when the other twin is born...... sorry it's all a bit of a haze.
They're not identical so I think that's a better situation than if they were sharing..... cause they'd have to clamp umbilical cord etc...... it sounded like an injection into the heart, then wait till delivery date.

I'm going to same hospital too... so sorry to hear your story.... it's a nightmare situation isn't it?
lots of love back to you..... :hugs:

[Purplebird]

:hugs: I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Sending lots of strength and positive thoughts your way :hugs:

[Sheer Bliss]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[BigRedV]

It is just a terrible scenario, I would never wish it on anyone.

If they terminate one twin now and wait till you deliver the other one, then the only thing I can tell you is that the twin that was terminated will be tiny compared to the other one.

I terminated at 19 weeks and could fit my babies in my hand. Their hands and feet were the size of a 5c coin.

[MummaFug]

:hugs: I am sorry you are in this situatiuon. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[gizmoduckus]

:( Oh hun, I am so sorry that you all have to go through this.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Pinkzy]

:( I am so sorry, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Wishing you tons of love, strength and hugs :hugs: You sound like an amazing and brave woman.

[CharlieSuki]

It is just a terrible scenario, I would never wish it on anyone.

If they terminate one twin now and wait till you deliver the other one, then the only thing I can tell you is that the twin that was terminated will be tiny compared to the other one.

I terminated at 19 weeks and could fit my babies in my hand. Their hands and feet were the size of a 5c coin.

Lozzaaa, you sound like a very brave woman - thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I didn't sleep very well last night and have been up since 4:15.
3pm (my appmt time) seems so far away, I wish it was a morning appointment.

May I ask you though what you did with your girls afterwards...... did you have a funeral for them or something similar?
I have so many questions running through my mind - as I'm sure you did too.

will get back on tonight and let you know how it went and what they said to us etc.

[elleandsam]

I'm so sorry you're going through this :hugs: I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. :hugs:

[TurnedBatty]

:hugs: I am so sorry

[Entropy]

I can't even imagine how hard this would be for you, but sending you lots of strength for your appointment today and in the coming weeks...

[waterlily]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Good luck today.

[SimplyMum]

:hugs: Sending all my love. :hugs:

[BigRedV]

Lozzaaa, you sound like a very brave woman - thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I didn't sleep very well last night and have been up since 4:15.
3pm (my appmt time) seems so far away, I wish it was a morning appointment.

May I ask you though what you did with your girls afterwards...... did you have a funeral for them or something similar?
I have so many questions running through my mind - as I'm sure you did too.

will get back on tonight and let you know how it went and what they said to us etc.

How did you go?

We had our twins cremated. They told us we could have a funeral, or take them and bury them in our yard or have them cremated. We would have liked to bury them in our yard, but we chose to cremate because we had our house on the market to sell as we only had a 2 bedroom house and we already had a daughter so needed to upgrade to a bigger house.

[CharlieSuki]

I'm gonna keep it short cause I'm typing and crying at the same time.

randwick hosp confirmed everything st george said to us y'day.

they also told us it was a little boy (bless him). we're going back on thurs to see a councillor then at 3pm the procedure to send him back to the angels.
they have separate placentas and sacs which poses about a 5-10% risk to the other one (a little girl apparently).

please pray for her..... we are in such a sad and lonely place at the moment :(

[BigRedV]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

You are in good hands at St George. Their counselling service is fantastic. That's where I delivered my twins, it's my local hospital. They were so good. They made up memory box of the twins. They dressed them and took photos, took hands and foot prints, put them in an album and gave us teddy bears and the clothes they were wearing, plus the blankets they wrapped them in.

Sending some baby dust to your baby girl :babydust2:

[Purplebird]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: lots of strength to your baby girl

[mummythreetimes]

My thoughts are with you and your family, its not easy what you are facing right now but you need to think off your other baby growing inside you aswell. I have twins born at 29wks but we lost their triplet at 16wks and it was very hard as we didnt know what was going to happen with our other two babies. All i can say say is you are the one who knows best. All the best with the days/weeks/months ahead xxxxxx

[gizmoduckus]

All my thoughts and prayers are with you.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[2girls&1angelboy]

Lots of love and prayers for you and your family, take the time you need to grieve do whats best for you.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[CheekyMonkey1]

My thoughts are with you at this very hard time. Your little man will be an angel watching over your little girl and guiding her through life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.:hugs:

[MyFourCubs]

I know what it is like to have bad news at a scan that is supposed to be such a happy one.:( I am absolutley devestated for you, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't have much advice I'm sorry but there are many ladies who do on this forum- please use them and all of us for the support and love that you will need to get through this. This is so heartbreaking and will bring forth a grief that you likely never knew existed. I am praying for your little girl that she stays strong and healthy- she is a special little girl, a blessing and hold on to that as you move through the next few months.

Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this.:crying::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[CharlieSuki]

Thanks ladies.

Early night for me tonight. so very tired from being up since 4am and having had an emotionally draining day.

I will definitely post again Thurs night and let you know how it went.

You all amaze me how caring you are and all the love and support you're sending out into the universe for us is being felt and it means so much to us..... thank you!!

[raisingthree]

Hi,

I have a friend who wasn't having twins but had a baby with severe spinabifita (spelling???) and their baby had fluid on the brain also.

Initially, my friend thought - o.k. I will have a child in a wheel chair, I'm o.k. with that but the Dr said that it was so severe that as soon as the baby was born (if alive) it would have to have an operation to relieve the fluid by having shunts put into its skull, then the child would be in a wheel chair, tube fed, severly disabled, not able to communicate and the child's life expectancy would be short.

I am assuming that it is the same severity being that there is a large amount of fluid on the brain and I am so sorry you have to make such a horrible, heart wrenching decision.

My friend went through the birth at 19 weeks and grieved for her baby, the baby was born with obvious defects and she took some photos to remember him by.

She has since had 3 children and is injected with folic acid before each pregnancy now.

You make the decision that is right for you and your hubby - do not let anyone critisise or judge your choice. This is heartwrenching for you I am sure as it was for my friend who has now 100% accepted that she made the right decision.

[3lilcutipies]

What an awful situation to be in, and what a gut wrenching but brave decision you have made. Thinking of you and your little ones :hugs:

[becca022]

I couldn't read this without responding. I really feel for you & wish you all the strength at this very emotional time.
My ds was born 5 years ago with Spina Bifida, thankfully his isn't as severe as your little mans is. But I still remember how emotional I was at the time.
I hope that your little girl comes out of it ok & you & your husband all the strength during this time.

[jaesmummy]

Just wanted to send :hugs: :hugs: and really good vibes for your baby girl. Also love to your baby boy soon to have his angels wings. :hugs: :hugs:

[CharlieSuki]

It's done :(

We got to the hospital at 1:30 and talked to the councillors for a while, they were both so lovely.... so glad we got to talk with them.

Then after a while we went into the room and got prep'd up etc. They had another look to check all was as it was on Tues and two doctors suited up and while one held the ultrasound equipment the other did all the neddlework.

It was more painful than I expected but there was a midwife consultant in there to help me breathe through it, cause you can't move much. She was stepping me through what they were doing etc as I wasn't looking. I really appreciated that...... it was really helpful. My husband was holding my hand and we just breathed through it together.

After apparently not long (felt long to me) it was done and I got taken to some private space so hubby and I could be alone for a while and I could rest. The after pain was quite crampy as my uterus was contracting etc and the pain radiated through my back but it faded after a while and I got given pain relief too. They said the pain would fade by the next night.

So here I am..... in bed with my two fur babies taking it easy. The next week is the danger period for preterm labour and any preterm labour within the next month would be considered a complication from the procedure so will be taking it easy for a while.

The other baby handled it great..... a real trooper, so hopefully I can carry her till the end and have one healthy baby to hold in our arms..

Thanks for your kind words, they gave me strength and we really needed that at a time like this.....

lots of hugs and kisses back at you :hugs: :kiss:

[Just Add Water]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[danielle13]

:( I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to one of your precious babies

:hugs::hugs:

RIP little bubba :angel:

[Izy]

rip peace lil bubba until it's time for you to bless you're mummy again. You were just to anxious to come with your big sister weren't you!

I think you're an amazing woman, you're going to ride the tempest of emotions coming, and come out stronger (and yet softer too) than you ever thought possible :hugs:

[CharlieSuki]

Yea..... he's an angel now. He will come back to Planet Earth when the time is right.

Now was not the right time.

[waterlily]

Aw RIP angle baby. :hugs:
What was his name?

[gizmoduckus]

Hugs just don't seem enough right now but I want to send you some anyway.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[KatiesMum]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::h ugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[hunnybunny]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. :hugs:

Rest peacefully little bubba.

[My Beloved Ones]

My heart is breaking for you hun. He will always be your bubba and you will always be his mumma :hugs: Take care of your sister little man, make sure she stays safe.

[CheekyMonkey1]

May he fly free with the angels that were too beautiful for this world and may he watch over you, your partner and his little sister forever.

My thoughts and prayers are with you to give you strength.:hugs:

[3boysnpregnant]

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

Have you picked a name for him?

Rest up so hopefully you can get to full term with your little
Girl!

[mumbron]

:hugs:

RIP little man gone but not forgotton:angel:

And stay strong for your little girl :cloud9:

[mummaof4]

rest in peace lil man xx

[CharlieSuki]

We hadn't picked a name for him yet. We will think about it and name them both after they're delivered..... hopefully sometime in January and not sooner.

The two names I kinda had in mind though were Jordan or Adam.

He'll always be my little man..... we will never forget him and I know he will forever watch over us and protect us, especially his sister..... we miss him so much already :(

[oconky]

So sorry for your loss I am sure he will be the best guardian angel for his sister.

[Silver_Lining]

RIP little man :angel:

A millions hugs to you and your DH :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs::hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[oscarsmummy]

So sorry I didn't see this thread earlier - you've been through so much and I just wanted to send you lots of hugs. :hugs:

RIP to your little angel. Your little girl will be in my thoughts and I hope and pray that she hangs in there with her guardian angel by her side until January.

[TrulyBlessed]

I couldn't read & not post a reply.

Saying goodbye when it should be hello is the hardest thing you will have to do.

But know you are not alone.

I volunteer for a group called the Teddy Love Club (http://www.teddyloveclub.org.au/)

They offer counselling & memorial ideas so if you need someone to talk to professionally they are on hand as well

[Cicho]

I couldn't read & not post a reply.

Saying goodbye when it should be hello is the hardest thing you will have to do.

But know you are not alone.

I volunteer for a group called the Teddy Love Club (http://www.teddyloveclub.org.au/)

They offer counselling & memorial ideas so if you need someone to talk to professionally they are on hand as well


I just watched that link for Teddy Love Club :crying:

[EquineMum]

I have just read back through this whole thread and am now having serious trouble trying to swallow my morning coffee due to the lump in my throat....not to mention the tears streaming down my cheeks.

I am currently nearly 32wks pregnant with our second bub and not a day goes by that I don't count my blessings that all is well -but my god does it ever hit home when I read things like this :crying:.

You are an amazing, inspirational lady....and I am so, so incredibly sorry that you had to make the choice you did. I hope against hope that your beautiful baby girl draws strength from your love for her and that the rest of your pregnancy is smooth and trouble free.

I wish you peace and comfort, and of course, strength for the months ahead - especially the birth. :hugs:

Rest in peace, Little Man.....there are many here who are grieving for you. :angel:

[CharlieSuki]

We went for our first scan after the procedure today and had our first look at him.
I must say it was quite sad looking at our little man on the screen all curled up with no heartbeat. He had the most perfect little profile, you could make out all the parts quite clearly.

The doctor and my hubby we talking to each other about him and when the Doc turned and saw my face he quickly moved onto our girl and said she had a really good heartbeat (160) and was moving around a lot which was good.

We're going back to St George Private in 2 weeks for a more detailed looked and check up, which I will be looking forward too. I know I'm not gonna stop worrying about her now until she comes out and I can hold her.

It touches me so much to read how this experience has affected you all - it is a very emotional thing to have to go through and knowing that you share and appreciate what we are going through means so much to me.

I'm SURE that all the good wishes and love and hugs you're sending out into the ether for us will have a positive effect on our little girl and we THANK YOU SO MUCH for thinking of us ...... bless you all who have replied, and those who have read the tread and thought about us xxxxx :valentine:

[heatherm]

i have only just come accross this thread.

just wanted to send my love and thoughts your way.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

heather

[MummyHas3boys]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Im so sorry for the loss of your little boy, Im sure he will be watching over his sister.
RIP little angel :angel:

[Myztik]

What a hard thing for you all to have to go through. I'm so sorry for the loss of your little man :hugs:

[FunKy~Mummy]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and our husband and family!!!
At 20 weeks My little girl had cysts on the back of her neck. They said that sometimes it happens and either at 24 weeks they would be gone or we would need further testing to see what disability she would have. We were blessed that at 24 weeks her little scan came back clear.

I admire your strength and decision and I admire your little girls fight and determination.

[little_froglette]

good luck with everything- i dont know what else to say.

[kayla Lilyz mum]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your little boy hun, many hugs to u and your family:hugs::hugs:

[CharlieSuki]

It's been a while since I've checked in..... We are now 25 weeks and had a quick scan today at the OB appointment.

He said all looks well with her, so doesn't need to see us for another month :)

I'm just busting for January to get here though.... I really wanna see her in the flesh and meet her.

:wave:

[BigRedV]

Great news :hugs:

[CharlieSuki]

Well ....... our gorgeous baby girl arrived via c-section on the 7th Jan. We named her Aurora. She is perfectly healthy and so far is a very placid and content little baby.

Thanks to all who followed our journey - dramas and all. Looking forward to a GREAT 2011 with lots of love, light and laughter :)

[Boobycino]

:hugs: wow I just read the whole thread :hugs:

Aurora is a gorgeous name :hugs: congratulations :hugs:

[shockinamillion]

Congratulations!:goodvibes:

[~CupCakes~]

congratulations and big :hugs::hugs:

:goodvibes: enjoy your beautiful girl Aurora ( its a stunning name ) :goodvibes:

[Myztik]

Congrats and Welcome to little Aurora :cloud9:

[share a book]

Congratulations, and thank you for sharing that with us.

[mmaf]

Congratulations :hugs:
I hope this isnt insensitive, but i could read through the thread and not ask... what did you name your son?

[fluffyboo]

I've only just read your story, it's touched my heart like you wouldn't believe.

Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl and prayers for your little angel man


Sent from my iPad using Bub Hub

[Rachael]

I only just saw your thread and my heart goes out to you. I am glad all went well with your little Aurora, what a gorgeous name.

Best wishes for the future

[Entropy]

I've been following your journey and I just wanted to say Congratulations on the safe arrival of Aurora. :goodvibes: Beautiful name as well.

Prayers for your little boy as well :hugs:

[MyFourCubs]

What wonderful news!:cheerleader1: Welcome little Aurora!!!!!!!!!!:cloud9:

[waterlily]

That's wonderful news. What a beautiful name.

[Hokey Pokey]

Congratulations on the safe birth of Aurora and my prayers go to you for the loss of her brother and your son xx

[KatiesMum]

Congratulations.

:flowerz::flowerz::flowerz::flowerz::flowerz::flow erz::flowerz::flowerz::flowerz::flowerz::flowerz:: flowerz::flowerz:

[MummaFug]

Congrats on the arrival of Aurora :cheerleader1:

[FunKy~Mummy]

Congratulations on the arrival of your little girl, I have been following your thread the whole way and I wish you and your family a very happy and healthy life and big kisses to your angel baby xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox

[CharlieSuki]

Update:

Little Miss Aurora is almost 11mths now and has had her first overseas holiday and about to start swimming lessons. She is a very loving little poppet who loves to kiss people, wave goodbye (all the time) and will probably be walking VERY soon.

Can some kind person tell me how to attach a photo? I'd love to post a pic of her for all you caring and thoughtful ladies who showed us such kindness through such a difficult pregnancy.

K.

[oscarsmummy]

Our girls are only one day apart ;)

Albums and Pictures (copied from FAQ) http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/faq.php?faq=vb3_user_profile#faq_vb3_albums

"How do I use albums?

As a member, you can create Albums of images that are linked to your public profile. Albums can be created by visiting the User Control Panel, and clicking on the 'Pictures & Albums' link, and then clicking on 'Add Album'.

Each album can have a title ('Joe's Holiday to Nepal'), a description ('A bunch of photos from my recent adventure') and can be of three different types: Public, Private or Profile.

Public albums can be viewed by anyone
Private albums can only be viewed by site staff (moderators, administrators) and your Friends and Contacts (info)
Profile albums are viewable only by you. However, you can use the images to customize your public profile (info)

How do I upload pictures?

Once you've created an album you can upload images to it. Simply view the album and click on 'Upload Pictures'.

You'll have the option to give each picture a caption, and to set one image as the Album cover, which will be displayed on the public profile. To delete an album or edit the title, description or album type, click on 'Edit Album'. To delete an image, or to edit a caption or change the album cover, click on 'Edit Pictures'.

All members who have access to your album images can comment on them, in a similar way to Visitor Messages (more info). You can delete any image comments from your albums, and report inappropriate messages to moderators.

When you have uploaded a picture, you can place it in your posts by using the BB code text that is displayed below the image when you view it at full size."