Other peoples reactions

[jade21887]

I just need to get my feelings out. I had a horrible experience with a c section a year ago, Im now pregnant with bub #2 and Im planning a VBAC. Everyone that I have told about this, think that Im so lucky to have had a c section, because they are so much 'easier' that a vaginal birth.

I honestly feel that I was let down with my last birth. I was induced at only 3 days overdue. After 12 hours of horrendous labour, contractions started about 2 mins apart lasting 60-90 seconds each. I ended up going for a epidural which I feel led to my c section. I went into shock, and I dont remember anything about the birth, memory starts about 12 hours after Sophie was born.

I feel that I need this vaginal birth, my status as a woman has been taken away by me failing to deliver my daughter how we were made to. My confidence has been shot. I need to get this part of my life back!

I just hate that my feelings etc, get dismissed because I had 'the easy birth'. Would love to see any of my mates go through what I went through and still have the same views.

[BJelly]

Oh boy, your friends really have no idea do they? I didn't have a C/S, but I can totally get how horrible it would be to labour so hard for so long and then be whisked away for a C/S - it would be very stressful and scarey - I know it would have freaked me out. And to not have any memory of the first 12 hours of your DD's life would be difficult to deal with - it is a special time to see and hold the little one you've been waiting so long to meet - plus, you just made one of life's major transitions into motherhood. - it's perfectly understandable that you feel cheated.

I wish you all the best for your next birth.

[borntobemummy]

i feel exactly the same way, although I do remember my birth (or surgical extraction) it was a terrible experience, after 25 hours of hard labour (with the syncotcin at 4 times the normal level!! and then the sterility of the operating room and being separated from my DD for hours afterwards. I feel like I was ripped off and didn't get to experience giving birth properly. I am really hoping to have VBACS for all my future pregnancies. My friends don't get it either, the wonder why I don't just get an elective c-section next time because i can! So, I'm with you..if that makes any difference:o

[Mischief]

Oh honey! People have NO IDEA! I didnt have a CSection, but I still felt ripped off by my labour, things really didnt go as planned and I felt as if my body let me down.

My good friend had a CSection because she was not progressing either, and I know she certainly didnt have it EASIER than me by any stretch of the imagination!

My labour was horrible, but at least I am physically recovered from it, she is still sore from the cut, Still has to take things easy....and also feels like her body didnt work.

Dont let anyone tell you that you cant have a VBAC! Its your RIGHT to at least give it a go! CSections are NOT fun and games!!!! :hugs:

[jade21887]

Thankyou, its nice to have people that understand. I really wish there was more education done on c sections. Least labour is only a short term thing. (I also do totally understand that there are some horrible natural births out there!)

[~Emmylou~]

An easy birth?? Sweetie as far as I'm concerned anyone who goes through 12 hours of labour and THEN a c-section has given birth TWICE! I can't imagine how hard that was!
I hope your next birth is everything you want it to be :)

[jade21887]

Emmylou, honestly thats what I think, but according to most, because I didnt have to push, I havent experienced it:banghead: some people will never understand. Everyone that Ive talked to that has done a VBAC have always said that it is a lot better than another c section.

[~EmsMum~]

oh hun sending many :kiss: your way

[shed]

you only missed a little bit at the end. what you went thru was not easy. why do people think that major abdominal surgery is the easy option? good grief! the pushing is hard but once its over its over.

good luck with your vbac. use what u have learned and stick to your guns!

[Briannabear]

I sooo know how you feel Jade. :hugs:
Some people can be so insensitive.
It is a huge pet hate of mine when people class a c/section as 'the easy way out'. It couldnt be further from the truth. I, like you, had a traumatic emergency c/section experience and feel a little 'cheated' of a good birth. I had friends give birth around me at the same time (vaginally and c/sections) and they all had fabulous recoveries - while mine was horrendous and took forever.
So I can completely relate to your desire to have a vaginal birth. None of my friends can understand why I want a VBAC and constantly say - 'why dont you just have an elective c/s this time, it will be so easy!'. I just dont agree though. Not when you have other children to look after.

Anyway, dont let them get you down. Only you and your doctors know what is best for you and your baby.
Good luck, and I hope you get the fabulous VBAC birth you want!! :fingerscrossed:

[Sarie]

I haven't been in your position hon, I was lucky enough to have two VB's. I think a lot of people who think that a c-section is easy forget that it's also major surgery. And that while after a VB you up and fine the same day, recovery for a ceaser is a lot longer.
I think alot of people need to think about what their going to say before it falls out of their mouths. Quite honestly I believe some people just don't think about other people's feelings at all.
I wish you all the best for a safe VBAC
:hugs:

[Buddha Bubbas]

i dont understand how anyone can think that a c/s is the "easy" way out. obviously they are very ignorant and dont know what they are talking about! ive had a VBAC and elec C/S as my first baby was quite big, posterier and.. ahem...excuse me, ripped me to shreds. So c/s it was to be with the next. oh my god! i did not know what i was in for. ive delivered both ways and will not be having anymore kids, everything just goes horribly wrong for me.

Good luck to you and wishing you a safe and speedy delivery:fingerscrossed:

[~Danni~]

I have not been in your position, I was lucky to have a wonderful natural birth. I don't know how any one can say having a c-section is the 'easy' way, the thought of maybe needing to have one with this bub freaks me out! (at what point is major abdominal surgery 'easy' PLUS having to look after a new born straight away!!:eek: )

I hope everythiing runs smoother with your new bub and you get the experience you are after:hugs: :thumbsup:

[Lila]

jade
i think it is pretty horrible to say you were lucky....OMG

i had 3cs and by no means do i think it was the easy way out.
i had to have them- end of discussion.
to say things like that is a slap in every womans face who sooo wanted to try normal and wasn´t able to...HOW RUDE!"!:banghead:

HUGS from here!!!

good luck with your VBAC you can do it girl!!!

[jessgray]

:hugs: giving bith whether c-section or VB isnt easy. i hop eyou get the VBAC you want.

[SassyMummy]

I understand your problem (well, mostly).

I had a c-section...after being induced at 10 days overdue...and then at 11 days overdue...and then at 13 days overdue...only to have a c-section because I failed to go into labour.

I just kept getting let down over and over again. My doctor told me I'd prob go into labour early...(not too early...but at about 38 weeks-ish). It didn't happen.

My due date came. Nothing happened.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I was induced, I got all excited...but nothing happened.

And then I had my worst fears realised - a c-section delivery.


For me, one of the worst things was that I've never so much as experienced a single Braxton Hicks contraction...let alone labour. I still haven't gotten over hte fact that my body has failed me in that way..but at the same time, I feel that hte health system has failed me too (they didn't allow my body to wait it out...DD was never distressed...they just coaxed me into it "just in case").

When people learnt of DD's size (4.67kg) most of them would comment on how LUCKY I was to have a c-section. I wanted so badly to yell and scream at them... how on earth did they believe that a c-section (especially an UNWANTED one) was an EASY and therefore GOOD thing? Labour may have very well been painful, but that was what I was prepared for, and I was willing to accept the pain (maybe with the help of drugs if needed).

It seriously makes me so angry when people dismiss a c-section as "easy." I'm sorry, but abdominal surgery isn't easy. The only pain relief I received after my c-sec was a SINGLE PANADOL CAPSULE...that doesn't even cure a headache/period pain for me...let alone a burning incision!

When I began to express my upset and angst over my c-sect, I got the most insensitive/thoughtless response I could have recieved: "At least your baby is healthy." It made me feel as though my feelings weren't valid...and as though everyone just thought I was a whinger. It just made me feel even worse.

Now, even though I'm not pregnant, I am very keen on a VBAC birth, but it upsets me that practically nobody is supportive of this choice. DP isn't keen on the idea...he thinks c-sections are "easier" as well (well, easier for HIM maybe...not for me)...so I'm getting a doula for sure (and maybe kicking him out of the room if he makes me feel bad). My mother had 2 c-sections after having a stillborn birth... so she uses the "at least she's healthy" line regularly (though, I can understand that...she lost a baby...but I've never experienced that, so having an unwanted c-sect is the worst thing for me at hte moment).

I hate that I'll have to FIGHT and PUSH to have the kind of birth I (and my baby) DESERVES to have. That's what angers me the most.

I NEED my VBAC...which frightens me. What if I CAN'T have one...and then I'll fail...AGAIN. I don't know what I'd do then...

Good luck on your VBAC... I really hope you can have the birth you want and deserve.

[tams]

I can understand how you feel cheated but you can be assertive about things if it does happen again and trust me, it is possible to have a c-section and make it an enjoyable (well maybe enjoyable is too strong a word!) experience.

I had a 36hr labor then an emergancy c-section and also was incredibly disapointed after getting so far into it and not having the desired result but I had a wonderful doctor who actually let me watch my birth and touch my babies head as they pulled him out. Yes this is probably not something most people would enjoy, watching themselves cut open (they had the screen up for the cutting & sewing up part!) but it made me feel a hell of alot more involved and watching him come out even though it wasn't the prefered way still made me feel like I 'gave birth' if that makes sense. My husband took a photo of my baby with just his head sticking out of my belly and I have framed it and put it on my wall because this was also the first beautiful sight I had of my little boy. :)

[Shanaynay]

Hi Jade,
My first birth was the most horrendous thing I have ever experienced. Not just the physical side to 20 hours of labour followed by an emergency c/s - the 2 years of feeling like utter and absoute **** was the first. Going into the details would take me all night but I just want to say a few months ago I had my second baby andd it was everything was sooooo different to my first. (I had a VBAC). I think my VBAC "cured" me from the trauma of my first birth.
Although I do think if I had failed my VBAC, I wouldn't have beaten myself up about it. I think I would have come to terms with my 'failure' the first time aorund and I could have made peace with those feelings.
Good luck with your VBAC. It is the best thing you will ever do. Or try to do.