She won't poo on the toilet!!

[buggymummy]

DD (almost 3) is toilet trained for wees on the toilet. On the odd occassion we have an accident, but it's usually when she's playing and 'forgets'. She knows how to 'hang on' when we're at the shops etc until we get to a toilet so wees are not a problem. The problem is the pooing!! she has done a few in the toilet and a couple in the potty, but then all of a sudden started waiting until the nighttime nappy went on, and then did it in there. Then she stopped the night time poo, and now does it at all times of the day, there is no consistency! She refuses to poo in the toilet, and always does it in her knickers. We can sit on the toilet for almost an hour, and literally as soon as we get off she will poo in her knickers. I am throwing away a pair or two every day!

Please help me with some suggestions!!! I have asolutely no idea what to do. I've tried bribes, treats, rewards, threats and even timeout (the last two made me feel horrible).

HELP!!

[girlstar]

well we have the poos down,but not wee!! my daughter is 2.5 and hasnt pooed in her trainers for about 3 weeks, i have a major problem with wee! i ask her all day if she wants to go wee and she says no,then i try just putting her on every hour or two, or after a big drink and she kicks and screams, yet when it comes to poo she just pulls down trainers, walks up stairs and sits on the toilet and goes.. argh, so frustrating..
will have to just be brave and just put her in underwear i guess, just hard as have very busy days and a high demand 6month old too! sorry not really an answer, but just understand your frustration... i did make up a song about poo in the begining and would dance around and give hi 5s when she went..i just act like its the biggest deal ever when she goes..

[kimbo]

Hi there

This is what worked for DS1. He was also nearly three and would wee fine but he would just poo in his undies. I was lucky that I had an idea of when he would poo so what we did made it a bit easier.
As it was starting to warm up I would take him outside without his undies on and let him play. When he did a poo it obviously went on the ground and he didn't like it that it was on the ground. The next day we did the same thing and he started to poo and realised it ws falling and yelled out and ran to the toilet. From then on he pooed in the toilet. We were lucky that he didn't like what ws hppening and realised it was much nicer for it to be in the toilet and not on the ground.

Good luck, I know how frustrating the whole tt can be. :)

[London]

Just wanted to let you know, I was in the same position when my DS was younger. He simply refused. It got so bad he would hold it in for sooo long, it would turn to liquid and eventually come 'flying out'..NEVER on the toilet though :( :barf: We would literally sit him on the toilet ALL day and put a his tv infront of the toilet with a movie on....bribes...treats....nothing worked.
Eventually he just started going on the toilet. Just needed to do it in his own time. Needless to say, the carpets were completely ruined from this experience.
Good luck.

[MrsTiggyWinkle]

dd1 is another one who won't poo on the loo, she says she is scared even tho she is a big girl :rolleyes: And she goes at all times of the day so she's not even wee trained yet, basically she will rarely let me put knickers on her. She will be 3 in oct . Maybe your dd is just scared too?

[mummynow]

Hi buggymummy :wave: So sorry to hear about DD's toilet problems. I'm not sure have any answers to your problem but I wanted to share my DD's story as it started very similar to yours.

My DD was daytime wee toilet trained from about 2.5 years old but would absolutely never poo on the toilet or potty. She would always wait til the night time nappy went on to do it (about every 3rd or 4th night only). We tried everything imaginable to convince her otherwise and eventually had to seek medical help. She was just downright scared to poo on the toilet or in a potty.

By the time she was 3.5 years old it had become quite a traumatic experience for her and myself as I could tell when she'd been hanging on for 2 or 3 days due to her body language and actions and I would physically carry her to the toilet, sit her on it and hold her down while she screamed in pain and fear and physically fought back against me to get off the toilet. She had become so constipated it was beyond the joke - she was trying to pass poos larger than a tennis ball and hard as a rock. Because she was constipated and her bowels were full she was having tummy pains and felt bloated and therefore wouldn't eat much for a few days at a time until she pood again. And because she wasn't eating much and not drinking much fluid she was only contributing to the constipation. And the viscious cycle continued.

After trying many different laxatives under doctors supervision and none of them working, we had having xrays & ultrasounds of the abdomen area and blood test etc. nothing was found to be abnormal. We even saw a paedeatric gastroenteroligist. Everyone agreed is was psychological but the specialist said we have to fix the constipation and pain before we can fix the fear.

So she is now on Movicol daily (has been for about 18 months now) and she is 5.5 years old. She can now freely pass poos and her bits have healed (as they had torn and were bleeding daily) and is no longer scared to poo in the toilet. But if we miss a day or 2 of the medication she gets constipated again and she says it hurts and she gets tummy pains again. I don't know how long we have to keep her on Movicol but the specialists said indefinately at this stage and wants to see her once a year in the meantime. She is also on a high fibre diet and seeing a dietician about every 3 months to encourage her to eat more and drink more etc as she has developed poor eating habits over the years due to all of this (not eating bad foods, just not eating and drinking enough).

It amazes me something like fear of toileting can turn into years of doctors, medications & other problems. I hope you never have to get to this stage :hugs:

[mummynow]

*** BUMP *** :flowerz:

[aforchard]

My boy has just turned 3 (July) and has mastered the wees on the loo, will take himself, wash hands and flush! however when it comes to poos he will not tell us and will just do it in his undies, at the moment 2 a day. Driving me spare and don't know where to go. We keep encouraging him to tell us if he needs to poo and that he is not in trouble but it seems he just doesnt want to sit on the toilet. Any suggestion?? Have tried stickers and treasts to no avail. I can relate with all the previous posts, and need some handy advice on how to tackle this..Cheers:)

[MrsTiggyWinkle]

aforchard, I have similar problems, as i posted above, dd1 is afraid of poos on the loo. At the moment, she is wearing nappy pants and weeing on the loo. When she needs to poo, I have told her she can ask me for a nappy, which she does, and I put on one of the cheapo ones, she poos, and into the bin it goes. Then back on go the knickers. That way I figure she can work on the 'timing' of the poos and at a later stage we can work on getting her to do it in the loo.

Not sure if that would be a backward step for you though, if you are just using undies. i am not sure where to go from here, but I know that it is the fear factor that is stopping dd1 from pooing on the loo, it seems to be a common thing. I just want her to feel comfortable about it.

[MrsTiggyWinkle]

Found an article which is quite helpful, part of it talks about how a painful experience (eg constipation) may have put them off pooing on the loo. But if its just plain old fear, I have pasted that section below. The full article is here http://www.drgreene.com/qa/learning-poop-potty

Extract:

Often the quickest way to success is to make steady, little steps forward, rather than just trying again to get him to go straight from diapers back to the fearsome potty.
First, encourage him to do his pooping in the bathroom -- like you. He can keep his diaper on, he can be across the room from the potty, but he's in the right room. Usually this step isn't too tough. If it is, figure out why (difficulty getting cooperation in many areas, difficulty breaking away from play, defiance, etc.) and address the underlying issue. Once he has comfortably pooped in the right room for 3 days or more, he can take another little step when he seems ready.
Next, have him poop sitting down -- like you. He can sit on the floor, on the potty with the lid down, on the potty with the lid up, or wherever he wants in the room. He still gets his diaper (or pull-up or underpants as the case may be). Again, once sitting has become comfortable, he can try another little step.
If he has been sitting on the floor, he moves to the potty or toilet. If the lid has been down on the potty or toilet, now lift the lid. He still gets to wear the diaper (or whatever). This step is usually surprisingly easy. Wait until he is comfortable with each stage before he takes another tiny step.
The next step may be to simply remove the diaper and have him go on the potty -- like you. Many kids will move from the last level to this one with unexpected ease. If you gauge that this will not be the case for your son, you can instead cut a little hole in the bottom of the diaper. He can go as before, and the poop may or may not fall into the potty. As the days go by, make the hole larger and larger. I've known some kids who just wore a waistband for a bit! Before long, he will want to be free of the diaper altogether, now that he is free from the fear.
Your son wants to use the potty even more than you want for him to --he just doesn't know it yet. His practical experiments have proven to him his hypothesis that this achievement is unattainable for him. He is discouraged and afraid, and doesn't want to have to face pain, failure, and fear.
By loosening him from the chains of the D3 cycle, and then by taking this huge task that had inspired dread, breaking it down into small achievable steps, and getting him going again, you can set him free to enjoy the growth he is longing for.
And you also model for him an important process. This approach is a potent tool whenever he (or you) gets trapped in the eddies and bywaters of development. It will serve both of you well whenever an overwhelming obstacle (whether it be a term paper, or making the baseball team, or weight loss, or credit card debt) looms large on the path ahead.

[2made3]

Sounds all too familiar......

Have a light read:

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=290390

GOOD LUCK!!!