Feeling undervalued

[decambla]

Sorry but I'm having a bit of a whinge after a discussion tonight at a family function that I has really grated a nerve. Firstly I want to say that I am not trying to offend anyone, I just need to get this off my chest. My brother and his partner have two girls ages 3 and 1. The 3 year old is a REAL handfull and is very aggressive to other children. I believe it is threw lack if disipline. My brothers partner is also a stay at home mum but 1yr old is in daycare 3 days a week and 3 year old is in daycare 4 days a week. When I say daycare I mean full days 8am-5pm. Because she needs " her time". Well and good, I don't agree with it but each to their own. Not once have I ever said to her I think she's doing the wrong thing and get 3 year olds behaviour is a cry for attention. Tonight they told me that I was hindering my 4 year olds social abilities because I choose to stay at home with him. DS is the youngest of 3. I have been a SAHM since DS1 was born. I attend a mothers group once a week where he plays with other kids, he has his siblings and we quite often go to the park where he plays with other kids. I believe that being a SAHM is what was best for my family. I feel like I get looked down on for it. I get questioned why I don't put him in daycare to have time to myself. I LOVE spending time with my boys. I get told that I'm "lucky" to have such well behaved, smart kids. Ahh, NO. We've put in alot of hard work, given up alot materially but it's worth it. Whenever I try to express this opinion to them, they just laugh at me. God forbid I have a bad day. I get told that I don't know what it's like to have a kid that plays up. ALL kids play up at one time. Sorry this has just turned in a random rant! I just feel like people don't put any stock in the wonderful job SAHM do. Does anyone feel like they almost have to justify why they want to stay home?

[DailyDiversion]

I can understand why you feel this way, unfortunately it does seem like full-time mothering has been de-valued in today's society.

Your children will always appreciate and value this time that you've spent with them though and they will carry that throughout their lives. I know that I still have very fond memories of my mother when we were young and she stayed home with us.

Try not to let other people get you down, you are doing something really valuable and worthwhile for your children.

By the way, I'm not offended by your comments at all and my 2.5 year old DD is in daycare 2 days a week and with my mum one day a week because I need to work part-time. My DD does really enjoy the interaction with other children at daycare but if I were able to stay home with her full-time she would be just as happy and not be "missing out" on anything, she could still get that interaction at play-groups or at the park as your children do.

[austmum]

:hugs: I am sure shes just jelous and she knows very well why her child acts up.

Im in the same situation as you and I get told I am 'lucky' too.

[Benji]

We get that either way love :hugs::hugs: I used to get told that same old crap when I was a SAHM now I cop the "daycare is bad" "studies show children of working mums are blah blah blah" because I work.

You really just can't win as a mother!

[decambla]

Thankyou for the replies. I was just in such a mood over it last night I just had to get it off my chest so thankyou for listening.

I will try not to let it get to me. I just get so tired of all the :ecomcity:. I cant understand why they think it their place to criticize our choices. We dont comment on theirs. Regardless of how I feel about an issue I would never say anything to put them down as parents. I just feel like I constantly have to defend myself. But I guess like Benji said "you get it on both sides". Im all for people having their own opinion, heck Ive got mine, but why put others down to make a point or make yourself feel better over the choices you make.

I really hope I didnt offend anyone and I just want to clarify that I dont have an issue with daycare at all. It is necessary in some situations and I dont think its bad for kids unless it comes at the expense of quality time with parents. I understand that I am fortunant enough to be able to be a SAHM, which I am thankfull for everyday and that some mums just dont have that oppertunity. Thats the thing about being a mum, no one approach is right for everyone, its an individual thing.

[decambla]

I can understand why you feel this way, unfortunately it does seem like full-time mothering has been de-valued in today's society.

Your children will always appreciate and value this time that you've spent with them though and they will carry that throughout their lives. I know that I still have very fond memories of my mother when we were young and she stayed home with us.

Try not to let other people get you down, you are doing something really valuable and worthwhile for your children.

By the way, I'm not offended by your comments at all and my 2.5 year old DD is in daycare 2 days a week and with my mum one day a week because I need to work part-time. My DD does really enjoy the interaction with other children at daycare but if I were able to stay home with her full-time she would be just as happy and not be "missing out" on anything, she could still get that interaction at play-groups or at the park as your children do.
Thanks, I will remind myself that my kids will take fond memories of this time with them. Im glad your werent offended. i was worried about that while I was writting the post.

[decambla]

:hugs: I am sure shes just jelous and she knows very well why her child acts up.

Im in the same situation as you and I get told I am 'lucky' too.
Thats what DH says too, that they are jealous. I really dislike being told that we are lucky, Like we just got lucky and havent put in any effort.

[JabberJaw]

No matter what you do as a parent, some one will bag your choices.

The best thing to do is to not let it get to you.

Hold your head high and let them know what your doing suits you and your child, and what they choose to do is there business.

[decambla]

We get that either way love :hugs::hugs: I used to get told that same old crap when I was a SAHM now I cop the "daycare is bad" "studies show children of working mums are blah blah blah" because I work.

You really just can't win as a mother!
Thats what I really dislike about it all, the judgemental comments that we get as mothers. Parenting isnt a one size fits all approach, each to their own.

[*babygirl*]

I just don't let on too much about what I do with DD, but when people tell me how beautifull well behaved and independant and kind she is I just smile and say 'thankyou, she is fantastic company'... But then it normally leads to 'how often does she go to kindy?' and jaws often drop when they find out my 3 year old does go to kindy!!! I get 'my time' with dp most weekends thanks to amazing family but even then I miss her!! She IS amazing company and I adore being a stay at home mum and DP fully appreciates what I've given up and the job I do for our family... We wish we could both be SAHP!!!

[Benji]

Thats what I really dislike about it all, the judgemental comments that we get as mothers. Parenting isnt a one size fits all approach, each to their own.

I agree, we've got to do what's best for us. The people who give us the rude comments have never walked a day in our shoes and couldn't possibly know what is best for our family. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job :)

[mum2bubba]

You can't please everyone, you gotta do what you are happy with and what you feel is right.