Found this article written in Sunday life magazine

[ReneeRitaConnor]

Thought I'd let you all have a read, Opinions welcomed.


Is motherhood really that hard?

JACINTA TYNAN, SUNDAY LIFE

August 2, 2010
Comments 124 (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/#comments)

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http://images.smh.com.au/2010/08/02/1730253/article400_baby-sleepingonmum-420x0.jpg Motherhood is tiring and time-consuming, but is it hard?

Quit moaning about your lack of me-time and unread novels, says Jacinta Tynan. This motherhood thing is all a bit of a lark.
There is one thing nobody warned me about when I became a mother: what a breeze it would be. I was warned about everything else. All I had been told since I became pregnant was to prepare myself for the toughest job of my life. For years of sleep deprivation, boredom (yes, boredom) and my life not being my own. I was bombarded with tales of cracked nipples, all-night vigils and vomit on the carpet. I was more than mildly worried, as a result, about how on earth I would cope. I am someone who needs my sleep and had a decades long habit of calling my own shots. Would the requirement to be at the beck and call of a little one – even my little one – do my head in?
So, I got the most pleasant surprise to find that being a mum is one of the most seamless, joyful, intuitive things I have ever done. Yes, there are sleepless nights (many of them, in a seemingly endless row), but there is nothing difficult about being up all night with the love of your life. I know our baby boy is only nine months old and isn't even crawling yet, let alone tearing through the house crashing pots on to the floor. I know I only have one child who is healthy and I, thankfully, escaped the cruel curse of postnatal depression, but still I can't see what all the fuss is about.
Ask me if I have another, but from where I stand motherhood is a cinch.
Advertisement: Story continues below
Yes, it is tiring, and yes, it is time-consuming with showers and emails a sudden extravagance.
But it is not hard. Hard is being tied to a soulless job for 80 per cent of your waking hours. Hard is fighting cancer, or having a child who is. Or not being able to conceive a child when you ache for nothing more. But soothing a crying baby who won't sleep for love nor money is a privilege, not a hardship. Wiping spew off your jacket before bolting out the door to a meeting is funny, not a drama.
It is not fashionable to say so. For the past decade or two, many women in their 20s, 30s and even 40s have been trying to squeeze in a career and motherhood simultaneously, and we have heard the cry of mothers' martyrdom. It has become de rigueur to complain about how arduous the whole thing is, one-upping each other over whose baby sleeps the least, chucks the most and who has fewer hours in the day. We didn't lobby this hard and hang out this long for work-life balance to admit the whole thing is a piece of cake. A pile of books and blogs reassure us that we are not alone in our hair-pulling struggle: I Don't Know How She Does It, Mommies Who Drink and the sarcasm-riddled Motherhood Is Easy: A Survival Guide having a chortle at our dishevelled demeanours, and misdemeanours. You are excused for your despair, they say. It's a tough gig.
And it can be. It just doesn't have to be.
More on motherhood: Essential Baby (http://www.*************.com.au/)
Journalist Jenny Dillon might be pushing it with her claims that mothers today are “perpetuating a hoax”, pretending it's as hard as it used to be, household appliances apparently putting us on “Easy Street”. But I do think we could learn a thing or two from our mothers and grandmothers. You never heard a peep out of them about mucking in to double the kids and double the workload, with no online groceries or disposable nappies. Sure, they didn't work (most of them) but they also appreciated that being a mum was one of the better things in life.
My mum had six children, no help and, on occasion, a job. Yet she gave it her all with grace and joy. Our generation acts as if we deserve a medal.
It's not as if we didn't know what we were signing up for. Most mothers want to be mothers, longing for the day when we will hold our own baby in our arms.
How tragic to begrudge it because we can't find time to read a book.
“You will resent the night feeds,” one mother warned me. I never did. I relished them. I took my sister's advice: to cherish those moments when it was just my baby and me together, the only light on in the street. I didn't want to will away one second.
“Don't you hate the sound of their crying?” another mother queried, searching for camaraderie.
No. I didn't and I don't.
Babies don't cry to annoy us. They cry because they are hungry or tired and we are here to solve that.
“It's just because you have an easy baby,” say mums when I confess (it feels like a confession) how much I love it.
We do have an easy baby. So far. He laughs a lot, loves his food and sleeps, well, like a baby. And I am blessed to have a stimulating part-time job and good childcare. Like most mums I have to “juggle” – just as I was warned – often presenting six hours of live TV news in a fog of sleeplessness. Until recently our baby woke at 4am. I also feel an overwhelming responsibility for our baby's emotional well-being. But hard? No. Exhilarating and rewarding more like it.
I never knew I had such capacity to love. Nobody warned me about that.

[aLittleLoopy]

All I can say is let's see her write this article when her child is three or she has more than one child, or her wonderful husband leaves or if she doesn't keep her fantastic job etc, etc... I read a follow up to this about how she shouldn't be so smug as she is commenting from her lofty ground of privilege and perfect life, job etc.

Yep, it is the greatest thing we'll do, being a mother, and we do love it, but it is hard for all the rest of us mere mortals!

[Magnanimous]

So, I got the most pleasant surprise to find that being a mum is one of the most seamless, joyful, intuitive things I have ever done. .

Not sure what drugs she is on but i want some. The answer to the question "is it really that hard" is "YES - if you are doing it properly".

The immense responsibility of raising & developing a child cannot be compared to 9-5 job where you walk in & walk out of each day - parenthood brings new meaning to the word "full time".

I hate people that write these articles, it just adds to the myth that being a mum is just something that comes "natural" & does not require hard work - much harder work than working if you are really invested in your children. Basically she is just bringing herself up by bringing other mothers down - not the trait of a good mother & role model if you ask me.

[The Fox]

Wow, what a crock of crap...

[Tenyrmiracle]

Well....I envy her life for being so easy then. If only we all could have one baby and money to spend freely.

I started my adventure as a biological mother after accepting 3 foster kids, ranging in age from 4-15 yrs old. Endless appointments, problems stemming from the way they were previously raised and a husband that works shifts and is away for up to 3 days at a time (has been 5 on the odd occasion). I now have 4 foster kids and my own who is 9 months. Sure, it's rewarding. Sure, I wouldn't change a thing but, easy? NEVER.

This woman is just feeding into all those that perceive SAHM's as lazy and believe that it isn't work. Thanks.

[threechooks]

But it is not hard. Hard is being tied to a soulless job for 80 per cent of your waking hours. Hard is fighting cancer, or having a child who is. Or not being able to conceive a child when you ache for nothing more. But soothing a crying baby who won't sleep for love nor money is a privilege, not a hardship. Wiping spew off your jacket before bolting out the door to a meeting is funny, not a drama.

:iagree: I must say I agree with 95% of the article. But I have one child, a wonderful Husband, a great part-time job and enough money ;)

[Chicky Pea]

Not sure if I'm totally crazy to post this, but going to go out on a limb.... :o

I'm not really sure what's wrong with someone admitting they are having an easy time with motherhood...? She freely admits she only has one child who is still at age where they aren't causing too much chaos around the house and that she is lucky she has a job she can still function doing on no sleep. She is just saying that she loves her son so much that she finds the stressful elements (sleepless nights, vomity clothes) worth it because she finds it so rewarded...?

I agree with this quote "Hard is being tied to a soulless job for 80 per cent of your waking hours. Hard is fighting cancer, or having a child who is. Or not being able to conceive a child when you ache for nothing more. But soothing a crying baby who won't sleep for love nor money is a privilege, not a hardship."

I'm a brand new mother (DD is nearly 4 weeks old) and yeah, there are some times that I think it's frikkin hard! I have had more than one meltdown and times where I have questioned whether I can do this...? But (and don't want to bring the mood down) a close friend of mine died in a plane crash one year ago today (the one at the Kokoda Trail) and today, when DD has been an absolute ratbag, I think of him and his family dealing with their loss. THAT is hard. Me soothing my healthy newborn who just wants a cuddle is not hard. Yes, I had to stop checking doing what I was doing on my laptop, stop eating my snack and go into her room, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective.

The one thing I have found in being a mother for such a short time, is that there are so many things that mothers are not supposed to say to each other. There is the group that never admits it's hard ("I'm fine! My baby's perfect!") and there is the group that hates hearing that some women might have an 'easier' baby than us? Why can't we be happy for her that she loves it and doesn't find it hard....? Let's just accept that every mother is going to have a different experience to the next, and just support each other a bit more?

Sorry... just my opinion.

Ok, debate to start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..... :rolleyes:

[Magnanimous]

:
This woman is just feeding into all those that perceive SAHM's as lazy and believe that it isn't work. Thanks.

:iagree:I second that Tenyrmiracle

[Magnanimous]

I suppose the point is that it is all relative, if I compare my job to being a new mum i think it is much harder because if i f*#ck up at work i can always find a new job or rectify the situation in most cases but if i screw up with DD i find it impossible to forgive myself & am sure i have somehow ruined her;).

However if I were to compare it to other things such as a loss in the family or marriage breakdown or other types of major stresses i agree that it is nothing in comparison in most cases so i suppose it depends on how you look at it.

Personally i read the article to be a bit of a brag about how she found most mothers to exaggerate how difficult it is for them which i found a bit arrogant as each persons experience is individual & you cant really compare apples with apples.

Just my thoughts, but i understand previous two posts.

[Shellfish]

This woman is just feeding into all those that perceive SAHM's as lazy and believe that it isn't work. Thanks.

I agree. This is the aspect of the article that really got up my nose. I appreciate that she may have been blessed with a well behaved or easy going child and good on her for that. But looking after children is difficult (a word I would have thought she ought to have used being a journalist, but I digress) purely because there is a lot of work involved (as someone mentioned, if you are doing it properly) and that is even before the temperament of the child is taken into account.

This article has perpetuated the myth that SAHM sit with their feet up, watching Oprah and eating chocolates.

I hope she intends to do a follow up article when she has a toddler and a baby...or when her delightful children has it's first tantrum...

[jaesmummy]

I saw this lady on the morning show after the article was published. She was very adament that this was life as she knew it with a normal 9 month old baby. She backpedalled a bit on the article saying that it was all written in relation to how SHE herself was finding motherhood. But even after seeing her on the show I still wondered what the hell was the point. I mean, who cares? If all is well and good then great for her but the article smacks of a holier than thou attitude saying more or less that any mother who does not manage their children without complaint is a whinging crybaby. Just when women are finally being brave enough to speak up, to cry out for help if they need it, to no longer be expected to handle everything themselves when something is out of order . I would rather have a mum talk to me about problems they're having with their children than pretend that everything is perfect if it isn't. I'm glad that things are a breeze for her, she's a very lucky lady. But secretly I hope she has another couple of children and realizes that it's not as easy as she first thought -they're not always perfect little angels no matter how much you love them. If her intention really wasn't to be arrogant and degrading to other mums in her article why didn't she take a more supportive and less self-important attitude. As a journalist and a mother she is in the position to be able to help other mothers not tear them down.

[AJGirl08]

Journalism at it's best! :laughing: I agree with PP, it just comes across as arrogant and holier than thou. I certainly don't begrudge anyone having an "easy" mothering experience and yes, I find being a SAHM to be totally joyful and rewarding and for the most part "easy". Easy in the sense I have a wonderful, vibrant, healthy little girl who has a really easy temperament and easy because we can do this financially and not struggle. What's bloody hard work is all of the "in-between" that comes together to make it this way!

The immense responsibility of raising & developing a child cannot be compared to 9-5 job where you walk in & walk out of each day - parenthood brings new meaning to the word "full time".

I hate people that write these articles, it just adds to the myth that being a mum is just something that comes "natural" & does not require hard work - much harder work than working if you are really invested in yourchildren. Basically she is just bringing herself up by bringing other mothers down - not the trait of a good mother & role model if you ask me.

:iagree:

[fludo]

I have to say I see her point. And yes, I too only have one child (at least for the next week or so!). I also work 20-25 hours a week but have been able to juggle it with DH so we have never had to put DD in care - this may get up some working mum's noses, but sometimes I think I've doubled up on the work in some ways because if DD was in care those hours and I was out at work, the house wouldn't be getting messed up at the same time, but I work from home so DD is at home all the time, we eat 3 meals a day here, etc, etc, so I'm like a sahm but with less time to do the sahm work. A working mum still has to come home and clean the house but if noone's been in it all day there is less work to do.

Anyway, when I look at friends who are sahm's full time and they're always getting together to socialise and they talk about how somedays they just sit on the couch for hours because they can't bring themselves to get on with all the housework, I'm like....ummm...I don't have time to do that, and I only have 1 kid, and you have 3, so I wonder what the big deal is with being a full time sahm.

On the other hand, I do get quite a lot of time to myself which again mums aren't supposed to admit to so I'm like, what's the big deal?

But what I DO find hard about being mum is the emotional stress of it all, wondering if you're doing the right thing, the best you can do, and also not being able to do what you want when you want to - someone else needs something so you have to drop everything - and those days when you just want to be left alone!

but yeah, ask me again in 2 weeks! :laughing:

[bumMum]

'easy' I don't think is a good word. but to me, it's rewarding and challenging being a parent. it can be hard. some days it can be easy.
I imagine it can be different the more kids you have and when you have kids with more needs, but even though my son can be incredibly hard work, i prefer spending time with him any day, and i mean any day over anything else I do.
but I think this writer is not really getting it. when people say being a parent is the "hardest job in the world" I don't think they are talking about the day to day part of it. I think they mean in the big scheme of things.. it's your whole life. it's never ending. which we all do. sahm or working. it's not something you ever walk away from.

[Tenyrmiracle]

What I had a problem with is the whole statement that it is 'easy'. Enjoyable, absolutely. I wouldn't say an athlete or doctor, etc have it easy but, they would have to love what they are doing still.

[Peajae]

Why can't we be happy for her that she loves it and doesn't find it hard....? Let's just accept that every mother is going to have a different experience to the next, and just support each other a bit more?

Sorry... just my opinion.

Ok, debate to start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..... :rolleyes:

I agree I agree I agree! I don't have a problem with the article at all. Why isn't she allowed to say that she is enjoying motherhood and doesn't find it hard? Some people brag about how much they love being pregnant while others have a horrible time being pregnant and hate every minute of it. Someone saying they love pregnancy isn't trying to make those that don't feel bad, they are simply saying that they do. And for the record yes I am one of those people who hates being pregnant and feels awful the whole time, but good on those who love it, I'm glad they are happy. We shouldn't begrudge others for being happy.

On the topic of whether motherhood is easy or hard, everyone is always going to have different individual opinions and experiences, and it's no good saying one person is right or wrong. I had a difficult pregnancy and difficult first few months with DS for various reasons, and now he is a toddler and I am pregnant again and having another difficult pregnancy. DH is frequently away for days or weeks at a time for his work. I am currently a SAHM I guess because i'm on sick leave from work until my maternity leave kicks in at 34wks. But I don't consider myself to be 'working' at the moment.

I know i'm going to get eaten alive for saying this, but I don't thinking being a SAHM can be classed as a job as such. Being a full time mother is a relationship and part of who you are, it isn't a job, the same as being a wife, daughter, sister etc is a relationship and not a job. I know that some people cite things such as doing all the housework, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning in addition to looking after the kids as why being a SAHM is a full time job, but what about the mothers who go out to paid employment and still do all those things when they are at home? Are they working 2 full time jobs? I just don't think you can compare the two, and I'm saying this from the position of currently being a SAHM who until recently was a 'working' mum. In my opinion, being a SAHM is much easier than also working in addition to that.

[Magnanimous]

Personally I would class being a stay at home mum as a job because the people that look after babies in day care are classed as having a job & all they are doing is looking after the kids not the washing, dinner shopping & keeping the household together during the day.

If you work part time you are still comming home to do housework etc but i used to do that before i had kids as well. I would cook, clean & wash - fair enough there is more once you have kids but being at home doing the caring is definitely a job otherwise all those employees in day care have us fooled & we are paying them for nothing.

The difference between looking after children & working in a normal job is that for most mothers the job of raising your children is the most important & wonderful thing in the world & there in lies the difference if you ask me.

just my opinion, & personally i think wether your at home full time or part time your doing the most important job in the world because there is no such distinction when it comes to parenting it is all full time:)

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Many people lack insight, so she doesn't surprise me.

I happen to feel that privileged people perhaps shouldn't have children, because their children may end up lacking insight and empathy due to their parents stupidity.:)