SAHM - Questions

[BreLee]

Hi,

My name is Bre and I'm due in just under 6 weeks. I have been tossing up the idea of being a stay at home mum until at least my youngest goes to school. I know that this is something I want to do as I want to be involved with my child's life as much as I can.

I also work in childcare and don't really want to look after other people's children while mine are in care also. Financially we can do it and it is very possible but I am worried about people judging me for wanting to do that.

I was just wondering how everyone else deals with and if they get much of it? I'm also worried about not being able to find a job when I eventually decide to go back. I am studying also but worry that I may not be employable. What are everyone's thoughts?

Also can you tell me the best and worst bits of being a SAHM. Any other advice would be helpful too.

Thanks, Bre

[catch 22]

The worst thing about being a stay at home mum is that everything is so montanous sometimes and you dont have much to talk about with your old friends. They dont care about poo ect.

The best part is that i know everything about my 2 children right down to how they interact with friends. We go out somewhere everyday and ds and dd have heaps of friends.

[BreLee]

Thanks Catch-22.

I guess for me if I was working I would be doing the same thing at work as I would be at home so I'd much rather be at home doing it. haha

Sounds like you have a great time with your 2 and that's what I am looking forward to. Being able to know all the details of my child's day because I know at child care things can be left out.

Cheers.

[danni3]

Hey there :wave:

I have been a SAHM since my first was born, she is now nearly 5 and my DS is almost 4.

I think the hardest bit is probably how isolating it can be in those first few months. Even with visitors etc it can feel quite lonely, but the good far out weighs the bad.

I have not had any negative feed back from wanting to stay home with my children, but just remember no matter what you decide people have their opinion. Your either working to much and not spending enough time with your baby, staying at home, too old to have kids, too young to have kids, have to close a gap between kids, too big a gap, bottle feed, breastfees, co sleep, controll cry the list goes on.

[BreLee]

Very true Danni. Thanks for the advice.

I think I just need to do what I want and what is best for my family and not worry about being judged because no matter what I do there will always be someone out there with their opinion on everything I do.

I think I just needed to hear it from others like all of you on here that are doing the SAHM thing. At least there are places like this to go when times do get lonely and you want to share it with others that are in similar situations.

Cheers.

[Blairysmum]

I personally think there are no bad parts!! Sure we have or bad days but I love everything about being a stay at home mum!!

I make sure I see friends but most of my friends have kids so there is no problem there!
I think my daughter will really benefit from me being at home with her, I get to teach her things everyday an play with her, she also gets to do fun things like take her to the park, beach, shopping she also has plenty of play dates!! I also never miss out on anything and I think we have a closer bond then what we would if I went back to work;) I do intend to go back to work when all my children are of school age until then they get to enjoy me!!

[laja]

i have 4 dd's and i use to work but i am currently a SAHM it is sooooo much more rewarding then anything else u can do i only worked because we needed me 2 now we r financially stable and there is no need 4 me 2 work and looks like i will b able to enjoy it till the baby is at school i found i was judged more as a working mother then a SAHM i say do wat is best 4 u n ur family n dont worry about what ever1 else things enjoy it they r the most precious moments and u will never get that time back with them if u work i learnt the hard way

[alternatemum]

I love being a SAHM. Wouldnt have it any other way. DH works very long hours and i believe that there needs to be atleast one parent around.

My philosophy is that I didnt have a child for someone else to look after them.:)

I, myself had both parents working long hours and was "STUCK" in daycare from 6am-6pm mon-fri from the age of 2 to 10. I NEVER wanted to be like my parents.

In the end its a decision that you have to make and i never get the evil eye cos i have "CHOSEN" to stay at home to look after my child.

All the best one the safe arrival of your bub and it is the most rewarding thing in the world being a mother!:D

[gonin]

Hi, I have a 5 year old, a 3 year old and I'm pregnant. I have mostly stayed home but worked part time for 6 months then full time for 12 months until we moved here when DS was 2 and a half.

I get judged way more for staying home but Ive gotten over feeling bad about it.

I'm happy to be the one to pick up my daughter from school and I love spending time with my son. I even put him in daycare one morning a week so he gets independent time and so I can volunteer at dd's school.

It can get boring but then again I believe boring people get bored! I have lots of interests so once I motivate myself I'm happy.

I guess both parents working full time might work for some people but I haven't seen it yet. I don't want to be like people we know doing that and living a stressful life with everyone tired and resentful!

My kids are happy, my husband is happy and that makes me happy, even if it means I have to swallow my pride about not having a career. There's plenty of time for that once my kids get more independent.

Good luck, I guess everyone works out their own formula!

[Boobycino]

I used to be a child carer also and was the same i won't look after someone elses children rather than my own it made no' sense.

However what I do now (and have done since he was 6 months old) is baby sitting 'mummy nannying'. Even though some times it's only 4 hours a week (though I got up to 20 hours every week) when people ask 'so do you work?' I can proudly say 'yes I do!' :D

And it keeps me busy :yes: sahm is a bit mind numbingly boring and monotonous.

Just something to consider ;)

Otherwise enjoy it. I think it's a bit of a luxury almost in this day and age to able to live on a single income.

:hugs: congratulations and goodluck!

[BreLee]

Thanks for all the opinions and advice girls. It is all very much appreciated. I've decided I will be staying home and just see what happens. I don't want to miss a thing and if I get judged then so be it. I'd also get judged for going back to work. Everybody is judged about something I guess. I've got to build up a thicker skin. haha

You are all happy with your decisions and I know I will be too once I have my little boy in my arms. Children are so precious and I see how much parents miss out on when they put their children in care and it is not worth it.

Thanks girls. Look forward to talking with you more. xx

[Angelsfive]

I have 4 children an older pair in high school and younger two 4 years old and 9 months old. I worked full time when the older children were toddlers because of income reasons, I felt torn and anxious every time I went to work, I did have more peace and quiet at work but really felt I was missing out on precious time with them i felt judged for being a working mother. This time around we are more financially stable and am able to be sahm yes i also feel judged so you cant win you just have to do what feels right for your family at times it can be isolating being a stay at home mum but I also know that the time goes by in a flash and before you know it they are in highschool

[GirlGerms]

Don't worry about what people say or think. It's your child and your life, so you need to do what's right for you.

I went back to working 2 days per week when DD was just 4 months old and 3 days when she was 7 months old. I kept this up until June this year (DD was 2 in March). I resigned from my job shortly after having a miscarriage, thought I'd go back to uni or just take a little break before looking for another job. Then boom, I was pregnant again straight away! Now I'm 15 weeks pregnant, sick, tired and grumpy and I feel like my time with DD is not quality time like it used to be, which makes me feel incredibly guilty.

I struggle with saying this, but staying at home simply isn't for me. I'm very, very anxious about the future as #2 is due in February and going back to a day job will be barely worthwhile financially. The prospect of not working at least a couple of days per week until 2013 when DD1 goes to school, is nothing short of frightening.

Although I've never had any real opinion on whether people stay at home or work, I have a whole new appreciation for mums who stay at home. It's hard, hard work.

Each to their own, hun. You do what's right for you. Take as much or as little time as you need and if anyone feels the need to judge you, then they're obviously not worth your time.

Best of luck with it all.

Cheers,
GG

[Boobycino]

I'm an ex- childcarer. I do babysitting these days, with Jasper, in fact right this minute I'm at the park - 'on the iPhone - Jasper is playing in the sand with a friends little girl and I'm baby sitting a baby who's asleep in the pram.

It's not 'easy' money in that juggling Jasper and another child, but generally Jasper enjoys the days I baby sit more than the days it's just the two of us.

Because I couldn't have looked after somebody elses child INSTEAD of mine, but I'll do it with him :yes:

The major downsides for me as a sahm is the boringness. So baby sitting breaks the monotony ;)

Otherwise I couldn't have it any other way :goodvibes: I couldn't put him in care and work :no:

Hats off to those who do :hugs:

[onedayatatime]

Hi there! I'm an ex childcare worker of 12 years (I stayed home since having a baby early last year).

I always always knew this is how I would parent even when I was only 20. I knew no matter what I would take care of my own at home.

I may get judged by people, but I'm not aware of it. Noone has ever said anything to me. What they think of me is not my business. I would never worry about that!

I absolutely love love love being at home with my girl. I do not get bored and cannot relate to people who say they do. I think: how can you? There is so much to do together and so much that fills our time! The days, weeks, months fly by --- but I never miss anything my daughter does or says. And it me who is teaching her and I feel confident about that.

Now, I will freely admit that the first six months at home I did find very, very, very hard. I had a baby who was not an easy baby - never wanted to be put down and would never sleep anywhere except in my arms for 10 months. She hated the car and her pram and so the only place we ever went was around the block with her in a babybjorn. She screamed everytime I was on the phone so I stopped talking to anyone on the phone. I thought I was going to go around the bend but I was DETERMINED that I was doing what was best for my girl and I knew it would get easier AND IT ABSOLUTELY DID!!

I did find that first part very isolating. But now that period has passed and I am simply in heaven. I intend to try for another baby next year. I know the hardship ahead but will do it anyway because it is so worth it in the end. And we humans are capable of doing and surviving more that we give ourselves credit for.

Now my girl is 17 months old. We go to a wonderful playgroup twice a week and I do my bit to help run it while we are there. We go to the library once a week which is a wonderful excursion for her - we play with the toys and crayons and bring home books, cds, toys when we leave. We visit the local environmental centre once a week or so and walk among the nature, look at the displays, and chat to the volunteers. We of course do the groceries as well and my little one sits up in the trolley and is very social to all and has fun. Every afternoon is outside time and we have sandpit, bikes, balls, cubby YOU NAME IT.

You see why we never never get bored?

But all of us are different and I can appreciate that. But I do encourage you to stay at home if you can!! All the best and hang in there always.

[Boobycino]

I've never been judged either (to my face I guess) I've had the odd person a bit puzzled when they'd ask how long my maternity leave was. It was a bit 'can-not-compute' than judgement. Like they can't comprehend that I'm not returning to work in a set period of time.

[TripleTime]

I love being a SAHM, the thought of going back to work in 3 years gives mr the shudders. I don't want to but have to go my sanity & to pay for school fees.

Sucky part about being home is most days are the same & they roll into each other.

[quitecontrary]

I've been a SAHM for nearly 4 years now, and I love it! We have our moments (of course) but generally its delightful being at home with my kids. I don't think I've ever been bored - they are far too entertaining for that to happen, and we have always had a pretty busy week - to start with it was mothers group, then playgroup, and both my kids have gone to the creche at the gym for a couple of hours a week from an early age. Between that, and family stuff, and the park and swimming and dancing and now preschool for my eldest we are pretty much on the hop! I still can't imagine going back to work - and luckily my dh is happy too!

[shockinamillion]

Being a stay at home mum is great when things are good, but if you are like me and are prone to becoming a bit of a hermit when things aren't good then it can be a little sucky!

I love knowing my kids back to front and seeing everything they do. I do not like the monotony of it.

Make sure you get out and go to mums groups or coffee with other friends or mums or to the park, even if your one is too little to play it is still nice to sit and chat!

[BreLee]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for all the responses and to all the new responses. I think now that baby is so close it is all becoming a lot clearer and I'm not as worried about what people will think as much as I was. I just can't wait to spend every moment with this little person we have created and will help shape.

It's great to hear everyone else's stories though so thank you so much and I agree with all of you in saying that we must do what is right for us and our families and if that is staying home then do it and if it is going back to work then do it. It is only up to us to know this.

Thanks for the support everyone. Can't wait to meet my little man but the time is dragging now.

Cheers, Bre xx