KTChutney
04-08-2010, 12:11
Hi all,
I am a newbie - been floating around the egg donation threads but delighted to have found this section.
Quick background - I am single (?) working mum to 2 delightful, challenging, clever, fiesty boys aged 10 and 11. A year ago I asked a lovely man out and we have been together since then, due to celebrate our first anniversary this weekend. Although we spend 4/7 nights at his place, we're not living together.
Situation is this: he has a son, 12, and a step-daughter, 15, of whom he has custody. DSD and I get on great - love and respect both ways. DSS is a COMPLETELY different kettle of fish - disrespectful, immature, selfish and babied by his dad and grandparents (who are heavily involved in their lives - Nanny cleans the house, does the washing, cleans their rooms....). Stressful situation that has been handled by me with kid gloves from the start due to DSS having issues with toileting, eating, manners, aversion to rules (I could go on) but DP's lack of support for me has pushed us to the point where I have asked him to attend counselling with me.
He has readily agreed which is great, but what are my chances of counselling making him recognise that if we blend families that it's ok that not everything is perfect? He is holding off from moving in together because DSD "isn't a happy kid". When I ask if he used to be a happy kid before I came on the scene, the answer is no. As an intelligent woman and mother, I "know" that my relationship with DSS would be improved if he had consistency in his life. BUT, atm, DSS holds all the power and manipulates his dad (and our relationship - grrrr). :hair: DP can't see that one person (DSS) should be the deciding factor about not moving-in together when it's what the rest of us want!!
Has anyone been through counselling about step-families? Did it change things for better or worse? I love this man (we talk, laugh, love, enjoy life together), my boys think he's fantastic, DSD has blossomed (lots of compliments from her family to me about her & my relationship) and if only DSS would let me love him :(, my life would be perfect.
Long post :o - happy to hear all opinions because it is getting to the stage if DP doesn't want to ensure that DSS respects me then I have to think about whether I can continue the relationship. Ending it would break my heart, much worse than when ex walked out after 9 years together :gloomy:. Thanks for reading, Katie.
I am a newbie - been floating around the egg donation threads but delighted to have found this section.
Quick background - I am single (?) working mum to 2 delightful, challenging, clever, fiesty boys aged 10 and 11. A year ago I asked a lovely man out and we have been together since then, due to celebrate our first anniversary this weekend. Although we spend 4/7 nights at his place, we're not living together.
Situation is this: he has a son, 12, and a step-daughter, 15, of whom he has custody. DSD and I get on great - love and respect both ways. DSS is a COMPLETELY different kettle of fish - disrespectful, immature, selfish and babied by his dad and grandparents (who are heavily involved in their lives - Nanny cleans the house, does the washing, cleans their rooms....). Stressful situation that has been handled by me with kid gloves from the start due to DSS having issues with toileting, eating, manners, aversion to rules (I could go on) but DP's lack of support for me has pushed us to the point where I have asked him to attend counselling with me.
He has readily agreed which is great, but what are my chances of counselling making him recognise that if we blend families that it's ok that not everything is perfect? He is holding off from moving in together because DSD "isn't a happy kid". When I ask if he used to be a happy kid before I came on the scene, the answer is no. As an intelligent woman and mother, I "know" that my relationship with DSS would be improved if he had consistency in his life. BUT, atm, DSS holds all the power and manipulates his dad (and our relationship - grrrr). :hair: DP can't see that one person (DSS) should be the deciding factor about not moving-in together when it's what the rest of us want!!
Has anyone been through counselling about step-families? Did it change things for better or worse? I love this man (we talk, laugh, love, enjoy life together), my boys think he's fantastic, DSD has blossomed (lots of compliments from her family to me about her & my relationship) and if only DSS would let me love him :(, my life would be perfect.
Long post :o - happy to hear all opinions because it is getting to the stage if DP doesn't want to ensure that DSS respects me then I have to think about whether I can continue the relationship. Ending it would break my heart, much worse than when ex walked out after 9 years together :gloomy:. Thanks for reading, Katie.