RunningWithScissors
03-08-2010, 11:13
For those of you whose children have regular access to their other parent, how do you deal with the conflict of rules?
I got very upset yesterday when XDP said he was planning on giving DS1 a key to his house so he could "come and go as he pleases". DS is 11.
I don't think an 11 year old should have the choice to decide where he wants to go and whats he wants to do with out parental guidance! I said to XDP, "Do you want him to be that kid on the news who has just crashed a stolen car and killed himself an a passenger?"
That's what children left to their own devices without any idea about consequence will end up like! I know that's a bit over the top, but a child will get into trouble. And I expect him to, he is human. But not big trouble like that.
I should also mention that DS has ADHD which I have worked so very hard to get under control, without the use of drugs, only behavioural therapy and plenty of anger management techniques. People I have met in the last 2 years don't believe me when I tell them. It makes me very proud and tells me my effort has paid off. But even so, after a weekend at his fathers he comes back angry and sometimes naughty, it will take 2 days to settle him.
Giving him keys and no rules at 11 is surely going to cause problems.
He also thinks its acceptable for DS to get himself to school everyday.. a good 20 minute walk to a tram stop, 15-20 mins on the tram then a 30-40min walk to school as the tram line stops and he would have to walk a long way. For the moment he is driving the 2 kids on his access day (DD is 9) but Im really concerned that he will start sending them on his own to save him the 10-15 minute drive through the back streets.
Its so frustrating!
I got very upset yesterday when XDP said he was planning on giving DS1 a key to his house so he could "come and go as he pleases". DS is 11.
I don't think an 11 year old should have the choice to decide where he wants to go and whats he wants to do with out parental guidance! I said to XDP, "Do you want him to be that kid on the news who has just crashed a stolen car and killed himself an a passenger?"
That's what children left to their own devices without any idea about consequence will end up like! I know that's a bit over the top, but a child will get into trouble. And I expect him to, he is human. But not big trouble like that.
I should also mention that DS has ADHD which I have worked so very hard to get under control, without the use of drugs, only behavioural therapy and plenty of anger management techniques. People I have met in the last 2 years don't believe me when I tell them. It makes me very proud and tells me my effort has paid off. But even so, after a weekend at his fathers he comes back angry and sometimes naughty, it will take 2 days to settle him.
Giving him keys and no rules at 11 is surely going to cause problems.
He also thinks its acceptable for DS to get himself to school everyday.. a good 20 minute walk to a tram stop, 15-20 mins on the tram then a 30-40min walk to school as the tram line stops and he would have to walk a long way. For the moment he is driving the 2 kids on his access day (DD is 9) but Im really concerned that he will start sending them on his own to save him the 10-15 minute drive through the back streets.
Its so frustrating!