Am I being selfish or irresponsible?

[Mummabear]

We are desperate to have #3. I am just so excited at the thought of having another child in our family :goodvibes:. However........ I am 50kg overweight (I have a weightloss journal on here where you can read about my weight issues, I won't rehash them here).

I have been extremely obese for many years. When I fell pregnant with DS1 I was around 105kg, when I fell pregnant with DS2 I was around 110kg. I am currently around 120kg. Both my pregnancies were extremely healthy and both my boys were born naturally with great births and very healthy and happy babies. But I have to admit that I've let my MIL's comments from my second pregnancy taint me a little. She had a massive rant to DH during my pregnancy that I was selfish and was 'killing my child' due to being so excessively obese during pregnancy. I was putting myself and my child at risk of GD, pre-eclampsia, etc, yadda, yadda, yadda. I never had any of these issues with either pregnancy, but yes, she is right, being so overweight is putting us at risk of those things.

I've been trying for years and years to lose weight (even having lapband surgery) but I just can't seem to do it.

What are your thoughts? Honestly? I know it's hard for most people to imagine being this obese, but I am healthy, I feel healthy, so I often forget about what a health risk my weight really is.

If you were in my shoes would you postpone your desire to have another baby and try and lose weight again (again, again :rolleyes::rolleyes:) or would you just go ahead and TTC?

I've put up a poll if you would rather leave your opinion anonymously there (I'm not easily offended though ;))

[MamaKoala]

I can't begin to imagine how hurtful what your MIL said was to you. I also don't know what it is like to be obese. I would probably follow medical advice as much as possible and try to get back down to pre-baby weight before I had a third. I had pre-eclampsia with my first. I was 49kgs when I fell pregnant and 84kgs when I had DS1. I didn't manage to lose all my baby weight before I had DS2 and was 60kgs when I fell pg with him. Losing weight is hard, I imagine much harder for someone with much more weight to lose to be considered healthy. And that would take a long time to get down to the sort of weight that is considered normal BMI. I guess it's up to you really. If you think it's worth the risk then go for it. There are much heavier women who have had healthy bubs. And there are skinny people who have had heaps of complications as well. But if you have a part of you who thinks you should lose 10-20kgs beforehand then I would listen to that part, just to be a little safer.
Good luck with #3. :goodvibes:

[lulululu]

Your mil is out of line saying you're killing your child. Clearly you've had two healthy kids and if you're ready for a third I reckon go for it. Yes your weight is a health risk but I'd personally finish having my babies then do the weight loss thing. After all, if you lose the weight now then have the baby you'll have to lose it again! Having said that extra weight can make it harder to conceive but looks like you've managed in the past so maybe see how you go. Trying to lose weight and conceive at the same time is even more difficult I believe. Good luck with having another baby and with your mil!

[Mrs Molly Coddle]

Ahh I have soo been there. In fact I pretty much wrote the EXACT same post.

I decided to wait until I could lose some
weight and being pregnant now, at a lower weight, I am very happy I waited. But I had a horribly uncomfortable pregnancy with DS because of my weight. Heartburn from day one, puffing and panting all over the place so that has been really good. I dunno. It's such a personal decision but that is my experience so thought i would share :)


All the best making your decision my love! I am sure it will be the right one, whatever you decide :)

[MimiGrace]

I ticked two options cause i'm indecisive and i don't know what i'd actually do in your shoes :o

i think you should talk to your husband - see where he stands.
for the most part, i think that lulululu makes a good point- chances are you may put that weight on again during pregnancy - and it'll just be harder to lose the weight after wards.

so maybe try and lose, 10kg? since you had a healthy pregnancy at 110kg last time - rather than trying to lose it all?

goodluck regardless of what you choose! :hugs::hugs:

[Sadaussiemum]

I would try to loose what I could set a goal month or weight ever if it is just 10kg so u can gain that back while pregs with out wondering if ur body can handle it if u have had past problems maybe chat to ur doctor

[MsMummy]

Can I ask how old you are, as I think that might be a determining factor.

I was about 90kg when I conceived, and put on 20kg during pregnancy. I lost most of that weight, but have put on another 10kg and am about 100kg at the moment.

For me, I never want to be overweight and pregnant again. There are several reasons, and I'm sure anyone who has been overweight and pregnant understands.

However, you can be very fit and overweight. I know somebody who's heavier than me who does these crazy extreme walking/hiking type things.

I think that if you're reaching the end of your childbearing years and it looks doubtful that you're going to lose the weight and you want another baby, then you should just have one.

[Mummabear]

I'm 34 now so to go ahead and TTC now would mean I would be 35 when having the baby (if it happens)

I know I need to lose weight. I'm not in denial about that. Food to me is like alcohol is to an alcoholic. Yes, having a baby should be a big motivator, but that threat has never worked in the past. I guess I just feel like if I postpone TTC in order to lose weight then I'm never going to have another baby because I've been trying to lose weight for years and I've never been able to do it. I dunno what I'm trying to say :gloomy:

[loving6]

I know where your coming from I've been there. I have been over 150 kgs for 4 of my pg's. I never been consider high risk. I was healthy other than the weight. If I had waited I would have the 5 wonderful children I now have. I thought I would that it is possible to not put on weight while pg when your bigger. i did that with one of mine, one i gained 2 kgs another 4 kgs and another only5 kilos. I had safe vb births with all five bubs and healthy pg's.

Only you know what your capable of. I would continue to ttc and continue to try and loss weight. Weight loss of 5kgs or over can dramatic increase your chances of conceiving.

[Mummabear]

I know where your coming from I've been there. I have been over 150 kgs for 4 of my pg's. I never been consider high risk. I was healthy other than the weight. If I had waited I would have the 5 wonderful children I now have. I thought I would that it is possible to not put on weight while pg when your bigger. i did that with one of mine, one i gained 2 kgs another 4 kgs and another only5 kilos. I had safe vb births with all five bubs and healthy pg's.

Only you know what your capable of. I would continue to ttc and continue to try and loss weight. Weight loss of 5kgs or over can dramatic increase your chances of conceiving.

Thank you :hugs:

Yes, both my pregnancies were healthy and both my deliveries were awesome and safe and healthy and my babies were healthy and beautiful.

In a perfect world I would love to lose the weight beforehand. To look so obviously pregnant with a big round firm preggo belly, not just like I've become even more obese :o But like you said, if I wait then I might miss out because I could be waiting forever :doh:

[Mummabear]

To the people that voted for "Lose the weight before TTC. No compromise" - any chance you can post your thoughts on here. I promise I'm not easily offended and it might be good for me to get a kick in the pants and hear some hard truths......

[louellyn]

I was 155kg when I gave birth to my son in 2008 and I fell pregnant first time trying and had no complications and I never had had any health wise because of my weight.

I have had lap band surgery also and am down to around 120kg and recently had a miscarriage after falling pregnant first time trying again. My OB has never had a problem with my weight and said the miscarriage was not linked to weight at all.

For me I am starting to ttc again and trying to lose a few kilos in the process - not for the pregnancy to be honest but because I cannot handle going back into the 130's when pregnant.

If you have had the band have you considered that they often take out all the fluid when you are pregnant? I know for me this is the reason why I haven't had any extra fluid put in and once our next child is born I will have a fill and I know the weight will come off.

[twotrunks]

If food is your drug then you would only put the weight back on during pregnancy anyway. Have a baby, then worry about losing your weight :)
(that was my plan, although 18 months later hasn't happened :rolleyes:)

[A Party of Five]

You should stop TTC at all until you have lost all the weight, no compromise :yes:

[kas3]

It's a hard one, but given that you've had two healthy pregnancies in the past, I wouldn't be put off tcc. I reckon you should do what a pp suggested - just get down to the weight you were with your last baby - 110kgs I think it was. Losing weight is SO HARD. I've been overweight for a long time. I was 85 kilos before pregnancy (both times) - 35 kilos overweight (I'm very short lol.) - now I'm up to 99 kilos. (Only got to 98 kilos last time, and I've still got five weeks to go. :() My ob has never said anything about my weight.

[Entropy]

Firstly, I think your MIL was out of line in her comments. If your midwife / OB was not concerned by your weight, then she should keep her trap shut. While I have never been morbidly obese, I certainly was about 20 kgs overweight when I fell pregnant

I didn't vote above, as didn't feel anything really met my answer.

I am leaning towards "loose some (not necessarily half) of your weight, and then restart TTC". Did it take you a long time to conceive with baby 1 and 2? If so, then I would continue TTC and try and lose weight in the process...

[cja]

I think you should go for it and TTC.

Like you, I have had two healthy pregnancies and babies while being overweight.

[bumMum]

if I were you I'd ignore the MIL who clearly sounds a bit evil, and I'd have another baby. I think it seems better to try and lose the weight after the 3rd child rather than going through all the weight loss and then having another pregnancy. You can lose weight while you are pregnant also, because I've known people who have, as they were told they were a higher risk pregnancy and to lose weight. but I don't think you should worry about what your mother in law says.

[pinkprincess_84]

Mummabear, i chose Stop TTC and lose the weight no comprise.

I say this as i know how hard it is to shift pregnancy weight. You have admitted that you are overweight already, you don't want to add to that with another pregnancy. Your children need you! So many problems come with being overweight and you increase your chance of heart disease etc. Please put yourself first and get healthy first, your babies need their mother around! Also keep in mind that losing the weight will also increase your chances of tcc.

Good luck Hun, i wish your all the best, either way choose!

xx

[Little-Pink-Hen]

I picked TTC. When I first ttc years ago I was told I needed to loose weight to have any hope of falling pregnant I was around 100kgs and went up to 110 kgs. I spent the next few years ttc and loose the weight which I gradually did than got sick which pulled of some more weight. All of a sudden I was 60kgs still doing iui without success! Six months after weighing it at 60kgs I was back up to 92kgs! That's when I finally fell pregnant. My entire pregnancy I was healthy, I only put on 4kgs, dd was born an average birth weight. I would love to weigh 10-15 kilos less now I'm back at around 90kgs. But we are ttc again. My desire to have more children far outweighs the desire to be thiner iykwim :)
Best of luck xxxx :hugs:

[FunKy~Mummy]

I fell unexpectedly with my little boy I was 145kg. I have PCOS and a pituitary tumour. I had been trying for 8 years and I did manage to lose 30kg before I fell but I wasnt losing weight to fall pregnant but losing weight to be healthy.
My pregnancy was a breeze, bp never rose, I never had heart burn, gestational diabeties or anything. the only thing that happened is I tore the middle pelvic muscle in the middle of the pregnancy but that can happen to anyone.
I had to have an emergency c section because I didnt dilate again that can happen to anyone and I sailed through that!!!
I took care of my wound really well and made sure it stayed dry, because I had an overlap that covered it!!! I ended up being 130kg after my ds was born!!
with DD I fell pregnant on the pill. I was 135kg. I so breeeeeezed through her pregnancy it was like being on a cloud!!!
I had an elective c section and it was all great!!!!!

I am atm 180kg. I had an implamon put in for birth control and after 3 years I ended up at 208kg
I had a lap band put in messy story, I hit 150kg feb 2009 was assaulted and had to be rebanded. I put on 40kg and now the band is working well and at its sweet spot the weight is falling off.
I saw a obgyn last week. I am high risk. I have bp problems since the assault. I am extremely over weight but losing and I am on antidepressants for PTSD.
I feel the best I have ever felt. I am on blackmores conceive well gold and vitex. we are in a good financial position and I can be a stay at home mum and do not have to go back to work. Im ready and so is all my family and friends to support us.
I am leaving it in gods hands. If I fall I am meant too. women with alot of high risks fall pregnant everyday!!! and have extremely healthy babies. I think it is a decision that you make that makes you heart, mind and soul feel at ease!!
I am there now
good luck I wish you al lthe very best
(MIL can be horrible people you just enjoy!!!)

[Bel1978]

I wouldn't worry about carrying a baby if your healthy.. It's being there for them after and staying healthy

[howmanydidyousay]

I started off at 85kg when I had DS in 1999 I put in so much weight in the 6 weeks after the birth I had rude people joking to me saying I thought you had the baby.
I never lost any weight and I had DD in 2001 and same thing piled on the weight in the first 6 weeks after birth. Had another DD in 2004 and hadn't lost any weight same thing happened. Had DD in 2009 and I lost 15kg while pregnant but put on 20kg in the fisrt 6 weeks after her birth. I am currently 11 weeks 5 days pregnant with number 5 baby started of at 132kg have lost 3kg and not by trying. I don't have morning sickness I am not excersing any differantly (probably less actually from being so darn tired) and I have never had any issues related to weight other than down right more uncomfortable than you would normally be. I can walk our step hill with out raising a puff (the kids die half way up lol) so I guess I am reasonably fit but I would never class myself as healthy as weight has to many secondary risks.
I say if you are comfortable with being pregnant while over weight then that is you right. If you continue to follow a healthy eating and exercise program then you are giving your best. I don't mean to be rude her but you say food is like alcohol is to a alcoholic have you seen/been to counciling to try and resovle the issues as to why you eat like this, I am a strong believer that even if you have lapband or other type of weightloss you won't recieve the full benifits of it is you have foodaholic issues. I am just lazy to some extent and forget that I am meant to eat and then eat to much and the wrong food when I finally eat. If I eat according to a diabetes eating plan I lose weight but as soon as I divert on it goes. All I have to do is stick to a strict eating plan which can be easier said then done when you are a busy mum.
Sorry to take over your post thought i would share my story and thoughts with you.

[SassyMummy]

I think the optimum thing to do, OP, is to lose AT LEAST half your excess weight before TTC.

That said, how long is that gonna take? As a fellow fatty, I know that it's easier said than done, and if it weren't for the surgery I'm planning on having next year, I could very well remain obese until I'm no longer able to have children. Try as I might, losing weight is very difficult for me and no doubt difficult for you too.

IMO, there is no easy answer, and probably no right answer either.

Perhaps it might help if you set yourself a lower goal. Instead of "half or all," you excess weight, why not focus on reaching double, rather than triple digits, or saying, "I must lost 10kg before TTC?" It might give you a bit of a kick start towards living a healthier lifestyle, and you can take that with you through pregnancy. I dunno?

Like I said, I know how hard it is to lose weight myself, and if I had to lose half or all my excess weight before TTC again, if not for the gastric sleeve surgery I'm intending to have next year, I'd probably lose my ability to have children before losing the weight!

[launnie mum]

Go for it if you are happy and healthy but try and loose the weight at the same time. I think some foods are like drugs well for me they are so I avoid them I'm about to start a new diet which will hopefully work to change that it has the basic rule that you eat 2/3 basic foods from plants veg, fruit, grains,nuts,seeds and 1/3 everything else and get active hopefully I can wean myself so the craving for sugary and salty processed foods I dont care if i lose wait but a least I will be healthier.

[cashahn]

Weight doesnt always determine whether you will have a trouble free pregnancy I was 89kgs at full term with my DD (im 5'9) and I had GD so it just goes to show that even if your not that much overweight (maybe carrying about 10kgs to much in general) you can still have complications.

[MummyLip]

The decision is yours to make. You have had two healthy children so there is no reason you can't have another healthy bub. It is just weather or not you can handle being pregnant at that weight.
Also, will the hospital support you giving birth at your current weight?
MIL's can be *****es. Mine said to me two days after having Charlotte, "Oh you still look pregnant" I was highly embarrassed and humiliated. I think women are too hard on ourselves about the way we look after giving birth.
Good luck whatever you decide- keep us posted. :fingerscrossed:

[cuinee]

Hi,
I should prepare to choose the with #3 that is go for it, keep TTC and keep trying to shift the weight as best you can...because it sdoesn't mean taht loosing weight will affect you to have a trouble free pregnancy.