How do I be excited for SIL when she's getting my longed for baby girl?

[Tieko]

I have two little boys so far, and am currently pregnant with #3 bub. I don't know what sex I am having, but I had a lot of gender disappointment with DS2 as I was told he was a girl at the scans, and then turned out to be a boy (I think it had a lot to do with the shock that they got it wrong and the fact that I had been expecting a girl). I have come to terms with that over the years though, to the point that I am genuinely 100% fine no matter what sex this baby will be - even if that means a third boy! However my brother and SIL are pregnant with their first baby (due only 3 weeks after me!) and they have just found out today that they are having a baby girl! :( I really thought I was okay with the fact that I may be having another boy, and I'm sure I still would be fine if they were having a boy! However I just feel jealous. They are having the little girl I've always dreamed about, they are giving my parents their first grand daughter (I've only just found out that my parents really wanted a grand daughter...) I really want to be happy for them I honestly do, but I guess my feelings surprised me as I'm really okay with the fact I may be having a boy....what I didn't factor in though was that I might not be okay with someone else having a girl!! I know there is still the chance that I could be having a little girl - but I guess I just assume that "I make boys!" has anyone else been through something similar? Were you happy for them once the baby was born or did you become even more envious? I know I may have a little girl...but I guess I just wanted to prepare myself in case this bub is a boy - I want to deal with these feelings BEFOREHAND so that they don't impact on either my little bub or my neice.

[Nuckysmum]

Hi
I was in a similar situation. I was pregnant with my second son, while my SIL was pregnant with her daughter. I was jealous that I wasn't getting my 'pigeon pair' and she was, but once both children were born, I was happy to have a new niece. Our children play really well together, and she loves her aunty.
I hope that you get your pink, and if you don't, I hope you are able to have a gret relationship with your neice.

[muls]

I'm feeling ya!! My DH's cousin who just whinges about her kids and rants about how hard it is to be a mum and that she needs time out just found out she's having a baby girl and I found out I'm having boy #3. I'm happy with my little man but annoyed that I don't get the opportunity to experience a little girl and someone who doesn't appreiciate what she already had gets to. I hope her boys don't suffer.
I've got another scan in 2 wks or so and I feel bad for hoping that maybe they got it wrong - I know they wouldn't of but I still think it.
Hopefully you are pregnant with the baby girl you long for and everything will be perfect with the girls growing up together so close.
I'm crossing everything for you :hugs: :fingerscrossed:

[RmumR]

Tieko would you be able to deal with it better if you knew what you were having so could deal with it before both the babies arrive

[1+1=5]

we swayed hard to get a girl for baby #3 but we are having another little man. my bestie who is more like my sister, fell pregnant accidentally and she had a stunning little girl, i felt hurt and jealous. I'm so happy that she is happy but i felt a bit ripped off that i was so desperate for a girl and she couldn't care less what she had but she got the little girl i was pining for.

[deux bleus]

Im glad this thread is up cause this is something Im dealing with and also a big fear of mine!

Im currently pg with DS2 and I am super happy about that but sometimes its a bit sad that I dont have the little pink bundle that Id dreamt about.

DS1 is the first grandchild and great grandchild on both sides so he is pretty special. I always thought that Id give them all their first Grand daughter too but now I dont think that will happen.

My SIL is craving a girl but she doesnt have any kids as yet and I know that she will have a little pink one. Everytime I think about it, I get really upset and then I get mad @ myself for being evil and jealous haha!

All my friends have girls, Im the only one with a boy and although some of them envy me, Im dreading having another bub in case its another boy.... and Im dreading the day SIL gets pg and announces its a girl that I dont have :(

[Happy2be3]

Who knows.. your SIL's scan could be wrong and she could end up with a boy.. just like you could end up with a girl..

Everything happens for a reason.. I think if you do end up with another boy then its for a reason.. what that reason is though may take a while to figure out

[miasmumma]

all i have to say is be careful that you dont alienate your sil. by all means acknowledge your feeling because they are important but i was the sil in the scenario and it was horrible.

my sil told me the night i had my baby girl that she knew my bro was upset he didnt get a girl to. she then went on to be very competitive and pinpoint anything bad about girls she could think of and even made personal attacks about my babies appearance. it wasnt until my dd way 12mths that my sil (who i am very close to) stopped death staring my baby and actually began to interact with her. because of her jealousy she has begun slamming my parenting skills and ive had just about enough and cant be in the same room a her. i come from a very close family and for this to happen is horrifying.

i know this is an very extreme case but im sure your sil would pick up on your feelings and she needent feel guilty. all babies are to be celebrated. congratulation on your pregnancy though and as someone else mentioned one or both sonographers may have got it wrong anyway. i hope you come to terms with it and can eventually see the big picture. your feelings are perfectly valid, but be very careful as i know how hurtful it can be when your the one with the desired gender. hope i didnt offend anybody but i thought it may be useful for the OP to see the flip of the coin.

take care:p

[raisingthree]

I think once the little girl is born you will be fine. You will enjoy buying pink things for her.

I was upset that I didn't get a girl with my second pregnancy and then I decided that I would just buy my friend's little girl all the things I would like to buy my own little girl.

Make it fun - she can be your "special little girl niece".

[lemonpancakes]

Tieko I really think you should find out the sex of your baby now. It'll give you time to deal with it. Much better to go through any disappointment now than on the day you give birth because the exhaustion could magnify those feelings.

I don't understand why people don't want to find out what they're having. It doesn't make it any less wonderful.

[deux bleus]

Just wanted an update to see how you were now after your niece arrived?

I posted to you months ago about how my SIL wanted to have a girl. Well she is now pregnant. Although we dont know what it is, I'm sure it will be a girl and these feelings are going to come alive for me too.

I am happy for them and will love that little pink bundle but I am going to be upset and grieve the little pink bundle that I dont have... IYKWIM?

I still have a few weeks to find out what they are having.. if they find decide to out :hair:

I confided into DH about it recently and felt better that I had someone to have a tear with about it, if the outcome is pink for them.

;)