Feeling judged cause I want more! [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

19-08-2006, 12:34

I would love to have another bubba, which would make 5 for us.

I am getting comments like "haven't you got enough? or Don't you own a TV? and everything in between.

We were going to wait a little longer before ttc #5 (#4 was born in March this year). But me and DH have just thought "stuff it" let's go and just do it. If I fell pg straight away (which I usually do) there will be a 14 month gap between #4 and #5. This isn't an issue for us, just seems to be for everyone else in the family.

My SIL has just had her first baby after many many failed attempts at IVF. She is over the moon and we are over the moon for her. But the family keep saying that I am taking the "shine" off her and "rubbing her nose" in the fact that she may not be able to have more.

Am I doing the right thing by having more? Should I be concerned with what everyone else is saying????

M O P

19-08-2006, 12:36

don't worry what others think,
"others" are never happy- if you have 1 it's not enough, you can't win
do what makes you happy:)

rynosmum

19-08-2006, 12:38

If you have room in your hearts for another lovely little baby and you are lucky enough to be able to fulfil that dream then go for it!:thumbsup:

JnA

19-08-2006, 12:41

But the family keep saying that I am taking the "shine" off her and "rubbing her nose" in the fact that she may not be able to have more.

Forget about what the family are saying, what is *she* saying? I bet she's just as happy for you as you are for her.

I say go for it. If you want 50 kids, go, do... personally, Id rather put up with the thoughtless remarks of someone than look back at my life and wish I had done something else.

ziggie

19-08-2006, 12:42

Go for it! I would! :yes:

InSaneOne

19-08-2006, 12:50

i am having similar feelings of doubt. my dh already had 3 children when i met him and now we have another one. my sil had trouble getting pregnant with her first and has been ttc number 2 for about 18 months now with no luck. i am still fairly young (13 years younger than sil) and i would love to have another 3 or 4 or 5. i might be able to convince dh to go one more time or maybe twice.

i feel for sil when she tells me she got her af again but at the same time i am thinking bummer i got mine. i know she will be happy for us to have more but it will make her sad that she hasn't got anymore.

i think even tho it is difficult for some people you need to go and do what is right for you. have another one or another 10. it is up to you. try to stay close to your sil so her "only" child will feel like they have the brother and sisters that kids generally want.

19-08-2006, 13:15

personally, Id rather put up with the thoughtless remarks of someone than look back at my life and wish I had done something else.

You are right!! Thanks heaps!!!:thumbsup:

mich71

20-08-2006, 13:07

we will have 7kids by xmas and we get is the tv broken again and how do you do it oh the best ones are dont you have enough or better you than me to those people that say those things stick it were the sun dont shine as far as im concerened it our choice and what im saying to you is everyone will celebrate your sil babys birth and all it means is more cousins to play with if its what you and dh want i say go for it big familys are great take it from me i wouldnt have it any other way

JATS

20-08-2006, 13:18

Alatariel

20-08-2006, 13:45

Bugger em!

I think its rude and thoughtless that they are trying to tell you not to have more babies bacuse someone else cant! Do what makes you happy, and I bet your SIL will be happy for you too.

mummytoallboys

20-08-2006, 14:10

i think you should do what s right for you, forget what everyone else is saying, it is not there life, its yours, and if you feel you want another than go for it!!!!

iamstephyc

20-08-2006, 14:25

I am now Pg with number 5. I always wanted a big family, but when we reached 4 we thought that that would be the end of it. Well surprise, surprise, here comes number 5.
I was a bit worried about the reactions we would get from some people, but in the end I thought, stuff them! I'm not asking them to have 5!
I know it is not for everyone, but for those of us who can and want to, I think there is no reason not to!
We also get all the TV and cold winter comments. My personal favourite was when we got pg with number 3 and my brother said to DH, "You need a hobby..." Well DH said "I've already got one!" :laughing: My bro never said anything about it again...

♥My Innocent Angel♥

20-08-2006, 15:16

Forget about what the family are saying, what is *she* saying? I bet she's just as happy for you as you are for her.

I say go for it. If you want 50 kids, go, do... personally, Id rather put up with the thoughtless remarks of someone than look back at my life and wish I had done something else.

Honestly i dont think i could have worded it better than above and i agree 100% go for it :hugs: :kiss:

20-08-2006, 15:33

Thanks guys, I agree with all your posts - bugger em!!!

I just put the hard word on hubby .... he was last seen running screaming from the house lol :D :D

Lozie

20-08-2006, 17:02

:wave:
we have our 2 close together but we want 6, i dont care what people say anymore i ended up telling my uncle to shove it after he called me an incubater at a bbq once he also told me if we kept having kids none of the family would come and see us! tell u the truth i really dont give a ****!!! it my life and i will hace 20 kids if i wanted too! u should go for it have as many as u can i would! good luck!

spiritedfamily

20-08-2006, 20:18

Just wanted to put in my vote of support...:thumbsup:

This time we make our own crazy comment about owning a tv with 50 chanels and guess whats more fun...morning and night...any opportunity:kiss:

renesje

21-08-2006, 09:34

I just want to give my support too! People say all kinds of things and generally it says more about them than about you! I am pregnant with my first and as soon as I announced that I was pregnant I had family members telling me that I needed to have another child!!!! Whoo back I said, let's get this bub out first and then we'll see what happens!! Good luck and good on everyone having these large families!!! :yelclap: :yelclap:

StormAngel

21-08-2006, 13:20

I agree with everything everyone has said! Go for it & stuff the nay- sayers!

Mum&bubs

21-08-2006, 13:26

I say bugger them & go for it!!! Its your family & you should do what you think is best and will make you's all happy- and if thats another baby go for it :thumbsup: Dont let other peoples nasty comments put you off completing your family :)

Nan

21-08-2006, 19:55

The way I look at it, some women were born to be great nurses, lawyers, teachers, retailers etc. It sounds like your calling in this life, at least for now, is to be a great mum! It is your calling - not your SIL's. You should go for it. YOU know you're not being inconsiderate and that's what counts. What others think is their problem.
Love,
Nan. xx

jaydensmum

22-08-2006, 15:43

Im sorry that people have treated you this way. I know how you feel on this. I only have 2 at the moment but i would love to have 4 or 5 kids but everyone keeps putting me down when i say i want more. Even now they say to me havent i had enough with just 2!! Everyone looks at my DH and i as bunnys cause i fell pg with our DD 6 months after the birth of my son and we planned it that way. Why do people be so judgemental of others decisions?? :mad: I really do feel for you and your DH. All i can say to you is if you feel that it is right for you both, then go ahead and do it. Try not to worry to much on what others say, its your life not theirs. You do whats best for you and your family. :hugs:

jaydensmum

Shellfish

23-08-2006, 14:39

the family keep saying that I am taking the "shine" off her and "rubbing her nose" in the fact that she may not be able to have more.

Whether or not you have another child isn't going to affect her fertility, you aren't denying her anything. It's your body, it's your life...get on with it.

mandiegraham

01-09-2006, 13:55

Sweetie you do what you want to do, other will say things but what they say is not important, you do what you want and what makes you happy, ID SAY GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!! AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!:thumbsup:

Jodiee

02-09-2006, 23:47

Hi

I am pregnant now with number 5, and have just gone through all the comments, stuff em, I say, do what YOU want, not what others want, YOU will be the one having the fantastic christmases, the grandkids galore, and the pleasure of a large family in your old age, and you know what? sucked in to those who think it isnt right!!!!

Jo

Mamaduke

02-09-2006, 23:55

But the family keep saying that I am taking the "shine" off her and "rubbing her nose" in the fact that she may not be able to have more.

ooooo...that's a bit harsh! :no:

defaipe

03-09-2006, 15:03

silly question hun. stuff everyone else. your the one who looks after your kids. its not upto anyone else!!! bring on number 5 :D

mum2bubba

03-09-2006, 15:33

Don't feel judged kids are great. You should have as many as you want (or at least as many as you can afford) I know a few families that have 4 or 5 (even more) kids and people say things like. "Why would anybody want that many children?" and other stuff like that, they think that having heaps of kids is a burden. If it were up to me, I'd probably have 4 (2 of each) but financially we can only afford 2 (well see what the future holds I guess).

I am the oldest of 4 I have 3 sisters-one real sister (same mum and dad) and 2 half sisters (same dad as us but different mum) and my dad has sole custody of my sisters (mine and my sister's mum died when we were young and my half sisters' mum is an unfit mother). Anyway, just be blessed that you have kids and don't give a rats bottom what anyone else says. :)

mumato2

03-09-2006, 15:51

We stopped telling family/friends we want 4-6 (maybe more) kids because of the comments. A few support us, my great grandmother's fav saying is;

"The only child you regret is the one you never had"

She had 7 and wanted more and to this day regrets not going for it!

Wonderful saying....so true.. from a wise lady!
You have a husband who is supportive all the way, what are u waiting for!

3agirls

22-09-2006, 03:16

I have 3 girls but want another desperately!!!!! My hubby is not so willing but I am going to keep pleading with him. I love all my little girls and if you want more you go girl. It is no one else's business but you and your hub.

Theresa

mumma_jessy

22-09-2006, 13:37

I'm agreeing with all the others!

If you want more then have them, who cares what others think, they are not the ones that have to be thier parents, you are.

I think it's selfish that you should have to sacrifice your happiness cause someone else isn't as lucky as you are, I'm sure your SIL will be happy for you!

wannabemum

22-09-2006, 13:45

wantagirl

30-09-2006, 00:25

Oh, I can so relate to this. I only have 2 boys now and I want a girl. But, eveytime I mention it to someone in my family they say something like oh what would you do that for or yeah if it wasn't so much money to have kids, or another one is you will just get another boy and what would be the point. My mother says it will be to hard on my body.(I am a right leg amputee) But hey it is my body not hers. My brother went as far to say that would be stupid of me. I don't see why they can't be supportive. I have always taken care of my boys and they have food, clothing, and shelter and most importantly love. I say go for it, I am no matter what they say. If you don't you will probably regret it later. Good luck and I hope we all get the little ones we want!

Ashleigh<3

30-09-2006, 01:33

Well I just wanted to stop by and say that i think it's beautiful that you and your husband are having a big family.
If it makes you and your husband happy that's all that matters.
And for the people who choose to judge you over this, well, just goes to show what type of people they are right?
Good luck with it all! :hugs:

ada

30-09-2006, 07:35

you go girl just do it! i agree with all thats been said but just love the line
"The only child you regret is the one you never had"

you dont want to have any regret because of what people think, be true to yourself and just do it. Me and Dh are still in discussion over #5 but once we decide or should i say agree at the same time ill just do it, my own mother has said if i have anymore she wont talk to me!!! but shell get over it cause you cause you have your Dh support go for it!!
anyhow best of luck

~EmsMum~

30-09-2006, 07:39

I say stuff them, its up to you how many children you want :)

Go for it :thumbsup:

mamabare

30-09-2006, 10:20

Mothers seem to be judged no matter what they do: for having only one child; for having more than 2 children; for using childcare; for breastfeeding too long or not breastfeeding at all; for co-sleeping; for the way they give birth; for the school they send their children too; for the clothes they wear; for having a cleaner; for going to work; for staying at home....blah blah blah the list is endless.

I try to feel strong and confident in myself and trust my instincts and only take on board the things that I want or need to take on board (easier said than done a lot of the time - MIL has me in tears with her judgements often!).

So I'd say go with your head and your heart. Its your life, they don't have to live it, and how does how many children you have bloody affect them anyway?!

Cheers, Jenny

cenasangel

01-10-2006, 15:11

I got openly ripped on because i was having number 5...... they tried to say that it was because they were concerned about my blood pressure but i know it's because they knew my little boy was autistic and belived i was just having so many kids for the money.

lovbemummy!

04-10-2006, 21:47

I understand where you are coming from! I have one ds, absolutely adore and my sil just had a positive result through IVF (my dh is fertile, hers is not for some unknown reason). I am really happy for her, but when I was pregnant she cried when ever she saw me, friends made cruel comments to me that it was unfair that I could have a child, (I can't quiet understand this notion since they themselves have children). My sil also said that if we or my other sils were to have another baby prior to her conceiving she would be devastated. I sound like I'm a drama queen and over exadurating but please let me assure you I'm not. I cried lots of tears and in the end I thought this is my life (included is the awesome dh and ds), you can't put your life on hold for anyone, it's all your own! The best of Luck!:fingerscrossed:

mim1

09-10-2006, 20:16

When people ask how many we want I'm quite open that we hope to have 4 children. Given that we don't have any yet (but one on the way) I get lots of shocked responses to that. My brothers both are quite open in saying that they only want 2 children each (which means one brother won't have any more children). They are quite happy for us to supply their children with lots of cousins though and site expense and difficult pregnancies as the main reasons for stopping at 2.

Your SIL may find it difficult if you choose to have another child, but it is her problem, not yours. She is going to find it difficult if anyone she knows has another child and that won't stop her other friends getting pregnant. I actually found it heaps more difficult when friends got pregnant than when my SIL's announced their pregnancies. At least your SIL will be able to play quite a role in your child's life, which should help ease her pain.

Basically it is up to you and your dh. My friend has 5 children and he tells a funny story of when they lived in England and after their 2nd child was born the maternal and child nurse came and had a 'serious' chat with his wife. She said that clearly they weren't using contraception and that the best thing to do was to use contraception to prevent further pregnancies. The thought that they actually wanted more children was a completely foreign (literally in this case) concept for this nurse. :)