Taking Baby To Uni. [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

fertilethoughts

19-08-2006, 12:00

bellagirl

19-08-2006, 12:51

cant say i have lovey but i congratulate you in being confident and doing it.
if your happy to do it then why the hell not?:yes:
good luck and hope all is well with your new edition to the family!!!!:fingerscrossed:

cheezelkat

19-08-2006, 15:12

I had difficult lecturers who couldn't work with me - and the policy of the university I atteneded was that the lecturers had the last word in the matter :banghead:

I've had to leave a couple of subjects away from completing my degree.

Lillasmummy

19-08-2006, 15:30

I think that is appalling behaviour by your lecturers, you would think that a university would support a new mum returning to study. Can I ask which university is it?

I am going back to university next year to complete my post grad studies, my DD will be 7 months and I know that I will need the support and understanding of my lecturers.

Good Luck with it and I hope you get lots of High Distinctions that will show them!!
;)

Sarie

19-08-2006, 15:38

I can probably actually see it from a lecture's point of view. More from the fact of it being a disruption in their class, especially with a lot of other students in there also.
I wouldn't take my baby to uni, but then I'm not in your position. I'm happy to stay at home with the kids and while things are tight I'm not under pressure from myself or anyone else to go back to work or continue to study.
Best of luck I hope it all goes well for you.

Beany

19-08-2006, 15:57

My experience has been entirely different. I am currently pregnant with my first and have chosen to take this semester off (as the baby is due, well, yesterday!) but the support I received from seminar coordinators and my supervisor last semester had been awesome. They were incredibly understanding about my missing classes from time to time (to get to antenatal appointments) as well as extending deadlines for essays and suchlike.

I asked about bringing the baby to classes next semester (if childcare became an issue) and was told that as long as the baby wasn't disruptive, they couldn't see a problem with it. My supervisor did advise me to go part time rather than full time, though, as the baby would obviously be taking up more of my time. I think that was just kindly advice on her part rather than trying to dissuade me from study.

Having said that, I am a postgrad student and I know that postgrads get an awful lot more respect and leeway from the academic staff than the undergrads.

Best of luck with the AWOL lecturer!

sarah81

19-08-2006, 15:57

I didn't go back to uni until by little ones were closer to one, I wouldn't have coped. Had two very wakeful babies! But if you think you can do it, then you should be allowed to. I know of one lady at our uni who took her newborn and breastfed during lectures and tute. It did raise a few eyebrows though, which is inevitable unfortunatly.

anna's mum

19-08-2006, 18:36

Yes, I hope it works out for you, I can see how lectures would be okay, but a baby in a tute (particularly awake/crying & as it gets older) would be a bit disruptive.
I never did it but luckily I had a friend who looked after baby for a couple of hours one day & then I went to a night tutorial for my other subject so hubby could look after dd. She went into child-care & family care the next semester though.

clarebear1983

19-08-2006, 19:59

Hi Everyone:) ,

I am a first time mum to a 3 week old baby boy who is returning back to uni next week. When I was pregnant last semester I informed all my lecturer's and tutors that my plan was to continue uni without differring. I asked them if I could bring him with me as my family are in QLD and he is far too young to be in childcare. Some of them were quite negative in a covert sort of way ie, "Are you sure you'll be able to cope?" and "I don't now what protocol is for bringing a baby to class' etc etc. I couldn't get any advice about how to go about it from ANY of my lecturer's/tutors. I ended up calling the Social Justice Branch in uni and talking about my predicament. As it turned out there is a child-care policy for my uni. The purpose of it was to ensure that students in my position were not missing out on studies due to family obligations. I was told that I have a right to take my baby to class, so long as I leave if the baby is causing a disruption. Also, I was informed if a lecturer or tutor was against the idea the onus is on THEM to give me the lecture notes etc,etc. I have decided to take my baby on campus and I am employing someone I know for one day a week to be in a room that I have organised. I must say, I was surprised and disgusted by the negative reactions of my lecturer's and tutors towards all this. No-one has ever questioned my husband as a father for going to work or asked him to consider deferring work. Just because I am now a parent it does not mean my brain has stopped functioning.

Has anyone continued studying with a newborn? Have people noticed any different treatment from lecturer's/tutor's since being a parent?

I hope it all goes well next week. I am only doing 2 subjects. One lecturer I had before has sent me work that he has covered but i am still waiting on a new lecturer I have never had to return my e-mail. I hope she ends up being ok.

xxfertilethoughts

Thanks for posting this question! I aam having #2 in december and i want to go straight back to uni in 2007 without missing a semester..........not quite the same as your situation..........but i dont know what my uni's policy is on this kind of thing. I am going to talk to my Student Support Officer in 2 weeks time and i think i have the following choices:
1. See about taking bubs to lectures and tutes (like you) as long as its not a class that requires 100% attendance (as i HAVE to go to BILs wedding in may so will need a week off)
2. See if there is an external unit that i can do so i can still do the semester but study at home when DH is home
3. Put bubs in childcare (mind u she will be 2 months old not like your 3 weeker) and express during classes-but i want to make sure there will be somewhere i can express and somewhere i can keep the milk (may have to consider an esky with ice blocks and expressing in the disabled toilets though-thank god mine is manual pump!!)

I admire you for wanting to keep going with your studies!!!!!!!!!!! (and if you can do it with a three weeker i can definately do it with a 2 month old) You are an inspiration.

I know lots of lecturers dont understand or have hesitations and mainly they have good reasons, but mothers with new borns should not be discriminated against because of their want to study and in general, if the baby behaves, should be welcomed into the study environment...........................

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm wonder what the reaction would be if a daddy wanted to bring his new born baby to lectures and tutes????????

JasmineLouise

19-08-2006, 20:40

Goodluck with it!!! I see plenty of prams around campus.. thus leading me to believe it is ok as long as their are no major distuptions. In this situation i too would considered taking bubs along during lectures etc..:yes:

(although it may be best to sit close to a door if a quick getaway is required:D )

Goodluck with it.. id be really interested in hearing about how you get on:fingerscrossed: !

Holly_Golightly

19-08-2006, 21:49

I started uni when DD was 5 weeks old but first semester was only part time as I had already done some of the courses, so about 2 days a week. I was very lucky to have my Mother watch her whilst I went to uni and then I put her in Daycare later on for part of the time.

I never used the campus daycares although there were two there. I only ever saw one student pick up their child the rest seemed to be staff etc. I only took DD in with me when she was much older though and she was somewhat distracting, not so much for everyone else but for me. I was constantly fiddling, dealing with her and was so worried about her disrupting others that I could not really concentrate.

At 3 weeks old I don't think the baby would be too much of a distraction as they eat and sleep alot but it may be exhausting for you. There is not much else you can do though until the baby is at a more appropriate age to put into daycare. Most of my lecturer's did not know I was a Mum. I can only think of two occassions when I missed a tut because my DD was sick and I needed to provide a Doctor's certificate and when I had to change a 5pm tut as I couldn't make it back in time to pick DD up from daycare which shut at 6. They were generally fine but when I had to change my tut the guy was a bit like tough titty but after I said I'd see him next semester as I would not be attending this semesters tuts then he changed it.

Rhoxie

19-08-2006, 23:02

I returned to uni when my first was only a few weeks old. I didn't check with any of my lecturers first I just took my newborn with me. (The university had a child care centre but they don't take babies under 3m so as far as I was concerned I didn't really have a lot of choice).
I did not have any negative reactions from any of my tutors or lecturers. If the baby cried I just put him on a breast and that was that. I told the lecturers if he got upset and noisy I would take him out.
At the end of one particular unit a lecturer commented that the baby was one of his most attentive students as he only appeared to sleep through half the class not all of it like everyone else ! LOL:D

I next returned to uni (grad dip program) when my 3rd was 8m old. The uni daycare was full so I arranged for a friend to mind him. I haven't ever needed to take him to class but we have been told that class policy is if you are stuck bring them but if they are noisy you have to take them out of the lecture/tute. Which is pretty much common sense :). A few other students have at one time or another needed to bring kids no one minds so long as you follow the noisy rule.

~FlyLady~

20-08-2006, 01:05

I think it's ok... But babies do tend to cry alot... You might have to sit at them back, so if baby starts to hollor you can duck out?

clarebear1983

20-08-2006, 11:55

I think sometimes its the only solution to take baby to class when you really really want to keep studying (which mothers should be applauded for not condemmed or discouraged) and they are too young for childcare.

On campus care is good in theory but when you dont live close to the uni and have to pay for the semester holidays when bubs and you dont go to uni it becomes a large expense for something your not using-thats the only reaon im not going to use it when i have bubs and go back. i live 45 min from the uni and im not driving there and back twice in a day just to put bubs in for holidays to get my monies worth (Unfortunately at ECU the childcare centre isnt just for on campus people..........its for EVERYONE in the community but just happens to be situated on the campus-you dont even get first preference or anything if your a staff or student.......so there is also no consideration for semester breaks etc)

Although if you do have someone that can look after bubs while your at uni then take advantage of it. Mum keeps saying she would love to get a work from home job so she can look after bubs while im at uni and DS is at childcare but unfortunately it doesnt seem like its going to happen........but if it did i would be using it in a heart beat.

fertilethoughts

20-08-2006, 23:12

Hi Everyone:) ,

Ok, I just got a good response from my new lecturer. She e-mailed me saying that she will help me catch up. Phew, uni can be stressful enough without dealing with other people's prejudices, especially in a higher learning environment!! Luckily, my baby sleeps most of the time and then wakes up, gets changed and fed and goes back to sleep. He is a textbook 3 to 4 hour waking baby.

Thank-you to the majority of you that have been supportive and open-minded about this matter.:wave:

My baby does not fuss, he is a very good boy. I am not stupid that I would be in class with a tired, wet, hungry baby: I would just leave. Its stupid that some people presume that he would be crying and fussing without even giving it a go.

It is AWESOME to hear from women like Rhoxie and Go_Lightly, thank-you!!!

I know that I am not the only one in the world who has done this and it reassures me that people like : Clarebear, Rhoxie ,Go_Lightly, truthfulsalesassistant, Beany, bellagirl, Cheezelcat , sarah 81, are open-minded women who don't view motherhood as a hinderance. I want to become good friends with you people!!!!!:smiliedance:

OK, I JUST WANT TO SAY: Motherhood is not easy (Being deprived from sleep has been used as a form of torture!!)and its appalling how our society treats mothers. This discrimination against mothers just blows my mind because to me, motherhood is hugely important. Clarebear, I think men would get hailed if they took a baby to class or work! It would be 'Oh, what a fantastic father!!', 'What a great guy' etc,etc. For instance, when our friends see my DH change a nappy its all so very AMAZING. No-one congratulates me on a successful diaper change!!:no:

xxfertilethoughts

clarebear1983

21-08-2006, 10:55

Hi Everyone:) ,

Clarebear, I think men would get hailed if they took a baby to class or work! It would be 'Oh, what a fantastic father!!', 'What a great guy' etc,etc. For instance, when our friends see my DH change a nappy its all so very AMAZING. No-one congratulates me on a successful diaper change!!:no:

xxfertilethoughts

Yeah thats what i thought. But when we try we get asked "are you sure you can cope?" "what will happen when the baby cries or poohs or ......... " and get this big long lecture about disruption!

In some ways im not looking forward to talking to my student support officer about my options for next year when i have bubs but i also know that I am not going to let them dictate how I am going to mother my child.

I am even looking into cross instiutional studies with a uni that offers some nursing units externally so if the uni i am at now wont either let bubs come to class or give me somewhere where i can express then I wont have to miss out.

In this world open mindness is the best policy because eveyone sees things so differently.

Let us know how you go with uni! I for one am interested because as i said, i will be in a similar situation next year!

fertilethoughts

21-08-2006, 11:28

Clarebear,

It was the women in the social justice branch who informed me of my rights and were the only ones who advised me how long I could miss uni before starting again. The student support services people were a joke! They couldn't even tell me if there was a feeding room or a woman's room!! I am sure that there is some provision in all Australian Universities, its just finding the people who are aware of them. I can't believe I met so many lecturer's and tutors who knew NOTHING about a child-care policy, but then again, they are all new or sessional teachers and uni's are notorious for not properly informing all their staff about crucial matters.

I will tell you all how it goes.

:fingerscrossed:

xxfertilethoughts

Beany

21-08-2006, 14:18

I just asked at the faculty office regarding the time frame for completing my degree and how much time I could take off without penalty or unnecessary fuss. I didn't bother telling them I was pregnant, though - I knew throwing that little bomb in there would make them stop being useful and start the process of fogging me off from one person to the next.

Do they have a Women's Room at your uni? That's where I plan to feed/change my kidlet should I not find an adequate alternative.

Hope classes are going well!

fertilethoughts

21-08-2006, 16:23

Beany, I would have loved to do the same but as I was already pregnant and quite visually pregnant I had to deal with all the "What are you going to do when you have your baby?" questions. Of course it was obvious from the :eek: expressions that no one actually BELIEVED that I would have the audacity to come back. I never thought people would ostracise me for saying I intended to continue. And the shocking thing is it was the WOMEN who were saying things like "I'm sure once you have your baby you will be differing". When I asked them why they would say that I would get these patronising comments about how "difficult" it would be to juggle both and that "You wouldn't want to miss those moments to be with your child". Christ, you would think they expected me to sit by the cot all day and be nothing more then a diaper changer and a feeding machine. it would seem logical to me that since those lecturer's recognise the difficulties so much they can make it less of a burden, I mean can you imagine some one saying to a visually impaired person "I think you'll find having a baby and studying difficult". Its just discrimination against women which is funny because I thought university was a place to learn to be NON-DISCRIMINATORY. :idea:

xx fertilethoughts

anna's mum

21-08-2006, 17:01

I think that some of the comments in this thread have been a little patronising & antagonistic. All individuals, families, mothers, students, etc etc are different and everyone deserves respect for their choices.
As someone who has survived full-time university (achieving first-class honours & a postgrad scholarship), as well as being a casual tutor, all while pregnant or a mother, I think that I am well qualified to speak on this issue.
Juggling motherhood and study is hard, particularly if you are a motivated student. Academics who are women &/or mothers can sometimes seem to be the most critical - that is because they have actually thought about/struggled with/experienced the issues. Just take the advice you can use & discard the rest.
As a tutor, my reaction to a father bringing a baby/toddler/child into a tutorial would be the same as my reaction to a mother. Rights & responsibilities have to be weighed up. It is not just about your supposed rights to have your child with you 24/7, but about your responsibilities toward the rest of the class. University is an adult learning environment, not a job.
I congratulate any and all mothers for being the best they can be for themselves and their children, but I think an antagonistic attitude towards anyone who doesn't agree with your particular brand of motherhood is not helpful.

jemmabc

21-08-2006, 20:02

Hi
I went back to uni with a new born and a three year old.
I put a video camera in the lecture, sat outside breastfed then watched the video later at home.
All my lecturers were really good, wouldn't have minded if I sat in the lecture and breastfed.
All the other students were great.
It's a a lot of work but can be done while they are little. It actually gets harder when they get mobile.
Good luck
Actually I am looking for any other Mums going back to study in Brisbane
I now have three children and looking for someone to do a share care swap for my two younger girls.
Will be going to QUT and live in Norman Park.
Cheers
Jemma

fertilethoughts

21-08-2006, 21:24

ATD-FAH,

I never see SAHM that way, it surprises me that you would think that of SAHM. Please don't post any more negative comments on this thread because I am finding your tone quite offensive. Motherhood is a phenomenal role and thats my view.

Thank-you

Alatariel

21-08-2006, 21:25

As a full time uni student, i have no probs with people bringing babies and kids to uni, except that i always get too distracted being clucky and cooing at the baby!!:o :p

We had a darling little girl in one of my lectures last semester, the lecturer put the pictures she drew while sitting there quietly up on the overhead projecter. she was so stoked!

fertilethoughts

21-08-2006, 21:59

Anna's mum and jemmab, what inspirational stories!!!! My goal is to juggle both motherhood and studies, I never considered video-taping a lecture. At the moment my choice has been to attend class alone (baby will be on campus but with nanny) because I have been given the impression that taking a baby to class could be disruptive.

(not that I agree that it would be, but its a compromise I can live with)

Alatariel, most of my peers are fine with it, it is more the staff.

I have been told that I can bring my newborn to class by the faculty head but as I said, the staff are not happy about that. I will say that it has been the hardest decision to make, to find someone I trust to care for him while he is so young. Its only recent that I found someone I felt comfortable with. To be honest, I would prefer to stay at home and get the notes that way. I guess I am a stay at home mum even if I go to class one day a week. (since that is what I do most of the time).Or do I call myself a SAHM who studies part-time?

xxfertilethoughts

Rhoxie

21-08-2006, 22:20

Some lecturers audio tape their classes everyweek and then put them up on the uni's web site. My aunt is studying nursing and quite a few of her lecturers do that. My classes are all 3 hour seminars with practical components so that wouldn't really help me but depending on what your classes are like you could always audio tape them yourself.

On a side note - Over the past 8 years I've spent 18m in full time study, 18m in part time study, 2yrs as a stay at home mum, 2 yrs in full time work and 1 yr in part time work (there's some over lap in there but you get my picture).
So in 8 years I've been every kind of mum ... and most mums by the time their children are grown will also have been every kind of mum..... so for heavens sakes look at the bigger picture! ... There is no BETTER option there is just what suits you best at the time.

fertilethoughts

21-08-2006, 22:48

:no: unfortunately, I have practical components to and they grade group work, so I have to be there. Bugger!! We have Web CT which is an electronic form of lecture notes but they actually grade you on attendance, so, being there is part of the deal. 20% of the deal to be precise. How is that for an incentive???:thumbsup:

Rhoxie, yep it all overlaps which is why that label, and this is just my opinion, SAHM is too confusing and debatable, and I just don't want to get into definitions, I don't want to touch that one.

xx fertilethoughts

bigglet

21-08-2006, 23:06

I go to a Uni as well and from what I know most Uni's have either childcare and/or Parents & Children's Centre which is run by student parents (so costs are very low if that - someone mentioned to me that your student union fee covers it?)

The childcare at my Uni has sessional care which is aimed ideally for students since they are 2 1/2 hour blocks.

Newborns are fairly quiet and non intrusive but when your bub does get a little older then they do need a little more care and I find it a little easier to concentrate without the little one needing my attention every minute or so.

But sounds like you have got it organised with the nanny on campus :)

WebCT is a great tool and uni's these days have progressed since I first went to Uni - way back in the last century.... oh how old I feel..... :laughing:

All the best anyhow!!

clarebear1983

22-08-2006, 11:56

Some lecturers audio tape their classes everyweek and then put them up on the uni's web site. My aunt is studying nursing and quite a few of her lecturers do that. My classes are all 3 hour seminars with practical components so that wouldn't really help me but depending on what your classes are like you could always audio tape them yourself.

.

I wish our lecturers did that (taping the lectures). My only hope of catching up on missed lectures next year is hoping they post the lecture notes on the relevant website. THe main problem is a lot of the lecturers notes are rather vague and they go into much more detail in the lecture.

I wish our uni offered external to first year students who havent done enrolled nursing but have "circumstances" where it would be easier.................i think if i want to go this path my only hope is cross institutional.

I also wish i could do what fertilethoughts is doing and getting a nanny to watch the baby on campus but i definately cannot afford a nanny...............

2bubs4me

22-08-2006, 12:04

Hi, My first daughter was born in the uni easter holidays of 2004. I returned to uni when she was only a couple of days old, only to defer a month later as she was quite a handful. She would not sleep and cried alot for the first 3 months (like all babies), but this was hard when at uni. However, my lecturers were very supportive and gave me extensions on all my assignments etc, but this just wasn't enough when you haven't had any sleep!!!

Its completely up to you, I don't think that there are any rules for taking babies to uni (except on prac days). A suggestion, if your lecturers allow it, get a recorder to record lectures, just incase you have to pop out of the room with bubs. Also get a study group going so you have support if needed!

Tanay

fertilethoughts

25-08-2006, 22:39

Hi All:wave: ,

I went to class this week and made it through the day!!:smiliedance: It went well, but around 3pm I got pretty tired. I think this had to do with the fact my boy got me up at 5:30 am for a feed. I couldn't believe my luck when my new lecturer told me I could bring him to class (I didn't even ask!!). I may very well take her up on that offer!!. Clarebear, I am paying for it out of my savings. I would LOOOVE to take her home and have her get up and feed and change him at 3 or 4 am, BLISS!! Then I can sleep.

2 bubs for me, I am sorry you had to differ from your studies. Right now, i am lucky he is sleeping every 3 hours and goes to sleep easily. Uni appears harder on little sleep. And it isn't as though I can make up for it that night or even the following night!!

It was interesting to see my fellow classmates again. They were all so shocked to see a tiny baby and wanted to know if I was alright.:eek: They asked me how the birth was and I told them my truth : long painful contractions, induction and emergency c-section. I definitley sensed that something in there interaction with me shifted. I have noticed this also with my babyless friends. I am still me, but a mother now.

Does anyone else notice a difference in people's perception once one becomes a mother?

xxfertilethoughts

JasmineLouise

25-08-2006, 23:58

Well that is fantastic news!

Hopefully things work out for the best.

Your peers may just be unsure of how to approach you now.. they may see bubs as the 'unknown' and may even be a little frightened of the thought of this little being. Many people are petrified of children. For instance my DP wasn't really comfortable with my baby (at the time) sister when they first 'met'. but he eventually got used to the idea.

Please forgive me for rambling.. :ecomcity:

keep us posted!

Pobblebonk

29-08-2006, 08:17

Hi! How are you? I want to wish you luck with continuing your studies with a new born!! Good on you.

I think it's disgusting the way your lecturers are treating you because you have a baby - especially if you are breastfeeding!

I don't know which uni you are going to, but the one I'm going to is The University of Southern Queensland (Springfield Campus) and this is what they say:

There is a child care centre on campus, which gives priority to student mums.

The University is sensitive to the needs of students who wish to breastfeed while studying. Therefore, a parenting room is available for use by students and their children. Priority is given to nursing mothers. The room includes a computer, sofa, and work desk. During working hours, parents will also be able to access the staff kitchenette if required. The kitchenette contains a sink, microwave and hydroboil. A baby change table is also available in the Disabled Access toilet.

Students undertaking exams who are breastfeeding should consult with Student Administration and if necessary, the Equal Opportunity Office to arrange for alternative appropriate exam accomodation. Additionally, the Uni will provide flexible arrangements that support the sucessful return to work or study of breastfeeding mothers, subject to mutually convenient operational requirements.

Students who bring an infant on campus should be considerate of the impact on the study environment of other students and should have regard for the potential hazards and safety issues that might apply to the presence of a young child in any location on campus.

They also support you bringing your child on campus if your child care option breaksdown, etc. But you need to again be mindful of the disruption to other students, need to be responsible for the supervision of the child and mindful of hazards and safety issues, etc.

Hope this information helps you!

fertilethoughts

29-08-2006, 11:48

Greetings Miss Alitz:wave: ,

Thank-you for your good wishes!!! My uni has got to get its S*** together. One of the lovely ladies from the social justice branch came into the room he was in with the nanny just to say hello and see how the room was and we both discovered there was not ONE change table on campus and no room for breast-feeding. She said she is going to submit a proposal to get that sorted out ASAP. I was prepared for this and bought some extra bunny rugs "just in case". As my little man is used to a bottle, I express and give it to him so I bought that with me. Unfortunately, I have had a prior breast op and that has affected my supply, but I give him what little I can. Still, I think that for other students who breast-feed or bottle feed there has to be a room available, it is so important. I know that I am not the only one in the world who is a mum and a student, I just think my uni has not dealt with this before (by what I have been told repeatedly). So, it looks like I am the test case. (yippee).

xxfertilethoughts

clarebear1983

02-09-2006, 12:59

Hey fertilethoughs hows it going with bubs at uni?

I was really annoyed after reading a message someone left me through our university discussion board. She said to me not to even BOTHER going back to uni next year while bubs is only 2 months old. She told me i most definately wont cope. What annoyed me is that there was no "might" in it, it was all "wont be able to"............AND SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ME!!!!!!!!!!

I want to do whats right for me and bubs, and I feel that whats right for me is trying to establish a career for myself so i can help DH with money to bring the kids up. Doing one unit is not going to kill me!!!!!! What happens if something happens to DH and he cant work! I will have no skills, no training or nothing! And this lady just said cos she couldnt do it, i wouldnt be able to either.

I only have 6 years to complete the degree and if i defer next year I will have to take on full time studies in order to complete it which seems even sillier to me, yet if i keep going i can keep up the part time quota until bubs is a few years old!!!!

WHY DO PEOPLE JUST ASSUME THAT BECAUSE THEY COULDNT COPE YOU WONT BE ABLE TO???? WHY CANT THEY JUST SUPPORT YOUR DECISION AND SAY "GOODLUCK! I COULDNT DO IT, BUT I HOPE YOU CAN"

ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUSTRATED ME

Sorry for the vent, I am jsut really annoyed and hurt

Beany

02-09-2006, 21:10

fertilethoughts and clarebear: having just had my baby and finding it difficult to even figure out how to put my socks on, I am in awe of the pair of you (and any others) who are returning to uni so soon after having their kidlets.

*standing ovation*

(well, more a sort of hunched over ovation but give me a break, the old perineum isn't what it was)

jessgray

03-09-2006, 11:41

i am so with you clarebear1983
i am not even at uni, i am at tafe and i get a feeling that everyone expects me to either fail or drop out once #2 is born. no one has said it to my face but its that unsaid feeling you get (if that makes anysense at all lol)
i am glad i have DP at home so i can go back to tafe after i have #2.
i reckon the people who say "you wont cope" or "why even bother going back" should be supporting people, i mean really how many non parent students would get up at 5am before a lecture or class that day and still be wide awake at the end of the day ? probably zero lol
all last week i went to class after getting up at 4am with ds1 and i have to organise his daycare bag and drop him off before class and then i have class and then its time to go get ds1..i think people who say horrible things just are afraid or in awe of you clarebear1983

Holly_Golightly

03-09-2006, 17:05

clarebear1983

03-09-2006, 22:49

That really frustrates me too!!!!

When I was 19, single and pregnant I thought I would apply to go to uni. When my proud parents told people they said "Oh she won't go once she has the baby".

Well ner ner to them. I started full time uni when DD was 5 weeks old and coped perfectly fine. Graduated when she was 4 with a distinction average and was offered a job straight out of uni.

Sorry for my little brag but this attitude makes me so grumpy. Who best juggles a million things at once better than a Mum?

Yes we should all support Mums who want to study. Why are they not entitled to bettering themselves if they choose to do it in that manner? As an ex-single Mum, it makes me wonder if people just prefer young/single/SAH Mums to fulfill stereotypes so they can have a whinge. It seems when you want to break out of that mould people try to push you down and tell you it is impossible.

It makes me happy to read things like this and what jessgray wrote. It makes me realise i am doing the right thing.

Plus, there are always external studies if going to classes isnt possible (My uni doesnt offer many but charles darwin does so im thinking of either switching-even if it means going to darwin for a week in 2008 big deal!-or going cross instiutional)

I am a definate supporter of people studying while having children. Not everyones is the same. Some of us can study and have a baby or two, some of us cant. I am not saying i will cope but at this point im not going to say i wont and give up before i even start.

I love people that have an open mind. Best for people to say "I wouldnt do it but good luck to you" rather than "Oh you will change your mind when bubs comes" or "I couldnt do it so you cant either". I would rather try and then fail then fail to try!!!!!!

oh and Holly_Golightly go ahead and brag cos you have definately got a reason to!!! I would be bragging if i were you (I would be doing more than brag)!!!! To go back when bubs was 5 weeks old full time and graduate with a distinction average is seriously cool and shows so much dediacation and effort and motivation!!!! If you can give me some advice please please please do!!!!! (i am only planning on going part time at the moment and will be happy just to pass as i have another child who will be 2 and a bit when bubs is 2 months old and 2007 semester one starts)....................seriously you have the best right to brag and should be mega proud!

clarebear1983

04-09-2006, 20:34

I had a great chat with my student support officer today!

1. She said i can get special consideration for exams considering they are in november and i am due in december. She said i will get put in another room where i can go to the toilet and move whenever i need to!!!!

2. I can either take the baby to uni for the first semester next year or express milk (if bubs is in childcare) and leave it in their staff fridge until its time to go home!!!! The uni has been so cool about it! I want to take the first option over the second!!! I wasnt expecting this as there is no info about it on the website what so ever!!!!!

I AM SO HAPPY ITS ALL WORKING OUT!

fertilethoughts

05-09-2006, 09:34

Hi All:wave: ,

Clarebear:hugs: I wish you all the very best hun, its great to get some support isn't it? I think its so important to follow a goal, I believe that when a parent goes for their goals in a positive, thoughtful way, it sends a good message to their kids, I have no doubt that you will have every success!!!

Thanks Beany, Funny, when i had my emergency c-section, the only wish in my birth plan I got was the NO EPISIOTOMY!!!

Jess gray, So true, us mums have huge responsibilities, people should try to give us some support and encouragement. All mums deserve respect and consideration for the very, very important work we do.

Holly, good on you girlfriend! Yes, I am with Clarebear- You have every reason to brag- what an amazing inspiration you are to us!! It just goes to show, people are capable of extraordinary goals DESPITE all the obstacles. I imagine you have had one hell of a journey.:hugs:

xx fertilethoughts

fertilethoughts

05-09-2006, 10:52

Ok, UNI NEWS,

Its all going really well!! Last week my mum came down from QLD so she stayed home with my baby while I went to UNI. This was the first time I have been away from him. On the train, the further away it went, the more sad I felt. As I got to Uni I just made the decision to think POSITIVE, after all, he is with my mum (a very trustworthy, careing woman who loves children and knows how to take care of them). I will be honest and say that I thought about him all day, more than when he was on campus with me. I had a missed call and rang my mum to see if he was ok (thinking she had rang) and she had not rang me and OF COURSE he was fine! I couldn't wait for my last class to end so I could go home. I missed him like crazy.

My nanny, who was looking for full-time work, just got a job offer!! But I have found another nanny who will take over. I am glad that I had made the decision to tell the nannies that I want to be called to feed and change him, imagine his confusion if he had to deal with a different person EVERY week or two! I wish my mum lived here so she could be with him, he may only be 5 weeks old, but he adores her and she just LOOOOVES him. She is going back to QLD tonight. I am just glad that she was able to be with him finally as this was her first time meeting him. She was sick for over a month with pnemonia but got the ok from her doctor. I was really sad when I had just had him because she told me she was too sick to see him, because I knew how much she had been waiting for this baby (her only grandchild). Interestingly, we have only had ONE ARGUEMENT in the week she has been here. We get along much better. I wonder if its because I am more patient or the fact that I am now a mum too and can appreciate how difficult it can be at times to raise a baby?

xx fertilethoughts

southbankmum

07-09-2006, 10:13

Hi there

I went back to study when baby was four months (baby now 6 months) and he has child care 3 days p/w. I had, however, applied 6 months before hand in preparation and it is over $60 p/d. so it's a compromise and financial stretch.

On alternative days, the campus I go to does have a good family room with a kitchen, change or parents room, television, computer, fenced playarea and outdoor play ground. There is a cot, bouncer and several floor mattressess. You can't do classes there of course, but it is a good place to chill out with baby, breast feed without non-child centred distractions etc. Your Union should have info on if you have one.

Congrats on returning to study. Hopefully your baby's eating and sleeping rhythm begins to coincide with classes to give you a bit of a break having to take breaks outside of the class room.

fertilethoughts

15-09-2006, 12:18

Hello Everyone:D ,

Well I am just about to go on my one week break before the second half of semester 2.

So far I have submitted 3 pieces of assessment. I had to rely on my dh to be home

so he could take care of baby, (who is now 6 and a half weeks). I have to do my work

when hubby is available and I can not pace myself by having long breaks or taking

phone calls, its just a race against time. This is hard for me as I am not a

procrastinator but I am unable to do a bit here and there as all the assignments were

due 2 weeks after I got back. I have only requested one extention and managed to

get all the other pieces in on time.

Everything takes longer with a baby. For instance, he is a lot more alert now and has

a cold, so his breathing is laboured and I need to be with him to help him settle. Also,

when I am getting ready in the morning, I have to take care of his needs first, so , if

he needs a feed then I feed him and I just have to accept I will be half an hour late.

I am not used to being late for class and or appointments. Its just something I have

to deal with. Next week we are going to parliament house for an excursion so I am

taking him with me and then i am meeting a friend for lunch afterwards. He has gone

on another excursion with class, so he is getting a well rounded education already:D

I can't wait (but I will have to) to get to sleep all night.

I am doing 2 subjects this semester but next year I will be going back full-time and
do 4. He will be 8 months old then. I am not sure what 8 month olds are like but this
is my goal.

xx fertilethoughts

jessgray

15-09-2006, 12:25

i took my ds1 (16.5months) too my tafe class today (certificate 3 in childrens services) after his hearing test and they didnt mind coz it was the last day of term and the teacher even let me go home early :D ds1 had a great time playing with all my class mates lol and one of my class mates had brought her 7yr old daughter to class so ds1 had a playmate :)

fertilethoughts

15-09-2006, 12:47

Jessgray,
sounds like the class was fun for everyone:thumbsup:

One of my lecturer's had to bring her 2 year old to class this week and she found it quite distressing. He was clutching her leg and crying and kept telling her to play cars with him. She couldn't leave him with her minder as she was sick and her hubby had to work as well. She cut the class short by 1and a half hours because she found him disruptive. So, I had to pay my nanny for her time anyway. I just wish our society was more tolerant of families. I felt bad for her seeing her struggle to shush him and teach us at the same time. She wouldn't feel that way if it was the norm, unfortunately it isn't.

xxfertilethoughts