big mamas having bubba's - do you feel prejudiced? [Archive]

indigoin0z

18-08-2006, 21:51

ok girls, you know what im talking about...

some of us just arent born or have not kept petite genetics etc..

voluptuos, obese, fat, plus size - whatever they want to label us :rolleyes:

does anyone else feel extra stress because of the way you feel [legitimately or not] vibes/feelings that you get prejudiced in the healthcare industry, especially when we are at our most vulnerable carrying our bubs...

you know what i mean, the tones of voice; the looks; condescending/patronising remarks like you werent already aware you had a weight problem.

how do you stay positive if you have these same issues...
i really struggle with it... probably moreso than most, because ive always had a chip on my shoulder with gp's etc blaming everything on not being the ideal weight; you stub your toe, break a fingernail - its because youre overweight of course..

im just over 12 weeks now & im just really dreading going thru it all again... not to mention when the milk comes in & the embarrassment of not having 'average' size perky? breasts that are just designed for breastfeeding... the midwives just looking at me like im a freak of nature with G/H size milk boobs!:eek: [non-preggers usually a DD/e]

would love to hear from some other people about this sensitive issue, because its one of those subjects that unless its happened to you, you cant really imagine what im talking about..

PeaCe 2u all

Ashleigh<3

19-08-2006, 06:28

I know how it feels, When I was around 8 weeks along I had some slight bleeding, so I went to the hospital and the doctor that saw me started giving me the run down on miscarriage and how common it is in the first 12 weeks, but he also just had to add in,
�You�re also a bit of a heavy girl, and it�s very hard for obese women to have healthy pregnancies and a few end in miscarriage.�
He also lifted up my shirt and tapped my belly for me. I was extremely annoyed by this, i thought it was just rude.
He then continued to talk to me about diet and exercise� The last thing I wanted to hear whilst waiting for my pregnancy results back.:(

M O P

19-08-2006, 06:53

I was very lucky no one made me feel uncomfortable.
At my obs they only weighed me on the first visit.
At that weighing I remarked I was embarrassed getting on the scales and I had put on weight and the midwife was like um, you're having a baby- you're meant to. How true!

nats

25-08-2006, 18:31

fozzie

25-08-2006, 18:52

I too am worried about this as my local hospital will not allow you to give birth there if you are above a certain BMI. For me to be able to have a baby there I would need to lose at least 15kg. As they see you as being high risk. I have never had a problem with either of my pregnancies or births and I was overwieght with both of them. So how can they generalise, and out of my friends the ones who have had problematic pregnancies or births have actually been of "normal" weight. So how they figure that I don't know:banghead: . Makes me really mad as our nearest hospital other than the local one is 1 hour away and I had pretty quick births with my 2 boys so that scares me.:eek:

We'll see what happens if we managed to conceive #3.:rolleyes:

mothergoosewannabe

25-08-2006, 19:04

I hear you ladies. I have also always been on the larger size of life and some people have been very insensitive to it. I even had a member of family say that she was worried about having kids because she might end up a hippo like me after giving birth to kids. I also had someone stop me in the street about 6 weeks after i had DS and ask me how much longer to go!!!:banghead: I took all my strength to say i had had a healthy boy and turn and walk away. As soon as i got home i burst in to tears. Some people need to think. Just because i have a large hind does not mean it is made of thick skin!

bella_angel_13

27-08-2006, 12:06

i no exactly how u all feel.

i was normally an 18 with dd tits. and i get treated badly by the hospital themselves (the midwifes especially) but u no what i am what i am a plus sized pregnant lady and i wouldnt have it anyother way. i love my unborn baby and am so lucky to have him g rowing inside me.

i too get emotional especially when im not feeling the best and get rushed to the hospital only to have to wait 2 hours to be seen then tell me i can go home and offer no relief or anything.

one time i had to beg to hear my unborn babies heartbeat, to make sure he was ok.

becky_boo84

27-08-2006, 16:04

HI,
i too am a larger girl and that is one of my major reasons behind my depresson (which I was on medication before i found out i was pregnant). The sad thing was the minute I found out I was pregnant from my gp teh first thing I thought was ' oh no im not going to look pregnant because im too fat'. i walked around the shopping centre and saw all these pg girls with big bellies and knew I was not goiing to be like that and it just made me more depressed... i have put on weight which of course we all do whilst pg but im still worried in 4 months time im not going to look pregnant just really fat. I am better than I was now and I have made a promise to myself that once I have my beautiful bubby I am going back to gym 5 times a week. and I am determined so I know I will. I just want to be healthy and be able to run around with my child without feeling like I cant breath!!
Im sure there is heaps of us out there feeling the same thing.. we just need to stick together
bec:wave:

becky_boo84

27-08-2006, 16:13

HI,
i too am a larger girl and that is one of my major reasons behind my depression (which I was on medication before i found out i was pregnant). The sad thing was the minute I found out I was pregnant from my gp teh first thing I thought was ' oh no im not going to look pregnant because im too fat'. i walked around the shopping centre and saw all these pg girls with big bellies and knew I was not goiing to be like that and it just made me more depressed... i have put on weight which of course we all do whilst pg but im still worried in 4 months time im not going to look pregnant just really fat. I am better than I was now and I have made a promise to myself that once I have my beautiful bubby I am going back to gym 5 times a week. and I am determined so I know I will. I just want to be healthy and be able to run around with my child without feeling like I cant breath!!
Im sure there is heaps of us out there feeling the same thing.. we just need to stick together
bec:wave:

india44

29-08-2006, 09:56

I am what is termed morbidly obese a hateful word that makes you feel **** to start with. Despite this I hvae normal blood pressure,no diabetes and am in general good health. ( have an auto immune but that different matter) My weight was a huge concern when we decided to ttc and I lost 10 kilso on ww and eat failry healthily. I have been in and out of hospital for 8 years having tearment for my disease and it took me a good while to build up the confidence to tell Doctors that my weight was not an issue with my disease and I did not need a lecture on that. I learnt to become assertive and stand up for myself and I intend to be the same through my pregnancy.Lets face it at age 35 if I ddnt alreadly know I had a weight problem I was in trouble so dont tell me something I dont already know!!

Big peopel fall in love. they have sex they have babies and it doesnt all have to be bad just becasue you are "oversized" . Thats not to say that some peoples coments dont worry me but I know who and what I am and I refuse to let anybodys opinions or nastiness upset me and will tell them so.
As long as I continue to remain healthy my size should not matter in producing a healthy baby according to my doctor.

indigoin0z

29-08-2006, 10:05

oh thanku girls, now i dont feel so alone...:hugs:

& i know some bubhubba member names i know i can talk to, to really relate....
not just a size 10 who feeeeels fat [siiiiiiiigh:( ]

its such a hard thing to feel such an outcast just because youre bigger than the rest...
i have great self-confidence as a person & rationally 'know' it doesnt matter what you look like, but when you are in a world full of people who make their first (& aftermore) judgements on image, then its very difficult...

we should start a big girls thread [club?]

good luck ladies... keep supporting each other... because if we dont, who damn will?!:wave:

indigoin0z

29-08-2006, 10:11

:hugs: To you indigo! I know the feeling of a "medical proffessionals' smug superiority. If I am honest with doctors that I used to take drugs a bit too recreationally 7 years ago I get tret like ****?!?:mad:
Just remember -----PUBLIC SELF-ACCEPTANCE and you don't pay all that income tax to get tret like ****!!!!!!!!

thanx so much for your support nats....

it does get seriously pathetic, that because they are drs',
they are super-humans who have never had issues or problems with their lives...
they were just popped out at birth & became medical practitioners - magic!!:eek:

good luck with bub:)

bella_angel_13

29-08-2006, 10:17

yeah if ever anyone wants to chat about anything im only a pm away. after all we are who we are and from wat i can tell all wonderful ppl inside.

:kiss: :hugs:

Gumby

29-08-2006, 10:24

Monring ladies. I am 8 months pregnant with bubs number 3 and I have a fat ar$e and love handles. I went down to a size 14 before i fell pregnant with bubs but am now a nice size 16-18 but I have never been healthier. I quit smoking and drinking. I eat 3 healthy meals day and snack 3 times a day on fruit and nuts.
I dont think it is fair for us to be judged just because it takes a little more material to make our jeans..
Good on you for bringing up such an important topic. We are all beautiful and shouldnt be judged for being big :D

indigoin0z

29-08-2006, 10:35

yeah thats whats peeing me off girls...

just as many of you have written, i eating & living the healthiest i have ever done, [all natural, no packet stuff, 3 meals + 3 healthy snacks to keep my metabolism burning]
but because i cant undo the 'damage already done' easily [if at all!] im still targeted as unhealthy...

i gave up smoking about 18months ago too.. but instead of them saying, "ahh, thats really smart of you, & putting on 'some' weight is understandable"...
no, its more like
"wwwell, you do have an elephants behind dont you, you know if you stop eating those 17 hamburgers a day that butt will just disappear""
OH is that the problem?! d*ckkkkkheads:banghead:

indigoin0z

29-08-2006, 10:37

....I dont think it is fair for us to be judged just because it takes a little more material to make our jeans..
Good on you for bringing up such an important topic. We are all beautiful and shouldnt be judged for being big :D

good on you rian:thumbsup:

good luck on your libra bub :smiliedance:

india44

29-08-2006, 11:11

I'd be all for sharing sugegstions on how to deal with it all and how anybdoy manages situations where their pregnancy and weight become an issue.
Wether you are big bigger bigger or biggest we are all beautiful woman who are loved and treasured parts of our families and communities and have every right to be lovers and mothers.!:ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity: Just ask me I'll tell you!! *L*

Becbabe

30-08-2006, 07:44

What a great thread!

What I find incredibly frustrating is trying to find maternity clothes and bras!! It might seem shallow but I find it really important when you're feeling a bit crappy to be able to look a bit nice. I have found a great shop in Canberra where I got some lovely maternity clothes, but there wasn't much of a choice that fits (even the 2XL's are too small!) & I hate how expensive everything is... my "normal"sized friends have been buying their maternity bras from BigW etc and paying $30 for them... I have to mail order (gone from a 18E to a 20G:eek: ) and they cost over $70 - more if you want a nice one!

When will retailers wake up & realise bigger women get pregnant too!

On the whole however I've found being pregnant is the best I've ever felt about my body. I have spent so many years resenting how I look, and now, cos I'm having a pretty "easy" time of it with pregnancy, I can finally trust that it's doing exactly what it's supposed to! I reckon it's really taken the pressure off because I finally look Pregnant rather than Putting on weight (love the obvious maternity tops)

Although... I'm 35 wks and have only put on 500g net weight which is odd I thought (midwife/OB seem to think it's normal). I lost 5kgs in the first 9 weeks cos I felt so sick all the time and have only just put it back on!

You're all beautiful women, never more so and your baby loves you already, without ever having seen you from the outside!!

indigoin0z

30-08-2006, 08:22

I too am worried about this as my local hospital will not allow you to give birth there if you are above a certain BMI. For me to be able to have a baby there I would need to lose at least 15kg.

fozzie - i was shocked to hear similar from a handful of others too..
in fact somewhere on these boards i read a lady planned to have a water birth at a birthing centre, & then they told her at labour she wasnt allowed to use the bath because she was over 100kgs...
thats disgusting how things are so prejudiced.... & the ironic thing is,
[tho not necessarily a great thing by any means] our obesity rates are actually increasing & yet we are still treated as rare & odd...

good luck fozzie :fingerscrossed:

im actually going for my 1st 'official' [yes im almost 15wks now :eek: ]midwife appointment this arvo...
i am starting to get anxious already in pre-emption of how i may be treated:confused:

fozzie

30-08-2006, 12:35

im actually going for my 1st 'official' [yes im almost 15wks now :eek: ]midwife appointment this arvo...
i am starting to get anxious already in pre-emption of how i may be treated:confused:

Thanks, and try not to worry too much. My Doc has been really nice about it all I went and had my IUD out yesterday and he has said that they are looking into changing the policy at the local hospital. I've just stressed to him how I have been lucky enough to have easy pregnancies and quick births so you never know.

Good luck with the appointment and let us know how you go. :wave:

FunkyMonkey

01-09-2006, 14:44

I felt very concious of my weight all through my pregnancy. I was 107kgs at the start and stayed that weight until the last 4 weeks when it went up to 113kg. My GP was very happy that i didn't put on loads of weight (so was I)
yhe only discrimination i came across was the anisthesiologist(sp) she told me the reason she couldn't get the epidural in the first 4 tries was because of my weight. her superiour got it in first go as i asked for the registrar after she told me this. I was screaming in pain and the last thing i wanted to be told was that i was fat. I lost 15kgs i hospital due to complications and i never felt worse. Im back to my pre pregnancy weight and feel fantastic.
Don't let 'em boss you around, you're equaly as important as the skinny one next door. May all your babies be healthy and good luck with your labours

Becbabe

01-09-2006, 15:42

Hey indigoinoz, try not to worry too much. My OB has never referred to my size except to say that "you're a tall girl" and it might help me carry a bigger baby more easily!

The weird thing has been that I always thought I'd have this nice pregnancy curve bump like most women - in actual fact your spare tire just pokes out on top of your bump! I still have a double bump out in front that looks quite strange.