Spoiling?

[SupraMum]

So DD is a week old..

MIL loves to carry her around specially when asleep.

Now every time I put DD down, she wakes up and cries.. You can only put her back to sleep when you carry her or swaddle before putting her down.

She's restless wee hours of the morning and wants to be carried all through her sleep..:no:

[MothersMilk]

She is only a week old - it is impossible to spoil her.
It is normal for newborns to want to be held and to be restless during the night/day.

[myhusbandswife]

This is completly normal for a newborn. You have to remember that she has just spend the last 9 months all squished up in your belly so its natural for them to want to be close to you.

Enjoy it. My DD is 8 months now and wriggle and squirms when I try to cuddle her

[headoverfeet]

I agree with PP, she has just spent 9mths listening to you breath, listening to your tummy bubble and your heart beating, it is perfectly normal for her to want the same soothing sounds and movements :)

[waterlily]

She's only a week old, you can't "spoil" them that young. She is acting like Typical newborn. She has been rocked to sleep the last 9 months.
She just wants her Mum!!

[GraceUnhearing]

shes a week old!
you cant spoil a baby
she just wants to be with you

[brogeybear]

Yep, newborns need to be held and comforted. It is a lot easier to cope with if you recognise it as normal behaviour and go with it rather than fight against it. The first few weeks were a blur now, but in hindsight I wish I had of relaxed more and just enjoyed it. It's hard with your first, you don't really know what to expect, but now my bubby is 2.4 and it goes so fast.

Take a deep breath and a step back and go slowly. Enjoy it, it is such a short time that they are babies. Oh and def with the PPs, you can't spoil newborn!

[SupraMum]

I get angry and frustrated when I see my newborn handled in an awkward way/position..

Like putting her on her tummy when her neck is still too weak to hold her head up, or putting her on a 'sitting down' position as if she's watching tv...

like carrying her on her tummy. And there's more of these that I just can't describe how wrong they looked to me.

She's only a week old today...

Am I being paranoid? :confused:

[MummaBear03]

This is what you call the 4th trimester, and no you are not being paranoid :)

[flicker]

i agree with everyone else. newborns can not be spoilt.
lots of cuddles, contact and love.

it is natural to worry..... and it all starts now!
i always found it hard to let people hold my son. i kind of got nervous? is that what you mean. have the confidence in yourself, even though it is all new, to guide people and instruct. and if you dont feel confident in someones hold, make up and excuse as to why they cant??

[Boobycino]

Yep, 4th trimester. I like that term too. Its baby adjusting to being out. At one week old Jasper hadn't been put down at all barely, except so I could pee.

Also swaddling is fantastic. re-creates that tight feeling of mummies tummy. Also white noise, like a radio on but not on a channel (the shhhhhhh sound) can help newborns settle and sleep on their own. Otherwise, do you have a sling or something to carry bubba around in to make it easier?

I must say though, that carrying bub facing downwards on your arm 'trick' is great :D used to work for Jasper when he had an upset tummy (just usual wind) and 'they' say they should have lots of little stints of tummy time from early on to help build those neck muscles, but at 1 week old its not really a big deal at all. Maybe more like 6 weeks. If bubba isn't happy on her tum I wouldn't do it.

Though pretending to sit them up watching telly isnt such a great idea IMO.:no:

[Pote003]

I have a 16 week old and the same thing happened to me. So what I did was carry/settle her in my arms till she was dozing, and then put her in her cot - so she was awake but just....and then she would fall asleep.

It teaches her how to put herself to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night or early hours of the morning.

(In the begining she would cry but I would leave her and only go in to Shhhh her and reassure her - if she got really upset I would pick her up and start again) She eventually got the idea

You can call tresillian (just google for the number) and they will talk you through this type of thing - they are brilliant - I have a 16 month old and a 4 month old and I call Tresillian just about every second night (ha ha ha). For my first one they actually used to do home visits cause my DD was so bad at sleeping!

You can't spoil a baby - they don;t know what spoiling is...

As for your MIL just remind her that when she is gone you are stuck with the problems so she needs to work with you! (It is hard in the begining but they say start out how you wish to finish. Babies rely on routine so you don't want to start bad routines/habits)

Good Luck

[1+1=5]

nooo, you can't spoil a newbie.

[MummaBear03]

I have a 16 week old and the same thing happened to me. So what I did was carry/settle her in my arms till she was dozing, and then put her in her cot - so she was awake but just....and then she would fall asleep.

It teaches her how to put herself to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night or early hours of the morning.

(In the begining she would cry but I would leave her and only go in to Shhhh her and reassure her - if she got really upset I would pick her up and start again) She eventually got the idea

You can call tresillian (just google for the number) and they will talk you through this type of thing - they are brilliant - I have a 16 month old and a 4 month old and I call Tresillian just about every second night (ha ha ha). For my first one they actually used to do home visits cause my DD was so bad at sleeping!

You can't spoil a baby - they don;t know what spoiling is...

As for your MIL just remind her that when she is gone you are stuck with the problems so she needs to work with you! (It is hard in the begining but they say start out how you wish to finish. Babies rely on routine so you don't want to start bad routines/habits)

Good Luck

Self-settling techniques such as controlled crying or controlled comforting is recommended for 12 months and over, with some professionals saying 6 months and over, but most say 12 months and over.

Personally I would never do it and was happy to help her get to sleep til she was in school and could do it herself without any problems. But if I was open to the idea of letting her self settle as a bubba, it would not have been before 12 months.

[Pinkzy]

Congrats on your brand new little one :):hugs:

My bubbykin was exactly like this, to a degree he still is and he'll be 5 months soon. I actually love it :) He won't be a little one for long and before I know it he'll be going to sleep without even wanting a story so on the rare occasions I find myself getting frustrated, I just remember to cherish these times rather than worry.

[FiveInTheBed]

Soak it up!! (the cuddles!!) ...mmmmmm fresh newborn smell, warm little cuddles, watching them sleep in your arms :cloud9:

[shockinamillion]

You bubba probably just wants cuddles, that is ok, but set some firm boundaries with the MIL.
That seems to be what you are crankiest about.

As SB said, holding bub tummy down on your arm is just so soothing for them, our pead actually showed us to do it. My two always settled when like this!

I used to wrap my two really tight, put them in their cots and they could grizzle for a minute and off to sleep, if they didn't I would sit and sooth them. We did not pick them up unless it was a proper cry.

[Boobycino]

Self-settling techniques such as controlled crying or controlled comforting is recommended for 12 months and over, with some professionals saying 6 months and over, but most say 12 months and over.

Personally I would never do it and was happy to help her get to sleep til she was in school and could do it herself without any problems. But if I was open to the idea of letting her self settle as a bubba, it would not have been before 12 months.

Yeah... kinda sounds a tiny bit too much like controlled crying the coming and going, I dunno you only gave a vague description, but its not recommended to use controlled crying on little babies.

From about 8 weeks I'd lay Jasper down and walk away for 2 minutes if he was grizzling and give him some time to settle, but when I went back in if he was awake I'd pick him up and put him to sleep. By a few months old he was putting himself to sleep every time. And only really in the last month has he need a night mare to FALL asleep. (He's never been able to resettle, ever... so its a myth that babies who can self settle can resettle because nothing could be further from the truth with my child!)

Though 1 week... just enjoy it. You absolutely cannot spoil a 1 week old, even if you tried :hugs:

[Boobycino]

Soak it up!! (the cuddles!!) ...mmmmmm fresh newborn smell, warm little cuddles, watching them sleep in your arms :cloud9:

:cloud9: awww newborn smell! :bee:

[SassyMummy]

She's a newborn. You cannot spoil her.

If she was 2 years old and demanding to be rocked to sleep, I'd say that yes, it was time to work towards NOT doing that... but at 1 week old? Get all those cuddles in now!

Soon, it'll be your little girl turning 5 on Sunday (lol - that's mine), who no longer has naps, and who no longer wants to be cuddled to sleep... god I miss it. Having a tiny baby curled up against my chest...

Imagine being a newborn though. Really - you've spent your entire existance inside a nice warm Mummy, being rocked to sleep by her every single day as she walks... and then all of a sudden you're out in the cold and what? You're expected to somehow not only adjust to life on the OUTSIDE of a womb and all that entails, but also stop wanting to be rocked and cuddled and nurtured?

Seriously - snuggle to sleep if that's what she wants. DD is a perfect sleeper, but loved to be cuddled to sleep as a little one. I actually really enjoyed that time I spent with her.

If you want your arms free, invest in a carrier/sling/etc so you can still move about, but she'll be rocked and cuddled the whole time.

[Savingfishfromdrowning]

So DD is a week old..

MIL loves to carry her around specially when asleep.

Now every time I put DD down, she wakes up and cries.. You can only put her back to sleep when you carry her or swaddle before putting her down.

She's restless wee hours of the morning and wants to be carried all through her sleep..:no:


If she likes being swaddled then keep up the swaddling, it's actually a really good sleep cue IMO. I always put my DD down for sleeps at that age, but always swaddled first.

If you don't like what your MIL is doing say so, she's your bub after all. But don't be scared of spoiling, it's impossible ;)

[missie_mack]

What your MIL is doing is actually good for your daughter. Having tummy time and all the rest is part of her development. How do you think your baby positioned itself in the womb? If you look into techniques such as attachment parenting you will find there are babies carried constantly and most people do it for optimum mental health for their children.

P.S Any tresillian recommending controlled crying or controlled comforting techniques to a newborn should be fired! Babies don't need to be taught how to sleep they did it for the last 3 months in the womb! They are simply being taught if they call out for their mother she won't respond and hence stop.