MIL probs

[RubyRed06]

I am not actually a newbie, but I had to register under a different name because my SILs often look at this site. My MIL is driving me crazy. We used to have a good relationship before my DD was born, but she now annoys me for reasons I can't really explain very well. She just seems to be obcessed with my girl. She just comes around and grabs my DD like she's hers. And she tells her friends every little detail about my life. When I was learning to BF i had troubles, and she told everyone she knew the ins and outs of my troubles. I've since overcome my troubles and my dd feeds well, but I just feel aggitated (sp?) whenever she's around now. I hate it when she even holds my dd. Is this normal or am I mjust being mean/.

[RedPanda]

I'm sorry to hear that Ruby. I know of a few obsessed MILs (not mine, I'm fortunate to have a nice MIL), so I can sort of relate. It's hard because I guess you can't really say anything. Hopefully the obsession will wear off eventually. How old is your DD? If she's very new, it's likely that your MIL is just enjoying the newness of being a nana. Good luck :hugs:

[RubyRed06]

She is 12 weeks old. The other thing i forgot to say is that my mil gets crankie that my mum gets to see DD more than she does (not a whole lot moer, but a bit more). i can't be bothered figuring out how much tikme she spends with each granny. I have enough to do.

[RedPanda]

:hugs: 12 weeks is still pretty young. Maybe your MIL is just really excited (not that this excuses her overstepping her boundaries). In terms of sharing out time equally between MILs and mothers, I don't really think it needs to be equal. Unfortunately the reality is that many new mums (I presume this is your first bub) feel more comfortable with their own mums, especially when they're still learning the ropes so to speak! Give it time, hopefully it will ease. Oh, and it's not fair of your MIL to broadcast your BFing problems. I know when I was struggling, I would have hated for everyone tom, **** and harry to know my biz! Good luck with everything! I'm sure it will turn out ok. Check out some other MIL posts on this site - you'll feel like you have it easy!!

[Groovy]

Hi Ruby,

i have been reading this site on and off as i have the same problems with my MIL and it makes me feel better reading as i used to think there was something wrong with my attitude but now i realise that MIL has a problem.

To make matters worse I lived with mine for year one of my DD first year and oh it was terrible and unbearable. She mad me feel like a complete and utter failure and many times i cried because she was obsessed with DD and because of the way she made me feel. She made me feel that hopeless that i have even considered not having another child if I have to put up with her.

I believe there is help and there is taking over and she took over. She told everyone my breastfeeding problems and all other problems. She bathed her the first few times as i was a bit scared and then i wanted to bathe her after a few weeks as i felt confident but she would jut go in and do it and i would just watch, terrible feeling. I also had to put up wit my MIL DD who has a 3 year old, it was her first daughter but she was an expert and we had to do things with my DD the way she did things with her DD, drives me nuts. Also, everytime a development or so happened with my DD she would tell the world and offer very minimal information to me ( i work 4 days a week unfortunately). She never asks me for my opinion on raising my DD she asks my SIL and that drives me mad.

Anyway this went on and on and people noticed that she was obsessed with my DD. Giving her to me was a problem and if i was holding DD she would say oh she must be heavy for you, give her to me and it got to the point where i started getting *****y and said when you hold her all day, does she get heavy for you, she was like oh never and i said well she would never be heavy for me. I mean it got to the point where DD would put her arms out to come to me and MIL would just hold her to her, getting her to stay.

Anyway it has been a battle with her since day one and now even though we no longer live together she still is annoying but now i have started sticking up for myself and it is still hard as she is a control freak and a liar (I have learnt) but at the end of the day I tell myself she is my daughter and i will do and raise her as i wish and enjoy my time with her instead of letting MIL interfere with my time with DD because i get stressed over MIL. I is so hard to just ignore what MIL says but you have to in order to enjoy your family life. Ignorance is bliss they say and hopefully they will get it slowly but surely even if you have to repeat yourself about the same things over and over again! You will not win with them! I still can't ignore her fully!What to do! HELP!!!

[*~alegna~*]

:hugs: Groovy!....I am glad you have began to stick up for yourself. Little one is your DD & NO ONE ELSES! - You do with & for her what you see fit.

Loving, helpful advice is one thing but petty interferance is another, we can obviously tell the difference:cool:

At the end of the day being a Mother is hard enough without having to worry about some one trying to bring you down!

Good Luck & enjoy your little one, like you said your self IGNORANCE IS BLISS:hugs:

[bec79]

Ladies, I can sympathise with you.....I don't even know where to begin when it comes to my MIL. I know she means well, but it drives me nuts!

[Foxy]

I too can sympathise with having a "know it all" MIL! I just wanted to point out that having your DH back you up is they key to having a bit of success when sticking up for yourself. My DH never realised what I had been going through with his mother until I just snapped one day. He now backs me up and helps me to realise that I can face anything that cow throws at me!

[our little treasures]

I too can sympathise with having a "know it all" MIL! I just wanted to point out that having your DH back you up is they key to having a bit of success when sticking up for yourself. My DH never realised what I had been going through with his mother until I just snapped one day. He now backs me up and helps me to realise that I can face anything that cow throws at me!

:smiliedance: Good on you, my DH has also started defending me and standing up for his WIFE and started to cut the apron strings off from his family!! I can tell you the relief is wonderful for me, however they don't understand "whats wrong with him":rolleyes: Nothing he has just grown up and realised I stand by him when they don't!!:yes: