View Full Version : Just pondering.....
I have a 9 week old DD and When I'm out and about (which has not been very often) I look at other mothers and their little babies and they all seem so relaxed as do most of the bubbas. Me on the other hand is the whole time thinking "Is she too hot/cold? Can I get this done before she wakes up? Where can I feed her if she gets hungry? Geez I hope she doesn't get upset!" I dont really find outings fun or relaxing at this stage.
It doesn't help that at 9 weeks she has already had a chest infection which led to Bronchiolitis and is still all snuffly- without this I think I might be less anxious!
Is it just me that thinks like this? I'd love to be more relaxed!
Oh, and everyone is always ready to give advice when she does get unsettled and while it is always given with the best intentions and some is actually helpful and given with love, some just makes you feel like they either they don't think you know what your doing or is quite belittling- just making me more uncomfortable really.
Is this your first baby? Coz all the other 'relaxed' mums you see around the shops might have 2 or 3 kids at school, and by the 2nd/3rd/4th baby you tend to be pretty relaxed :yes:.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You sound like you've had a bit of a hard run so far and things do get easier as you get more confident and baby gets a bit older. They settle a lot more easily, feed less often, can communicate their needs a bit better (rather than what feels like a lot of crying all the time and you can't work out why). Just follow your instincts, take the advice you want and ignore the rest. People are just trying to help when offering advice, I'm sure no-one thinks you don't know what you're doing. But I do know the feeling, I hate it when people (especially strangers) tell me my baby needs socks on when he/she has taken them off a million times and thrown them on the ground, and their feet aren't cold! Or the lady that VERY loudly (for my benefit) said how cold my kids must be coz they didn't have a jumper on (they both refused and are old enough to know if they are cold or not). Seems to be when you become a mum it automatically gives people a license to offer advice you may not want, it happens to all of us :rolleyes:
I think it's pretty normal to feel that way. The first few months I never felt comfortable out alone with my baby, I always worried he'd get unsettled and I always made quick trips and never fed him while out, so I had to be out between feeds. I even hated going to mothers group because I just didn't know how to organise myself or get ready while he was awake (which wasn't for long periods) and ofcourse I'd have to feed him first, because he actually didn't eat properly when we were out, he liked our usual feeding chair in the quiet.
It did get easier, I mean I could be out with him all day now, I think when he was awake more and happy to sit up in his pram and when he didn't need to many quiet feeds, so I could give him a snack and he'd happily munch on it. It does get easier, right now they're just little babies that drink milk and sleep alot, so its natural to want them to feel comfortable and you know the outing is more for you not them at this stage, but it'll change and they'll start enjoying being out and more aware and you'll be happier to go out.
I hope that rant made sense.
:hugs: Your feelings are normal. And who knows, maybe the other mums who look relaxed could be thinking the same thing! As time goes by you get to know your bub better and will relax, just try not to stress too much and know that a lot of mums feel the same way, especially if it's the first baby.
When i had dd1 i felt exactly the same but now with #3 im more relaxed than ever. Your feelings are very normal and just remember your bubs is only 9 weeks old as time goes on you will become more confident.
I know that feeling!!!!!
Everyone else seems to be handling it coping fine calm and relaxed.
Though it was almost irritate me' when people commented how calm and relaxed and natural I was I felt like screaming 'are you blind!!! I'm a mess'
I think sometimes we see what's not real. Like might seem another mum and think 'wow she's so prepared' but in truth she's Constantly thinking 'what if' so she has everything you could possible need for a baby neatly packed JUST IN CASE.
Or someone like me' that baby wore and coslept in the beginning not because I was deeply bonded but because I was beside myself anxious.
I think though it's a blessing and a skill to learn how to fess up and say things are crap because often the truth wil set you (and someone else) free!
Oh yeah, I know what you're saying! When I'm out I'm probably one of those relaxed looking mums, people often comment how settled my DD is and I just think "OMG don't say that out loud!! You'll jinx it and she'll go ballistic!!" :laughing:
I pack everything I could possibly need into her nappy bag, and it gets so full I still have to carry my own handbag (which is also massive because it's full of my own medications), so I look like a pack horse. It takes so much planning to get out the door it's not funny, especially if I need to be somewhere by a certain time, I usually aim to leave an hour early and still end up late :(.
I guess what I'm saying is that i might look together on the outside but on the inside I'm stressing just like you. You never know, maybe people are looking at you and thinking you look calm and together too!
I used to think Jasper hated me' because at home he was crazy out and about everyone would say'hes so happy' 'he's so calm' 'he's so settled'
No!!! He cries 3 freaking hours a day every day he's not a happy baby he's a miserable baby!!!
I used to get jealous if random strangers as I had a forward facing pram and if Jasper was in the pram he was usually calm and I didn't get to see it, but the people walking passed would all go 'awwwwwwww'
I think most of what you said sounds pretty normal - with my first I was the same. Now I have had people say things about being relaxed etc with my now 1yo twins, but they are babies 3 & 4 for me, and it does get so much easier with each one. As your bub gets older too, you will probably relax more.
With DD i'd be all ready to leave the house, wait for her to wake, feed her, then rush, rush, rush about to get done whatever we were doing so we could be home for the next feed and before she got upset. Now I wake the bubbas up if we need to be somewhere and have tandem b/f them on a couch out the front of woolies waiting for DH to take DS1 to the loo. I'd have gone straight to the parents room with DD1 being too shy to feed in public. Experience makes a huge difference, so don't worry, it will come.
ETA: I also used to pack so much with DD1. Now I have about the same volume of stuff with cloth nappies for 3 and they take up heaps more room, and DD1 used disposables - but I still had sooo much for her, spare clothes, more spare clothes, blanket, spare blanket, 3 steralised dummies, nappy rash cream, etc, etc, etc.
Thank you all for making me feel a little more normal!! :D Yes, she is my first baby and I'm definitely looking forward to things getting easier, while for now I am going to enjoy the beautiful smiles and cuddles I get when she is happy!!:flowerz:
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