Please HELP! What would you do?

[~Mands~]

Ok, so heres my story:

I am currently feeding my two month old son breast milk which I express every 3-4 hours. He came almost six weeks early, and I was told that my let down reflex never had a chance to develop properly due to this and the fact that I was so ill (had Pre- Eclampsia and had to deliver via Emerg C/Sec). I was in hospital for a week and my son was in for 3 long weeks :crying: . I was prescribed medication to increase my milk which seemed to work. Since then, everytime I tried BFing bubs has slept the normal 4 hours he does on the bottle of EBM, but the problem is I express after he has had a feed and I find he only got less than half of what I can normally express (I use an elec pump, but I need to hand express most of the hindmilk). I think he is just so worn out from trying to get enough milk from me that he just falls asleep. So, now Im not confident with how much he is getting so I am exlusively expressing.

Anyway, the last few nights he has been really unsettled, and I find I am either feeding him, sterilising, bathing, expressing or trying to settle him. The only sleep I have gotten is when my dh has looked after him overnight. But he cant keep doing it as he works, so I am lucky he has had a couple of days off, but he goes back tomorrow:(

I just want to know what you other mums would do in my situation, because I love my son dearly and really want whats best for him, but I also want to be enjoying him at the same time iykwim. At what point do you say enough is enough and back down on what you want (for me its to breastfeed), so that you can play and laugh and remember the special moments of your newborn?? :confused:

Thankyou for reading my long post :o Im just unsure what to do at the moment. Any advice, tips, thoughts would be great!

M.

[bigglet]

:hugs: to you....
sounds like you are a great mum!

I know you have heard of this before but the first 8 weeks are the toughest and your son being born prematurely is actually only a few weeks old in reality so your adjustment time may take longer.

Have you contacted the breastfeeding clinic? They can offer you heaps of advice and support - not just in relation to breastfeeding but in settling, sleeping, etc - they are free as well. Contact your hospital for more information about them.

I found that when my newborn slept I slept as well (napped). It was the only rest I could get and although I had lots of broken sleep it was the only way I could rest. Don't worry about the housework or other things, just rest when your baby is.

I found breastfeeding to be hard as well and tiring for me but after 10 weeks (I know it seems long!!) and after many numerous visits to the breastfeeding clinic I found it much easier.
I persisted with the breastfeeding only because I really wanted to - this was from advice from a friend of mine who gave up breastfeeding after 3 weeks and regretted it (milk then dried up). If you do feel you want to give it up then talk to a professional first for advice and support because once you give it up it's hard(er) to go back.

All the best to you :hugs:

[aprilbaby]

Hi, I don't really have any advice but wanted to give you :hugs:

I have been very lucky and have found BF really easy so I don't know what it's like to be in your situation, but I know that expressing is really tiring and alot of Mums find they can't do it for long before they feel exhausted.

I'm sure there are lots of bubhub mums who have been in this situation who can give you some more advice (hello Kat?!)

The main thing to remember is as important as BF is you being a happy coherant (sp?) mum is just as important. I have a few Mums in my mothers group who went through feeding issues and now feel like they missed the whole first few months of their childs life and are sad because they never enjoyed it.

you have to do what's right for you and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck and I hope it all works out. xxx

[Madi]

Hi there. I'm no expert, but my little man was also born 6 weeks early. I expressed for the two weeks he was in ICN and SCN.
Once we were home, I was often concerned that he was not getting enough milk for the very same reason as you - I could always get more milk out by expressing after he had fed, and he would often fall asleep midway through the feed. However, he put on the correct amount of weight and seemed ok, so I kept going with it.
Between the six and eight week mark is often a time of sleep pattern changes, I think, so it's possible that the disturbance is unrelated to feeding?
I have now been breastfeeding for nearly 12 months and I'm so glad I persisted. If your bub is putting on weight normally and is not overly distressed, it may just be part of the normal patterns.
:fingerscrossed: it gets better for you.

Madi.

[katyjane]

I agree with the 'sleep when they sleep' strategy.. but I know that is soooo difficult when they are not actually sleeping! My bub has been awake every 15 mins for the past 2 days and getting sleep when she is asleep is not happening.

I am having breastfeeding difficulties also and have been visiting the Early Childhood Centre. The nurse there has been fantastic and she gives me a lot of time (and advice with feeding, settling etc) as well as referring me to another breastfeeding clinic which I will be going to in a week. I could go earlier but I have to trial nipple shields for several weeks before I go. Before you give up (I was just about to before I visited them) - go to the centre - they are just so helpful!

Hang in there.:yes:

[meme]

hi. it sounds like you have gone through a lot of stress, pre eclampsia, a premmie bubba and now worries about breastfeeding.
if you want to breastfeed get some good information help and support. you can breastfeed your baby. it will get easier.

what i would do in your situation is purely hypothetical as i haven't experienced a premmie bubba myself. but here it is.
i would put bubs to the breast when ever he seemed hungry or fussy.
i would let his behaviour guide me to know whether he is getting enough milk, keep an eye on wet and pooey nappies and express after one or two feeds a day to continue to encourage my supply and have some ebm for any emergencies. if i though tmy supply was fine i would probably just give the expressing away and use that time to rest and offer more frequent feeds to my baby to encourage supply if i felt it needed boosting.

i would get some good breastfeeding support around me from women who have successfully breastfed.
i would get the ABA booklet on breastfeeding your premature baby.
i would learn about how to encourage my let down reflex and signs that it is working. like using warm washers on my breasts and watching my baby's sucking rythym change as the milk lets down.

i would have confidence in my bodies ability to nourish my child.

perhaps your body has increased the milk supply so that your son is having a good feed and there is milk there to be expressed as well.
it is hard to judge how much milk a baby drinks in a breastfeed. it's not really necessary to know how many mls they have had, as long as they are showing all the signs of being well hydrated and are reasonably contented and having some growth it is reasurring that they are getting what they need.

is it possible your bubba is just going through a fussy period where he wants to feed a bit more often? sometimes they just feed more frequently for a coupla days and then settle down again. go with it and the frequent feeds will continue to stimulate your breasts to produce milk.

your let down reflex is not something that you miss out on. it is a reflex that is stimulated when your baby suckles or your stimulate your breasts by pumping. this sets of a hormone release (oxytocin) which tells your breasts to release the stored milk.
you can encourage your let down reflex with warmth and relaxation among other things. not all women feel it either so talk to someone knowledgeable to look for the signs in you rbody/baby to reassure you that it's happenning.

good luck with it all.

[RedPanda]

You poor thing! Your post reminded me of where I was six weeks ago! If you feel that you have the energy, I would recommend persisting. I stopped BFing for similar reasons, and I have to admit that while it did make my life easier, I do regret it. I feel that had i persisted for longer, my bub and I would probably be cruising now! Do what's right for you though, but try to think longer term. I know it's hard to see past the next hour at the moment, but things will get easier in terms of sleep, and caring for baby. Good luck - you're on the right website to get all the support and advice you need!:hugs:

[subaruforestermum]

I agree with the rest, leave your housework, it will be there later on....take time out for you and even if it's just relaxing on the couch while bub is asleep....and enjoy every moment you can, I know that some times the laundry doesn't get done because my son and I have such fun playing all day that we run out of time......

And I also agree, before you give up go to see a breast feeding clinic, or a Health clinic, and seek advise......

I had to give up when my son was 6 weeks old, as he wasn't gaining weight, so we gave him alternating feeds of FF & BF, until he didn't want me........I was disappointed, but as long as your son is gaining weight, is healthy and happy, keep persisting, until you know deep down, that you have tried your best, and it's the right thing to do.....

:hugs: Good luck with it all

[HoopDeeDoo]

Both my babies were early (4 wks 3 days and 5 wks 6 days) so I know whats its like :hugs: About the feeding. He is probably getting enough milk just from the breast, it is a bit harder for them to drink straight from you, then out of a bottle, so it might be wearing him out a bit. I'd try and stop the expressing, and just feed him from you. If he wants food more then every 2 hours (like every hour) it might mean he's not getting enough, but if he's settling for 4 hours after then I'd say he's had enough. You might just have a big milk supply to be able to express after. Also he can get more milk himself, then you can express so you can't really compare how much you express to how much he has taken. What you express after he's fed might be the second let down?

I agree with everything that meme has said, I just realised she posted at the same time, and she has said it much better.

But as a mum of two premmie boys my advice is feed feed feed. Premmie babies need to feed more frequently then normal bubs, and it is much better for your milk supply to feed directly from the breast. So I would give up the expressing except if you want an emergency supply and feed feed feed from the boobie, watch his wieght gain, and if he's putting on more then 100 grams a weeek then he's fine :hugs:

My little one feeds every 3 hours night and day, and he's only just starting to stretch to 4 hours occasionally overnight. It is hard to catch those extra zzzzs, but try and sleep as much as you can through the day, and if you are feeding directly from the boobie theres no more washing, and junk with bottles and pumps.

[Nickster]

Hi you poor tired mummy! What a lot you've had to deal with! I have a 20 month old daughter who I am still BF, but had problems in the early days - and the best thing I ever did was to see a Lactation Consultant privately. It cost me $80, but as far as I'm concerned, I would've paid more because it helped save my BFing relationship with my DD. Depending on the level of cover you have in a private health fund, you can claim part of that fee too.

I'm not sure what city you're in, but I'm in Brisbane, and can PM you the LC's details if you would like.

And further to that - meme had some absolutely excellent advice - I couldn't have put it better myself.:thumbsup:

[Areca]

I am a bit confused with what you said about your DS only getting half of what he would get out of a bottle. I think you meant that when you express after your DS has bf you are getting more when expressing now. If that's what you meant then don't worry there. Demand = supply and if you are pumping after the same feeds then your body will just naturally start to produce more milk. If your DS is feeding quicker then that's ok to, babies just do get more sufficient at feeding and they are quicker (DD was a 40 minute feeder as a newborn, now she's 10 minutes).

If you think you have a slow let down and that your DS is getting too tired trying to get your milk to let down to feed properly then there are ways to encourage your milk to let down. The only one I can think of off the top of my head is too hand express the boob that baby is sucking on. I'm sure there are more ways to encourage a quicker let down but it's not a problem I ever dealt with so I don't remember a lot (if you ring an ABA counsellor they'll be able to tell you how).


If this is just a recent thing it could also be as simple as a growth spurt. Growth spurts are difficult times for mum and bubs. Bubs needs to feed often to build supply, they are generally more unsettled and it gets very tiring. Growth spurts can happen at any time....the text books say 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months but that doesn't mean your baby can't and won't have a growth spurt at a different time. DD didn't follow the text book with hers that's for sure! Growth spurts usually only last a few days to a week.

Providing I read your post right I would offer your DS the breast as often as he wants it, lie down to feed so you are getting some rest too, ring an ABA counsellor to discuss let down and anything else that's on your mind (if you don't like the person you get ask for another counsellor's number), try to relax and know that this won't last forever. Give your body a bit more time to work out what it needs to do. It sounds like you've done an amazing job so far and should be really proud of yourself! The sleepless nights are hard but they do pass.

[the_queen]

I BF and expressed for DD during the first 3 months of her life, until her facial surgery. It was the most stressful time in my life (and I have had some very stressful non-baby-related times!!) because I was so worried about how much she was getting. It is a very hard time for you mumma and I really hope you have a friend/counsellor/someone in real life who you can talk to, process your feelings, cry on their shoulder. Relieve that stress and tension, and things won't seem so bad. :hugs: :hugs:


i would put bubs to the breast when ever he seemed hungry or fussy.
i would let his behaviour guide me to know whether he is getting enough milk, keep an eye on wet and pooey nappies and express after one or two feeds a day to continue to encourage my supply and have some ebm for any emergencies. if i though tmy supply was fine i would probably just give the expressing away and use that time to rest and offer more frequent feeds to my baby to encourage supply if i felt it needed boosting.

i would get some good breastfeeding support around me from women who have successfully breastfed.
i would get the ABA booklet on breastfeeding your premature baby.
i would learn about how to encourage my let down reflex and signs that it is working. like using warm washers on my breasts and watching my baby's sucking rythym change as the milk lets down.

i would have confidence in my bodies ability to nourish my child.

:yelclap: wonderful advice meme!!

Spend a few days just laying in bed with bubba. Only get up to change nappies. Sleep, feed, sleep, feed. Offer the breast pretty much constantly (this will help your supply) If he falls asleep while still suckling, don't take him off, just leave him there. The comfort sucking is good for encouraging supply too. And good for him to work that jaw, get some practice in for next feed.


You are doing a WONDERFUL FANTASTIC thing by BFing your baby, I know it seems hard but the first few months are always always hard, it will get better I promise, and if you can perservere with the BFing you will find that in a few months time all this stress will seem like a distant memory.


:hugs:

[Mischief]

Hey honey! I know how hard it is! I had alot of problems breast feeding....most of them emotional. In the end Oliver would scream for food all the time because he wasnt getting enough from me....I was so tense trying to feed that my let down just wasnt happening I think....

I stopped trying at 6 weeks and switched to exclusive expressing. I express around 6-8 times a day..... and am managing to still keep up with him after nearly 3 months.....I offer him breast more if I am sick or I think he may be...I also offer him some breast at night. Often I need to top him up with the expressed milk though if I do that.

My advice would be (and this is purely personal for me) stop trying to feed and express....unless you really WANT too. If you are stressed and tired and feeling like you are not enjoying your baby, stop trying and keep expressing instead. Yep, its double the work, but its so nice knowing that you are giving your baby your milk.

Feel free to PM me anytime!

Ps.....I fully agree with calling ABA or a lactation consultant!!!!

[Goosie22]

Hi,

I also agree with what meme has posted, I assume you were discharged after getting to all breastfeeds? or were you expressing and bottle feeding on discharge?

The schedule set up in hospital is for hospital, the ammount your baby drinks now is up to him. Your baby will drink a little sometimes and more at others. When you express after a feed your boobs dont have to be empty they constantly make milk, expressing is good if you want to build up your supply though. If your baby is sleeping for 4 hours after a feed I would suggest he is satisfied not sleepy, if he is hungry and wakes in 2 hours simply give him a little more. like wise being unsettled is a NORMAL aspect of being a baby (growth spurts, wind, wakefulness ect), focusing on the ammount in a bottle is not going to make any difference to the way he settles.

I cant stress strongly enough to find an LC or ABA councilor you feel comfortable with (and who has experience with Premie babies).

Check the ABA (http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/) site out too.

[~Mands~]

Thankyou everyone for your words of encouragement, I think I needed it. I really dont want to give up and I do think I will regret it. I will write a longer reply tomorrow... just need to get some rest:sleeping:

[~Mands~]

Bigglet I havent contacted any clinics or anything yet, when I was getting help in hospital (when bubs was in special care) with feeding I would get a different person each time who had different advice. Some of them were really full on and abrupt, so I have been a little reluctant to get more help! In hospital I was only getting help from midwives/nurses, so I think I will definately contact a LC, it will help having the same person.

Meme Thankyou! Everything you said in your reply was great advice!

Nickster Im in Adelaide, but who can I contact to get a lactation cosultant privately? Hmm might be the way to go.

The queen I was just wondering when you say lay in bed with him, did you mean feed him there? This may sound silly, but can you actually bf whilst laying down?! :o Oh, and thankyou for your supportive words, all the support on here is overwhelming :)

Goosie22 Bubs stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and I was only in for 1. Bubs was only allowed to be discharged if he was 'sucking' all his feeds and the full quantity. I decided to bottle feed EBM in hospital because it would get him home sooner, I was finding it so hard walking out of the hospital without him every day, I just wanted him home!


Thankyou everyone for your support and advice, it has really helped:hugs:

[InSaneOne]

yes you can lay down to feed. i did nearly all the time because my milk was kinda fast bubs used to choke if we sat up.

put a towel down on the bed or floor. then put bubs down on it. lay on your side with your arm under your head. place bubs so his mouth is in line with your breast and feed. when you want to offer the other side you can do it 2 ways. roll over and lay on the other side of bubs or you can angle yourself by laying more on your tummy and position the other breast like you did the first one. the second way takes a little more practice. i love feeding laying down because it didn't matter if we fell asleep. i did all the night feeds like this and i was usually so tired that i would fall asleep not long after bubs attached. then when she was finished she would fall off. then she would stay in bed with me or if dh was awake he would put her back in the cot.

if you want more help just pm me. but the easiest way is just to experiment.

good luck

[~Mands~]

yes you can lay down to feed. i did nearly all the time because my milk was kinda fast bubs used to choke if we sat up.

put a towel down on the bed or floor. then put bubs down on it. lay on your side with your arm under your head. place bubs so his mouth is in line with your breast and feed. when you want to offer the other side you can do it 2 ways. roll over and lay on the other side of bubs or you can angle yourself by laying more on your tummy and position the other breast like you did the first one. the second way takes a little more practice. i love feeding laying down because it didn't matter if we fell asleep. i did all the night feeds like this and i was usually so tired that i would fall asleep not long after bubs attached. then when she was finished she would fall off. then she would stay in bed with me or if dh was awake he would put her back in the cot.

if you want more help just pm me. but the easiest way is just to experiment.

good luck


Thankyou for that! Will have to give it a go, would definately make life a little easier (and more comfy lol) if it works out :yes: