What do people think about...

[MermaidSister]

...Gen Y's still living at home?

I don't wish to prompt a debate, I was just watching a segment about it on the 7pm Project tonight, about the trend of 20-somethings remaining in the family home for much longer than was the norm in previous generations. Mostly not paying rent, bills, or doing the cooking and laundry.

I wish to put the usual disclaimer on this thread :laughing: and say that I try to respect other's choices, and I understand that sometimes leaving the nest can be hard- I know lots of kids from reasonably well-to-do families who don't qualify for Centrelink payments because of their parents' income (and at present you are supposed to be "dependent" until the age of 25 :rolleyes:, but that's a whole other topic) and I know they really don't have much of a choice. Likewise for others for various reasons.

But, I have my own view on the trend all the same. As a 24 year old mother, it's hard to NOT think "My god, is 25 the new 15?" Maybe that comes from the experience of being basically the only "young" mother I know. I can't help but laugh when my childless peers talk about how stressed and time-poor they are when they live with their parents, pay no rent, don't have to keep a house or manage their own finances beyond a very basic level. Back in our parents' day most people our age were having families and signing up for mortgages by now. I'm not sure I think the "kidult" phenomenon is such a great advance for society lol

For the record, I know not everyone who lives at home has such a cruisey time, particularly those who are caring for their parents. I do not wish to trivialise anyone's life, but I was kind of in agreeance with the finance guy on the show when he said that once done with study, parents should be booting their kids out and changing the locks (perhaps in a slightly more subtle way, but I got the gist.)

Anyway, that's my take. I think once a person is capable of being independent, so they should be. I do think the extended family network is a wonderful thing, and I know several generations under one roof is the norm in some cultures. But I think reality is that here it can be a harsh old world and learning the skills for self-sufficiency cannot be underrated.
I kind of think once it crosses the line between being necessary and just convenient it's time to move on iykwim

Just my thoughts. :yes: Probably has a bit to do with my bitterness that I will most likely never be able to afford to buy a house despite my decade of hard work (and hard expenses) while many who are free to stay home simply to save cash will move straight into their nice cushy first property and never have to endure scummy rental accommodation. So yes, while there's criticism there's also some envy of the other side.

[*babygirl*]

I'm 21 and DDis three and we moved out of my fathers house about four months ago. Me and DP could just never make the jump
until it was right, and I'm glad we waited. That said though, dads house is in a trust for us kids and i made payments to the trust every week. Also I did most of the driving around for my younger siblings and all theshopping, cooking and cleaning instead of paying dad rent :)

I know lots of young parents who stayed at home but everyone I know who did contributed with cooking/cleaning/rent etc.

That said I know lots of my school friends who still live at home, mostly guys and some are self sufficient and like a 'roommate' for their parents and others are still kids who don't contribute much. All the ones living at home are single though... Don't know if that is a huge factor or not, like not having anyone to move out WITH iykwim

[crazymuma]

In most cases I really can't see why its a problem. I hope that my kids aren't rushing to leave home or ever feel as though I don't want them here. I think families sharing a home is a beautiful way to live and just wish I had the chance to do it. I can honestly say I will be happy if my children bring their families home to live with me one day.

Obviously I don't agree with those who stay at home and don't work, don't cook, clean or pay bills - I think in these cases both the child(adult) and the parents need a kick up the butt. These sort of cases though I don't blame the 25 year old I blame the parent for not doing their job. Hell if I didn't have to pay bills, cook or clean I would probably be living with my mum as well.

[MermaidSister]

That's what i find a bit weird, people thinking they have to have a partner before they can leave home :confused: I get what you mean about those who contribute and those who don't though, i guess i just kind of think well if you're paying rent and cooking etc anyway wouldn't you want your own space to do it in??

But that's just from my experience, perhaps if i hadn't had such a dysfunctional family life at home lol I'd have stayed longer too...

It is a pretty big leap from the nest to full independence though, I really felt like I didn't know what responsibility was until i was living alone. I'm still figuring it out :laughing:

[quitecontrary]

Slightly off-topic, but we've just had a free-loading 28 year old staying with us for oh, the best part of 6 months, who has never actually moved out of home and has just gone back to England and his parents home. The term Kidult just about sums him right up. Everything has been done for that guy and it is entirely to his detriment I think. He has been working as an economist for years, saved a lot of money for this trip and proceeded to not spend most of it whilst free-loading off us. The icing on the cake was the $50 gift voucher as a thank you, so pathetic.

[MermaidSister]

These are more the "sorts" I was thinking of in the original post, those who simply haven't had to take responsibility and have no desire to. Don't get.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

I don't get it... a lot of my friends live at home (I'm 21), aren't studying, are working (most full time) but show NO desire to move out and have their own space and things, responsibility etc :/

My uncle is 34. He lives at home. Still.

Serious issue!

[crazymuma]

Slightly off-topic, but we've just had a free-loading 28 year old staying with us for oh, the best part of 6 months, who has never actually moved out of home and has just gone back to England and his parents home. The term Kidult just about sums him right up. Everything has been done for that guy and it is entirely to his detriment I think. He has been working as an economist for years, saved a lot of money for this trip and proceeded to not spend most of it whilst free-loading off us. The icing on the cake was the $50 gift voucher as a thank you, so pathetic.


But really if you let him freeload off you for 6 months surely you have to take some responsibility for it. You allowed him to do it and sad fact is some people are just selfish and will take whatever they can get away with taking.

I guess something else to think of is for many the price of rent would just eat their entire paycheck when they first start working so either they or their parents or both decide that financially they are better off in the family home.

Guess what your own family is like has alot to do with your attitude towards this topic - I could easily live with my family forever - not to freeload but I just really enjoy being around them.

[MimiGrace]

oh absolutely, you're totally right - no young person should dare live with their parents. stupid leeches.

how about, we also abort all babies who are conceived by people under a certain age, or over a certain age
and start restricting peoples choices in other ways?

tolerance goes both ways. ;)

i'm nearly 21, and i still live at home - and you know what - its what works for my family.

we are making the decision that works for us, the same way you made the decision to have children young, and it works for you.

i think opinions like this are disgusting. :no: great, lock the kids out of the house. or better yet, use the whole 'i was kicked out and 16 and it made me a stronger person' argument - thats your life, this is mine.

makes me so angry :banghead:
i'm so sick of hearing how i'm a spoilt brat because i haven't been kicked to the curb yet, or because my parents try to help me out where they can. and no, i probably won't be moving out till i'm closer to 25.

[TripleTime]

At times i wish i was still living with my parents but than i dont really get along with them & i wouldnt have what i have now.

I dont see a problem, i always told Dad id be 30 before i moved out. I was 20.

[*babygirl*]

Oh Mimi I understand! It really upset my
dad and my siblings (second eldest of six kids) when I left home and took DD. The house is HUGE (8bedrooms and 5 living rooms) and we all loved it there but me and DP decided it was time and we had enough stuff to move out with.

I don't see a problem with people staying home if they contribute, because if they move out and pay rent and bills etc but are still around at the family house for company then it is a waste of a rental house IMO.

[bumMum]

I am pretty sure 25 IS the new fifteen lol. not so much referring to people who live at home out of financial necessity or because they are close with their family, but more that there are people in their 20's who have absolutely no idea how to fend for themselves. they don't know how to cook pasta, let alone pay a bill, or organize a rental.

I am all for people living with extended family, I think it is hugely helpful to have that kind of support available.

but I think in some families it is really dysfunctional. working in aged care, i've come across families where single 28-30 year olds live at home with their mum and dad and walk all over their parents, don't contribute and have a real sense of entitlement.

[Bubmum]

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[Bubmum]

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[fireflies4]

There is no rule that says you have to move out of home at a certain age.

4 examples I know of personally.

DF moved out of home at 21 and moved back in at 23 and then moved out when he purchased his house and moved in at 27.

My brother 22 and still lives at home. Works full time is on good money, also has a second job on weekends (sports related). He probably wont move out for a while. He has a GF and they stay at my parents together (not every night)

My Uncle. He is in his 60's and still lives at home with his mother and doesn't help with the rent and his mother (my nanna) still cooks his dinner and she is 89.

Then me. I moved out of home at 17. Moved back in when ex and I broke up and sold our house at 20. Lived with my parents for 12 months, then with my sister for almost 2years and then moved in with DF. I have been independent for quiet some time and work full time and so does DF. My parents still help me out at times.

Doesn't matter how old you are or what your financial situation as long as it works for you then live where you need to or want to live.

[MermaidSister]

oh absolutely, you're totally right - no young person should dare live with their parents. stupid leeches.

how about, we also abort all babies who are conceived by people under a certain age, or over a certain age
and start restricting peoples choices in other ways?

tolerance goes both ways. ;)

i'm nearly 21, and i still live at home - and you know what - its what works for my family.

we are making the decision that works for us, the same way you made the decision to have children young, and it works for you.

i think opinions like this are disgusting. :no: great, lock the kids out of the house. or better yet, use the whole 'i was kicked out and 16 and it made me a stronger person' argument - thats your life, this is mine.

makes me so angry :banghead:
i'm so sick of hearing how i'm a spoilt brat because i haven't been kicked to the curb yet, or because my parents try to help me out where they can. and no, i probably won't be moving out till i'm closer to 25.

Oh Mimi, I knew somebody would take it like that. :(

I never said I have no tolerance for people who choose to stay at home into their 20s, or that they shouldn't have that choice. What i said, and what i meant, was that in SOME cases young people stay in the family home for the sake of convenience only and do not learn to manage their own finances or organise a house, and that's an interesting difference between our generation and ones that went before. In that, the norm has CHANGED.

I am glad to be fully independent, but as noted at the bottom of the OP there i also feel some envy towards those who have the support of their families. It is hard financially these days to get by on your own, but it can be done. I wish my own family were more helpful at times, and I know I would help my kids in any way I could, but I wouldn't encourage them to be COMPLETELY DEPENDENT on me to support them once they were perfectly capable of doing it themselves.

I sometimes cannot RELATE to the stresses that my peers feel because they are so far removed from mine. I had no idea about home management before I left home, partly due to the fact that i had quite a controlling parent who wouldn't actually let me do much in the way of housework, because it HAD to be done his way. This was not good for my development into adulthood, and in some cases kids need to be out on their own before they learn these skills. I realise also that not all families are the same.

It's obviously an area you are sensitive about, but this was just supposed to be a discussion, not a crucifixion. Sorry but I think you overreacted a bit. I certainly never called anyone a spoilt brat. :no:

[MermaidSister]

I am pretty sure 25 IS the new fifteen lol. not so much referring to people who live at home out of financial necessity or because they are close with their family, but more that there are people in their 20's who have absolutely no idea how to fend for themselves. they don't know how to cook pasta, let alone pay a bill, or organize a rental.

I am all for people living with extended family, I think it is hugely helpful to have that kind of support available.

but I think in some families it is really dysfunctional. working in aged care, i've come across families where single 28-30 year olds live at home with their mum and dad and walk all over their parents, don't contribute and have a real sense of entitlement.

Cheers - ^ This is what i meant ^

[silentrockfaery]

I'm 20, and I still live at home. My parents even give me petrol money.

But for me, this is ok. I had severe depression for a long time, and I missed the majority of the growing up people do in their teens. I'm just not ready to move out yet.

I am studying 2 courses at the one time, full time, don't have time for a job, and don't have a lot of time for social things.

Sure, my parents probably want me to leave, but they know I'm not ready yet.

[rainbow road]

I agree with MG.

I also think it's worth noting that it is not always financially viable for young adults to leave home the minute they graduate school. You may have made it, but I have been working since I was 13, but my weekly income is so erratic I could NEVER afford SYDNEY rent and as my uni is smack in the middle of Sydney city, I can't really move to the western suburbs where rent is more affordable.

Also, I am not eligible for centrelink even though I pay may way with everything including a minimal rent and bills payments, because my parents earn too much.

It's ludicrous, and I am sooooo sick of people telling me I am leeching off my parents. They'e my parents FFS...parenting doesnt end when your kid is 18, and mine are quite happy to support me while I find my feet.

Anyway I think you're kidding yourself if you think your kid will be out by the time they're 18. Nowadays it's much less common, and you know what - 25 is the new 15 in that respect. It's too expensive to live dependently, and statistically speaking, the older one is when they move out, the less likely it is they will ever come back home.

I don't want to have to come home once I go, so I am glad I am waiting a bit longer to save money, get myself in order and my study finished so when I move out it is for good.

[tormy]

i must say i hate when ppls put us gen y's in the category of we dont work hard, we sponge off our parents etc...there are some that do do that, but there are heaps that dont...

i moved out when i was 18, with my bf at the time and haven't been back home yet...me and my now DH rented for awhile and finally saved up enough for our first house (which we have since done up and sold and brought another house)...we've done all of it without our parents help - sure they helped us with advice etc but diffenetly not money..

but my brother who is 22 still lives at home - my mum said "its just till he finishes uni", and he's finished uni now and still lives there...when i go back home to see everyone (my family live 2 states away) he doesn't help out at all, or pay anythin towards bills/rents etc its soo frustrating, especially cos my mum is single and works 2 jobs to keep the house afloat and bills paid...so frustrating...and my DH's sister is 28 and still lives at home - i think she pays $50 a week in rent which is just crazy....how are ppls ever goin to learn how to stand on there own 2 feet if some parents keep doin this....:rolleyes:

[MimiGrace]

but I think in some families it is really dysfunctional. working in aged care, i've come across families where single 28-30 year olds live at home with their mum and dad and walk all over their parents, don't contribute and have a real sense of entitlement.
But do you really think this is representative of the *majority*?

we constantly have debates about people on centrelink bludging off the government, bludging off relatives etc etc.
Do we honestly believe that the majority of people who fall within a demographic, are doing it selfishly and purposefully/willfully hurting someone else in the process?

because *that* is how its coming across.

So yeah, touchy topic. :no:

[MermaidSister]

Mystic I think it's a sore point with MG, and her comment wasn't really directed at anyone.

Just as a collective thought sent out to the world.

Likewise, mine too. :yes:

[kuddles]

I couldn't do it. I needed my independence.
I have friends who live with their parents one even has a family. I don't agree with anyone over 18 not contributing in some way to their living costs (whether it be by doing house work, paying for food, cooking etc.) but it would be an excellent way to save money and get a good start to life.

Forkie - I live in Western Sydney. It isn't really all that affordable here and getting a house is a Nightmare. The rental crisis is horrible. Not to mention the costs of being a uni student. :( I think you are very wise to stay at home and I think it is lovely that your parents are happy to help you out. :) Don't let anyone make you feel bad. It sounds like you are in a situation that suits you and your family.

[MermaidSister]

I agree with MG.

I also think it's worth noting that it is not always financially viable for young adults to leave home the minute they graduate school. You may have made it, but I have been working since I was 13, but my weekly income is so erratic I could NEVER afford SYDNEY rent and as my uni is smack in the middle of Sydney city, I can't really move to the western suburbs where rent is more affordable.

Also, I am not eligible for centrelink even though I pay may way with everything including a minimal rent and bills payments, because my parents earn too much.

It's ludicrous, and I am sooooo sick of people telling me I am leeching off my parents. They'e my parents FFS...parenting doesnt end when your kid is 18, and mine are quite happy to support me while I find my feet.

Anyway I think you're kidding yourself if you think your kid will be out by the time they're 18. Nowadays it's much less common, and you know what - 25 is the new 15 in that respect. It's too expensive to live dependently, and statistically speaking, the older one is when they move out, the less likely it is they will ever come back home.

I don't want to have to come home once I go, so I am glad I am waiting a bit longer to save money, get myself in order and my study finished so when I move out it is for good.

This stuff, about not being eligible for Centrelink because of parental income and being at Uni, i specifically mentioned as a common reason lots of people don't move out, as MANY of my friends/acquaintances are in this position. I get that. I am in inner sydney too, I couldn't do it unless i was working FT or doing what I have been doing for the last 6 years, working PT and receiving income support for study (and now parenting) from CL.

Although my family had practically no money, I still had to jump through the hoops to get approved as "independent" for Youth Allowance. :yes:

But I don't think it' unrealistic for kids to move out straight after school- if they want to. Sharehousing is the usual option. I moved out at 18 once and for all. It depends a lot on what your standards are and what sacrifices you are prepared to make, what comforts you are prepared to give up. Sure, i shared a dodgy old terrace with 10 others for the best part of the first year, 120/week for a room, where the lounge room used to flood and rats used to scurry around at night :laughing: But it was all part of the experience.

I moved into a studio on my own in the middle of the city at 19, and have never looked back.

[Fiz]

I can defiantly see where you are coming from.

I was an only child and I had it fairly easy when I lived at home. Ok, I was pretty well off! I didn't have to pay rent, I didn't have to pay bills and I didn't have to do my own washing, cleaning the house and other homely things. I was asked to look after my room though, but I always seemed to have created mess as my mother always put it, but I would just reply with "Well it's artistic mess and I guess lazy people are too lazy to find their things!". I suppose I was a little terror at time :laughing: Over the years I have been able to learn why she was like that and I greatly appreciate that I had to learn the hard way after I moved out of home.

Though I did first move out when I was 15 years old. I guess it was a good thing in some ways because I did learn the concept of cleaning, money issues and how to live independently. Of course I couldn't sign a lease until I turned 18 years of age but in some ways I defiantly knew how to live independently. Although, because I did have it easy prior to moving, I found it very difficult to learn the real way of life.. Reality has it that if you do live away from your parents you are less likely to receive help for rent/mortgage, bills, food and other assorted house hold things. While reflecting on the issue, I am very grateful I DID learn this while I was at a young age. I don't know what I would do now if I was in that position.. Believe me, it takes a while to get use to.

I have a friend who lives at home still and she is 20 years of age and sometimes she will be stressing out over one bill (plus she does not have to pay rent etc). Hey, I can understand where she is coming from.. Like most of you can. Bills are stressful! But, it does make me think when she finally does move out and become fully independant she will be faced with even MORE bills and will feel like she is very overwhelmed.. I just hope that when she does move out she will understand well that's the reality of it. Money comes, money goes.. Money is something that usually does not stay forever.

But anyway, back to the main point. Yes I do think that some 20 somethings have it very easy but try and think, their parents probably think they are doing the right thing for their children because they are doing it out of love. It's just a bit tricky when the young adults finally do move out and have to face reality.. That's when it becomes really hard. Eventually they learn though and that's when they respect their parents greatly because they can see how much they have done for them. Well, generally speaking anyway..

[bumMum]

But do you really think this is representative of the *majority*?

we constantly have debates about people on centrelink bludging off the government, bludging off relatives etc etc.
Do we honestly believe that the majority of people who fall within a demographic, are doing it selfishly and purposefully/willfully hurting someone else in the process?

because *that* is how its coming across.

So yeah, touchy topic. :no:

no I don't at all think it's the majority.
I'm not making any kind of statement about what most people are like or how people should live their lives.
like I said, there are lots of reasons people stay at home with their parents, and I really do understand that. my family is extremely close and would take me in anytime. my parents help me out all the time.

[bumMum]

This stuff, about not being eligible for Centrelink because of parental income and being at Uni, i specifically mentioned as a common reason lots of people don't move out, as MANY of my friends/acquaintances are in this position. I get that. I am in inner sydney too, I couldn't do it unless i was working FT or doing what I have been doing for the last 6 years, working PT and receiving income support for study (and now parenting) from CL.

Although my family had practically no money, I still had to jump through the hoops to get approved as "independent" for Youth Allowance. :yes:

But I don't think it' unrealistic for kids to move out straight after school- if they want to. Sharehousing is the usual option. I moved out at 18 once and for all. It depends a lot on what your standards are and what sacrifices you are prepared to make, what comforts you are prepared to give up. Sure, i shared a dodgy old terrace with 10 others for the best part of the first year, 120/week for a room, where the lounge room used to flood and rats used to scurry around at night :laughing: But it was all part of the experience.

I moved into a studio on my own in the middle of the city at 19, and have never looked back.

I agree with all of that. it is so hard for people to actually be able to afford to move out of home, which is why it is so understandable that people do stay with their folks a bit longer.

I had to move out of home as a teenager (I was not kicked out, but my home life was becoming really messed up) and I really had no choice so I moved out and fortunately was on a payment but it was not easy. I lived in a really scungy share house but for me, that was part of my growing up. I realize not everyone needs to experience that to grow up though. at the same time, I think the fact that people live so comfortably with their parents makes it so that nobody wants to move out lol. I see some of my friends lives, at home with mum and dad, and I think "god, if I could live here,I'd never leave either."

[Lemonhead]

I hate the generalisation that all Gen Y's live at home and bludge. I moved out at 17 and was paying rent and bills with DP when we had been together only 7 months. It wasnt my choice as my mum moved away and it was either move out or move down to some bumf*** town :laughing:.

Anyways, I dont see a problem with it usually TBH. If the kid is working or studying and generally doing the right thing by themselves and their parents and the parents dont mind then whatever.

If the kid was partying all the time, being irresponsible wth money and generally being a little turd to their parents then I DO see a problem, and I would consider that person taking advantage.

I dont like the idea of living at home when you have kids, I think that if you are mature enough to have children then you should be out on your own however I do understand that in some circumstances it is financially impossible for you to move out.

[PreggySiren]

Hmm touchy subject for a few... I'd say each to their own. I moved out around my 21st birthday with my BF at the time. We married when I was 26, discovered it would take a long time to save a deposit for a home whilst paying rent and have now been happily co-existing with his parents for the last year. We pay a small amount of board, buy our own food and clean up after ourselves and I am so so grateful to DH's family for very kindly taking us back in to allow us to "super save". We have just bought our first property in another state and will stay here until DH moves jobs. DH is 33yrs old, so "should" well & truly be out of the parental home by many people's standards. I'm just really grateful we've been given this wonderful opportunity to really start our life together in a good financial position. If the child/adult at home with parents is truly grateful and contributes as best they can (and their parents are happy to have their company!), I don't see an issue personally. I know we're very fortunate.

[Lemonhead]

Oh and forgot to mention that alot of my male friends that live at home work on the mines for long periods of time, like 4 weeks on, one off...so really why would they go and pay rent and bills at some rental property when they are only there one week out of 5? I would rather DS stay home and save his money if that was the case.

[Bellaxo]

I turn 25 next month and i live at home with mum GASP! with My Fiance and we will have our bubba very soon. Both DF and I moved out of our parents homes at 16 and lived away from home until we moved in with mum last jan due to massive financial struggle (so was away for a good 7 years). I'm not going to lie, we don't do all that much around the place, but, we do our own washing, cook our own food, keep our own space clean - but my mums a massive neat freak, so by the time it comes to dishes etc, by the time we go to clean it, she's done it, so we don't really bother with that.

I think it's working out ok, we see her for a little bit each day, DF and mum get home around the same time, and we chat while making dinners etc for about an hour each evening, then she retreats to her space to read/knit/watch tv/computer with the puppies, and DF and I either hang in the lounge while we cook, or go to our room and watch tv or something.

No, it's not ideal, but we can't afford anything else atm. We're bankrupt, but working to save to buy a home once the bankruptcy is over, so we're trying to learn to budget and get everything we need so that when we do move, we have everything set up for our little family :). Plus, we had some issues last year and it was good that we were here as mum needed looking after for some time.

Ill add a rant that living in brisbane atm is freaking ridiculous! In 05' i had a 2 bedroom flat in Paddo off latrobe for 150 a week! AWESOME! our last place we paid 330 a week for a ground floor unit with fleas, mould (I had to throw over $1000 worth of clothes that were just ruined with mould within weeks and the real estate didn't give two *****), blocked sewerage etc - unless we were to move to ipswich, we can't afford to live - (nothing wrong with ippy, it would just be pointless, as DF has to travel to valley each day, and what we would pay for in daily train fare would make the cheaper rent pointless kwim?) god I miss the days of cheap rent.

[mummaof4]

i think its simple.. if you live at home and cant/and or dont pay board, help with bills etc etc.. you can help out around the house.. tidy, dishes.. clean etc etc.

i'd move back home if i could! i have 4 kids though and we just wouldnt fit lol