"Children should sleep with parents until they're 5"

[the_queen]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-2179265_1,00.html


ONE of Britain’s leading experts on children’s mental health has advised parents to reject years of convention and allow children to sleep in bed with them until the age of five.

Margot Sunderland, director of education at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, says the practice, known as “co-sleeping”, makes children more likely to grow up as calm, healthy adults.



There is absolutely no study saying it is good to let your child cry.”

She argues that the practice common in Britain of training children to sleep alone from a few weeks old is harmful because any separation from parents increases the flow of stress hormones such as cortisol.

Her findings are based on advances in scientific understanding over the past 20 years of how children’s brains develop, and on studies using scans to analyse how they react in particular circumstances.

For example, a neurological study three years ago showed that a child separated from a parent experienced similar brain activity to one in physical pain.




Symptoms can also be physical. Sunderland quotes one study that found some 70% of women who had not been comforted when they cried as children developed digestive difficulties as adults.



Sunderland argues that putting children to sleep alone is a peculiarly western phenomenon that may increase the chance of cot death, also known as sudden infant death syndrome (Sids). This may be because the child misses the calming effect on breathing and heart function of lying next to its mother.

“In the UK, 500 children a year die of Sids,” Sunderland writes. “In China, where it [co-sleeping] is taken for granted, Sids is so rare it does not have a name.”

:smiliedance: :thumbsup:


Thoughts? Comments??

[xkwzit]

Queenie
How would I get any sleep for those 5 years :D .

But seriously, I have no prob with co-sleeping apart from the fact that I get no sleep. If it works for your family though, I think it's fine.

I do have a problem with the study in that they seem to conclude that children who sleep on their own are stressed. Some babies simply don't mind. DD2 slept on her own in the cot from day 1, would not go to sleep if being held / rocked / in a sling. She was certainly not stressed by my absence.

Also just because you don't co-sleep, doesn't nec mean that you use CC. I have not used CC even though DDs don't co-sleep.

But the bottom line is that if something works for your family I don't think anyone should be too concerned if it's not considered the "norm". What works, works.

Cheers

[shed]

Queen, I just read that whole post out loud to DP coz he's worried that we are making a rod for our own back with bubby because he sleeps in our bed from the 2am feed until the morning.

I already had the crying thing sorted (probably from something you wrote previously mind you!). I'm allowed to pick him up when he cries, without any comment. Well "allowed" is probably the wrong word, but you know what I mean.

So, once again, fanks. :D :hugs:

[Niki]

:yelclap: i love co-sleeping i wana do it for as long as possible :smiliedance:

[Mum2Lucas]

That was really great... but wow about it might increase cot death if they slept in their own cot... people always say that sids is increased if we co sleep. so i may as well just keep on doin what i do for a fair while longer.

[cheezelkat]

I don't mind co-sleeping but I won't do it for 5 years. I'm starting to feel a little resentment towards my partner because I'm the only one who awakens when DS wakes up, the only one who puts him back to sleep and I hate it when I have to feed on my left side and am "in the middle".

[aardvark]

I find that interesting, as DD#2 pretty much stopped wanting to be in bed with us not long before she turned 5.

[Kirstlea]

Wow that is interesting.

Our dd just turned 3 and up until the age of 2 rarely slept through the night, she would always wake about 3 or 4am. Even back then we never brought her to bed with us as we thought we would be putting a rod in our own backs.

In the past year she often sleeps through in her own bed but more often than not we wake up with her in bed with us. She sneaks in the middle, even brings in her pillow and blanky. Now we are not having so many broken nights sleep and she seems to be alot more content. We love waking up to her snoring (she has a cold at the momemnt) beside us and feel a bit empty if she's stayed in her own bed all night, so I guess it works for all of us and I'm sure she will probably make her own decision as to when she stops jumping into bed with us as she did when she didn't want to be breast fed anymore or didn't want to wear nappies etc.

Our darling girl slept until 9.10am the other morning, I had to check she was breathing, she went to bed at 8pm the night before. I guess she was too snug and content in our bed. :laughing:

[the_queen]

I do have a problem with the study in that they seem to conclude that children who sleep on their own are stressed. Some babies simply don't mind. DD2 slept on her own in the cot from day 1, would not go to sleep if being held / rocked / in a sling. She was certainly not stressed by my absence.



That is a very valid point X, just like in every single study about babies in general, there are always exceptions to the rule. Every person, and therefore every baby, is an individual, and what is in general "best" for generally all, may actually not be a good thing for some. I have a friend whose baby (1 month younger than Curtis) is like this, he is quite happy to be wrapped and put into his cot, and will quite happily go to sleep by himself. In fact, sometimes Curtis wants that too - especially if I've had him in the Hug-A-Bub all day and we've been out and about and he's been basically strapped to me all day long. I take him out when we get home, he gets grizzly and just will not settle after a feed, I put him down in his cot by himself, and he goes straight to sleep. It's like he's saying "mum, love ya, i really do, but geez give me some SPACE already!":p

[LilShenanigans]

If a parent can manage it, why not?

I gave up when DD realised pulling my hair in the morning got me up faster!

Besides, I'd probably like to have sex again at some point, so she needs her cot and at some point... in her own room lol

[Mum2Five]

I honestly dont like the idea of co-sleeping. I dont let any of my children do it, how are they ever going to be independant? Also if i was to let one of my boys co-sleep i would have to let them all and there is no way they would fit.

[Mum2Bug]

If a parent can manage it, why not?

I gave up when DD realised pulling my hair in the morning got me up faster!

Besides, I'd probably like to have sex again at some point, so she needs her cot and at some point... in her own room lol

Between the hair pulling and the bruised kidneys Im over it and Bug is only 17 months. Im used to not sleeping properly so that doesn't bother me.

And I too would like to one day have sex again ... so she better start getting used to going back into her cot or a bed because mummy wants to start looking for a partner!

[Areca]

I'm all for co-sleeping...if it works for your family. It doesn't work for us, I am way too aware that dd is there and can't sleep and my tossing and turning wakes her up. I don't use CC either. I don't believe I'm doing anything wrong by my daughter.
It seems like there are no articles that say both are ok. If it's an article for co-sleeping, all parents that don't are ruining their kids future's as a stable, independant parent for not and all of those babies cry to sleep, if it's an article against co-sleeping all kids who co-sleep will be dependant, screwed up adults...well you know, if their parents don't roll over and suffocate them before that ;)

[Rainbowbrite]

YAY :smiliedance: Thanks Queenie. I'll be emailing that to my family :thumbsup:

I'm so lucky that DH feels the same way about co-sleeping. My mum has seen how much better MJ sleeps while with me so she now understands to.

[Goosie22]

Hi Queenie:thumbsup: .

I just love co-sleeping, and so does my husband. His mates rib him about having kids in the bed all the time............he says he gets more now, we have kids than he did before! Because I dont work as much, I have quality sleep and I am much mor content now I have my kids (plus I'm over 30 and you know what happens then :p ).

To the study, I dont think the evidence presented is suggesting anyone needs to feel guilty. It is just pointing out that babies who are comforted and not screaming hysterically alone are less stressed, isnt really that hard to work out with out the study:idea: .

[~Emmylou~]

I agree with xkwizit :yes:

If it works for your family, and you, partner and children are happy then by all means!
But I don't think it's so great if your not getting any sleep, or partner is resentful. That undoes the positives in the long term I think.

We don't co-sleep and DD has never had a problem sleeping alone. She's been in her own room since 7 weeks old. The only time she sleeps with us is if she's sick and that's fine.

But just because we don't co-sleep doesn't mean we use CC either, we don't.

[tickle]

We have been co-sleeping with DS for around 2 years. Last night he went to bed in his own bed in his own room. He went down without a peep and I firmly believe it is due to him feeling more secure as we have never pushed him into it. If we had tried it 6 months ago it would have been a different story. Some children just need their parent with them. I'm so happy that he is secure enough in himself that he could do it. He woke during the night and just walked into our room and climbed in with us. A year ago if he woke during the night and we weren't in the bed he would scream hysterically. I'm so pleased.:D

[Rainbowbrite]

We have been co-sleeping with DS for around 2 years. Last night he went to bed in his own bed in his own room. He went down without a peep and I firmly believe it is due to him feeling more secure as we have never pushed him into it. If we had tried it 6 months ago it would have been a different story. Some children just need their parent with them. I'm so happy that he is secure enough in himself that he could do it. He woke during the night and just walked into our room and climbed in with us. A year ago if he woke during the night and we weren't in the bed he would scream hysterically. I'm so pleased.:D


Sounds like MJ. On the odd occasion that i have tried to put MJ in the cot after she is asleep, if she wakes she goes nuts. Not fun.

Now I ask her if she'd like to lay on her big bed, somedays she will lay there & have a bf, others no-way. I'm just letting her put her bears to bed in the "big bed" which she loves, maybe one day she will get into bed with them. Untill that day comes, she can sleep with & cuddle mummy & daddy all night :yes:

[pookiesossige]

Hey Tickle, :wave: that's like what I was saying last night in the other thread.. When they are ready, they are ready. I firmly believe that because you met his emotional needs over that 2 years, he is now more secure within himself. He knows that you are close by and has full trust in his mumma to meet his needs! ;) And didn't you make life so much easier for yourself by having him with you and then moving him out when he was ready!! :p I'm lazy so this approach suits me every time! :laughing:

[faery]

i love love love co-sleeping. so does my dp. we love that in the morning there are no cries or anything just smiles and coos from ds. and he actually will amuse himself in bed if he wakes up and we are already up, which is great!!

[Mummamoo]

I'm not a supporter of co-sleeping either. I think that there needs to be boundaries. They will eventually have to go to their own bed/rooms. And it's far less traumatic if they learn this younger than older.

And I can't see how having a 'healthy' adult relationship with your DH/DP would be successful with your child lying between you ??!!

I adore my girls, and the one on the way, but I draw the line at being attached to them 24/7. Part of my job as their mummy is teaching them to independent . I think that everyone, young and old, needs a degree of 'personal space'. And honestly, when my girls go to bed, I relish in the fact that (hopefully) I won't be seeing them till morning .... me time :D

[the_queen]

And it's far less traumatic if they learn this younger than older.

Can you expand on this statement please? Why do you think it's more traumatic for an older child? We've had quite a few members already say in this thread, that co-sleeping with their child gave him/her the security and confidence to choose to go into their own bed willingly.

[cheezelkat]

I think it was Dr Sears who wrote a fabulous article about co-sleeping and how children grow up with less behavioural problems and less prone to depression when they co-sleep.

The idea of getting up in the middle of the night in the cold to resettle an upset baby horrifies me.

My mum used to hate the idea of co-sleeping "oh you'll have a clingy child :rolleyes: " but DS is much more quieter than other babies and much more settled. DF LOVES co-sleeping, he got upset with me when I talked about stopping and begged me to keep DS in bed with us. I think its actually helped our relationship as we both gaze adoringly at our son each morning and melt at his sleep smiles.

Being an attached parent is a simply beautiful thing.

[RedPanda]

To the study, I dont think the evidence presented is suggesting anyone needs to feel guilty. It is just pointing out that babies who are comforted and not screaming hysterically alone are less stressed, isnt really that hard to work out with out the study:idea: .

I completely agree!! It's amazing how many studies are done that have really obvious outcomes. The funding could be better spent on other things!!

[meme]

.

And I can't see how having a 'healthy' adult relationship with your DH/DP would be successful with your child lying between you ??!!



a 'healthy' adult relationship doesn't have to be in the 'bed':D
also co sleeping can encompass having a child in a cot in your room , next to the bed or on their own matress next to the parents bed to name a few co sleeping ccombo's.

opposite to that the times i haven't had dd in my bed or my room, i've still been too exhausted for an 'adult relationship'...:rolleyes:

i really don't think independance needs to be taught. i think that it grows naturally out of security and trust.
i think that meeting your childs needs teaches security and trust, whether their need is to be put down alone or snuggled in your bed.


if you want your kids in your bed and your kids don't fit in the bed- buy a bigger bed!:laughing:

[Ana Gram]

There are tons of studies on a range of topics involving children, all contradicting the next. What it comes down to is what every member of this family relationship is comfortable with.

DD was Miss Independant from the moment she emerged. You'd usually get a whack in the face if you tried to cuddle her, she hated being wrapped and could always get out of it no matter how tight or who did it (she frustrated many midwives with this), even now the only way for her to do something new is if you manage to convince her it was actually her idea.
As for co-sleeping, she has never wanted a bar of it. She liked sleeping in our bed fine but only once she elbowed and kneed and kicked us out. On the rare occassion she has slept in our bed, her father snores so much she hits him.

[~EmsMum~]

im all for co sleeping and would love to do that with my DD but she hates it, rarely will she sleep in my bed, she acutally sleeps better in her cot

[tweedledee*tweedledum]

I agree that co-sleeping, as with most aspects of rearing children, it really comes down to what the individual parents are comfortable with. It is obvious what the differences are between Western and other societies and each to their own is my motto. I have twins and initially we had their bassinettes next to our bed so I could breastfeed them easily, however after about 2 months we found that they slept a lot better in their own room, mind you they are together, so in a way they are still co-sleeping, just not with us! The SIDS argument is interesting, as I have read studies that state a lot of deaths occur whilst babies are in the bed with their parents - factors being that they overheated, were smothered by accident, the parents were smokers and this inturn created laboured breathing in the child etc. I know that SIDS can occur in or out of the cot, it can happen whilst they are in the car seat, in happen whilst they are asleep in your arms. The idea is prevention and I guess for me, I feel they are safer in their own cots, rather than both in bed with myself and husband. I am not against co-sleeping in anyway, but I would hate to think that the article would make mothers and fathers feel bad about not doing it for 5 years.

[Mummy-2-2]

My daughter used to sleep better in her own bed in her own room and to be honest I was scared of having her in our bed because of all the horror stories you hear, however for the past few months she will only sleep in our bed and I love it!

I love being able to hear her next to me, I love being able to see her whenever I want, I love that she wakes up giggling and trying to tickle us (not at the time though!!) I just love the way it has made us closer somehow. I think it has made her more independant at times because she is comfortable in the fact that we will be here for her whenever.

My son sleeps badly in our bed, he can hear us breathing and rolling over and I think it wakes him up. He slept in his cot in his own room until we moved and now the house is too big and we dont have a monitor and he sleeps HORRIBLY in our room.

Each to his own.

[Rainbowbrite]

The SIDS argument is interesting, as I have read studies that state a lot of deaths occur whilst babies are in the bed with their parents - factors being that they overheated, were smothered by accident, the parents were smokers and this inturn created laboured breathing in the child etc.

These are not very common at all. Less children die when co-sleeping compared to SIDS deaths where the baby was alone in a cot. Infact babies breathing is regulated by the mothers.

AND it is NEVER recommended to co-sleep if you are a smoker.

[Goosie22]

And I can't see how having a 'healthy' adult relationship with your DH/DP would be successful with your child lying between you ??!!

My relationship has been going strong for over 15 years, and much better now we have kids BTW;)


Beds are for sleeping:sleeping: !

[Rainbowbrite]

It must only be the co-sleepers that are "inventive" :laughing:

[Goosie22]

"Spice up your life" have a go in the kitchen:laughing:

[shed]

They will eventually have to go to their own bed/rooms. And it's far less traumatic if they learn this younger than older.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Seriously.

[Niki]

"Spice up your life" have a go in the kitchen:laughing:

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[misskittyfantastico]

I would very happily co-sleep if little miss DD would allow it!....the only time she'll happily sleep in our bed is when she's sick.

If/when the next one arrives I'll try having that little bundle in bed with us too.

My parents co-slept with both myself and my brother.:thumbsup:

[Rainbowbrite]

My parents co-slept with both myself and my brother.:thumbsup:

See, it does work. Your a well adjusted lady :) Or are you :rolleyes: :laughing:

[misskittyfantastico]

See, it does work. Your a well adjusted lady :) Or are you :rolleyes: :laughing:

ummmm...depends who you ask!:laughing:

[Ana Gram]

"Spice up your life" have a go in the kitchen:laughing:

But then I would have to clean up the mess while the other half falls asleep....

[Mummamoo]

It comes down to what feels right for you, there is not right OR wrong in this instance. Children who sleep in their owns beds are no worse off or better off than children who co-sleep. And visa versa.

And no-one is a better parent for co-sleeping as opposed to those who choose to put them in their bassinets or cots in their own room ...

I couldn't do it. My hubby and I enjoy our time in our bed. And it's not all about sex. It's about spending that rare bit of time that's just the two of us. Watching something together on telly, reading a book or sharing the paper. Just talking, either about our days or bigger issues, issues that affect the kids that we don't want them privy to !! In between work, school, kids, friends, family, house & garden - time for the two of us seems to be when we crawl between those sheets .... and as much as I would take a bullet for my girls - they ain't getting in between us :D

[reAllytee]

I think it was Dr Sears who wrote a fabulous article about co-sleeping and how children grow up with less behavioural problems and less prone to depression when they co-sleep.


Thats interesting considering i co-slept till i was 6yrs of age & have suffered clinical depression for years !

Dont get me wrong im all for co-sleeping & whatever works for your bubs cause i would have loved to co-sleep with Boof but he refused to stay put in bed & slept better in his cot so did so after a few weeks before that he was in our room between our bed & cot.
To say those who dont co-sleep dont have a great sex life is taking it a bit far i always find it interesting when people need to make comments like that.

[Goosie22]

Speaking for myself, I only said my sex life is not affected by cosleeping because one of the previous posted said she thought it would interfere with a "NORMAL" adult relationship;) . I was talking about my experience finding it has not diminished our relationship at all, but infact made our bond greater.

[Goosie22]

But then I would have to clean up the mess while the other half falls asleep....

There is that down side.............I'll give you that.

The're still only interested in the fun side arent they!

[blueeyes]

We dont co-sleep as much as I would like. The babe is a cot sleeper. Is a very independent boy and secure, having said that I think that is his temperament combined with our parenting techniques. I used to let him stay in bed with me after the early morning feed but lately he has been fussing and crying and then I put him back in his cot and he falls asleep instantly.
While I dont co-sleep I react to his noise immediately. That is his moving in bed - and then Im there. Never to do I let him cry, so while we dont co-sleep, I am reactive to his crying. I like the idea of co-sleeping, although DP and the babe take up all the bed and leave me with aches and pains.
I wonder is there a link between co-sleepers and breastfeeders? I recognise most names from the breastfeeding section so I suppose there is in bub hub land.

I didnt know that you could do those wonderful things in bed! I just fall asleep, usually after DP:crying: I suppose I can remember the times pre babe:laughing:

[Niki]

I wonder is there a link between co-sleepers and breastfeeders?

i bottlefeed ds, but most co-sleppers i know do breastfeed

[the_queen]

I hope no-one is feeling defensive about their parenting choices here - I just posted the article because I thought it was really interesting.


:thumbsup:

[reAllytee]

It is a great read Queenie :yes:

I think every mother or father has to do what is right for them & their child.

Hopefully i will have a completely different baby next time & can go the co-sleeping route but then we never get what we want do we !

[misskittyfantastico]

Ally, I'm beginning to think that Boof and Millie are related in some way

[reAllytee]

Ally, I'm beginning to think that Boof and Millie are related in some way


Now all we need to do is find their rightful owners :detective: :laughing:

Sorry im in one foul mood tonite & i think ive been rather snappy in some posts & well i want to give my child away i wonder if the salvos will take him :idea:

[misskittyfantastico]

I've thought about putting her on the curb with a sign around her neck...whoever took her would bring her back though.

[Ana Gram]

There is that down side.............I'll give you that.

The're still only interested in the fun side arent they!

I got a better idea, let's save time and do it in the shower. Everyone wins :laughing:

[reAllytee]

I got a better idea, let's save time and do it in the shower. Everyone wins :laughing:


Hahah totally ..... If i only didnt have a fear of showering with someone else :o :rolleyes:

Yikes i should just become a monk ... seriously

[Boredmum]

In my line of work I have seen co-sleeping at it's worst - suffocating your baby. It's NOT worth the risk. You can give them lots of kisses & cuddles, just don't sleep next to them....

[misskittyfantastico]

In my line of work I have seen co-sleeping at it's worst - suffocating your baby. It's NOT worth the risk. You can give them lots of kisses & cuddles, just don't sleep next to them....

I believe that there are fairly strict rules when co-sleeping. For example - if you smoke, drink or take drugs , you don't co-sleep.

Also you can do a side-car arrangement.

[Boredmum]

yeah, so long as people are aware of the risks, but i wouldn't sleep in the same bed. Having bub in the room right next to the bed - all good if that's your choice. It's the worst thing to tell someone that their baby can't be saved - I could only imagine how worse it would be to think that you may have caused it.

[Kirstlea]

I got a better idea, let's save time and do it in the shower. Everyone wins :laughing:

Kills 2 birds with 1 stone :laughing:

Bugger we used to have the luxury of a nice big shower then we moved and you can't even swing a cat in it. I'm having enough trouble in there at 6mths pregnant god only knows how it will be when I am almost full term. :laughing:

Seriously though, our dd always used to prefer her own bed but in the last year has prefered sleeping with us and I can honestly say it has brought our family unit closer together and our sex life well it doesn't suffer that much and certainly not because dd is in our bed. (no we don't do it while she is in bed with us):p

[Goosie22]

I got a better idea, let's save time and do it in the shower. Everyone wins :laughing:

Thats my DHs favourite pick up line "want me to wash your back?" yeh like I need help showering:rolleyes: .

[Goosie22]

It's the worst thing to tell someone that their baby can't be saved - I could only imagine how worse it would be to think that you may have caused it.

Works the other way around too. Most sudden infant deaths are from babies in their own cot. Accidental suffocation statistics show a correllation with smoking, drug use, alcohol consumption, beding, not breastfeeding and low socioeconomic status. The Death of a baby is Tragic however you look at it and putting the blame on people in that situation is really not going to serve any purpose beside make them feel worse (one would hope you wouldnt share your bias in that type of situation?).

[Nickster]

That's an interesting article Queenie. I think I'll keep it to show my parents and IL's (who I am sure think I've lost my mind - well, they're correct in a lot of aspects anyway:p ).

For me, co-sleeping has been a godsend. We didn't start until DD was 12 months old, and part of me wonders whether the extreme sleep deprivation I suffered from getting up to her, going to her in her cot, picking her up and rocking/feeding her back to sleep umpteen times per night contributed to my PND. I guess I'll never really know, but I can tell you that I have had much more restful nights since we began co-sleeping and a greater peace of mind. It's so much easier just to peek over and check she's warm, and not wedged up against the rails, give her a little pat if she whines, etc. We had her in the sidecar arrangement until recently, and now we have just whacked a single bed (with a safety rail - mesh childcare brand;) ) up against our bed.

We also love waking up to giggles and chatter and cuddles too!

And I can't say it's affected our sex life - no more so than any other sleep-deprived parent.....who needs a bed to do it in anyway? Boring lol.....everyone knows us co-sleeping hippy types are much more inventive.....

[Pippi Longstocking]

Boredmum, I was under the impression tha the majority of infant suffocation cases occurred on couches rather than in safe cosleeping situations? Sure, nodding off on the couch with your little one next to you is a terrible idea but I know that my child is safest when lying next to me in the big bed.

I think that the most important parenting tool I have is my own instinct. And in the same way that my baby instinctively cries when I am not close, my instinct tells me to keep her near. The idea of putting her in a different room and using an artificial listening device (baby monitor) seems not only foreign but totally bizarre to me!

Cosleeping is safe. If I thought that there was any risk to my baby, I would look at alternatives.

I don't understand the mindset that "babies need to learn independance". Why?? Why can't it be a gradual maturing process? Why can't they gently seperate themselves from mummy as they become more secure in the world? Why do they need to be forced into scary situations? It's not about teaching the baby to be independant, it's all about the parent and how she feels :rolleyes: .

[~Emmylou~]

It's not about teaching the baby to be independant, it's all about the parent and how she feels :rolleyes: .

Just have to butt in here and say that's a pretty rough generalisation to be making.

The same could easily be said about parents who do co-sleep - that it's all about the parent and how she feels......:rolleyes: .......

No one has said that in this thread and I get really, really annoyed when it is implied that those who choose not to co-sleep do so out of selfishness.

There are many other perfectly valid reasons for not co-sleeping that have nothing to do with just wanting the bed to yourself.......:rolleyes:

[Goosie22]

No one has said that in this thread and I get really, really annoyed when it is implied that those who choose not to co-sleep do so out of selfishness.

Why? What possible impact could it have on your life?

I am a co-sleeper, I dont get annoyed if people say I am co-sleeping for my own sake as it is partly true (I love it, its easy and I my kids want to do it). It just happens that a large ammount of the worlds population happen to co-sleep and it apears to have pretty big benifits as an interesting side note.

[Sarie]

I'm not a co-sleeper, our kids are in their own beds from day one. It's not my thing, but if it floats your boat go for it.

[Sarie]

There are many other perfectly valid reasons for not co-sleeping that have nothing to do with just wanting the bed to yourself.......:rolleyes:

There's also nothing wrong with wanting the bed for you and your hubby either. That is our space and the kids have theirs. People may not agree, but that's our opinion.

[Mum&bubs]

We Co-sleep with Summer but we never thought she would still be in our bed at 16 months. Im not complaining though I dont think id be able to sleep without her. I think she will stay in our bed until she stops breastfeeding because she wakes up constantly through the night for feeds still & i like the idea of just pulling my shirt down :laughing: I dont want her in our bed until she is 5 though, hopefully she is in her own bed by then.

[Goosie22]

There's also nothing wrong with wanting the bed for you and your hubby either. That is our space and the kids have theirs. People may not agree, but that's our opinion.

Thats right, but this thread is discussing an article on Co-sleeping and the benifits of same!

Why not start up a thread to discuss an article regarding the benifits of detached parenting, I'll come and read that article too and leave comment:thumbsup: .

[~Emmylou~]

Why? What possible impact could it have on your life?



It annoys me for the same reason that breastfeeders get annoyed by ignorant comments about breastfeeding, and co-sleepers get annoyed by ignorant comments about co-sleeping - because it's just not true and it's not the whole story.

I hardly lose sleep over it, but it is irritating in exactly the same way.

[Sarie]

Thats right, but this thread is discussing an article on Co-sleeping and the benifits of same!

Why not start up a thread to discuss an article regarding the benifits of detached parenting, I'll come and read that article too and leave comment:thumbsup: .

As I said what every floats your boat:D

[Mummamoo]

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission recommend against bringing your infant to sleep in the bed with you for safety reasons. Although many cultures endorse cosleeping (http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/cosleeping.html), there is a risk that the baby can suffocate or strangle, and studies have shown that there's a higher incidence of SIDS (http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/sids.html) (sudden infant death syndrome) in households where the baby slept in the bed with the parents.


Was just surfing around a pregnancy/newborn site and found this! I suppose we can always find arguments/informtaion to support our views .... it's just believing what you want to believe and doing what you think is best for your family.

[Goosie22]

Thats a pretty simplistic way of looking at things? Taking a blanket statement from a non Australian source as proof co-sleeping is unsafe its not the usual way I do my research. I prefer to read a variety of material, fore and against, look for contributing factors with in the material which may lead to the conclusion in the negative or positive and then see if those factors apply to my life!



Is sleeping with your baby safe?

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) research has shown that the safest place for young babies to sleep is in a cot or bassinet next to their parent's bed.
Babies who have their heads covered, whose breathing is blocked in some way, or who become too hot, may be more likely to die suddenly.
In societies where adults sleep on soft beds with soft pillows, blankets and quilts, babies sleeping in these beds may become covered, find it difficult to breathe and get hot.
In societies where beds are firmer and fewer covers are used, there is less of a risk.
However, if cots can be made safer for babies, so can beds.
There are ways to Co-sleep (http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=305&id=1911) safely. Nobody is trying convince you by the way, we are merely discussing an article which happens to be about the benifits of Co-sleeping:thumbsup: .

[rynosmum]

Ladies, whilst running the risk of this thread being closed shortly, can we please get back on the OP's topic and that is, your thoughts on the article ?

Let's not get back in the same debate of who is right or wrong here. We all do what is best for our families - thank goodness that we live in an age where we can make independent choice.

[Bubble*Crazy]

Good on those that can co-sleep. Parenting is all about whatever works for you and your family. Each to their own - and I'm sure not going to judge.

Personally, DP & I don't like co-sleeping. We are more scared of the risks of co-sleeping than being in a cot/bassinette - with the babies, that is; we like our bed to be our space when we go to sleep (the kids, by all means can get into bed in the morning if they like - and they do); and whilst this sounds contradictory, - if DD does wake at 4 or 5am (very occasionally) as she's getting bigger now and too hard to carry back into bed, it's usually a race between DP and myself to her room/bed as we don't want to fight over the blankets or have to duck for cover with her tossing, turning and arm waving when she's asleep!

Luckily we have two very good sleepers (have been from day 1) who sleep much better and prefer their own beds.

[chloes_mum]

I don't think i could handle it. DD has slept in her own bed since day 1. I didn't want to start putting her in my bed because i knew of some people who did and it took a lot to get their kids to sleep in their own bed.

[*Chels*]

MY brother died of SIDS,and he slept in his own basinett.I dont think co-sleeping endangers your child at all.As a mother You are SO aware of your child,that you will not roll on them.
Im not worried that my child will not be independent.Hes 10 months old and is already SO strongwilled!!!!I was sleeping with my mum when I was a baby and I am the most independent person ever,
and by the way,I have slept with my son in the bed and on the couch BF to sleep and we both survived.

[veve]

I dont think co-sleeping endangers your child at all.As a mother You are SO aware of your child,that you will not roll on them.

yeah .. maybe ..

that was one of the (several) reasons we decided not to co-sleep .. my DH has rolled on me .. elbowed me in the head.. and has often ended up well and truly on my side of the bed... add to that that he NEVER hears the baby cry in the morning - or his alarm clock - and we decided that for us... it was just too risky ..

(add to the equation 2 people .. 2 body pillows... 2 blankets (we dont share blankets.. nope nope nope) and normal head pillows - where would you put the extremely wiggley child???

i am aware of our DS and where he is sleeping .. we have co-slept in HIS room when he is sick .. however he will NEVER EVER sleep in our bed.. nor will any other child of ours ... I would feel sick if anything happened to him (or them)..

I think it is lovely .. if a family can share a bed.. but until they invent a MUCH bigger bed (even a king size wouldn't cut it for us) - it is not an option for our family ..

interested article though ... always an interesting topic to post about .. who funded the research??? any ideas/?

xxx
Jen

[Pippi Longstocking]

One of the most sensible arguments I have ever heard regarding rolling on the baby when cosleeping was from Bubhub's own wonderful monarch The_Queen (I think?), when she said something along the lines of "I don't fall out of bed so why would I roll on the baby?". It is the same instinct really. I have never rolled on any of my cosleeping wee ones.


regarding this,

Just have to butt in here and say that's a pretty rough generalisation to be making.

The same could easily be said about parents who do co-sleep - that it's all about the parent and how she feels...... .......

No one has said that in this thread and I get really, really annoyed when it is implied that those who choose not to co-sleep do so out of selfishness.

There are many other perfectly valid reasons for not co-sleeping that have nothing to do with just wanting the bed to yourself......

I think you misunderstood or misquoted me. What I said
I don't understand the mindset that "babies need to learn independance". Why?? Why can't it be a gradual maturing process? Why can't they gently seperate themselves from mummy as they become more secure in the world? Why do they need to be forced into scary situations? It's not about teaching the baby to be independant, it's all about the parent and how she feels


I wasn't referring specifically to colseeping. I was referring to "teaching babies to be independant'. I really do believe (I believe. It's ok if others don't ;)) that forcing an infant to be independant before they are ready is about the mother's need rather than an altruistic act f parental love.

[the_queen]

interested article though ... always an interesting topic to post about .. who funded the research??? any ideas/?

xxx
Jen


Science of Parenting - References (http://www.dorlingkindersley-uk.co.uk/static/html/features/scienceofparenting/Science_of_Parenting.doc)

About the Centre for Child Mental Health (http://www.childmentalhealthcentre.org/pages/about.html)


:)

[lovemybub]

I completely agree!! It's amazing how many studies are done that have really obvious outcomes. The funding could be better spent on other things!!

I think it's amazing that people won't believe things that are just common sense unless it has been backed up by a study, or unless someone with a whole bunch of letters after their name has said it.

Before I had DD (10 months on Saturday) I didn't even know there was an alternative to having your baby sleep in a cot, but within two months DD was in our bed every night. I found that we would both fall asleep in bed after the first night feed anyway, and then I found myself making excuses for why she should start in our bed anyway. It just didn't feel right having her all the way over the other side of the room...

If you ask me, co-sleeping is just as much for the benefit of us parents as it is our little angels :D

[mumofprincess20]

I think in the right circumstances co sleeping is excellent, just in the way that breastfeeding is. I will have to find the info on this, but in human biology I actually had to do some reasearch on sids and and some of the information in my human bio book stated that poorer countries have less sids deaths than that of the richer. They assumed that the constant contact of the childs mother helped prevent the child going into too deep of a sleep, which can be a problem with an inmature respiratory system.
Now to the question should children co sleep untill 5. Well I think the child should be allowed to go into the parents bed if there's a "scary" storm or something like that. I'm sure that would still give the kiddies some kind of reasurance that they are safe. And if you chose to exclusively co sleep untill 5 yrs then great. And as for healthy adult relationships, explore a little, the bed isn't the only room in the house LOL.:smiliedance: