Child Support...Should i or shouldn't i? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

Addison'sMum

17-08-2006, 15:42

Hello,

i would like some advice as to whether i should claim against my bubba's father. he doesn't have anything to do with him and refuses to acknowledge to anyone, other than myself, that he is the father.

i am coping at the moment financially as i am living at home with my parents not paying rent or any other expenses. i would love for us to get our own place and money from child support would certainly help but i know he will kick up a huge stink and i can't bare to go through that again.

We always agreed to be friends and i understand he wasn't looking at being a dad when i fell pregnant and at the time respected that and have never asked anything from him.

is it wrong to claim now?

when it was breifly discussed when bub was born i told him i never wanted his money and really i guess i don't but it would help my bub with extra things. he also treathed custody of my son if he had to pay for him...his words...'if i have to pay i might as well see him.' therefore is this a bad or a good thing?

if anyone could help with their advice it would be very thankful.

thanks

melfunction

17-08-2006, 15:54

Sorry, but I'm going to completely disfigure your post :o

i understand he wasn't looking at being a dad when i fell pregnant and at the time
He should have kept his pants on then.

is it wrong to claim now?
Absolutely NOT! Two of you bought this child into the world whether your baby's father likes it or not. Your child shouldn't have to go without, just because his father can't accept responsibility.

i never wanted his money and really i guess i don't but it would help my bub with extra things.
You wouldn't be doing this for yourself, you would be doing it for your child.

'if i have to pay i might as well see him.
What a lousy attitude! I would be telling him to go to hell, but would still take his money, which whether he likes it or not, your baby is entitled to.

Lirael

17-08-2006, 15:56

this is tough. every parent should help out with the costs of raising their child regardless of their relationship with the other parent. that said you cant force him to pay. in order to claim centerlink you would have to lodge a child support claim. unless you dont know who the father is....maybe instead of money you could ask for things such as nappies or formula or clothes etc. i know my ex was adamant he would not pay money cos he thought i would waste it on myself however he was happy to buy things for our bub. its never too late to claim as far as i know. try calling CSA on 131272
as far as visitation they are two seperate things you can say no but if he is that into seeing his child he may seek mediation or legal help and take you to court (i dont mean to scare you):hugs: Child support agency can do the asking for you so you dont have to confront him though if you still see him or live in same town he might confront you when he gets notice of your claim- or he may not.
sorry to waffle on i hope i have helped a little.:o

sunnyflower

17-08-2006, 16:11

are you on single parenting payment? is the fathers name on the birth certificate? you can go to court and make him have a dna if he doesnt want to acknowledge that he his the father.as for child support payments,unless he is working and paying the agency can not force him to pay.my child's father gets cash in hand work and rarely pays.you would be better off claiming for parenting payment.however you need to know that if you claim for this thenyou wil have to apply for child support.

MeeG

17-08-2006, 16:29

i say there nothing wrong with applying for it... why not? it is hes kid whether he likes it or not, it may even spark a relationship between him and his kid.... your entitled to it and hes entitled to pay!!

♥My Innocent Angel♥

17-08-2006, 21:00

i agree with everything that KM said and also as cel said csa and visitation are to seperate things and csa has nothing to do with that part and if he is anything like my ex it will be empty threat he will crack it in the beginning and try to scare/intimadate you out of it but stand your grand on what you want for visitation and he will more than likely just get over it and not do anything especially with the attitude that it sounds like he has:fingerscrossed: that this all works out for you if you need to chat pm me anytime :)

oleander

17-08-2006, 21:09

I am in a similar situation although my bubs hasnt been born yet. I dont need my ex husbands money as I am already well established, although we have agreed that he is going to put a certain amount into a bank account for our daughter on a monthly basis. He needs to take responsibilty - its only fair. I agree with KM's comment about your ex having a lousy attitude towords the child. You cant live with your parents forever - claim the money from him, even if you dont need it put it aside for the future eg. school fees, holidays etc.

~EmsMum~

17-08-2006, 21:11

I say you should, he is the father, he should take responsibility!!!

Deity

18-08-2006, 11:13

Wow sister! I hear you loud and clear. My DD's father does not have anything to do with her, but like the other ladies have posted CSA payments and visitation are nothing to do with one another.

If you make an application to CSA and he tried to evade them he will have hardly any chance of the court favouring his wishes to see your child. Who gives a snot what he thinks or wants? Did you want to get pregnant when you were with him? Did you want to raise a child by yourself and sacrafice everything in your life for a baby? :no:

I suppose he's still out drinking with friends, staying out till he doesn't know what time etc. As a parent you are responsible and can't do what ever you want cos you have another life to consider and take care of.

You didn't get pregnant by yourself and he is just as responsible to foot the bill. Living with parents is one thing but what about when you are not?

If you are wanting to move out there is heaps of help:

You can claim Single Parent payments from Centrelink 136 150
You can also get Rent Assistance with your rent - every fortnight
You get Family Tax Part A plus Family Tax Part B - every fortnight
They calso give you Pharmacutical Allowance
You can claim Advances (loan) of upto $500 - per year
There's heaps of info: www.centrelink.gov.au (http://www.whitepages.com.au/wp/listingLink.do?url=www.centrelink.gov.au&logData=)

Homeswest www.dhw.wa.gov.au (http://www.whitepages.com.au/wp/listingLink.do?url=www.dhw.wa.gov.au&logData=) can help you with housing matters such as accomodation and/or Bond Assistance of $550

You can get discount on your Electricity Supply from Synergy www.synergyenergy.com.au (http://www.whitepages.com.au/wp/listingLink.do?url=www.synergyenergy.com.au&logData=) , Telephone Connection from Telstra 132 200

Child Support Agency (CSA) 131 272

You can give them a call and make some enquiries without locking yourself in and you can change your mind at any time about making a claim once you decide to. They are helpful, trained and they have a lot more pulling power than you might suspect; it's definately worth a phonecall.
They also have a website you can check out www.csa.gov.au (http://www.csa.gov.au)

Take care :hugs:

LittleBoysRock

18-08-2006, 11:26

when it was breifly discussed when bub was born i told him i never wanted his money and really i guess i don't but it would help my bub with extra things. he also treathed custody of my son if he had to pay for him...his words...'if i have to pay i might as well see him.' therefore is this a bad or a good thing?

I understand it is a difficult desicion but all I can say is that is my DH EVER said something like this about my child he wouldnt be seeing him!

I would be telling him to shove his money and allowing him NO involvment with the child. Though...I think I would be quite territorial of my DS if DH and I ever split!!

Addison'sMum

18-08-2006, 11:58

Thank you everyone for your advice.

i am currently on centrelink benifits and had started the CSA procedures when ds was first born though after pressure and verbal abuse from him i never continued. for this reason i and other reasons centrelink were able to waive his involvment and allow me to receive full payments from them however this is again under review later in the year and without any contact or threats during the last year i don't think they will accept my application to have it waived again.

i think i will claim again and see how it goes, i still feel that i have failed as i think i should be able to do this on my own as it was my decision and went against his wishes to bring ds into the world. maybe i'm just too nice and don't want to hurt anyones feelings though he has hurt ours and am dreading the conflict it will uncover again.

thanks everyone your comments have been appreciated.

Deity

18-08-2006, 12:45

AGAINST HIS WISHES? do you mean that you got pregnant on purpose or that he wanted you to get an abortion?

As far as I can tell it takes to people to get pregnant. If you have decency and morals and choose to not take an unecessary and easy option out of a life changing situation you should not feel bloody guilty for it.

If things get too bad between you guys to the point where it compromises your lifestyle and you fear the safety of yourself or your child take out a restraining order so he is not allowed to contact you.

Centrelink wont pay you forever and if you have to have CSA persue him for money it is out of your hands. You are not a magician, you are a single mum and need the money. Children are adorable but they are not free.

shell13

18-08-2006, 14:24

I do know what you are going through as the exact same thing happened to me, my son is now 14, I decided not to go for child support and at the end of the day it worked out for best. The father has no contact and never has, I am now married with one other child and another on the way and it is so much easier then having to worry about other fathers to other children, my son calls my husband dad and he now has his surname, and I would not have it any other way!
Good luck.

~BEXTER~

25-08-2006, 12:56

i say you shouldnt. he sounds like a ***** and you shouldnt give him any right to see his child just because his paying you a small amount of money once a month.
im 20 i have a 20month old daughter we live on our own in a nice 2 bed unit i pay all my bills and i have a loan from getting all my furniture, and we can stil go out and do things my child never goes with out. my daughters father doesnt pay a cent and we dont need it, if you are going to move out on your own you can apply for centrelink and live well so you wont need his money, as for the child support for being with centrelink tell them you are going to do it private or you dont know who the father is (as long as his name isnt on the birth certificate)

hope it helped

loopi1

26-08-2006, 12:39

You should go for CS as it's for your child's future not yours. Both parents shouldn't be thinking it's about them cause it's not. It takes two to tango and make a child don't blame the child it's not his fault he was bought into this world and by not making the father take responsibilty and paying is punishing the child.
Do not let the father intimindate you into not applying, he is only thinking of himself and so far he has gotten away with it.

My DS father has nothing at all to do with him and doesn't acknowledge him at all though it's hard for him to dispute as he forced a DNA test on us, but he does pay. My DS and I would be on the street if it was for CS.

Kids are not cheap and the older they get the dearer they cost, you may not need the money at the moment but there will come a time where it will be.

Apply for CS as your son is entilted to it. It's all about him.

In the end it is up to you to decide, you can get all the opinions and experiences out there but ultimately it's your choice. Think long term not just the now.

All the best :hugs:

Deity

26-08-2006, 15:12

Wow loopi1 you sound quite angry there, is everything alright with you?

loopi1

26-08-2006, 15:35

Wow loopi1 you sound quite angry there, is everything alright with you?

Alls good, sorry if I came off sounding angry, I'm not angry at anyone, maybe a little annoyed by the situation as I know all to well to have an ex take no responsibility after creating a child.

Sorry everyone if you took my comments to be from an angry person I didn't mean to sound like it, I just wanted all who are going thru this to really think hard about whether they should or shouldn't go for CS.

In the end CS is a choice mums need to make but make the chioce based on your childs needs, wants and future not on you or the ex.

Apologies again :( but I am passionate about single mums and the hardship most of us have to go thru.

m_jelly

26-08-2006, 17:17

loopi1

26-08-2006, 17:26

My ex and I havent discussed CS yet, but I have a question. If I do get CS from him, does that affect the centrelink payment i get?
And if i put his name on the birth certificate, do i get no choice about claiming CS?

If you claim CS you get more from centrelink. The gvmt are also trying to get the fathers to be responsible, so they give you less if you don't apply for CS.

Not sure about the second question, as I didn't have a choice about the father being on the BC, he's not on my DS BC. But my DS father wanted DNA tests so he had no choice but to pay CS.

becky_boo84

26-08-2006, 18:07

OH MY GOD!!!!
seriously this is me all over... he soulnds like the same guy im sorta with.. If thats how he said it "if im going to pay for it I may as well see it" its gotta be him...lol
I know EXACTLY how you are feeling darl. I said exactly the same thing to him when I found out I was pregnant and he said that. I dont want nothing off him.. if he wants to be a deadbeat ill let him but in the end i hope he feels like SH*T! and guess wat I too have gone back to living with my parents now and my bub not due till jan...
wow im so glad im not the only one... u shoud pm me!!! we can chat too if you like..
bec:hugs:

Hector

26-08-2006, 22:27

plus you will probably find it makes you feel better in the long run. i put off getting child support from my ex as I did not want him thinking i was reliant on him for anything...however it started to really get me down that he was out there, acting as irresponsibly as ever (emotionally, financially, whatever), living without a care in the world - the best of both world's really as i was allowing him as much access to dd as he liked...whilst i was stuck at home with barely a penny to scrape together looking after his child (especially as he loved to parade her around town and basque (??) in the adoration of all the town grannies and young tarts who think the sight of him with our gorgeous daughter is just wonderful...

excuse me while i :barf:

and all the while i'm the one actually doing any bloody work.

our dd is nearly one and it has worn me to a frazzle - not just the coping financially part, but just the principle of the thing...it makes me so mad.

but thing is i really wish i'd done something about it straight up - got it sorted way back then and i wouldn't have to be bitter about him not coming through with the financial help of his own accord (as he promised he would).

the CSA put the fear of god into my ex when they phoned him (and they weren't even 'after' him so to speak, it was just a courtesy call!) so hopefully it might make yours shape up a wee bit! good luck!

~ElectricPink~

30-08-2006, 15:38

Wow I'm in pretty much the same situation! Except for the fact that my bub isn't born yet that is...
I'm freaking now...do Centrelink REALLY pay you less if u don't claim child support??? I am having a lot of issues with the father at the moment and I don't see how I will be able to get a cent out of him....
Does that only apply if you have their name on the birth certificate??? :eek:

Illusional

30-08-2006, 18:59

If you claim CS you get more from centrelink. The gvmt are also trying to get the fathers to be responsible, so they give you less if you don't apply for CS.

That isnt entirely true, there are exemptions:

: You get the full amount of Family Allowance Supplement if you claim Child Support.
: If you don't claim Child Support - you will be granted the minimum amount of FAS.
: There are exemptions to having to claim CS - ie: abuse (in whatever form), Threats, death of the father etc.
(most of the time you need to have proof of this - legal papers, friends, family etc.)
: If you meet the exemptions (a social worker is required to talk to you) then you DO get the full rate of FAS.

So - basically - if you are exempt from having to apply for it - you still get the full rate.

Addisons mum said she had an exemption.. so she knows that - I was just clearing it for others.

And No, it's definately not wrong for you to claim now - he still contributed to the baby - no matter what the situation.
He's been given enough leeway already.

Deity

01-09-2006, 15:02

Heyley don't worry about it too much... from what I can gather from Centrelink and the information I have read in the past few months on these forums is that Centrelink want you to go for CS so the tax payer is not footing the bill for your ex's offspring....

If you try to get money off him, through the CSA for example, and cant get a cent they don't punish you, you will then get the maximum amount available cos you have shown that you have tried through the appropriate channels.

Just remember what a guy says he 'can'pay and what he 'has' to pay are often in different leagues. No-one can afford anything have you noticed?

~ElectricPink~

04-09-2006, 14:03

Just remember what a guy says he 'can'pay and what he 'has' to pay are often in different leagues. No-one can afford anything have you noticed?

Lol yeah I have noticed! When I told him that he HAD to pay child support this is the message he sent about it -

"U had all the say as to whether we kept it or not. Now I'm never gunna be able to save...never buy a house...never travel...in 10 mins of fun I've shattered all my dreams for the future"

Hahaha isn't that such a laugh! I pointed out that all he has to do is pay for child support...big woop! He hasn't even considered all I've sacrificed...but that's men for ya. :banghead:

Karstens Mum

04-09-2006, 14:13

Hi,

I have just seperated from my ex, and am looking into single parenting with centrelink. I am not sure how it all works and am worried my ex wont pay his part. If you claim for child support do you get less money from centrelink?????

It's so stressful, I dont want his bloody money he can rot in hell with it really. (I'm not bitter NNNNNNNNNOoooooooooo)

Deity

10-09-2006, 17:19

I pointed out that all he has to do is pay for child support...big woop! He hasn't even considered all I've sacrificed...but that's men for ya. :banghead:

Yeah where's our savings? our travelling? our social life?

I can go on....

Where's our last pair of new shoes?
Our last enjoyable shopping trip?
Our last uninterrupted chat with a freind?
Our last night out on the town?
Our last lay-in in the morning?
Our last full night's sleep?
Our last bath with a mag and a glass of wine?
Our last washing free day?
Our last feeding free day?
Our career prospects?

We have more kilos on our bodies.
We have 'foriegn body material' in our hair/face & body.
We have to deal with someone's else poo - every day,many times.
We have to bath someone else - every day, many times.
We have to dress someone else - every day, many times.
We have back ache from carrying someone else every day.
We groom ourselves around someone else's sleep pattern.
We eat around someone else's sleep pattern.
We have to pack a bag everytime we leave the house full of nappies, wipes, change of clothes, toys, teething ring, etc.
We have to do everything one handed.
We have to monitor our language.
We spend what little money we have on someone else instead of ourself.
We have to listen to the same thing again and again and again and again because it entertains someone else.

....and money is a big deal? Someone aught to put an ad on TV to all the dead beat dad's out there that payment of child support is not an option, it's not the our way of getting at him, it is the easiest and least tasking part of child rearing, selfish idiots!

There shoudl be a group for them all so they can go out together and get laid and stop winging about a measly bit of money.

loopi1

10-09-2006, 18:41

Nicely put Deity :yelclap:

Except the part about them getting together and getting laid. Why should they get the chance to do this to someone else, they should have a big tattoo on their forehead saying "I did a runner and now pay maitenance" or "I don't pay maitenance, cause I'm a selfish pig"

And let us poor lonely single busy mummies have the joy to get laid again :laughing: I've forgotten what to do, I'm a born again Virgin. :devil6: :D