I want another child but my husband does not,..

[possanda]

Hi,..
I've always wanted 2 kids and my husband was always happy to make me happy. He did when we implanted our last frozen embryo(from our first round) and we were finally pregnant. Our son is 8 months now and I have discussed with Dh about having another child in the future but he says that our son is enough hard work and he dosent want to lose more of his time (he can be very selfish).
I find it hard to put my dreams away because of his attitude. I am the one who would have to go through more rounds of ICSI IVF, and I am willing to do so, but how do I make him see the happiness that another child would bring.

I am grateful for my son, don't get me wrong but I have always dreamed of 2 children...

Anyone have any advise for me?

[gizmoduckus]

Probably at 8 months old, when you bring up the subject of more children, he can still see how much work babies are. Maybe try bringing it up again when your little one is more dependant so that he can see that the hard work doesn't last forever.

Sorry I couldn't be much more help :hugs:

[possanda]

Yeah, thanks for the thoughts. I know that I should let him see more of the fun things and then ask / bring up kids again but I wanted to do the IVF close together so I can enjoy the kids close together. I sound horrible and ungrateful .... But it's really hard to change your ideas after so long... I had thought that we had an agreement of how many children and when but he seems to have changed the rules..
How do I let it go for a while? The dissapointment i mean?

[sarahp]

Hey, I know how you feel. DS is now 22months and I have spent the last year trying to convince my husband that DS really needs a brother or a sister!
DH has said yes, no, yes, no. And finally he has given in and we're just 'seeing what happens'. So we are now actively trying.
We had no trouble conceiving so my situation is a little bit different but I know how it feels when all you want is to have just one more and your partner doesnt agree.
I just could not bear the the thought of Little DS being an only child.
DH says they are too much hard work (even though I do everything) but as DS has grown up DH enjoys playing with him more and more.
I dont know what my advice is but life is different as your little one grows up and I am glad we have waited a couple of years now as DS will be a little bit more independant when no. 2 comes along!
So... You are not alone!
I am not even thinking of talking about a number 3. That would be completely out of the question!
Good Luck !! :sunshine:

[sandramm1]

Does your husband have siblings? Maybe try talking to him about the benefits of siblings

[possanda]

Sandramm1 -
He has brother's and sisters. His dad liked to get around, one full brother, 2 half sisters to one woman and twin sisters to another....
The older of the sisters both have kids.. They are both under 26, one has 4 kids (each with a different father) and the other has 2.

We had issues when we first got serious because he was afraid of being a bad father and husband,.... gee I wonder where that came from???
But I thought we were through them.

Sarahp -
Thanks for the support, and good luck with conceiving if you haven't already..
Mentioning 3 ....... the only way that will happen is if the egg splits,.. hahahahah..

[possanda]

Sandramm1 - I sincerely hope all goes well with your June cycle.

[yummymummy912]

:kiss:I would definitely wait until your 1st is older. I know you may have had dreams of two kids close together, but things change. I think the best way to 'get over' your dissappointment at this stage is to tell yourself that it is too early to make a descision and just focus on your little miracle. Maybe ask your husband if it is something he will discuss in another 12 months. Turn his 'no' into a 'maybe' and go from there. Once he sees the little one start laughing and playing with him, he will want another one :-) It's all so new he hasn't had a chance to pine for another child as your 1st was only born 8 months ago. Did you have a difficult pregnancy? Is your 1st a troublesome baby? Has it affected your marriage? These are all questions you need to look at, as to why he may be admanat about not having another. The answer to those questions, coupled with his poor example of a father indicate deeper issues to me

[sandramm1]

Thanks possandra.
Good luck in having baby number 2.

[Spoodge]

Possanda.... I know exactly how you feel, its like a kick in the stomach!

I raised the issue of having another baby when Miss R turns 1 (which is 7 months away!) with my DH yesterday. He said, one is enough. We had always spoken about 2 as I wanted 3 and we kind of negotiated. He has 2 older children from his previous marriage and I want Miss R to have another sibling around her own age.

I was gutted when he said that, nearly in tears so I do understand how you feel. I have 6 months to work on him :D but I dont know. I was very sick in my pregnancy with Hyper emesis and ended up in hospy 2 times, threw up every day a number of times even when medicated so he said he doesnt want to see me so sick again. Also he doesnt want to deal with a young toddler when I am sick as he will have to do alot of the work when I cant get out of bed.

Then when I raised the issue again today he said he is getting too old. Its like there is so many excuses.

We have 5 blastys waiting on ice and I want to use them, and feel sick thinking that we won't. Its not fair that he can just change his mind as I have this longing I guess for a second child.

Like you I wanted my children close together, as I have a sister much older than me and a sister 18 months youger and we are so much closer.

I really dont have any answers but wanted you to know I do feel for you and if you work out how to get that stuborn male gene to budge to let me know.

:hugs: Spoo

[AbigailsMummy]

I suggest probably wait a little longer then bring up the subject again. You don't want to be pressuring him into this kind of commitment when he had clearly stated his thoughts, also I believe babies should be brought into the world willingly by both parents.

Does he have insecurity issues? His dad and half sister has been around so not much of a role model for him. This maybe had scared him into having more children.

[babykanga]

Perhaps DH needs a reminder of what a gread dad he is and how much love you both have for your your DB, the joy he has brought into your lives although it is hard work its the most rewarding and with each child they bring new rewards........good luck and congrats on your beautiful family so far