Do you think children are given to particular parents?

[MummaBear03]

I've never believed this but have thought more about it since my neighbour said if DD was her child she'd have got rid of her by now, she's too full on for her to handle even for a few minutes. She said she wouldn't keep being a mother to a child who needed that much care.

I'm waiting to see what her 3rd will be like after 2 quiet ones!

I've always had lots of patience for children, in particular the more full on ones, out of everyone else at my work, I was the one who could keep up with and continue to entertain the ADHD children well after the rest were exhausted and at the end of their tether! Then I got one of my own. Not ADHD, but full on nonetheless!

[BigRedV]

Not really.

I do believe nurture has a LOT to do with it. I also believe that a parent's behaviour can have an impact on their children.

My sister is a very anxious person, she is bipolar and hit rock-bottom a few years ago. She thought people were trying to break into her house, she thought people were following her, she thought peole were wiring her house, she thought her ex was trying to poison her through the airholes in the walls so stuck tape over them to stop any poisons getting in. It was really bad and so sad to see. You should have seen the state of my nephews with a panicky mother like that, always paranoid, watching over the shoulder, nervous, suspicious of everyone. My poor nephews.

[smog]

sometimes i think so

but lately im just so.worn.down. by my ds1 that im not sure. im not sure if maybe he is more than i can handle.

but thats so silly of your neighbour really i mean what are we going to do? get rid of them to where exactly? u cant just get rid of difficult children.
you keep going because u have to. u keep fighting for everything your child needs because u have to. there is no other choice. you cant just send them back.
i suppose its easy to imagine what one might do in that circumstance when u arent actually in it. your neighbour can only see the hard stuff. she cant know how much we love difficult children. how much we celebrate every tiny step that for regular kids might go unnoticed. she cant see what makes them difficult is also what makes them special.

im going to say no i dont think they are given to particular parents but today might be the wrong day for me to answer;). im feeling very overwhelmed.

[MummaBear03]

I'm a calm and quiet person, DD is a ball of motion all the time. But I've just been able to provide the right type of activities at a pace suitable for her. She's very different to me in all ways possible! You should see her room compared to mine :o

[Benji]

No, although I believe in most cases parents know their own child best and know what their individual child needs.

I'm a very laid back, quiet person.. yet my son was born willful and stubborn (thankfully he mostly uses his stubbornness for good things - like learning things). I have no idea where he came from lol. He is a sweetie though :goodvibes: and very empathetic.

I think in regards to your DD you know her best and have gotten accustomed to her. My partner's sister was telling me yesterday that my son chats a lot and I thought I never really noticed because I'm so used to it!

[MummaBear03]

sometimes i think so

but lately im just so.worn.down. by my ds1 that im not sure. im not sure if maybe he is more than i can handle.

but thats so silly of your neighbour really i mean what are we going to do? get rid of them to where exactly? u cant just get rid of difficult children.
you keep going because u have to. u keep fighting for everything your child needs because u have to. there is no other choice. you cant just send them back.
i suppose its easy to imagine what one might do in that circumstance when u arent actually in it. your neighbour can only see the hard stuff. she cant know how much we love difficult children. how much we celebrate every tiny step that for regular kids might go unnoticed. she cant see what makes them difficult is also what makes them special.

im going to say no i dont think they are given to particular parents but today might be the wrong day for me to answer;). im feeling very overwhelmed.

:hugs: 2 weeks ago I would easily have given her to the first person who wanted to take her, so understand those days.

[gizmoduckus]

I really don't know.

I know that you gave the example of hard to handle children but I guess we can also include in that the children that have special needs and health issues.

My DS2 has had a whole heap of health issues since he was born and a lot of people commented how they didn't know how we coped with it all. I never considered myself to be a strong enough person to deal with it before I had him but he is here and he is my son and I love him and we just have to do what we have to do.

Who knows if he was given to me because I could handle it or I handled it because he was given to me. I guess that is a question that no one can really answer.

[RoarsomeMum]

No, Children are not given to particular parents..

If they were, Horrendous people would be infertile and Wonderful people could breed to their hearts content..

We are LUCKY to get the children we get. (and there is no rhyme or reason to it.)

The only factor that contributes to "what type of children" we get is Genetics. (and then Nurture seals the deal)

I do think the idea is beautiful though, and wish I could believe it :yes: I just Don't.

[Sheer Bliss]

I dunno, a little bit yes, and a little bit no.

People tell me that they couldn't handle twins, esp with 2 other little kids, but I honestly didn't think I could either AND there are certainly days where I don't handle them particularly well. At the same time as they say that I kinda think, umm, bull....you probably could if you had them. If you find out you are pregnant with twins, you don't really have a choice but to work out how to handle them. Same I think goes for spirited, SN, HOM etc - you fnd your way.

But then sometimes (esp when I hear comments about DS's behaviour) I think that if my friend was his mum, he might have been smacked into sumbission by now. :no: That would be no good for him as a person, so on that front I am glad he was given to me to guide, as opposed to oppress like some others would do.

Mostly though, I think you usually end up handling whatever you are handed, regardless of anything.

[MummaBear03]

I've sort of been of the opinion that you play the hand you're dealt. I honestly think my neighbour would give up a difficult child though. She sends her first one to stay with MIL from time to time when she can't handle her then gets her back when she wants to, although it didn't work that way last time because the MIL went through child safety to get care of her so it took ages before my neighbour got the child back. She's not even a difficult child by any stretch, she's quiet and polite and caring, and just a beautiful little girl and one that I'd have over here in an instant for a play or a sleepover, she's such a good girl, so I honestly cannot imagine what she'd be like with a truly difficult child, or one with additional needs of any type. If she had one that require medical assistance of any kind I'm certain she'd leave the baby at the hospital. That's one reason I've been concerned about the amount of alcohol she's consumed, because I know she would not be able to handle a child with FAS.

[Happy2be3]

Hmm its a hard one! I am a believer of God.. so I believe that God would prefer for us all to be perfect (the way we were in the beginning, with no flaws)..according to the bible we were made in Gods image.. and then sin (by adam and eve) destroyed that.

BUT then I also believe that God works in mysterious ways and believe my son (with his mild sn's) was given to me for a reason.

I never wanted kids really.. I've never related to kids, never been interested in other peoples kids.. I'm more a cat person:p

BUT since having my son with his sensitivities and his speech disorder and fragile personality.. it has just opened up a whole new world to me. I am SO passionate now about learning about Aspergers, ASD's, speech disorders, learning disorders and know now that THAT is what I want to do with my life.. be a speech pathologist or something similar. Before I had DS (and if I'd had a child without those issues) I would never in a million years have wanted to work with SN kids.. now I cant wait to help the little angels:goodvibes:

[melbryan]

I do believe somewhere beyond my control I am given things I can handle. My DS3 was diagnosed with a chronic illness at 16mths. He got it when I had a 4 week old newborn and seriously I would not have had a 4th if I knew this. SO for me I think things have happened for a reason and the timing was meant ot be.

[nothanksbye]

No i dont think so.
I think its random.

[Nowhere]

Nope not at all, i think its just random, No one is built to deal with the sh*t that some get thrown at them.

If special kids was given to special people then there wouldnt be SOOOOO many in foster care and in care homes cause they dont have parents able to care for them.

I just think its all random cause seriously if people are picked how the heck would god pick them why would he want families to suffer so much pain why would he want a inocent baby to suffer.

Im a practical mater of fact person and i just see it as genetics and pot luck

I dont for a second think i was hand picked when people say to me that god only deals you what you can handle, it makes me feel ill, I wonder why would god have so much faith in one that has none in him

[SuperGranny]

hi, I dont want to intrude, but I can accept that we can choose our parents. I believe we are all here to teach and to learn and we just do what we can with whatever we are given. I dont want to say anymore, but I do wish all of you special needs mums every blessing. Marie.