men and breastfeeding

[Baldie's Mum]

What was your man like when you first started breastfeeding.

Josh is feeling a little nervous. He keeps suggesting that i express. He is 100% for breatmilk, he is just not really 100% for the breast being put in the babies mouth.

I *think* he is worried about the sexuality of the breast being taken away from him. He has been bought up without breastfeeding anywhere near him. His maternal and paternal grandmothers could not feed, his mother couldnt feed, and he never saw any of his aunts feeding either. So, really i am the 1st person he would see breastfeeding.

I keep giving him info on 'breast is best' but he knows that 'breast is best'. Its not the milk, its the boob.

So, does anyone have anything helpful i can do to get him used to the idea of me feeding? Or has anyone gone through the same thing???

He works about 90 odd hrs a week and then really the only day he is at home is sunday.....So it shouldnt be an issue that really stirs a pot, but i want josh to be comfy. :yes:

[elleandsam]

DH was the same up until the actual birth but then was totally fine with it. Maybe Josh will be the same?

[brogeybear]

He will only really get comfortable with it from being exposed to it, the same with a lot of people. My DH was great and very supportive, even though I failed with DS. He is right on side for my next one and gets really annoyed when people think women should cover up, etc.

Sorry Im not much help, but the main thing would be exposure to get him used to it.

[drewid]

I think most first time Dad's have some reservations. It's just an adjustment that happens after bub is born. Most of the feeding goes on when Dad isn't around anyway, so it's not always in his face. And with the sexual side of things - you probably wont' be interested for a while anyway, so it's a bit of a moot point.

I dont' know what more you can do - he knows it's the best thing to do, and he will learn more as you go. He might lose access for a while, but it's not forever! :)

[delirium]

I would remind him that the primary function of the breast is to feed the baby, not for his enjoyment, that's just an added bonus :)

Reading your posts hun, he seems kind of detached and almost resentful of the bub. He may well come to his senses when your son is born and I hope he does.

If it were me, I'd tell him to grow up and stop being so self absorbed, but I'm a bit of a bish like that :devil6::devil:

[Mrs Nietzsche]

DH was weird at first, or unused to the idea, but totally fine now. It's quite easy to separate the purposes or functions of breasts, just like you can separate your vagina from childbirth or sex.

[jenpeterock]

Pete got used to the whole idea very quickly, because it was literally a two person job. i held evie and he positioned pillows and blankets around us and was able to help me see if she was attaching properly.

honestly i think he was definitly more freaked out by the expressing machine and its suctioning power after testing it out on himself....

[Baldie's Mum]

Well this is where i laugh....Josh is the LEAST sexual person EVER! LOL! He has the sex drive of a brick wall......:laughing:
But i think your right. Exposure is the best way. He has NEVER been exposed to breastfeeding.

And he isnt ever at home, he is always working.....so, he wont 'see' it very often!

[Baldie's Mum]

I would remind him that the primary function of the breast is to feed the baby, not for his enjoyment, that's just an added bonus :)

Reading your posts hun, he seems kind of detached and almost resentful of the bub. He may well come to his senses when your son is born and I hope he does.

If it were me, I'd tell him to grow up and stop being so self absorbed, but I'm a bit of a bish like that :devil6::devil:

Not sure how he could possibly resent Baldie. :confused:
I dont want to tell him to grow up cause i want him to understand. He has never been around breastfeeding mums. I am seriously probably the 1st person he will have seen breastfeeding. Not kidding. So i want him to learn. And be okay with it......not be told. :)

[Lemonhead]

DP didnt bat an eyelid when I BF DS for that short time, he even said he thought it was great and he hopes I can do it this time so long as I can express because he wants to be able to feed bubba too (he did all DSs night feeds).

When it is another woman though, he feels very uncomfortable. He doesnt know where to look and generally tries to avoid any eye contact :laughing:. He has also said he doesnt like the idea of me BFing in front of other men like his friends or family...but he will get over it. He is very sexually connected to breasts though, they are a major turn on for him so I dont know how he so easily distinguishes them :confused:.

[Bubmum]

This is going to be your job to ... Just do it.
Breastfeeding is between you and your baby, he will be a person on the sidelines. His attitude is odd.. I had weird ideas as well, but if you jump in with both feet, what seems bizarre and unknown becomes the mundane.

[SPC]

My current favorite breastfeeding book 'The Food of Love (http://www.thefoodoflove.org/)' by Kate Evans has a nice couple of pages for dads about how they might feel and what they can do. Perhaps you could show him some of the better DVDs available to noramlise things a bit? The ABA sells some great ones through mother's direct. He can have skin to skin cuddles too which might help him feel less freaked out by it too. The thought of it and the reality is often quite different.

My b/f is coping really well with me feeding a 20 month old, even though all the women he knows 'had their milk dry up on them about 3 months'. I explained that it's normal for human babies to be breastfed until they are at least two and left it at that. I think I'm probably lucky he's been so cool about it. We are going through a period of cultural change and it may be worth emphasising that you are ahead of the curve and not doing something old fashioned or quaint. Breastfeeding is having a resurgence as we realise how much more intelligent evolution is than man made substitutes. Breatfeeding has ensured the survival of the human race and is designed to opitimise human health and well being, and as rationalists I think most men can be won over with that arguement. As for the bottles; they are expensive, will tire you out needlessly, risks confusing your infant, reducing your supply and are bad for the environment, but if he insists you might like to look at the Medela special needs feeder, which is about as anatomically correct a bottle as you can buy.
I'd also recommend 'Breastfeeding older children' by Ann Sinott, as an awesome book which addresses how society sees breastfeeding and how this has come to be.

[Benji]

I will never undestand why some see breastfeeding as taking away something sexual. You should see where my son originally came from :o

[amiee]

maybe when he sees your breast leaking with milk he may change his mind :laughing:

i am sure once bub comes along he will change his mind. most guys say alot of things when you are pregnant and then when bub finally arrives they go all soft and agree to whatever you want.

[Baldie's Mum]

Thank you for your positive post sweetperfectchild. :D
I am aware that i will just do it, but, i dont want to make this a selfish act. I dont want to just tell him to suck it up. I want to educate him. He knows breast is best, he is fully aware of that....considering that no one has told him EVER that breast is best, i think that is great!
Every single cousin, and now 2nd cousins and his sibling have been formula fed.

[LilMissnBoo]

My husband had never been "exposed to breastfeeding either. Not once did he ever suggest expressing and bottle feeding.

I know he doesn't understand the emotional side to breastfeeding as I fed DD1 until she was close to 18 months, he thought I was a bit kookie :p But he knew/knows that he doesn't have a say in the matter, and neither should your DH.

My DH is now one of the most pro-breastfeeding men that I know.

[Baldie's Mum]

See i think he SHOULD have a say in how his son is fed. Just like i want a say in a circ debate, or an immunisation chat, or a 'where is he sleeping' talk......ect..... Its his baby as well.

I dont have all the information about how sore your boobs get, cause this is MY first time being a parent. This is why i come here......mind you some times i wonder if bubhub is really helpful or a bunch of women who just want to dis your husband or jump down my neck.... :cool:

[delirium]

Not sure how he could possibly resent Baldie. :confused:
I dont want to tell him to grow up cause i want him to understand. He has never been around breastfeeding mums. I am seriously probably the 1st person he will have seen breastfeeding. Not kidding. So i want him to learn. And be okay with it......not be told. :)

Sorry didn't mean to come across harsh. But I've read a lot of your posts about your partner and he seems as I said, a bit detached and yes, resentful of the cost and change of lifestyle a child will bring. Again I didn't mean to offend :o

If you want him to understand then buy a bfing book or get stats to show the value of not only bm but the bond.

[Bambibambino]

I think once the baby is here and you are feeding him it will seem like the most natural, beautiful thing to your DH. I don't know that you can really explain that kind of thing to him pre-emptively IYKWIM? Same as you can't explain to someone what it feels like to become a mum or a dad for the first time.

In the meantime you could always try the logical approach though and explain how much time you would waste expressing, sterilising and feeding as opposed to just b/f.

Are you doing antenatal classes? Or a b/f class? That might help him get his head around it more.

I hope he is supportive of your choice, it can be hard in those first few weeks to get the hang of b/f and a supportive, pro b/f partner is invaulable then :yes:

[Liddy]

DF had never seen anybody breastfeeding before I had DD2, he wasn't weird about it nor did he think it was odd to see a baby feeding from a boob.
But he was quiet with it, he didn't know whether it was ok to connect with me and bub whilst doing it or whether to sit away or in another room. We have since chatted about it and with our next baby i'd love him to be more apart of it :) I even got him to read articles provided by some kind ladies off BH and he read them all!

Try and educate him, I really think it would make a huge difference!

[Laksa]

My husband has/had no issues with me BFing, he knows it is the most normal, natural thing for a mum and baby to do. He hadn't had much exposure to breastfeeding before we had a baby either but he is now a real BFing advocate.

Your DH is welcome to email mine if he wants to :)

[bumMum]

maybe show him some videos or see if one of your breastfeeding friends will show him :confused: lol.. that might be a bit weird.
dp never had any issues with it, but we were sharing a house with a couple who were just abotu to pop when i had my son, and the guy had real reservations about it.. but he saw me breastfeeding so often that he just got used to it and realized how normal it is.

[SPC]

Thank you for your positive post sweetperfectchild. :D
I am aware that i will just do it, but, i dont want to make this a selfish act. I dont want to just tell him to suck it up. I want to educate him. He knows breast is best, he is fully aware of that....considering that no one has told him EVER that breast is best, i think that is great!
Every single cousin, and now 2nd cousins and his sibling have been formula fed.

Well, you're going to be the hippy in the family! I'm loving the Ann Sinnott book right now because she has collated over 4000 questionnaires from women who breastfed all over the world, usually to 3 or 4 years old. The stories from Greece and Australia and the Uk are all so similar in terms of the weird advice health professionals gave them, and how they felt about it, and most happily, how well balanced and confident their kids are. But it makes you realise how twisted our society's views on breasts, babies and motherhood are. It's our right as women to breastfeed and our babies' right to be breastfed. In fact the United Nations convention on the rights of the child, [which is recognised by every nation on Earth], states that we should "...ensure that all segments of society, in particular parents and children, are informed, have access to education and are supported in the use of basic knowledge of child health and nutrition, the advantages of breast-feeding, hygiene and environmental sanitation and the prevention of accidents"

[jaq]

I think breastfeeding (ie seeing you use your breasts to feed your baby) is just one of many things that Josh will need to adjust to, Ains. I think every man, at the birth of his first child, is forced into a mental shift ... all of a sudden, his lover becomes the mother of his child, and that is a major psychological adjustment.

Especially in the early months, Josh will be dealing with a wide range of issues related to you being a mother (and him a father, of course), and breastfeeding will be just one of them. Both of you will be more focused on the baby than on each other, for a while. Then, after a while, he will reconcile the TWO yous - mother AND lover.

Something to explain to him (respectfully) is that you, as a woman, were designed to feed your babies. Any sexual element that has SINCE been attached, is purely cultural. Breasts were created for babies ... not men.

I don't think (most) people are having a go at you or Josh; it's simply that most of us have been through this experience and realise the best education is simply exposure, and time. Don't underestimate his "fall in love with the baby" reflex either - my husband loved watching me feed the girls. Apparently there is some emotional caveman "my family" feeling that results.

All the very best to yourself AND Josh on this journey - nobody expects perfection at the beginning, its a steep learning curve and you are being a great partner trying to help him learn :thumbsup:

[Sheer Bliss]

Quite often once the baby is here, lots of opinions on lots of issues are changed.

DH has had no worries with me b/f our kids, even getting both boobs out to tandem feed our twins. They are his in the bedroom, and for the babies the rest of the time - no probs.

TBH, i'd worry about exclusive expressing compromising supply, and how much extra work it is etc. good luck!

[Baldie's Mum]

I think once the baby is here and you are feeding him it will seem like the most natural, beautiful thing to your DH. I don't know that you can really explain that kind of thing to him pre-emptively IYKWIM? Same as you can't explain to someone what it feels like to become a mum or a dad for the first time.

In the meantime you could always try the logical approach though and explain how much time you would waste expressing, sterilising and feeding as opposed to just b/f.

Are you doing antenatal classes? Or a b/f class? That might help him get his head around it more.

I hope he is supportive of your choice, it can be hard in those first few weeks to get the hang of b/f and a supportive, pro b/f partner is invaulable then :yes:

Yeah, he has said a few things about vaginal birth like "oh well, its gotta come out from somewhere" which is true. He is really pro my natural birthing wants. After IVF he lost a sexual patner and gained a science project. He is supportive...he does have questions so i want to answer them. But sometimes i dont have the answer, so i come here......




Try and educate him, I really think it would make a huge difference!

I am trying......this is why i posted a question on it. And asked for help.


I think breastfeeding (ie seeing you use your breasts to feed your baby) is just one of many things that Josh will need to adjust to, Ains. I think every man, at the birth of his first child, is forced into a mental shift ... all of a sudden, his lover becomes the mother of his child, and that is a major psychological adjustment.

Especially in the early months, Josh will be dealing with a wide range of issues related to you being a mother (and him a father, of course), and breastfeeding will be just one of them. Both of you will be more focused on the baby than on each other, for a while. Then, after a while, he will reconcile the TWO yous - mother AND lover.

Something to explain to him (respectfully) is that you, as a woman, were designed to feed your babies. Any sexual element that has SINCE been attached, is purely cultural. Breasts were created for babies ... not men.

I don't think (most) people are having a go at you or Josh; it's simply that most of us have been through this experience and realise the best education is simply exposure, and time. Don't underestimate his "fall in love with the baby" reflex either - my husband loved watching me feed the girls. Apparently there is some emotional caveman "my family" feeling that results.

All the very best to yourself AND Josh on this journey - nobody expects perfection at the beginning, its a steep learning curve and you are being a great partner trying to help him learn :thumbsup:

IVF i think shakes a relationship in the 'lover' aspect. So, he has had a lot of adjusting to do over the years (as have i). The 'lover' Vs 'science project' has been our battle for a long time. Watching another man inpregnante his wife would be hard......he has had to watch operations, failures, egg retrievals, me in pain and he has not ever been in control of the situation. I want to give him a control back. Not control over me, but control to parent the way he wants to. The way WE want to.

I want the choices WE made for OUR son together to be ones of education, and mutal decision. So to get the info together whilst he provides for us financially whilst i lay here in bed is the least i can do.

Sweetperfectchild--> i am definatly going to be the hippy of the family! LOL! Cloth bumed babe, delayed vaxx, homeschooled, babywearing, breastfeeding crazy lady i am! LOL!!! Thank you for the books. I will be going to the libary tomorrow! xoxo

[Baldie's Mum]

Quite often once the baby is here, lots of opinions on lots of issues are changed.

DH has had no worries with me b/f our kids, even getting both boobs out to tandem feed our twins. They are his in the bedroom, and for the babies the rest of the time - no probs.

TBH, i'd worry about exclusive expressing compromising supply, and how much extra work it is etc. good luck!

I would only probably express 1 bottle a day and freeze it. Give DH the oppertunity to have maybe 1 feed a day if the time is right. He works alot so, i wouldnt really have to worry about every feed being expressed. :yelclap:

[elleandsam]

IVF i think shakes a relationship in the 'lover' aspect. So, he has had a lot of adjusting to do over the years (as have i). The 'lover' Vs 'science project' has been our battle for a long time. Watching another man inpregnante his wife would be hard......he has had to watch operations, failures, egg retrievals, me in pain and he has not ever been in control of the situation. I want to give him a control back. Not control over me, but control to parent the way he wants to. The way WE want to.

I want the choices WE made for OUR son together to be ones of education, and mutal decision. So to get the info together whilst he provides for us financially whilst i lay here in bed is the least i can do.

I haven't been through IVF so I won't even begin to try and understand what you've been through but I totally agree on the second part and that's something we've tried to do here. DH has always been involved in the decision making processes when it comes to raising our child, and I think it makes him a better dad because of it.

[futureherder]

DP was fine with the breast part of it but he hated how long it took our DD to feed...he always suggested taking expressed milk while we were out so he didn't have to sit in the boring BFing room or deal with me nervously feeding in public (I hadn't gotten my confidence yet)

OMG did I yell at him when I finally regained my brain...and he knows that he played a small part in my breastfeeding failure which he regrets more then anyone can understand...we are all good now but he has been warned that next time boob will be out no matter where we are...and we will sit there for as long as it takes!

[Baldie's Mum]

I haven't been through IVF so I won't even begin to try and understand what you've been through but I totally agree on the second part and that's something we've tried to do here. DH has always been involved in the decision making processes when it comes to raising our child, and I think it makes him a better dad because of it.

I want Josh to be a part of every decision made that effects our son. :yes: It will make our son a better person.:D


DP was fine with the breast part of it but he hated how long it took our DD to feed...he always suggested taking expressed milk while we were out so he didn't have to sit in the boring BFing room or deal with me nervously feeding in public (I hadn't gotten my confidence yet)

OMG did I yell at him when I finally regained my brain...and he knows that he played a small part in my breastfeeding failure which he regrets more then anyone can understand...we are all good now but he has been warned that next time boob will be out no matter where we are...and we will sit there for as long as it takes!

:thumbsup:

[naebie]

DP was a little funny before I had DD, but once she was born and he saw that I could nourish her with my body, he was in absolute awe :yes:
In the early days I was exclusively expressing due to attachment issues, and honestly, it was an oncredible amount of extra work- All of the time spent washing and sterilising the pump, it took ages to express enough for one feed, and then having to spend the time feeding her, when she was a lazy feeder- I barely had a moments rest. Feeding her directly from the best cut out the middle man, so to speak, it cut so much time, and gave me a chance to rest and feel human again! I only had to express if I wanted DP to have a turn feeding and DP was happier- I was less snappy, I actually had time for him, and he still had a chance to feed DD.

As SPC said, the cost of bottles is another consideration- if exclusively expressing you would need far more than if feeding EBM occasionally- We ended up buying 10 bottles in the early days, and they are definitely not cheap!

[Baldie's Mum]

DP was a little funny before I had DD, but once she was born and he saw that I could nourish her with my body, he was in absolute awe :yes:
In the early days I was exclusively expressing due to attachment issues, and honestly, it was an oncredible amount of extra work- All of the time spent washing and sterilising the pump, it took ages to express enough for one feed, and then having to spend the time feeding her, when she was a lazy feeder- I barely had a moments rest. Feeding her directly from the best cut out the middle man, so to speak, it cut so much time, and gave me a chance to rest and feel human again! I only had to express if I wanted DP to have a turn feeding and DP was happier- I was less snappy, I actually had time for him, and he still had a chance to feed DD.

As SPC said, the cost of bottles is another consideration- if exclusively expressing you would need far more than if feeding EBM occasionally- We ended up buying 10 bottles in the early days, and they are definitely not cheap!

Thats what i would be doing....expressing so DH can have a turn. :yes: He isnt home much, so, maybe a few bottles a week would be heaps!

Josh is a logical thinker. So if i give him info on time, cost, management......ect will work for him. :cool: Damn thinking man! :laughing:

[Looshkin]

I think josh is probably actually a big softy with a stuborn, sort of old fashioned and some times tedious (for you)tough veneer. So I think the chance of him being supportive once he actually learns about how vital breasfeeding is for a baby, not just the milk but the whole experience, he might just change his tune.

I also think it's really important he understands all the benefits of breastfeeding and the risks of formula so he can too make an educated input on his say of how his son is fed as you say.

The thing is, I can't imagine any new father not wanting their baby to be breastfed if they *have* been given the best information you know?

I bet most of his stuff is a bit of an immature.. and I don't mean that to be offensive Ains, but you know the sort of emotionally immature as in emotionally stifled sort of embarrassed or totally shut down style response to something new and challenging and a bit scary, all because it's unknown, and stuff that is unknown makes us uncomfortable, and he certainly seems like the ind of guy to really not be cool with the unknown, and to want to know and fully understand these things.

There is an article I read that I found really interesting I'll see if I can find it, but also I'm sure there was something that made steve clic and 'get' the importance of breastfeeding for a child.. it was a big simple straight to the point, point form facts. All very logical and statistics pointed written out in a way that was easy for him to understand like, -save money, much easier for everyone to get more sleep when it's a matter of picking up baby, putting a boob in their mouth they stop crying and go back to sleep as apposed to 20 minutes making bottles every few hours etc etc... statistically babies are x% more likely to die from sids being formula fed than breastfed, x%more likely to be hospitalised in the first year, the list is huge.

Have you had a look on kelly mum? Google it, i'm sure they have easy straight forward info there to print out and get him to spend 5 minutes from his busy life to read, i know he is busy but i'm sure you can get him to spend a few minutes reading in 9 months!

Also, you have loads of support from breastfeeding mums in the westies group BUT have you joined ABA? I think getting along to those meetings, they have a workshop for new parents, maybe if he sat and listened to someone it would sink in more than reading if he is more of a audial person?

I think expressing for most women is a one way ticket to not full term breastfeeding.
I get you want him to bond with the baby too, but feeding isn't the only way to bond or spend time with the baby like bathing the baby etc, you are not being selfish for being the only peron to feed the baby for the first 6 months or so, ..

Since the bottom line it is really in the *babies* best interests to feed the baby from the breast to avoid breast refusal and problems with you supply, and as parents both of you will be thinking of what's selfish for the baby, not for just how a grown adult feels hey?
I don't say that to be a bish at all, I say that cos talking to women it seems like having a supportive partner can totally make or break a breastfeeding relationship in those hard times when you NEED your partner to be behind you cheering you on, being a shoulder and picking up the slack in other areas, and that is mega important then that you get him on side and that he is prepared to support you with his family who are all obviously really uneducated about breastmilk and why they are so pro formula yk?

Hopefully it won't even be an issue because once he learns a bit of the truth about breastfeeding he will probably be all for it.. :)

[AM]

Both of you start going along to ABA meetings?? ;)

[Bellini]

DH didn't bat an eyelid, he asked to attend the breastfeeding class with me and has always been aware of the benefits of breastfeeding, so to him it isn't an issue at all.

[Baldie's Mum]

Zel, i want to just hug you to the end of the earth! Thank you for that post. You best have that article for me on thursday......i give you a sewing machine, you give me an article! :laughing: And then we have mexican! :laughing: :D :smiliedance:

I have joined the ABA and we are going to breastfeeding classes when i am 35 weeks, so in 5 weeks.....as well as natural birthing classes!

He knows how much i want to breastfeed. So i am 99.99999% sure that he will be so supportive. He just has slight control over the unknown issues! :laughing: :o (the .000001% is nothing to be concerned about! LOL)

[Nomsie]

Ains, short on time so only got about half way through before I gave up reading as I had to post and run.. but have you thought about getting Josh to sit down and watch the DVD's "Being Dad"? (And I think there is also "Being Dad 2")

My DP wouldn't watch them, but I did (:laughing:) and from hazy memory it addresses how they feel about their partners bf'ing in one part. Just normal aussie blokes talking about their babies and how they have totally changed their lives- they are very positive and informal, blokey DVD's. :) (And it might be easier than getting him to read an article or something?)

Just thought I would mention it incase no one else has...

Oh, and also- my DP loves my boobs, and didn't really want me to bf in the beginning, but once I explained to him my motivation for doing it etc etc :ecomcity: and he watched me do it he came around. :)

(So much for a short post, hey? :o)

[Baldie's Mum]

Thanks Noms! I will go and grab them tomorrow!!! :D I will put them on the TV in the bedroom and he will be FORCED to watch them! LOL! :devil:

[trishalishous]

DH is fine with me or anyone bf in front of him. but then he won't go to strip clubs with his mates unless they have pinball/pool :)
he's really comfortable with the human body, and bodily functions, he's showered me and changed my pads when I was in icu after DDs birth.

[SassyMummy]

The ex didn't care... he never commented on it anyway.

I KNOW DP will be weird about it. I don't think he would have ever seen a woman breastfeed before. One of his sisters breastfed, but she lived overseas so it wasn't something he ever experienced. The sister that lives here, and his mother, are very pro-bottle, and have never ever tried to breastfeed in their lives.

[kiki07]

I have joined the ABA and we are going to breastfeeding classes when i am 35 weeks, so in 5 weeks.....as well as natural birthing classes!


Did you get the book 'Breastfeeding Naturally'? I found reading that book great preparation for me, (and i would read sections to DH), and i have now been breastfeeding exclusively for almost 12 weeks. I also went to a BF class when i was pregnant.

I reckon BFing is something that is hard to explain the psychological aspect of, and it has to be experienced. I can imagine the same could be said for a partner's experience. You won't know until you both get to do it, how you will both feel.

My only recommendation would be to not worry about expressing in at least the first 6 weeks and just work on you and bub working out the best way of breastfeeding. When you have your relationship/system working well, then consider expressing if you want to have the option of your partner feeding bub.

good luck!

[1+1=5]

Ains i totally understand you wanting to have DH having a say on your choices. I'm much the same, if my DH wasn't comfortable then I wouldn't tell him to stop being a princess, i would also do my best to get him to see my point.

seeing as your dh hasn't had any exposure, would he be willing to watch youtube clips of women breast feeding or images? maybe be start off with images that show discrete feeding?

[~Temet Nosce~]

You may be surprised, he may change his view alot once he has witnessed you give birth anyway, as breastfeeding is far tamer than that ;)
My dp was really good about it, even though he was a bit apprehensive at first, he actually ended up going as far as to help me get ds to latch on (as in holding my boob the right way as I wasn't lol) and even seemed a little disappointed when I switched to formula, though still supported me.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

My useful contribution (follow up from calling Thomas "Spolit" ;) )
Could we stage a nurse-in at your place? De-sensitise him completely :D Me, Shed, Jo... umm... who else? And we could have Brett giving a running commentary...
Sorry hon, I can't help myself. But I'll put my 'real' thinking cap on :yes: I have nothing useful for now :D That's what Zel's for!

[Baldie's Mum]

DH is fine with me or anyone bf in front of him. but then he won't go to strip clubs with his mates unless they have pinball/pool :)
he's really comfortable with the human body, and bodily functions, he's showered me and changed my pads when I was in icu after DDs birth.

DH has changed pads, fished for gauze up there, watched another man search up my va jay jay......I am not sure what any of that has to do with my questions on breastfeeding though. :cool: But thanks for letting me know about your DH and his stip club habbits........:cool:



Ains i totally understand you wanting to have DH having a say on your choices. I'm much the same, if my DH wasn't comfortable then I wouldn't tell him to stop being a princess, i would also do my best to get him to see my point.

seeing as your dh hasn't had any exposure, would he be willing to watch youtube clips of women breast feeding or images? maybe be start off with images that show discrete feeding?

When we go to the birth centre he see's the photos. My books have pics and stuff......And i think that helps TBH. I have been talking about 'back in the day' and animals ect and that helps as well. So, i am hoping that yep he just snaps and doesnt bat an eyelid. But i want to help educate him (and clearly also myself...LOL)


My useful contribution (follow up from calling Thomas "Spolit" )
Could we stage a nurse-in at your place? De-sensitise him completely Me, Shed, Jo... umm... who else? And we could have Brett giving a running commentary...
Sorry hon, I can't help myself. But I'll put my 'real' thinking cap on I have nothing useful for now That's what Zel's for!

Yep as always great help MJ!!!!! :p I think letting brett have a running commentary will harm more than help at the moment! LOL! As you know DH's crazy circus family you know what type of educated man i am up against! I mean his brother didnt even know that you cant get pregnant whilst being pregnant! :cool:

I have just googled being dad....and i will get them tomorrow! They sound great!

I have a great old school BF book that one of my friends leant me. So, reading that, plus online, plus BH! AND classes!!!!!

[Boobycino]

Breasts are primarily for babies - bottom line.

I think once it's happening it may make mire sense. There is nothing less sexual than breastfeeding. So much so if bub wakes while we dtd and I have to breast feed I come back to bed and my whole body has changed 'settings' and there is no way to 'get back into it' without a lot of focus and self control. Also dp isn't allowed to touch my breasts during sex cos it's weird and gross. Haha. One day they'll be sexual again , for the next maybe 5 years though they'll be for growing babies.

[Hootenanny]

i am definatly going to be the hippy of the family! LOL! Cloth bumed babe, delayed vaxx, homeschooled, babywearing, breastfeeding crazy lady i am! LOL!!!
:laughing: You sound perfect to me

I think he will come around once he sees how natural it really is, I think most men are uncomfortable with the thought of seeing another womans breast rather than watching breastfeeding per se. I'm sure he's probably seen your breasts before so it shouldn't be an issue :D I wouldn't worry too much at this stage about seeing other people breastfeed. I think the most important thing is to find brocures etc with information on how he can best support you to breastfeed, he will be so caught up in his new baby he will quickly get over any apprehension he has.
ABA has a page for partners here (http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/father.html) and it has recommended reading at the bottom. Here (http://www.wpc4c.org.au/assets/documents/document%20centre/fathers%20in%20the%20breastfeeding%20family.pdf)is another good site and this (http://www.health.vic.gov.au/nutrition/downloads/fs_breastfeedingfacts_dads.pdf) fact sheet. I have seen another really good brochure before which goes through the 'mechanics' of being a dad but I can't find it ATM.

[Baldie's Mum]

wonderful! Thank you so much!!!! :flowerz:

[Hootenanny]

I found it !!! It's like a mechanics guide to babies :laughing: it is here (http://www.rcdhu.com/health-info/child%20health/New%20Baby%20Manual%20For%20Dads.pdf), all dads should have one

[Baldie's Mum]

thank you so much!!!! :D

[MsMummy]

I haven't read through the whole thread, sorry, (so it might have already been covered) but I think going to antenatal and breastfeeding classes together would help.

I think anything new is scary for anybody. Unfortunately, you just don't see enough public breastfeeding so it would be a foreign concept.

Once the baby is here, he'll get used to you feeding him, I'm sure.

My partner was like a breastfeeding fiend. He was like "you will breastfeed, not breastfeeding is not an option" :laughing: and he would help hold my boobs and/or our son. It really can be a two-person job in the early day, hence why classes are a good idea.

[Emmi]

DH was always fine with it and kind of expected it of me. I only just stopped feeding DD (19.5 months) and he was still fine with it this far down the track. The only reason I stopped was because, though probably selfish, was because I wanted my body back.
Ultimately it's up to you if you want to feed or not. I understand that you want your DP to be comfortable, but it's your babys food. He may just be a little confronted by it as he has never been around it. Just get him to be in the room when you feed etc. If he can see the benefits it's doing for your baby he may Change his mind :)

[peanutbutter&jelly]

Yep as always great help MJ!!!!! :p I think letting brett have a running commentary will harm more than help at the moment! LOL! As you know DH's crazy circus family you know what type of educated man i am up against! I mean his brother didnt even know that you cant get pregnant whilst being pregnant! :cool:


But did you smile at least? That's the important part :yes: Even through trying to educate Josh and the head banging moments of "But this is just it damnit", smile :) :goodvibes: Baldie is on his way :D

[pfongk]

My husband was very iffy so to speak about breastfeeding. I think it was because his parents are older and he's never been around breastfeeding at all. He was wanting me to cover up all the time at first, to only feed in parents rooms if at all possible and he wasn't wanting me to feed past 12 months. Our son is now 16 weeks and he's still uncomfortable with me feeding in public without a wrap but realises that a wrap just doesn't work for our son, as he wants to be able to see me. He's also happy with me stopping BFing at 2 years as well. While we were starting out he was great and really supportive though, he went out and bought me nipple shields when I had mastitis and couldn't let anything touch my nipples due to the pain, he also picked up my antibiotics for me and let me just lay in bed all day and cry and gave me lots of encouragement to keep on going.

[Hooves]

Look I think you have gotten a lot of breast is best, tell him to grow up, comments etc.

I honestly think, your hubby has a lot of fears regarding how he is going to feel towards the baby, and you. The way his relationship with you will change,etc.

Perhaps he is also worried about how he is goiing to bond with his baby. Dad's kind of get stuck on the sidelines, with pregnancy and then they often get stuck on the sidelines, with baby care. Particularly feeds.

His concerns, are valid. AND I think you make some great points about wanting him to have some control in this.


My husband, was worried about my feeding. Because we had a lot of issues with attachment and a very jaundiced, not gaining weight first baby.

Everyone around him, was telling him, I was an idiot because I was persevering and she was getting sicker!

HE was worrying about me, (I had very sore nips, was extremely tired, and emotional), and our baby. I was determined.

In the end, I got through that stuff, and HE became my biggest ally. HE would stand up for me, and help me all the time. I had to express between feeds, to make sure my supply would build up, but also to help her, get over the jaundice. We also had to top up feed.

So he got lots of bonding time, and he got to do feeds too. By the end of a very long tiring 3 months, he was a breast feeding expert, and all of his fears (which were similar to your husbands), were gone.


In short your husband is on a roller coaster, and he is not in charge. Men like to be in control, they like to be able to fix things when they go wrong. AND they like to know how to do that. I think the breast feeding classes are a great idea. BUT maybe he just needs a lot of extra reassurance from you too.

You both are going to go through some very big changes. AND neither one of you know, what you are in for, yet. There are going to be many challenges and triumphs.

Maybe set your husband up to be chief baby burper, and putter to sleeperer! (I know made up words :laughing:). I always found my husband was absolutely MADE to do these jobs.

AND he relished in it!

[Boobycino]

Hehe putter to sleeperer ;)

I agree it's probably valid worries. I do think though exposure to breastfeeding is positive and over time it becomes more normal. My dp had the 'breast are sexual' issue. He had major issue with me feeding in public. Like big issue. He quietly went off his nut because I breast feed screaming newborn downstairs from his office because people he worked with might see my breasts.

Now through a lot of 'normalizing' he's totally comfortable with it. No more pleading eyes at me or insisting to take Jasper away if he wants a feed. We have way to busy a lifestyle to only feed at home. So partly the feelings are valid and I cared a lot more about his feelings until I had Jasper but as soon as Jasper was born I would roll my eyes at him at breast feed our son - because with my dp it was a matter of him needing to grow up and get over it. ( in defense of people offering that suggestion, because in some situations - maybe not this one - the guy needs to grow up at little, which I think usually just happens when they realize what the baby needs vs what makes then comfortable - wellllll sorry dude, babys needs come first )

just my thoughts from my experience with my family and they may not apply so feel free to ignore me ;)

[lulululu]

Maybe set your husband up to be chief baby burper, and putter to sleeperer! (I know made up words :laughing:). I always found my husband was absolutely MADE to do these jobs.

AND he relished in it![/QUOTE]

good ideas, and can I add/suggest he be the "baby bather" as well? As the "other mother" to our two year old I was in a similar situation to most husbands in that the feeding was "out of my hands" so to speak, and I did most of the other stuff - burping, changing, bathing and settling to bed. I still bathe with our two year old and put him to bed most nights, although I am 37 weeks pregnant and soon we will reverse roles and I'll be feeding the baby and my wife will bathe them both. I digress... What I was going to say is that breastfeeding is intimate bonding time, and bathing can be the same. Plus lots of fun, splashes and laughs as they get older so a great opportunity for him to bond and be involved and have special him-and-bub-time. Works for us.