2.6 yro old willful defiance what do we DO!!!

[RoarsomeMum]

:hair::banghead: I was NOT!!!!!! going to be a mum who let TT get me frustrated.. "Own time own rate own way" was my philosophy, and it still is, to a point.. but we are stuck now..

With a 2 and a half year old who may or may not know when she needs to go to the loo (know's she has gone, but not sure she feels the pre-cursor to a movement)

but KNOWS we want her to use the loo and activly fights it. We do undies days and do the increased fluids and taking her to the loo.. Now she refuses to sit on it at all.. Uses all KINDS of bloody excuses.. - This mornings alone are (cut and pasted from FB status so dunno why type went all funky?!)
"It's too Hot to go toilet Mum!, I too tired/cold/busy/little to use toilet, Undies are WEIRD! Make my Bum Weird!, No! there Spiders in toilet!, Jingles say's NO TOILET!, Toilets are for babies and NAPPIES are for Big girls, I ask Santa for NO TOILET!."



and they are just a few.. she has millions, we try to adress them all but I get a horrible feeling we are being manipulated here.. (which sounds so bad, she is a child I get that, but I also see the grins when she jumps off and pee's on the floor..)

I feel like we failed somewhere, and buggered if I know how to correct it.. (she has not had sucsess with stickers or treats as offers.. which is :confused: as she loves both..)

[gizmoduckus]

I can't help! I have a nearly 4 year old who has being doing the exact same thing for a year and a half. I have no idea what to do next either. :(

[FiveInTheBed]

honestly? ..she doesn't sound ready. and she's telling you that.
maybe in a few /weeks/months time she will have 'changed her mind'.

frustrating I know:hair:
and Roar is a definite crack up!!:laughing:

Does she watch you go to the toilet? Maybe when you get 'that' churning feeling in your body - vocalise it to her and dramatically run to the loo... celebrate that you have clean pants and can go straight back to playing!!

Are you willing to have a potty in the lounge or play room? So not in a cold bathroom - If that is one of her 'issewes' :p

ummm...TBH if it was me - i'd leave it for a while...don't mention it -or just keep making afuss about you or dad or anyone else that visits going to the loo - she might like to be like them one day? When she decides she is a big girl.:D

DD was trial and error (aka dry day and wet/pooeyday) for months.

one or two months can make ALL the difference in a little kids development.

[Bron]

Sounds to me like she's not ready either. Just pop her back in nappies for a few more weeks and then try again. Continuing when she's not ready will just make it more stressful for everyone. Perhaps wait until it's warmer and let her run around in just undies?

The spider thing is funny. DS understood tt very quickly, but was convinced there were frogs in the toilet and that he would hurt them by pooing. After several weeks of cleaning up pooey undies I decided to change tack completely. When we were both calm, happy and not needing the toilet he and I sat at the loo with a torch and had a good look for frogs and a long chat about where frogs really do live. After that, he was full speed ahead with poos on the toilet.

[Areca]

Put her back in nappies and wait. She's only 2 1/2...don't stress about it. She's not ready, either physically or emotionally, doesn't matter which...she's not ready. Raise toilet awareness and let her tell you. DD1 announced at almost three she was ready for undies now and we never looked back. DD2 was fine if she had nothing on so we just asked her 'undies or nappy today?' It was nappy every day until one day she declared undies. We kept giving her the choice for a couple of weeks and she kept declaring undies. Then she went back to not caring so back in nappies for a week until she was ready again.
TT'ing doesn't have to be painful.

[RoarsomeMum]

I think I always thought "ready" meant something different to what it does. (perhaps to focused on the physical?!)

I guess i have to shake that "But she KNOWS!!!!!" feeling (as in she knows toilet is for bodily waste) and remember "ready at own rate" does not only mean that..

and :hugs::hugs: for the understanding..

[Areca]

DD1 knew just after 2...she could tell me everything about going to the toilet. I asked her in the March 'when do you think you'll use the toilet' and she answered me with 'when Santa comes, he can bring me undies.' Sure as eggs, the first shopping trip where she saw christmas decorations and two days later she declared that she was ready for undies now.
She will get there :hugs:

[mordygordy]

I know how frustrating it is as I am having the same issues but I have decided not to push to much now. I wil just have to hand 2 in nappies. Zack tells me I am going to do a wee or I am going to hide to do a poo (he always goes to a corner to have a poo) but no way will he use the toilet for a poo.

I am just going to do it slowly. Some nights/most nights he will go do a wee on the potty before he has a bath but that is it, I figure thats a big step and then I will move on from there.

[korfire]

Is she wetting herself in the undies? If so, do you help her change into a clean pair after an accident or is she going back into a nappy?

[sweetseven]

I believe in forcing the child to sit on the toilet, but no focus on producing results. They just have to co-operate and sit for the required amount of time.

I aim for about 20 seconds, and use counting (to 5, 10, or 30 as appropriate) but the child has to actively count - even if it is only repeating each number after the parent.

Others might choose a nusery rhyme the child has to say, or a simple song to sing. Twinkle twinkle little star is a good one.

It is the verbal activity that gets the focus. Once that is completed a quick reference to the purpose - for my DD6 I phrased it as "has any weee sneaked out? No? Okay, you ready to get off?" and then I would help her off and dressed.

Every time she had an accident, she had to sit on the toilet whilst I cleaned up. If she counted audibly herself whilst I was doing so, then I would let her off when I was done. If not, we would count together after I had finished cleaning up.

[Raising Leprechauns]

My DS was totally the same - REFUSED to sit on the loo at all. In fact - he got really upset about it and that was at 3.5.

Following advice from BH mums I just left it. Made a big deal with his friends wearing undies and going to the loo. Told him that when he was ready to use "knicks" he could choose a special prize. But never tried to force him at all.

I was in total dispair - I thought it would never happen!! Then one day - his bestie at playgroup arrived in undies - promptly showed DS how he could get his willy out the side of them :o:o and that was it.

That night - DS spent 2.5 hours back and forwards on the potty and the loo - and never looked back. :D

[sweetsugardumplin']

I believe in forcing the child to sit on the toilet, but no focus on producing results. They just have to co-operate and sit for the required amount of time.

I aim for about 20 seconds, and use counting (to 5, 10, or 30 as appropriate) but the child has to actively count - even if it is only repeating each number after the parent.

Others might choose a nusery rhyme the child has to say, or a simple song to sing. Twinkle twinkle little star is a good one.

It is the verbal activity that gets the focus. Once that is completed a quick reference to the purpose - for my DD6 I phrased it as "has any weee sneaked out? No? Okay, you ready to get off?" and then I would help her off and dressed.

Every time she had an accident, she had to sit on the toilet whilst I cleaned up. If she counted audibly herself whilst I was doing so, then I would let her off when I was done. If not, we would count together after I had finished cleaning up.



This goes against everything I know about TT :(

OP she is showing you that she is not ready, also having a younger sibling, is often a trigger for regression or a lack of interest :)

[sniper wolf]

mine is the same age as yours (2.5) and has no interest whatsoever in the toilet. in fact she actively says no when i offer to put her on it. i'm not fussed, she'll get round to it one day.

[RoarsomeMum]

It's not that I am "Fussed" so much that I am bloody confused..

She wakes up and says "UNDIES DAY!! W000000T" and then refuses.. She makes the Move to "Use Toilet" and then laughs at us while she soils the floor.. :(

I totally AGREE with "in her own time she will do it" but what the heck am I supposed to do when she chooses Undies every day and NEVER USES TOILET! and we wont put her in nappies after she has committed to an "undies day" so we feel pretty stuck and confused..

I wont force her to the toilet, but she has to learn that Undies require her to use it, otherwise we are stuck with soiled undies and a rental carpet every day..

Do I demand her back into nappies? I don't know WHAT to do.. - I guess I thought this phase would be short lived but 3 weeks in undies and NO TOILET at all is making me frustrated.

[IsaRob]

Hi,

My daughter is 2.5 and we just finished toilet training. She is dry most days and nights.

Have you tried to watch her closely and as soon as she looks like she might go rushing her to the toilet? That really helped for us.
As well the breaking point was that I kept asking if her undies were still dry, and then made a big fuss about it if they were. She loved the praise she got for dry undies, and really tried to keep them dry. Also I just told her to tell me when she needs to go, i didn't ask if she needed to go.
So almost the same as the 3dayTT.
After about a week she was fully trained.

Hope that helps you, but if she's still not interested in the Toilet i would go back to nappies....:hugs:

[twotrunks]

Just put her in nappies full time. She is clearly not ready. You are only stessing yourself out. Just stop thinking, talking having anything to do with undies or toilets for a while :)
Children should not be forced, or even trained IMO (they are not dogs), and getting them to go "just incase" has been linked to bladder and continence issues as adults.
She is just a baby :yes:

[FiveInTheBed]

...I used to put undies over their nappies just to make that 'transition' :D