some advice

[priya]

hi girls,

I need some advice here. My husband told me yesterday that we can go to India in October. Now there are a lot of problems for me.

First of all there are 100 of relatives waiting to hold Ria so we will have to go to meet them or they will come to meet us. The female relatives[ esp SIL and MIL] will think that i will be comfy B/F in front of them. But i am not comfortable b/f in front of anyone except DH. You cannot wear the tops or shirts there. There is a certain dress code for married women[for feeding the baby you will have to literally expose breasts initially]. So how can i ask them to leave me alone without offending them?

Secondly, mum and MIL think that whenever the baby cries she is hungry. So they will ask me to switch to formula or solids. All my nieces were started on formula from day one because my mum thought that my sister/SIL couldn't fill them up. They will ask me to introduce her to solids which i don't want to then because she will only be 5 months then. Acc to them it is O.K. to wean a baby at 4 months.

I know i will have to act strongly. Oh i will miss my freedom there. I am very comfortable in my pjs. There i will have to be all dressed up throughout the day in clothes which i don't want to wear.:(

love.

[the_queen]

You might feel differently about BFing by then, I know that I was very self-conscious initially but now I am comfortable to BF in front of anyone, in any place.

I can't give you advice about how to deal with the older women though, I am lucky that my older female relatives are either supportive of my parenting, or they just keep their mouth shut if they disagree with something i do. Maybe you could write a letter to them, before you go over there? Just make it very self-centred - explain to them how you feel about BFing, how you feel about early weaning, how you feel about unwanted advice, etc. Let them know that you love them dearly, but that you don't want the visit to be negative in any way, you just want to spend some wonderful family time all together. :hugs:

And I just noticed, your baby was born the day after mine!:D

[kadownie]

Babies around 5 months are starting to become very curious and easily distracted at breastfeeds- so maybe you could excuse yourself (even if bubby isn't distracted- it's a good excuse) and explain that you need to be by yourself in a quiet placev so bubby has a decent feed.

It's hard with other women, particularly relatives giving their advice- thankfully I haven't had too much- and I usually feel able to tell my mother where to go if she tells me otherwise- something you grow in as bubby gets older!

I think 'the queen' is right about you becoming more comfy with breastfeeding- as bubby gets older and feeds better it's a lot easier!!

[Manxie]

Hi Priya

Poor you it sounds like a daunting trip. Is there anyone in your family in India who you can get on "your side" before you go. It might make things a bit easier if there is someone who will stick up for you and tell your family to let you do things your way.

I would also try and set the record straight before you go. Like the Queen said you may be a bit more comfortable with breastfeeding in public by then but if not I'd tell them that you will need to be in private. I find people always accept things if you make out its comming from a third party. Sounds far fetched I know but could you say that you have been told only feed in private by the g.p. as bubs is too easily distracted otherwise/cant latch on.

Same goes for the starting on solids. I would tell them that you have sought "expert advice" as you know they started their bubs on solids early but you have been told that under no circumstances should you start bubs. Make something up, allergies (you could blame your DH's family, LOL!) Gut problem anythiing so that its not you not wanting to do things how they have, you'd love to but cant , ho, ho!! Make sure DH is fully versed.

I dont think a little white lie does anyone any harm every know and then. Especially as you dont get to see them that often you dont want the whole trip to be a battle.

Best of luck, let us know how you get on.

[1stbaby]

Hi Priya
This is interesting for me as my husband is Indian and my MIL is here for the year. After reading your email, I realise why my MIL was going on about my supply everytime the baby cried. I just got really fed up and took the baby into the room by myself. She probably mentioned formula to my DH and he said dont even go there, as he knew how I felt. I"m in a different situation from you as I"m not indian and she has been told by DH not to intefer with advice etc. But she did at every opportunity she could (when DH wasn't there) bring up solids from the time ds was 3 months and she did go on about my supply. I found the easiest thing was to present the literature to her, and say this is how we do things. Another thing, if you can tell them your DD is healthy and putting on weight, they should accept it. You have to be really stubborn and stick to your guns. Also get your husband on your side because they might listen to him. My MIL doesn't argue with her son. The indians that I know even here have started formula due to a percieved lack of supply or because they wanted to go back to work.
My baby is 7 months now and wont take formula so she has complained to me that I"ve made things inconvenient for her... I said sorry for the inconvenience but I was doing the best I could do for my child:rolleyes:

As for as breastfeeding in front of others, I dont know where you are from or what you wear but I got the impression that the sari scarves were used to cover the breast while the baby was feeding. You could always drape a cloth nappy over your shoulder as I think that is quite acceptable. As others said a 5 month old baby will be distracted while others are around so others should consider that and leave you to feed alone.

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

Hi Priya,
When I go to India I'm planning to use my scarf/chunee to cover up when feeding. Also a good excuse to give them for not starting solids is what my GP told me - while you are exclusively bfeeding they have complete immunity (my shots are up to date) which is safer as they haven't been exposed to the different types of bugs in India. Once you start solids this immunity is reduced. That's why I wanted us to go before DS is 6mnths but we couldn't.Good luck!:hugs:
Mel