Friends with the ex's ex?

[Ra Ra Superstar]

This is kinda a confusing situation.

I had to leave my ex when i was 28 weeks pregnant due to violence. He has 2 young children from a previous relationship who he has every weekend. I became very close with them and took a step parent role. I was "friendly" with their mother but didnt have much to do with her. He had of course bagged her out to no end and told me that she was a horrible person so i went along believing him without having any facts as you do. I had bub 8 weeks ago and my ex has nothing to do with him. My ex's family have made it clear that they will be a part of my DS life regardless of his complete disregard for his responsibilities. Anyway about 2 weeks ago his ex contacted me. She said that she would like the children to grow up knowing eachother considering they are half brother and sisters. I agreed. Since then we have become fairly close and we have both divulged details about our relationship with FOB. She opened up and told me she suffered abuse as well and i know she speaks the truth because what she has told me is EXACTLY what happened to me. Sometimes even her fights with him sounded like de ja vu to me. We are both having trouble collecting child support from him and she still suffers alot of abuse at handover for her kids every weekend. She has willingly given me information about him to help me with my child support case and i have been doing the same for her. It seems that we have joined forces in the same battle. Some people have commented that this is quite an unusual situation. Is it a bit weird? Would you trust your ex's ex? To the point where you have even become friends?

[sunnymummy]

A totally different situation but my DH became best friends with his ex's ex. DH was best man at his wedding. :D

I certainly think you can be friends with her and will be a great support to eachother. He may see it as ganging up or whatever but who cares what he thinks?!

GO for it I say. :yes:

[Amara]

My ex's ex before me and I are in regular contact and are fb friends. I would not call us friends though. We do compare stories sometimes. We pass info back and forth as we like to keep each other well informed as our kid's dad is a sociopath therefore lies constantly. Its kinda handy. Most people find it weird.

[Ra Ra Superstar]

I'm glad im not the only one! My ex is also a lying sociopath especialy now after finding out so much stuff from her that he completely lied about. I do feel like i can trust her though.

My ex has tried to shut me and DS out as i was very open about the abuse. He doesn't know that she and i are talking and the sh!t will hit the fan when he realises his kids all know eachother and that we have outed his behaviour to eachother. I'm beyond caring though i'll do whatever is in the best interest of DS

[Amara]

It will be good for the kids to know each other. Even when my ex goes all distant like he does sometimes when he has a girlfriend so He wont bring his daughter near me her mum and I keep in contact so she does not lose contact with her brother. I have even watched her when her mum needed some help. Its good for kids to know their siblings.

[Ra Ra Superstar]

I absolutely agree Amara. His ex and i agreed that if we were in the childrens situation we would want to know our siblings. I know if my parents had kept the fact that i had a brother or sister out there that i didnt know about id be upset. I have a half brother also and my life wouldnt be the same without him. Her 2 children also knew that i was carrying a baby. They are too young to understand the situation but they have met their little brother and were very taken with him :) I have also considered letting her know that i am always there if she ever needed a hand with the kids but i didnt know if id be crossing the line. I would love to be helpfull in anyway i can to her though. Us women with deadbeat ex's have to stick together. Sisterhood!

[1CrazyMoose]

Well its a little different as I am still with my man but...

I am actually really close to my DH's ex. Which most say is odd. We didnt know each other at all until I started seeing DH, DH has nothing to do with her but is happy enough that I do. We talk about everything except the really personal stuff about DH but we are pretty open about everything else. She is now married and has children so we relate very well as I am the same.

Maybe you guys are at a stage where you are now in the same boat and are a support for each other. If it makes you feel good and it feels natural I dont see it being odd. It is great that you have both come to think that your children should have contact with each other as they are family. I say well done to you both..