Why are men allowed to 'opt-out'?

[murrythecat]

why is it.. that men (and it's mostly men isn't it) feel they can just 'opt out' of life.

they feel they can just have a breakdown, be depressed, navel gaze, be selfish, spend money on themselves and not pay their csa and just generally be an ***.

why is they can just opt out.. how do they feel they can justify it.

my ex destroyed our marriage because he had 'problems' and stole all our savings. He now does his navel gazing in his own flat away from me thank god! he promises to come and 'help' with the kids.. blah blah blah.. 'oh I promise I'll be there 8.30 am to help you can go back to bed'.. whatever! twice promised and never delivered.. he just feels he can opt out of visits.. csa payments on his overdue amounts etc etc.. why? it's so bloody unfair!

I've had a bad cold all week.. feel like crap.. I had to keep going.. school runs, shopping, meal times etc. no rest or help for me! he doesn't show up because he has a 'cold' oh gez really!!! why tell me how the **** that feels ********!!! but he just doesn't care enough to follow through.. just opts out. why is it women have to keep going holding things together! does it never occur to these deadbeats that we might be tired, sore, hungry, in need of a break!???:banghead:

[HELPihavea2yrold!]

They 'opt' out because they can and society make excuses for them. When a man isnt helping at home with the new baby or housework and coming home and sitting on his ****, its a case of 'Poor thing, hes tired or hes not helping with baby because hes too scared'. News flash- I had no idea what to do with a newborn either when I brought it home from hospital but I learned because I wanted to take care of DS the best I could. Women are just supposed to put up with this sh%t and never once question it. Men are allowed to go out and just waste all the families income on gambling, takeout or magazines etc because they work hard and they deserve a treat. Meanwhile, women are working 24/7 raising these 'mens' children, and all of their income is going on the children. I had to look after DS thru a tooth extraction because his father was too busy drinking with his friends to look after him. Even my brother who is a great father calls it 'babysitting' when he looks after his kids. It is NOT fricken babysitting when they are your own kids! Same with paying CS. My ex is on over $70G a year and yet he cant pay any CS to help bring up the baby he wanted until he realised they are expensive and time consuming! Ok Rant over now! This subject just really p*sses me off though!

[Ra Ra Superstar]

They 'opt' out because they can and society make excuses for them. When a man isnt helping at home with the new baby or housework and coming home and sitting on his ****, its a case of 'Poor thing, hes tired or hes not helping with baby because hes too scared'. News flash- I had no idea what to do with a newborn either when I brought it home from hospital but I learned because I wanted to take care of DS the best I could. Women are just supposed to put up with this sh%t and never once question it. Men are allowed to go out and just waste all the families income on gambling, takeout or magazines etc because they work hard and they deserve a treat. Meanwhile, women are working 24/7 raising these 'mens' children, and all of their income is going on the children. I had to look after DS thru a tooth extraction because his father was too busy drinking with his friends to look after him. Even my brother who is a great father calls it 'babysitting' when he looks after his kids. It is NOT fricken babysitting when they are your own kids! Same with paying CS. My ex is on over $70G a year and yet he cant pay any CS to help bring up the baby he wanted until he realised they are expensive and time consuming! Ok Rant over now! This subject just really p*sses me off though!
:iagree:

[murrythecat]

okay girls I have just LOT THE PLOT at my ex.. he turned up 6 hours late telling me how sick he was *bull*! took the kids to the park and now says he's going home.. he actually said to my son 'daddy is going now because mummy wants daddy to go home'.. ****wit! I asked him for the $28 he owes me for the karate class HE signed our son up to and was supposed to take him to and pay for! he told me last week he had $500 in his saving account but now tells me he has no money at the moment.. he tells me I EARN MORE THAN HE DOES!!! my rent is like 4 times his per week!!!! his ****y $150 he pays in cs for 3 children doesn't even cover the children's rents!!!! I told him I couldn't give a **** IF HE LEFT.. HE WAS A ****WIT AND I HOPED HE ROTTED IN HELL FOR THIS ****Y LIFE HE'S GIVEN ME!!!!!!!!!!

[MummyDaddy]

They 'opt' out because they can and society make excuses for them.
:iagree:

We live in a male dominated society ... as such - men get paid more for the same job, they even get different GST. I think the best example is that lubricant has no GST - yet tampons do. What more proof do we need that we live in a male dominated patriarchal society.

And now ... here come the stampede or women who feel the need to STICK up for men.

That's because they are brainwashed by this patriarchal male dominated society and don't even realise it.

[MummyDaddy]

okay girls I have just LOT THE PLOT at my ex.. he turned up 6 hours late telling me how sick he was *bull*! took the kids to the park and now says he's going home.. he actually said to my son 'daddy is going now because mummy wants daddy to go home'.. ****wit! I asked him for the $28 he owes me for the karate class HE signed our son up to and was supposed to take him to and pay for! he told me last week he had $500 in his saving account but now tells me he has no money at the moment.. he tells me I EARN MORE THAN HE DOES!!! my rent is like 4 times his per week!!!! his ****y $150 he pays in cs for 3 children doesn't even cover the children's rents!!!! I told him I couldn't give a **** IF HE LEFT.. HE WAS A ****WIT AND I HOPED HE ROTTED IN HELL FOR THIS ****Y LIFE HE'S GIVEN ME!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry you are going through this. Your ex sounds like a true loser.

Hugs for you :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[murrythecat]

I just feel such rage...I cannot even be nice to him..then he makes out I a *****...nobody wins!

[HELPihavea2yrold!]

[QUOTE=MummyDaddy;4875735]
We live in a male dominated society ... as such - men get paid more for the same job, they even get different GST. I think the best example is that lubricant has no GST - yet tampons do. What more proof do we need that we live in a male dominated patriarchal society.
QUOTE]

:iagree: Im a trade qualified cabinet maker and was always expected to do everything the men did, same lifting. Unlike them, I didnt spend an hour a day looking at porn mags and yet I got paid $5 an hour LESS then them. And these were men who had same experience as me. Im proud though that I got my trade and I was 1st in the Tafe class!

[blissfullybonkers]

They 'opt' out because they can and society make excuses for them.

:iagree:
ain't that the truth....

[Sadaussiemum]

wish mine would opt out at times

[HELPihavea2yrold!]

wish mine would opt out at times

Same! Im considering asking X if he wants to opt out but dont know how to word it. Would make my life SO much easier! DS can make the decision if he wants the deadbeat in his life when hes old enough.

[crazymuma]

Life certainly would be easier if we had a penis :rolleyes:

They opt out becuase they are scum - thats it in my eyes. They are lazy, selfish, arrogant pricks who couldn't give a **** about anything but themselves.

[seaflower]

gosh it is tricky isn't it! I have a few good male friends who are the most wonderful committed partners and fathers, I even got told off good and proper by a male friend once when I asked if his partner was still off work with the kids, and he gave me a right serve and told me she works very hard day and night looking after the children thank you very much

and then I had kids and got the shock of my life, I thought all modern men were like that. WRONG!!! I think the corker with me was the day before our toddler needed emergency surgery, and my partner (who was on leave from work at the time) flatly refused to look after our crawling baby, told me I should take her to hospital with me, which was totally out of the question, and I had to ring around friends at 9.30 at night trying to find someone who could babysit her (which luckily was easy, friends were more than happy to help out, while their father refused). And that is only one example of when he (now ex) simply refused to face up to any family responsibilty whatsoever.

Sorry you are having such a bad time murrythecat!!! If it helps, there are some lovely ones out there, it is not genetically predetermined, they do have a choice whether or not to be disgustingly lazy etc etc etc, just many choose the bad path. And yes, society generally sees this as OK, which really really doesn't help. But the good ones are great, they choose a path which isn't required of them, because they want to be good people, and I reckon they are the ones whose relationships work.

However, you and I, and many others here, did not manage to score good ones, bad luck for us!!!

If you are feeling down, try to think about all the good things about being by yourself nowadays, when the kids' dad really gets me down, I think corr, it was so much worse though when I was living with him!