how do you get bub to feed herself

[renfrog]

hi all

my dd is 17mths old and wont even attempt to feed herself. she used to try to do it herself with a little help from us but its like she has digresed and she will just sit there refusing to eat unless we put it in her mouth and if we dont she will yell the house down. she wont even hold the soon anymore. we dont mind helping her but as soon as we do thats it. she is normally so independant

does anyone have any tips how we can get her to eat on her own or aleast try to eat on her own without making dinnertime the nighmare it is now. cxx

[JanetF]

My son (21 months) won't feed himself with a spoon although he has started trying to play with the spoon I'm using so perhaps he's moving onto that. He will feed himself things like biscuits and rice crackers, and pieces of cheese and ham but that's it. I just figure at some point he'll decide he's ready and let me know by trying to feed himself. He wouldn't put food in his own mouth until a couple of months ago so I know he does grow and change. I try to follow a "this too shall pass" philosophy with him since trying to teach him to do anything he's just not ready for would really distress him.
I hope you work something out between you :)

[Chickadee]

When trying to figure out how to get my dd to eat more, I came across this page from the Toronto Sick Kids Hospital in Canada. http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/Article.asp?articleID=1702 One tip is:


Never feed your child if he is capable of feeding himself.
Parents of a child with a poor appetite will tend to pick up the spoon, fill it with food, smile, and try to trick the child into taking it. Once your child is old enough to use a spoon by herself (usually 12 to 15 months), never again pick it up for her. If your child is hungry, she will feed herself. Forced feeding is the main cause of eating power struggles.

Although this is focused on problems from trying to get kids to eat more, it may still be worth thinking about. If she really wants to eat it she'll use the spoon, or her fingers. Or try offering mainly finger foods for a week or two to take the pressure off.

[renfrog]

thanx for the replys

i know she is capable of atleast trying, when she first started to eat more chunkier solid food she didnt want us to help, well until she got frustrated. i know its mainly our fault because sometimes i didnt want a mess so i just feed her myself and now we have a dd who wont even try. but she will feed herself sandwiches and finger food etc. i think that website has the right idea but our dd flatout refuses to eat on her own and by us refusing to feed her causes quite a bit of noise. i know it will only be short lived but how do you get past the tantrums.

[JanetF]

I would be very unwilling to distress my child around food. In our family we don't care whether or not he feeds himself. He will when he's ready. If I tried to get him to feed himself right now he a.wouldn't get anything to eat and b.would be really distressed. I don't believe I've ever seen a school age child unable to feed themselves, yk? ;) If your daughter doesn't want to feed herself right now, then maybe go with the flow rather than asking something of her that she just can't manage. It won't last forever and in the meantime you'll know that she's at least enjoying family mealtimes not being frightened of them.

This is a beautiful article about allowing your children to develop in their own time.
http://www.mothering.com/articles/body_soul/inspiration/patient_parenting.html

And this one is about some ways to deal with tanties.
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/discipline/tantrums.html

[renfrog]

we are not trying to force her to feed herself, we only want her to try. we dont mind helping her we put food on the spoon and let her put in in her mouth and she used to be fine with that. i dont let her get distressed what i mean by noise is she squeals and tends to throw her plate there are no tears involved. she still has to learn how to do things and we have to encourage her we cant let everything come at its own pace if we didnt encourage her to walk she would probably still be crawling. she is a intellegent bub who knows what she can do an we are not trying to make her do anything she is not ready for.