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A couple of weeks ago I heard some terrible, terrible news about a family friend who lost their 20 month old son to SIDS. I can't begin to imagine how the family is feeling but I am having trouble dealing with it myself. I am not close friends with the mother but knew her little boy and I have a son around the same age. I can not stop thinking about her loss and I find myself starting to cry everytime I think about this poor little boy who has been taken away from his family so early in life. I attended the funeral and it was the most heartbreaking day of my life.
Until now, I was not aware that children over 12 months were at risk. After visiting the SIDSandkids website I have read that toddlers as old as 4 years have passed away from SIDS. I am terrified.
I can not stop thinking about it and I find myself checking on my boys constantly everytime they sleep - I read that it can happen at ANY time of day, even when they are sleeping in the pram, or in the carseat etc .....
I feel selfish for being so upset as I still have my 2 beautiful boys and am more greatful than ever to have them.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I have been told in detail what happened the morning of this child passing away and I can not stop replaying it in my head and I am heartbroken for the mother of this child.....
Oh my gosh, what a tragic story.:crying:
I too am shocked to learn that kids that age can still die from SIDS...my son is 18 months old and I though he was well and truely clear of that danger....
:crying: I am teriffied of sids. Yes it is till they are 12 months. I couldnt even begin to imagine what they must be going through. So terrible
:hugs: how awful.. it is such a scary thought that we could lose our beautiful babies to something so awful! i would never have thought it could happen to a baby at 20mths no matter 4 yrs! :eek:
I am constantly checking on paige and we bought the angel care monitor which helps me relax a bit more but i would never of thought of the car seat! eek.. thats so scary!
a big big big hug to you! :hugs:
Gosh that is so terribly sad...I am crying just thinking about it. I used to work in a hotel and a little boy of 2 also passed away from SIDS.
Would it help you if you were to tell of what actually happened here in this forum perhaps? Sometimes it does help:hugs:
I do know how you can get upset. I still find something that reminds me how close i came to losing my baby. and she was born with a very good bill of health.
sorry that your friends weren't so lucky.:crying:
My baby girl is turning 12 weeks on thursday, and we nearly lost her when she was 3 weeks. She choked on vomit half hour after a feed. My husband had to keep trying to get her to breath while i called 000. when then ambulance put her on oxygen she started to came round, and her oxygen levels didn't go down which was good. But by the time we got to hospital her boby was starting to shut down. Luckily after 3 1/2 hrs she was hungery was started feeding. We spent 3 days in hospital.She has been diognosed with reflux. She is doing quite well now. I don't no what I would have done if something happened to her. It took a little while to get over that, she was sleeping in a bassinate next to me then, still is, and I think that i will get one of those mats that alarm if they stop breathing before she goes into her own room. Which maybe in september. I now no how some parents have the babes in there room for some time. I would have her sleep on my pillow with me after a feed during the night just to know that she was ok, and if she did spit up a bit i could get her up and pat her back quickly. She has stopped that now though so i am getting more confident to put her back in bassinette after feeds now...
I can't believe we didn't talk about that today. I knew him as well.
I am a Parent Support Counsellor for Sids n Kids. I started out in 2002, and my husband and I had lost our 6th baby to miscarriage.
Having worked with many families who have lost their precious bubs, I have to say that it has had a lasting, negative imprint on my life. I cannot put my son down for a sleep during the day. Even at night, my husband has to be the one to put him to bed. I get up on average of around 4 times a night to check on him. And if he sleeps past 7am I freak out.
I personally know 3 people whose children have been lost to SIDS. Not through my work, but FRIENDS. :gloomy:
I totally understand how you are feeling. But there is NOTHING that you can do to prevent SIDS, outside of the SIDS N KIDS guidelines.
Maybe send some flowers and a card to the parents telling them your memories, no matter how small, of their son. They need to create memories of his short life, and every little bit pieces his memory together.
Please try to feel better :hugs:
See you Wednesday :smiliedance:
Angeldoula - I didn't mention it because I have been trying to forget about it as it has been consuming my thoughts. How terrible that you know of so many families who have lost little ones so suddenly. I am finding it hard to deal with the ONE I know about, it's sad to know that there are many more.
nikkiiandriley - I had a similar thing happen with DS1 so I know how you feel - about 4 hours after his birth he choked on some mucus and went purple - I can clearly remember my husband picking him up and running out of our hospital room screaming for help. Luckily the nurse was quick to tip him upside down and cleared his airway. After that I think my DH and I basically took shifts staying awake just to make sure he was breathing. I also co-slept with him until he was 12 months and have now moved DS2's cot back into my room ( after a short stint in his own room ) just so I can keep a better eye on him.
My husband has spoke to the little boys dad and uncle quite a bit and he is also really upset - it is the first time I have seen my husband cry - it has affected him as much as it has me.
Just thinking of this beautiful little boy playing, so healthy and happy only a few weeks ago - it seems impossible that something like this can and did happen.
All that you can do is know that it was beyond anyones control. You have two healthy, BEAUTIFUL babies. Try to enjoy them. Don't dwell on the horrble stuff.
You are a great Mum. You keep your babies safe. But again, there is NOTHING that you can do to prevent this tragedy. Just stick with the guidelines, and love them.
I am here sending you :hugs:
My DH and DS came home from a short trip to NZ this morning. DH had a copy of today's paper (NZ Herald) with him. On the front page is a story of a family who lost three month old twin girls yesterday morning to what they believe is SIDS. Apparently the girls were premmies but were at home and doing well.
Neighbours reported hearing crying from the parents and realised what had occured.
I can not imagine how hard it would be to lose one child, let alone two at the same time.
I'm not sure I'd ever recover from something like that.:(
Everybody handles grief differently. I know from four years of dealing with the overwhelming grief that SIDS parents go through. that recovery never happens. But you do learn to live with what has happened. There are stages that parents go through, and are usually at their worst 2 weeks after the passing. This usually lasts for around a year. So sad :gloomy:
You cannot put a time limit on these things. Even those around SIDS families go through a cycle of Shock, Disbelief, Depression, Guilt (that their babies are alive and well, or that they didn't spend enough time getting to know the little one). The list of emotions is broad, and endless.
But, JRSMUM, you will wake up one day soon, and realise that you slept through a night without having that nightmare. It will be hard to stop replaying the event in your mind. But, like most things, time does heal this wound. :hugs:
I think Angeldoula is definately the person who can offer you the best advice here. I just wanted to add though, My best friend lost one of her twins just before they were born and one of the hardest things for her to deal with (apart from the loss of course) was the lack of acknowledgement from her family and others. People didn't want to talk about her and some went so far as to say "When are you going to get over it?". Very, very cold.
What helped was people keeping Alex's memory alive. Sending cards, letting her know they were there and thinking of the family. Some people tend to hide at times like this because they just don't know what else to do. But if you, as angeldoula suggested, could send a card and/or flowers and just let them know they are in your thoughts, you may find this will help you to cope as well as showing them your support.
Sending lots of :hugs: to you JR'sMUM. I'll keep this family in my thoughts.
Funkychicken - thanks - I think I'll definatley send something to them this week just to let them know that they are in our thoughts.
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