Weird when they come home??

[Peace]

Hi Everyone :wave:

My hubby finished Kapooka about a month ago and was in holding for a few weeks and just started his IET last week. He managed to get leave for the Queens Birthday and has come home for 3 days. We have 2 little boys age 4 and 5.

It has been wonderful to have him home this weekend, but it is kind of a bit weird and I just wanted to see what the rest of you have experienced.

It's almost like he's a guest in my home and it just feels really weird. The kids just want to be with Daddy (understandably), will still only ask mummy for things, I'm still doing EVERYTHING - cooking, cleaning, growling at the kids when they are naughty, getting kids ready for bed, hell, I even had a vomiting kid to clean up tonight!!!!!

I had a talk to my dh tonight and told him how I felt. I said I was soooooooooo excited to have him home and I realise he is on a well earned break, but I would have liked a teeny tiny little bit of help. Like maybe he could of volunteered to help cook dinner or feed the dog or bath the vomity kid - but no! We have always been a team and shared everything - from money to housework to raising our kids - and we have been together for 12 long lovely years. When I talked to my dh about this he said that he didn't want to upset my routine around the house or undermine my authority with the boys seeing as he is only home for 3 days. I understand what he was saying but I still felt a bit resentful.

Am I being naieve to think that after 4 months away (with another 3 to go) that he would just slip right back in like before?? Is this normal?? Am I being a ***** expecting him to help out while he's here?? The dog won't do what I say, the kids wont do what i say - everyone just wants daddy and I get that, but I'm kinda feeling a bit frustrated and I dunno, weird!:confused:

Is this normal?? I'd love your input - thanx everyone - luv Bex :flowerz:

[Me]

Bex I can only offer from a childs pov. As a kid my dad was away frequently(but only up to 8weeks at a time, mostly he was in the q stores so was home), but I remember we'd get so used to asking mum for everything and mum doing everything that it'd take a fewdays for the excitement to wear off of dad being home and for us to get used to him being there.

Unfortunately, the kids will probably start to wind down the excitement when it's time for him to go back and tbh, it's probably going to be hard on them tomorrow, possibly even harder then when he left.

(((hugs)))

[Seacretsquirrel]

Yep completely normal for it to be a bit weird.

DH is away 8 weeks out of 12 with occasional 2 day log visits (2 days at home to refuel stock etc) this trip for the first time the log visits have been in Darwin (not broome or elsewhere) I have learnt the day 1 is a right off generally as DH has usually been on watch the night before so has has less than 3 hrs sleep so I give him that first day before I expect too much -that said if he left me to deal with a vomiting child there would be hell to pay (most likely me vomiting too) so I think that was uncool.
I always find the couple of day visits are the hardest for our routine and for the kids (they get super excited but I am still the one they go to for everything) then it takes the next week to get bck to the usual routine, sometimes its almost worse than if he hadn't come home (sad but true:crying:)
I always find that DH doesn't really fit into our routine very well simply for the fact that the kids and I are so used to him not being here so having him here. Our routine adapts a bit (and DH fits with what I do for the most part) when he is home for longer periods (will be intersting to see how we go as DH is going to be home in 7 sleeps, for the next 6 months or so :smiliedance:)

I also try to allow DH a few periods of time on his own (he is on a boat so in very close quarters with other people so he need a bit of space!) (not really going to happen in a very short stay).

I think it is important to perhaps find some things that your DH can help with within your routine - my DH will take the kids in the shower/bath while I clean the kitchen or vice versa and he'll organise the kids brekfast or lunch too and of course the most important one playing with them!
As for the undermining authority that is important but is mainly a concern if he is dicilpining in a different way to you or oveerriding waht you say - we run on a whoever see it deals with it plan because other wise I am always the bad guy which does cause issues (I hate always being the bad guy). I do find that Daddys growl is more effective than mine but thats okay cause it works when we are on our own - just not so much when he is home - its the deep voice thing (or the parade ground voice) that seems to be the difference for kids and animals (our Dog what we had her was the same listened to DH but not me).
HTH will pop back with other stuff if I think of it. But have a chat with him about both your expectations for when he comes home its worth doing so you are on the same page! esp when you were a great team before!:hugs:

[Am8ler]

his been in holding?
is that cause he was waiting for this training to start?
my dh has heard that he might be in holding to :(

[Peace]

Hi Ladies :wave:

Thank you for your replies. I ended up having a talk with my dh and explained how I felt. He was really good and apologetic and told me he felt a bit weird too. Once we got it out in the open we were ok. It turns out I ended up getting the vomity bug too :barf:! Which obviously contributed to my feeling weird I suppose. I am pleased to say that once I got sick, DH was back to his normal self, taking charge of the boys and bending over backwards to help me :yelclap:.

But thank you ladies so much for your advice. I think this is all something we will have to deal with as it comes along and learn how to do it together - so yeah, thanks :hugs:.

[Peace]

Hi Am8ler :wave:

Yep, my hubby was in a holding platoon for only about 2 weeks - so we were very lucky. A holding platoon is basically a platoon they stick them in while they are waiting for their IET course to start. They get quite a bit of freedom while they are in there and I got lots and lots of phone calls while he was in holding so I kinda didn't mind it!! :)

Is your hubby in the Army? Is he at Kapooka right now? I'd be happy to chat to you any time about it all - not that I know that much about anything - I'm new to this too - but I have found it really helps to chat with others who are going through the same thing you are. I haven't been on Bubhub very often since I joined back in March, but have promised myself to log in a lot more often from now on and get to know all you girls some more! :hugs:

Luv Bexnat xo

[MothersMilk]

Totally normal :yes:

I find it takes a few days before things go back to normal and the first days back are sort of awkward. I will have settled into a routine by myself so having DH home throws that out the window and i have to adjust back to having him here - also he has to adjust back to family life and is usually exhausted and needs time to get to normal.
Sometimes it feels like we have to 'get to know' each other again and it's like we are on a first date rather than husband and wife (if he has been gone for months) but it doesn't last long. :)

[Bellini]

For me, yes it's completely weird. DH was deployed last year (DS was only about 4 months old) and when he came home it felt very strange :(. I felt like he was a guest in the house, and for the first couple of days it did kind of feel like a first date, like MM mentioned. We were nervous around each other, and DH (who was previously very hands on) felt awkward looking after DS.

He later told me that he felt like he was intruding - I had settled into a routine without him, and he didn't want to mess things up. Maybe that's why your DH was hesitant to step in and help out. That 'weird' feeling goes away after a little while thank goodness, but it's still awkward to begin with.

[Blairysmum]

Am8ler-
My hubby was lucky and didn't have to go into holding jut started his course straight out of kapooka!
Although his course was a long one so I got to move with him!

[Am8ler]

he goes to kapooka on the 26th of july. then his iet is 81 days in puckapunal but his talked to a few people that had to be in holding for weeks hope not almost 6months away straight up is alot to be away and for me to get used to :(

[Peace]

Thanx MothersMilk and Bellini :yelclap: It does help to know that it is normal and its not just me being paranoid!

Am8ler - You can do it honey - trust me, if I can do it, anyone can!!:yelclap: And if there's one thing I've learnt in the past few months, it's that you will hear A LOT of things about holding platoons and IET and Kapooka - but everybodys' experience is different and you will not know what is happening until it happens! There's a lot of waiting and a lot of not knowing what the hell is going on - :laughing: but it all works out in the end! I promise!!! I know its probably not funny for you right now, but if you dont learn to laugh at the Army attitude of "hurry up and wait", then you're gonna be spending a hell of a lot of time crying - trust me, I did!!! :yes:

Am happy to chat if you need to.

Thanx again ladies! :flowerz:

[Am8ler]

Thanks bexnat

Have you got a facebook?

if you do search jen0023r@hotmail.com thats me :wave: