Feeling anxious about gender of second child.

[sparklingdiamond]

Hi. Im 16 weeks pregnant with my second child. My first was a boy and I am really hoping for a girl this time. I am worried about how i will feel if we find out if its another boy. I love my son to the moon and back and dont regret having him for a second. I just really want a girl.
I am already disappointed and feel selfish in the way i am thinking in hoping that its a girl. I know I am lucky to be able to have children in the first place and should concentrate on just a healthy bub but i cant help but think this way. I have plans and ideas of a girl nursery and have names picked too. But nothing comes to mind if its a boy.
How can i change the way i am thinking and be happy either way at the ultrasound when we find out at the end of this month??? :confused:
I really need some advice...

[trin_007]

Hey hun, I know where you're coming from - I could have written exactly the same thing when I was at the same point as you. The thing is, there's no point worrying about it yet! You may get lucky and have gone through all of this concern for nothing.

In the event that things don't turn out the way you hope, look at the positives - particularly that you have another 20 weeks to come to terms with it! Don't feel you "have to be happy" - it is a natural feeling and you are allowed to be disappointed. Many people out there won't understand, but at least here you can express your feelings without being condemned and hopefully it will help you come to terms with it. I cried during the ultrasound as soon as I saw I was having another boy (it didn't help that my mum was there hoping for a grandaughter!!) and it literally took me MONTHS to be 'almost okay' with it. I focussed on ensuring that we could have the best birth possible (DS1 was horrific). In the end, our birth was superb and I fell in love with him immediately - something I never felt with DS1.

During my pregnancy, I had all these fears of how I would cope with the hard times and sleepless nights if I felt 'resentful' (?) that he was not a girl, but I have to say, that has never come into it.

Some days, I think I am okay with just having 2 boys - I only ever saw myself having 2 children....but not 2 boys.....and other days I would do anything to get my girl, so I'm keeping my options open.

[muls]

Hi Sparklingdiamond,

I have a post the same as this and still don't know what I am having as I'm only 11.5wks. I have 2 boys and love them to bits and love how close they are but this bub I really really want to be a girl. I don't think you can change the way you feel or think you just need to be able to cope and handle it if and when the time comes. I think that people don't understand that you are not by any means upset that you are having a boy it's just that you are not getting the girl you hope and dream for. I have girl names picked out and so desperately want to use them. I also have a boys name picked out as I have already had 2 boys and been there done that LOL!
Another bub hubber mentioned too that it's the expression other people give you that can hurt more as well as in 'oh well you can always try again for a girl'. Try and ignore these comments and as much as that is easier said than done.
I did a gender prediction on ebay and that was a little bit of fun, one said boy and the other said 93% girl so still up in the air.
Fingers crossed that you will have your girl, oh and me too he he.
Let me know how you go x

[second time mumma]

I can relate to how you are feeling, I was the same. I already have one little girl, and I not only was hoping for another little girl, I was convinced that I was carrying a little girl. Like you I only had my girls name picked out, I knew exactly how the nursery was going to be decorated, and everything else that I wanted.

I was fine in the ultrasound when the lady showed me the potty shot - I took one look and didnt need to be told that my baby is a boy - I could see for myself. I did however shed some tears when I got out of the scan - not because my baby is a boy - but because he's not the girl I thought he was.

It's ok to be upset, and dont feel like you have to put on a brave face for other people. I purposely didnt tell people what time my scan was because I knew that I would need some time to myself, if we found out that the baby wasn't a girl.

You're not a bad person for feeling this way - it doesnt mean you will love your son any less, it just means that you will be mourning the daughter you arent having - and that's completely normal :hugs:

I can honestly say that after that initial shock of finding out that I am having a boy, I havent cried again, and in fact I am very excited that I will be welcoming a little man into the world, come October.

[sparklingdiamond]

Thanks ladies. Your opinions and advice are greatly appriciated. Ever since i found out i was pregnant for the second time, i've been wondering about the sex of the child everyday, which i think is what is making me so nervious and worried. especially with the ultrasound day coming up in about 2 weeks.
I've done two home tests to determine the sex. Not sure if any of you have heard of it; Intelligender, which say is 90% accurate however i got two different results. The first being 'girl' done at 8 weeks and then the second test done at 12 weeks showed 'boy'. So that has made me anxious as well.
Guess i will know for sure soon enough and i know i will love the child no matter what its gender but fingers crossed anyway :babydust2::goodvibes::babydust2:

[MissSookyLaLa]

Im 12 weeks and in the same situation.

But whenever I feel anxious about not having a girl, I go to the cupboard and pull out all my little DS' baby clothes and go through them.

Looking through all those clothes brings back so many lovely memories of my little man, and gets me excited that I might be able to use those clothes again (and spend the money I would otherwise spend on girls clothes on a holiday instead!!!)

just something that has helped me... hugs though, part of me is dying for a girl!

[RHJ]

Hey hun, I know where you're coming from - I could have written exactly the same thing when I was at the same point as you. The thing is, there's no point worrying about it yet! You may get lucky and have gone through all of this concern for nothing.

In the event that things don't turn out the way you hope, look at the positives - particularly that you have another 20 weeks to come to terms with it! Don't feel you "have to be happy" - it is a natural feeling and you are allowed to be disappointed. Many people out there won't understand, but at least here you can express your feelings without being condemned and hopefully it will help you come to terms with it. I cried during the ultrasound as soon as I saw I was having another boy (it didn't help that my mum was there hoping for a grandaughter!!) and it literally took me MONTHS to be 'almost okay' with it. I focussed on ensuring that we could have the best birth possible (DS1 was horrific). In the end, our birth was superb and I fell in love with him immediately - something I never felt with DS1.

During my pregnancy, I had all these fears of how I would cope with the hard times and sleepless nights if I felt 'resentful' (?) that he was not a girl, but I have to say, that has never come into it.

Some days, I think I am okay with just having 2 boys - I only ever saw myself having 2 children....but not 2 boys.....and other days I would do anything to get my girl, so I'm keeping my options open.
:iagree: I felt exatcly the same way with the pregnancy of my 3rd. He was the only one i had a deep desire to be a girl. With the others i didn't care less. I found it incredibly hard though, as back then there was not this section, and i thought i was incredibly selfish and horrible for feeling that way. I never realised how common GD is, and how much it can really effect women.

I had 20 weeks to come to terms with my little man. And of course, i was thrilled when i first saw him (not to say there wasn't a split second when i went... ah,... boy :( ) but he was so precious. As someone else said, it is more the disappointment that you don't have your girl, not that you have a boy.

:fingerscrossed: Hopefully all your worry is for nothing and a little pink one headed your way. If not, we are always here to talk you through it.:hugs:

[prjn]

I cried during the ultrasound as soon as I saw I was having another boy (it didn't help that my mum was there hoping for a grandaughter!!) and it literally took me MONTHS to be 'almost okay' with it. I focussed on ensuring that we could have the best birth possible (DS1 was horrific). In the end, our birth was superb and I fell in love with him immediately - something I never felt with DS1.



i was EXACTLY the same as you when i was pregnant with my ds2. i cried during the ultrasound and for days afterwards. and then towards the end of the pregnancy and dh and i had chosen his name i just started talking to him and calling him by his name and i concentrated on having a birth that i would remember and be proud of myself for after having ds1 by c-section. ds2 was born after a 9hr labour and as soon as i saw him i was the same as you fell in love straight away. ds1 i was drugged up to my eyeballs and throwing up on the operating table.

i would not swap my ds2 for anything he's my cheeky monkey man and he makes me laugh all day with the antics he gets up to.

this time around we've been told 99% certain its a girl but i dont think i'll believe it until i see her. if it turns out that its a boy then we're a bit stuffed cos we haven't thought of a boys name or set up a boys nursery so hope they're right:laughing:.

good luck with your pregnancy sparklingdiamond and i'm sure u'll be on :cloud9: once bub is born whether its a little pink bundle or another blue one.

[muls]

Prjn - your story definetely gives people some hope when you have 2 been in our situation and you now have a girl so YAY!!!
Fingers crossed I'm joining you with some pink soon - can't wait to find out but am scary too!

[Js Mum]

I too know how you feel - my 1st is a boy and I was disappointed he was not a girl, and so with #2 I was even more sure I only wanted a girl - and that's why I didn't find out the sex - if I had, I probably would have been depressed for those extra 21 weeks.

I now have son #2 and have to admit I still feel cheated. My pregnancy was so completely different in every way from the 1st time around, I think I had convinced myself I was having my girl. Even my son would only say it was a girl.

And yep, I am sick of people saying oh well, you can try again - especially as I actually have been told I cant as #2 kicked through my uterus and my doctor had a hell of a time stithcing it all back up.

So I'll be honest, I am struggling with the fact that I have 2 boys, and also knowing I can never have my girl...

[sparklingdiamond]

Hi Ladies.

Had my ultrasound today. I'm 19 weeks. Another boy.
The last two weeks i was thinking it was a boy but still was hoping so much to be wrong.
A healthy little boy, 146 beats per minute, 2 arms, 2 legs, size is perfect, which i defenitly should be over the moon about, but still in the back of my mind feel upset that i dont get the little girl i wanted so much.
I managed to hold back the tears till i got home and was alone. I feel really selfish that I think this way but I know once he's in my arms it'll all be ok. It just kinda sucks today, right now!
Just thought i'd update you all and let you know how it turned out. Hope all is well with each of you!!

[muls]

Don't feel selfish at all....we can't help what the heart wants. I feel for you and so will many others. I find out in 17 sleeps what my #3 is and I really want a little girl, if I get a boy I will be disappointed and it's natural as we just want to get to experience the joys of a girl as well. Good luck with your new little man and we all know you will love and treasure him the same as any child it's just hard to focus on the positives when you are upset about the little girl you won't yet get to have!
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[krisne]

Hi Sparklingdiamond,

I know how you feel - I have 2 boys and I always knew no 2 was a boy but even though my pregnancy was totally different.
Don;t feel bad as I am pretty sure I will flip out on Monday if they say no 3 is a boy as well.

I really want a little girl and all the wonderful pink things that come with her, I have the best relationship with my mum and I would love t have that with my own daughter.

I am sending you massive hugs and I am very happy you little man is healthy.

XX Kris

[muls]

Good luck for Monday Krisne!!!

[krisne]

Thanks I will need it.

Good luck for you too Muls I am thinking pink for both of us