View Full Version : If it were legal in Australia...
trin_007
11-06-2010, 19:03
Would you have IVF to gender select?
BTW - this poll is primarily directed to those who are considering trying diets/timing etc to conceive a particular gender, not just all women, particularly those who may already have children of both sexes.
BTWW - as per the guidelines and as pointed out below - please keep comments supportive ;)
No and I don't think this should ever be made legal here :no:
TurnedBatty
11-06-2010, 19:05
Nope. While all I Want is boys, I just couldn't do it.
elleandsam
11-06-2010, 19:06
To have a boy to have my pigeon pair :)
I'm just going to jump in here and wave my arms and jump up and down and shout to please remember:
This section only tolerates supportive posts about gender selection. To quote the note up the top:
Baby's Gender - Discussion and Questions An area where members can discuss gender planning (both naturally, and with technological assistance) and gender disappointment. Please note - any posts that aren't supportive or on topic will be deleted.
Cheers :)
(Oh, and btw... whilst I am desperate for a girl, I still think I would leave it up to nature :))
Nope I wouldn't do it and I hope it's never legal here.
chicken and eggs mum
11-06-2010, 19:14
I'm just going to jump in here and wave my arms and jump up and down and shout to please remember:
This section only tolerates supportive posts about gender selection. To quote the note up the top:
Cheers :)
(Oh, and btw... whilst I am desperate for a girl, I still think I would leave it up to nature :))
We will remember than Nomsie, thanks for pointing it out.
I wouldnt... I dont think......
Although I would love a boy, I am not sure I would use these techniques to choose the gender....
Em
trin_007
11-06-2010, 19:18
Wow - a few quick replies already!!:laughing:
Thanks for the reminder Nomsie - precisely why I posted the poll in here ;)
I would use an effective sperm sorting, such a Microsort with IVF or IUI for family balancing, because its a pre-conception gender swaying method rather than being pure sex selection.
However I would not use IVF/PGD alone as I value the right to life of the embryo and do not support the disposal of embryos through any IVF or abortion.
:iagree: but only for myself.
Totally OT I worry that if I have to do IVF again that I will have too many frosties (last time we only had one) and I will have a major dillema on my hands I wouldn't know what to do :no: that scares me.
trishalishous
11-06-2010, 19:53
I would not use IVF/PGD alone as I value the right to life of the embryo and do not support the disposal of embryos through any IVF or abortion.
I agree.
I'd love a boy next time, but will let nature take its course.
No. Gender isn't that important to me :)
NOoooo Way Hosay! Im not going to play God :no:
Im just thankful that i can have children i wouldnt want to try my luck
No, i wouldn't. Even though i would have desperately loved a girl.
All I have ever wanted is a little princess and although I have been blessed with two beautifull boys, a part of me misses the fact that I don't have a little girl... I would be more than happy to pay for the option as I would not be willing to take the risk of natural selection.
No all i would want is a healthy baby, anyone who gets a healthy baby is very lucky. The sex should not matter that much.
A healthy baby boy or girl is just amazing and some times people dont know how lucky they are.
rainbow road
12-06-2010, 17:08
No, I wouldn't. I think it's the start of a very slippery slope, but I won't go into it here.
Sheer Bliss
12-06-2010, 17:16
Nope, it seems TOO much like messing with nature for me.
BUT we did use the timing method with our second and got the boy that I thought DH wanted (I was a little teary not having another girl, but knew it was likely), so I have not beein in a position of desperately wanting one sex when I had only the other. I can't know what that feels like, or what i'd do in that situation.
MissSookyLaLa
12-06-2010, 17:26
I would.
Though don't know how hubby would feel about the $$$.
To everyone saying we shouldn't play god, blah blah blah- if someone turned around tomorrow and dicovered a diet that would 100% guarantee a boy or girl- noone would be waving their arms/crucifixes in horror.
I dont see how this is any different.
I would LOVE to have a little girl. We did gender swaying for baby #3 and we are having our third son. I think I have come to a place of acceptance that I will never have my daughter so I don't think I would try IVF to gender sway. If we decide to go for #4, I will accept what we get given. Its been a very difficult journey to get here. I desperately wanted my daughter.
I have nothing against families who have 2 or more of one gender and would like the other gender to have IVF for gender selection.
we have two boys and have been told that bub #3 is a girl. we did do timing and i sort of did the diet but i honestly was shocked when the lady who did my ultrasound said 99% certain girl. i still won't believe it until i see her.
i personally wouldn't do the whole ivf thing purely because of how expensive it is but i wouldn't stop it from being legalised. each to their own as far as i'm concerned.
i don't think people are reading the OP :rolleyes:.
I don't know.... I'd love a girl but it's hard to decide unless your in that moment where you have to decide.
I think go for it those whose can afford it and want to try.
I was going to try a gender sway method but whoops already UTD so didn't get a chance. If I have another little boy I would gender sway for the next baby and some of my friends were even disgusted at that - I will be trying if need be though.
trin_007
13-06-2010, 16:23
No all i would want is a healthy baby, anyone who gets a healthy baby is very lucky. The sex should not matter that much.
A healthy baby boy or girl is just amazing and some times people dont know how lucky they are.
I don't think its fair to say that parents of healthy children don't know how lucky they are - myself, and most of the people I know are VERY greatfull that we have happy, healthy children, and are in fact in awe of the lengths some parents have to go to to care for their special needs children.
Sex DOES matter - otherwise this part of the forum would not exist! As is said in nearly every thread, it is not to say that we dont love and appreciate the children we have, just that there is an overwhelming desire for BOTH!
trin_007
13-06-2010, 16:30
I don't know.... I'd love a girl but it's hard to decide unless your in that moment where you have to decide.
I think go for it those whose can afford it and want to try.
I was going to try a gender sway method but whoops already UTD so didn't get a chance. If I have another little boy I would gender sway for the next baby and some of my friends were even disgusted at that - I will be trying if need be though.
I tried 'gender sway' - unsucessfully! If I decide to have another child, I'd want a guarantee ;)
I don't think its fair to say that parents of healthy children don't know how lucky they are - myself, and most of the people I know are VERY greatfull that we have happy, healthy children, and are in fact in awe of the lengths some parents have to go to to care for their special needs children.
Sex DOES matter - otherwise this part of the forum would not exist! As is said in nearly every thread, it is not to say that we dont love and appreciate the children we have, just that there is an overwhelming desire for BOTH!
:iagree::iagree:
Fuchsia!
13-06-2010, 16:50
yes I would. I have suffered Gender disapointment and I don't want to do that again.
I'm not ashamed to say that I want a girl and a girl only. Unless someone has been through GD then they have no idea how it feels.
I don't think its fair to say that parents of healthy children don't know how lucky they are - myself, and most of the people I know are VERY greatfull that we have happy, healthy children, and are in fact in awe of the lengths some parents have to go to to care for their special needs children.
Sex DOES matter - otherwise this part of the forum would not exist! As is said in nearly every thread, it is not to say that we dont love and appreciate the children we have, just that there is an overwhelming desire for BOTH!
Fair enough Im sorry to sound insensertive I usualy like to see things from every point of veiw I just cant seem to do that right now. I would give any thing for my child to be healthy, the sex to me is totaly insignificat. Obviously for some thats not the case so sory for any offence I caused.
trin_007
13-06-2010, 17:55
Fair enough Im sorry to sound insensertive I usualy like to see things from every point of veiw I just cant seem to do that right now. I would give any thing for my child to be healthy, the sex to me is totaly insignificat. Obviously for some thats not the case so sory for any offence I caused.
No offence taken here Amy - I've read yours and Miki's story, so I completely understand your point of view. I suppose its a ladder of priority for each of us - there are those that can't conceive at all would give anything for a child, those that have a special needs child and would do anything if that child were healthy, then I suppose there are those of us that have always dreamed how their family would be - with 'one of each'.........
Nope. Having gone through IVF because it is the only way we will ever have children it makes me sick to think people would WANT to go through it just so they can choose the sex of their baby.
[quote deleted by moderator]
I have had another think about this as someone rightly so pulled me up on my unkind post, I cant begin to imagine what people are going through when there desire to have a girl or in other cases a boy is so strong, I can only aliken it to my desire to have a healthy child it is a burning desire that will never go away and you know what if that is how they feel and there is a way to make it heppen then I am all for it. I cant understand why others want it but I can emperthise.
As for playing god, Well if he or she did a good enough job no one would have to, CLEARLY god gets sh*t wrong , or there wouldnt be babies born with failing organs.
If there was a way for me to have IVF and garentee that my baby would be normal hight and weight and and have all perfectly good organs I would do it in a second.
Sory for my lack of understanding in my previous post, I am not in the best frame of mind right now so wasnt very tactfull
I have had another think about this as someone rightly so pulled me up on my unkind post, I cant begin to imagine what people are going through when there desire to have a girl or in other cases a boy is so strong, I can only aliken it to my desire to have a healthy child it is a burning desire that will never go away and you know what if that is how they feel and there is a way to make it heppen then I am all for it. I cant understand why others want it but I can emperthise.
As for playing god, Well if he or she did a good enough job no one would have to, CLEARLY god gets sh*t wrong , or there wouldnt be babies born with failing organs.
If there was a way for me to have IVF and garentee that my baby would be normal hight and weight and and have all perfectly good organs I would do it in a second.
Sory for my lack of understanding in my previous post, I am not in the best frame of mind right now so wasnt very tactfull
I can only imagine how you feel, however, I do not think wanting a healthy baby is "superficial" compared to somebody choosing a tall child just to play basketball etc.
After all, you can do sex selection in Australia for genetic disorders, which I totally support.
I know what it's like to desire a healthy child, after making the heartbreaking decision to terminate as you probably know. Whe I fell pregnant with this baby, I was terrified of something being wrong, even now I worry myself sick everynight :o hoping and wishing that my baby boy is born healthy, despite ultrasounds and testing etc. demonstrating a "normal, healthy" child.
I can only imagine how you feel, however, I do not think wanting a healthy baby is "superficial" compared to somebody choosing a tall child just to play basketball etc.
After all, you can do sex selection in Australia for gentic disorders, which I totally support.
I know what it's like to desire a healthy child, after making the heartbreaking decision to terminate as you probably know. Whe I fell pregnant with this baby, I was terrified of something being wrong, even now I worry myself sick everynight :o hoping and wishing that my baby boy is born healthy, despite ultrasounds and testing etc. demomstrating a "normal, healthy" child.
im not sure if you read my previous post, I was rather rude about gender selection but like I said in this one after having a moment to reflect after some one pulled me up on it, I am trying to look at it from there POV KWIM.
To my self and to you ( hugs by the way) a healthy baby is amazing is clod nine is so fantastic as that is what you dream of but for others the desire to have say a girl for example is just as stong, when they dont get that they go through a greiving process, they still love there kids but that desire to have a girl (or boy in other cases) doesnt go away.
Now im only guessing here as Like I said its a none issue for me but im trying to see from another veiw and doing it that way I can emperthise.
Just to clarify me saying I want a healthy baby doesnt mean i love my DD who isnt healthy any less, I love her to bits more than anything but I would love for her to be healthy.
Thanks Mikki for making the effort to think about the issue of GD and coming back to post here, its really hard for those of us with GD, its almost something we have to suffer in silence as its so unacceptable to want a particular gender.
could a mod please clean up this thread? The OP was asking those who have tried to sway for a gender to state whether they would use IVF to get their much desired girl or boy. Am i right?
I do think about GD. I know it's real. I just don't get it :o
I have a friend with 4 boys who was devastated when she found out that her 4th child was another boy. She is even going to try for a 5th. She knows what I have been through as a mum of twins herself and was the one I was talking to a lot about being a twin mummy before I found out the problem with my twins, around the same time she found out she was having her 4th boy. And although I listened to her grieve about her 4th son, all I wished was that I could have 2 healthy babies to hold, no matter what is between their legs.
could a mod please clean up this thread? The OP was asking those who have tried to sway for a gender to state whether they would use IVF to get their much desired girl or boy. Am i right?
She came back and edited that part of her post to add it into the OP, which I just saw now. I posted my first post before that was even in the OP!
SassyMummy
13-06-2010, 20:07
No, it doesn't fit in with my beliefs. I wouldn't be happy to see it legalised in our country.
I think people need to understand that people who suffer GD don't want to feel like this, it just comes to some people.
I think people need to understand that people who suffer GD don't want to feel like this, it just comes to some people.
I am sure nobody wants to feel disappointed, but they DO desire a certain sex. If the desire wasn't there, there would be no disappointment.
Mrs Nietzsche
13-06-2010, 21:45
I don't know.
My answer is no.
I think it is wrong to spend so much money trying to get the sex you want, when there are babies already existing in the world without enough food.
I think it is ridiculous for a fertile couple to undergo these kinds of invasive procedures for such a reason.
I have big problems with the kinds of consequences that is historically associated with picking the sex of your baby however it is done. (Look at China.)
I think that society should realise people are people, babies are babies, and not be so obsessive about categorising each other - and their kids - as one or the other.
We should work on accepting each other as people, not selecting our children according to sex.
However I have sympathy for those who experience genuine psychological distress, bonding problems, etc because they felt they didn't get the sex they wanted.
I also think that if a technology exists, and the demand is there, it *will* happen whether we like it or not.
to go through what IVF is just to gender select seems so extreme, but if you are IVF-ing anyway then why not??? And if you try gender selecting naturally why not????
Fuchsia!
13-06-2010, 22:48
I am sure nobody wants to feel disappointed, but they DO desire a certain sex. If the desire wasn't there, there would be no disappointment.
GD isn't about the gender you have, its about the gender you won't get. You are grieving for the gender you won't have.
I know of a few couples who have tried for years to have a baby through IVF and still get GD.
When i got it, I was in shock that i had these feelings.
You don't need to understand it to not empathise.
Not getting the sex you desire, and suffering GD isn't just a little thing, its devastating, and whats worse is everyone thinks you are selfish and the worst person in the world, and its thrown in your face every time you mention it. When WE already KNOW that;s its selfish and wrong, but the mind is a very irrational thing and makes people go a little crazy even when they don't want too.
People need to respect and empathise with those who suffer GD. Its a condition, do people really think we want it to be this way?
I would love more kids, I want 2 more, but for me I need that girl just as much as someone else who needs a baby.
Someone who can't have children grieve for a child they will never have, GD is the same, we are grieving for something we will never have.
I really thought this area was for those who empathised or were suffering from GD, so for those who aren't we suffer enough without your added pressure. As I said before I don't WANT to feel this way and I'm sure no-one does. I have lost a baby and know of some of the heartbreak of letting go but still have these feelings and wish not to be judged. I thought I was losing the baby that I am carrying now and would be estatic whether it be a boy or a girl but I do have a aching for a litte girl if I'm lucky enough. :(
sandy cheeks
13-06-2010, 23:18
While I did have GD through my preg with ds (then with dd as I was sure she was a he) I luckly got over it pretty quick.
I dont know where I stand on this I wouldn't do it and I dont like the thought of it becoming common place iykwim as it could be abused.
oleander
14-06-2010, 00:23
I would use gender selection. DF wants a boy so I know he would want to use it and has been looking into it overseas. I really want another girl so my DD has a sister and am not fased about a boy.
I have a strong feeling I'm having a girl with this pregnancy so if its a girl i think it will be my last even though DF will want a boy. i would go through with the gender selection if he really wanted to. Three kids would be my limit though.
In reality, I'm just hoping it's a healthy child and know it's going to be loved whatever the sex.
no i would not choose :) i don't care if all I have is boys. someone out there has all girls to make it even, and that's the way it should be. I secretly would love a girl, but a healthy happy baby is most important.
if we could afford it, yes. i'd love to have all girls. little boys are awesome but i don't know anything about what makes boys tick and i'd be completely lost when they get older. especially in the teen years.
but whilst i'd looooove for this to be both legal and affordable, can we please have gay marriage first?
potatocake
14-06-2010, 13:15
I don't think gender selection is playing God any more than IVF. And although I wouldn't use it myself, if it stops Gender Disappointment then it can only be a good thing. If it means families get their choice first go, and not 6th or 7th, then it's win/win in an already over-populated planet.
MissSookyLaLa
14-06-2010, 13:17
I don't think gender selection is playing God any more than IVF. And although I wouldn't use it myself, if it stops Gender Disappointment then it can only be a good thing. If it means families get their choice first go, and not 6th or 7th, then it's win/win in an already over-populated planet.
I agree!
sndgroper
15-06-2010, 02:33
I'd love a little girl next - I'd consider it dependant on the cost, the length/amount of discomfort during the process and if the chosen gender was 100% garanteed prior to getting pregnant. If no one gets hurt and it makes people happy - why not! Science is an amazing thing - especially when it saves lives and makes people happy..
Shellfish
16-06-2010, 15:37
If I was having IVF and the option was given to choose a specific gender then I would certainly consider it however I don't think I would go through the emotional, physical and financial rigmarole of IVF specifically for gender, no
JellybeanInc
16-06-2010, 15:50
Having been through IVF, I can't imagine personally using it for gender selection. IVF isn't fun or easy, or cheap. You'd have to be very very desperate for a boy/girl to consider going down that path. You've also got to be prepared for lots of disappointments when the little embies don't take.
Having said that I personally have no issue with people if they feel that strongly about having a child of a certain sex that they're willing to go through the rollercoaster of IVF to get there. As long as they are willing to self fund, not rely on medicare (which admittedly doesn't give you much now anyway!) I say it's an individual choice.
A Party of Five
20-06-2010, 10:38
I wouldn't take that option :no:
Silverbaby
28-06-2010, 12:26
I wouldn't no. I don't agree with using IVF for gender selection.
besides ...what would you do if you did go through IVF for a particular sex but get a number of embyos all the sex you didn't want ...what would you do then?
I know it's an off chance but still..
trin_007
30-06-2010, 20:57
I wouldn't no. I don't agree with using IVF for gender selection.
besides ...what would you do if you did go through IVF for a particular sex but get a number of embyos all the sex you didn't want ...what would you do then?
I know it's an off chance but still..
The ironic thing is, 4-5 years ago, you could walk into an IVF clinic and do just this!
Some might say it is the lesser of two evils to choose not to implant unwanted embryos, rather than having to terminate an unwanted pregnancy at 14+ weeks. (ETA - not saying I would be able to terminate for these reason, although some might - perhaps I should have said having to cope with another disappointment???)
At the end of the day, any family choosing IVF may have surplus embroys at the end of their journey - whether they are destroyed, donated to science or donated to an infertile couple, is a dilema many couples will face.
I would use gender selection if I had the option, I am PG with my 3rd and I know that if it is a boy I will be bitterly disappointed.
Both my husband and I wish for a little girl and I have severe HG in my pregnancies and honestly I could only go through a 4th pregnancy if I was certain it was a girl.
I have a friend hat has just given birth to her 7th girl and her husband cried with disappointment at the birth as they had wanted a boy so badly.
We have discussed it and we would donate the left over embryos to couples who need it.
I feel for everyone who feels GD and I am happy/jealous of everyone who get the best of both worlds.
Hootenanny
30-06-2010, 21:31
The ironic thing is, 4-5 years ago, you could walk into an IVF clinic and do just this!
Some might say it is the lesser of two evils to choose not to implant unwanted embryos, rather than having to terminate an unwanted pregnancy at 14+ weeks.
At the end of the day, any family choosing IVF may have surplus embroys at the end of their journey - whether they are destroyed, donated to science or donated to an infertile couple, is a dilema many couples will face.
I do feel for anyone who feels any sense of disappointment when having a baby, but seriously anyone who would terminate a healthy fetus at 14 weeks on the basis of gender alone has some serious issues they need to sort out before they become a parent, I don't think it's a particuarly helpful argument to bring into it.
definetly as it should be worldwide , it would certainly stop the amount of abortions based on gender.
Lemonhead
01-07-2010, 00:24
Nope. Ill get what Im given and be happy as long as they are healthy :). I know for a fact I will have all boys but thats okay.
Monster & Boof
01-07-2010, 02:15
With you bek!! I know that I'm gonna have all boys but I'm seriously so happy with my boys it doesn't worry me :D 3 boys will be fine <3
trin_007
01-07-2010, 09:42
I do feel for anyone who feels any sense of disappointment when having a baby, but seriously anyone who would terminate a healthy fetus at 14 weeks on the basis of gender alone has some serious issues they need to sort out before they become a parent, I don't think it's a particuarly helpful argument to bring into it.
Sorry, I didn't word that very well!!
I certainly WOULDN'T terminate a pregnancy based on gender alone - and I think I would have difficulties having to make that decision for ANY reason.
For me, I am absolutely DESPERATE to have a girl - I can't explain why or even put it into words how deeply it affects me. Its like part of me is missing. I love my boys with all my heart, but I am not prepared to put my body through another pregnancy unless I KNOW it will be a girl. I feel I simply cannot 'risk' another natural pregnancy because the disappointment of having another boy might be greater than my disappointment of never having a daughter?
trin_007
01-07-2010, 09:44
Nope. Ill get what Im given and be happy as long as they are healthy :). I know for a fact I will have all boys but thats okay.
With you bek!! I know that I'm gonna have all boys but I'm seriously so happy with my boys it doesn't worry me :D 3 boys will be fine <3
Well then you both have missed the point of the whole thread! Its great that you feel that way, but that's not what this is about :(
Trin007 - I feel the same way as you do.
DH and I talked last night about this and he was certain that he would go through the IVF to have a girl.
I am so sick for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancies that I could not do it after this one unless I was guaranteed that little girl.
We have done 3 natural ( this one sex unknown till monday) and why on tilt the odds in our favour by 100%.
Can I say I'm actually really really surprised that the poll indicates more girls than boys I thought it would be the other way around don't know why I thought this but I did :laughing:
I would do it for a boy if I had another girl but there's no way we could afford it! And IVF is no guarentee of pregnancy so who knows how many times i'd have to do it! :D
&BabyMakes3
05-07-2010, 15:45
im gonna go out there and say yes i would do it..
i have never seen myself being a mother to a boy (even though i am now)
and with DH family being all male having 5 brothers and no sisters being guaranteed a girl would be amazing.
DH and i were talking about this the other day when we found out we were expecting a boy. i dont want to sound greedy because i know there are plenty of woman out there who would be happy to be able to have a child but i was secretly disappointed and DH picked that up immediatly..
i would spend as much as i needed to if you could guarantee my a girl
I know that this poll was primarily directed at those who have tried gender swaying but I wanted to answer this post. If I was really keen to have a baby of either gender then I would use whatever is in my power to try and get my dream baby. I don't have a problem with people using microsort technology. I had no idea about microsort until recently and then a lovely kind lady shared her story with me and explained how it all works.
I can't answer because I have never experienced that longing for the other gender. Yes I would love a boy but having gone through IVF just to get pregnant I don't think I would do it. I'm not opposed to the idea and I'd probably feel different if I hadn't gone through IVF or had a real longing for a boy but personally I can't imagine going through it if I didn't have to.
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