Can you give birth without a support partner?

[Ryally]

Hi all,

I'm just wondering if you can organise to be with just the medical staff during labour?

I'm having issues with my husband and do not want him with me during the birth, I don't even want him at the hospital. If my waters break while he's at work I'm just going to drive myself to the hospital with my toddler and he can come pick her up when he's finished work.

Will the midwives obey my wishes if I tell them I don't want him there?

[mummycloud]

LOL, you can't drive yourself to the hospital while in labour! You would need to call a taxi or ambulance.

Can you get someone to mind your little one? It might be a little traumatic for a child to watch mum in pain like that.

Your Husband has no "right" to be there. It's up to you wether you want him there or not. I think maybe if you tell him he needs to look after you little one at home, that will be a good way of getting rid of him while you're in labor ;)

[aardvark]

I think they prefer you to have someone there, because most hospitals have a policy that you should not be left on your own during labour - having someone there means the midwife can leave the room, and someone else is at your beck and call for back rubs, cold facewashers, whatever.

That said, our mothers and grandmothers didn't have their parters there, and they still gave birth!

Be prepared to have the hospital tell you that your really should have "someone" there. Also be prepared to have to sign more papers etc up front if you don't have a support person there, or at least not one with the legal authority to sign premission forms etc, for example if you were to suddenly need an emergency caesar - you might not be in a position to sign them at the time.

And I drove myself to hospital last time. I was in labour, the contractions were getting closer together, hubby was a minimum of an hour away, and the hospital was a 5 minute drive. I was having contractions every 7 minutes, so I waited for the contraction to pass, drove there, and had the next contraction in the car park of the hospital. The only problem was that then we had 2 cars there.

[Miss_Vicki]

Mummycloud wrote _ LOL, you can't drive yourself to the hospital while in labour! You would need to call a taxi or ambulance.

Since when?? i did when my waters broke , Bf was there but NO ways was i lettin him drive so i drove there with a towle between the legs

As far as i know i dont see why they woudlnt except your wishes , its your body an they kida to a point gota do what u say :)

Im not sure what i would of done if i needed something singed , bf an i were only together a lil while an wasnt the bubs blood dad an my mum lived a 20 min drive away

id sus out with your hospital an see what they say :D good luck!

[Foxymoron]

I think it's a birthing womans right to birth amongst whom so ever she pleases. You can choose to birth alone, but have you thought about anyone else close who you could take with you? It's a special moment and if you don't want anyone there, that's absolutely fine.. However it's a wonderful thing to share with a trusted family member, or friend. Maybe give the midwives a call and ask about policy so you know how they will react?

[JanetF]

It's your right to have anyone you like as a support in your labour and birth. In the hospital system however a doula is so essential that they ought to be compulsory :D She will advocate for you as well as give you all the emotional support necessary to enjoy a beautiful labour. It's great that you're seeing midwives since that's the first step to a low intervention birth. Add in a doula and you'll be rocking! Doulas reduce women's request for pain relief by a massive 75% and reduce caesareans by 50%.

[Honey]

The simple answer is yes. If things are that tense and you can't sort things out through some counselling, it could hinder your labour for him to be there anyway.
Have you got a close friend who you would want with you? Or if not have you thought of hiring a doula (birth support person)? That way you can have someone with you you have met before who will stay with you continuously and provide emotional, physical and informational support.
Have a contingency plan, if you find you can't drive yourself to hospital as contrax are too strong, have the number of the taxi company. Have someone organised to take your DD as you don't want to have to try and look after her while in labour. Sometimes labour will start gradually with contractions increasing over days or hours and your waters may stay intact until later in the birth. Sometimes your waters may break and and you don't go into labour for hours. It is usually recommended that you stay at home as long as possible until in active labour (unless your waters break and are green or smell bad).
I know a single mum who laboured in hospital on her own with her young son until someone could come and pick him up.
Let us know how you go
Warm regards
Honey-26
DD-22mths

[Elfin]

I agree don't do this by yourself hire a doula she would be a great support to you and it would be useful to have someone who knows the hospital system.

[schmell]

If you are going to do it by yourself I suggest setting up a videa camera on a tripod or something because later when you can't remember what happened because hey you were giving birth :D you might want to watch it or you may want to share the arrival of the baby you and your husband made together with him.

Don't want to offend but I think he has the right to be included in the birth in some capacity as it is his child too!

And if you feel that you can drive yourself to the hospital go ahead and do it but remember 1st and 2nd labours can vary quite a bit. I had 12 hours from my waters breaking (contractions still miles apart for ages) with DD1 and 40 mins with DD2 (contractions every 8mins and then as soon waters broke every minute).

[mummycloud]

It may be hard driving if your contractions are 5 minutes apart, which is what they should be before goiong to the hospital. :)


A doula sounds like a great idea, if you have the money to hire one. I hope you can find someone to support you (((((HUGS)))))

[Ryally]

and I am really depressed as I write this but I doubt this kid is going to be born alive anyway. With this condition i have, chances are he'll be still born anyway so I guess it doesn't matter who is there.

I've been trying to get an induction this week or next week but the doctors don't think it's necessary as they've never had a stillbirth with this condition in the last twenty years. So I guess i have to suck it up and take their word for it and wait the next couple of weeks out.

[Supermum]

What a sad sad note - Is there anyone you can call on for support at such a difficult time ... do you have any close friends or relatives close by? This is not something that you should be dealing with on your own ... especially given the strain with your husband. You already have children don't you? Who will be caring for them when you go to hospital? I feel so very sorry for you and wish I could say or do something more. Nobody should be or deserves to be on their own at such an emotional time. Sending love and sunshine your way.