Getting married at your engagement party? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

LoveAgain

03-06-2010, 19:57

Hello! Im a long time reader, but Ive just joined up, and I thought I would be brave and finally post my question.

I am thinking of having my wedding at my engagement party, and im just wondering what people think of that, or whether you might have had one yourself?

Would you be annoyed turning up to an engagement party without knowing it was a wedding? Do you think it would cause dramas?

And also, do you think it would be too hard trying to organise a dress etc in 2 months?

SuperGranny

03-06-2010, 20:00

hi loveagain,, I think it could a great idea. A nice surprise for everyone, and half the expense. I cant see any negative to doing that. Go for it, if that is what you both want, Congrats, Maire.

Mmm Dessert

03-06-2010, 20:03

I love the idea. In fact my DH and I considered doing it when we got married.

In the end we got married in Fiji with just family present and only told people when we got back. Everyone was thrilled.

As for the planning, I would say you'd be able to get it done if you were super organized. I only bought my dress about 10 weeks before the wedding. Only problem was I had to buy off the rack and couldn't have any drastic alterations done.

Good luck!

LoveAgain

03-06-2010, 20:04

Thanks for your response! I think its a bit exciting and I think it might be less stress. Might even save some money too which would be good!

Teley

03-06-2010, 20:05

Wow, if I were a guest I'd love it!:yelclap::yelclap:Great idea!

TripleTime

03-06-2010, 20:07

I know people who have. If i had my time again i would for sure.

MummaBear03

03-06-2010, 20:08

Just don't get cranky at people for not going to your wedding if they don't know it's a wedding.

I knew that our trip interstate to visit family and friends would clash with my cousin's DD's engagement party, but those were the only flights and there was no way of changing it. I don't think it's fair of her to be still holding it against me months later. I wasn't going to cancel my very first interstate holiday when someone else paid for flights for DD and I anyway, and forfeit that money for an engagement party but I might have tried to work something else out (if possible) if it was a wedding. The flights were booked and paid for before dates were given anyway. They only gave us 2 months notice, yet our holiday was planned 6 months in advance to make the flights cheaper.

So yes, it's a lovely thing to do, but if people are unable to change their plans because they think it's an engagement party, please don't keep on holding it against them. I haven't seen this family member or her baby son since before Christmas, and her bubba just turned 1 so I feel we're missing a lot. She won't give us her address either, she's that cranky at us for missing her wedding.

sunnymummy

03-06-2010, 20:09

I think it is a great idea.

The only problems you might encounter are people turning up late or not coming at all because it is only the engagement not the wedding.

Teley

03-06-2010, 20:09

I think it is a great idea.

The only problems you might encounter are people turning up late or not coming at all because it is only the engagement not the wedding.

Well too bad for them:p. That will be a lesson they will learn for the rest of their life lol!

Entropy

03-06-2010, 20:11

I really considered this, but as I wanted my family to come from overseas I just couldn't. That would be the only draw back I could see - if you've got friends/family that you want to come who might not want to travel for an engagement party, but would for a wedding? iykwim? But then - it might not be an issue for you.

I say go for it - I think surprise weddings are fab :)

Re the dress - you would have to ask at the stores. Sometimes the have samples you can buy off the rack. Otherwise - consider getting it made. Might be more expensive (?) - but you would guarantee it was done for the day.

Good luck!!

loving6

03-06-2010, 20:11

Sounds wonderful

LoveAgain

03-06-2010, 20:12

Wow, thank you for your responses. Im feeling more and more excited about this!

bunkx

03-06-2010, 20:13

sounds like a great idea go for it :thumbsup:

LoveAgain

03-06-2010, 20:21

Thanks! Looks like the wedding planning will come sooner than later.

RmumR

03-06-2010, 20:25

i think its a great idea and wish i'd done it.
We've planned our wedding for sept 24th which turns out i will now be 7mths preg. oops.
had i had more notice i would have turned our engagement party into a wedding - only found out i was preg a week before so not enough time to make it legal with the paperwork etc

stretch

04-06-2010, 15:41

Ive been to a wedding that was an engagement party . It was great. Altho, myself and lot of the other guests werent dressed appropriately for a Wedding!! lol

I think they are a GREAT idea... so Plan away!! :laughing:

For us - we are kinda doing the same thing.... We have been engaged for almost 3 years and have never had an engagement party. We have decided to elope tho and with that you can only have 10 people... We are going to have family only at the wedding when we elope - and then have a 'better late than never' engagement party/reception soon after where we will be telling everyone we actually eloped.

I think with a engagement/wedding celebration - at least you know that the people that turn up are your friends.

(Ive known people in the past that are invited to weddings, and only go for the free food!! :eek:)

Baldie's Mum

04-06-2010, 15:47

WISH I HAD DONE IT!!!!!!!!!

I really really wish i had! :cool:

I would have organised it with my mum, dad, brother, MIL, FIL and BIL.......Kept it a secret from everyone else!

Would have been awesome! :rolleyes:

CookiesRYum

04-06-2010, 15:50

GO FOR IT!!!

We had seriously considered doing it and found heaps of good reasons too; in the end we didn't because a friend had just done it plus my dad was paying for wedding which meant we would have had to tell him adn there was no way he would have been abel to keep it a secret.

the main reasons for doing it was it was just our style, you kull the lists heaps by ppl who don't really want to come but only come because its a wedding, it is heaps more fun and less pressure, its a good surprise.

the really only downside would be if you were expecting presents, ppl normally buy small for engagement and then bigger for wedding.. but if that's ok with you then don't worry...

my friends surprise wedding was sooo much fun!!!!!!!!!!

florence

04-06-2010, 15:52

We did it and have absolutely no regrets. We told close family we were getting married and that was it.
Everybody loved it.
There were the ones that didn't come (for various reasons) and said that they would have been there had they known it was a wedding. I just thought if they wanted to be there, engagement party or wedding, they would have been there.
Go for it!

kuddles

04-06-2010, 15:54

We are still probably going to do this. :)
I think it is an awesome idea.

Our plan is/was to only invite <20 guests to come. They are all the type of people that wouldn't miss our engagement party for the world. Just make sure people know now that you "really want them to make it" as it will mean a lot for them to be there and give them notice asap.

Georgias Mummy

04-06-2010, 15:56

florence

04-06-2010, 16:00

Each to their own. I personally as a 'friend' if my friend did this sure I would be thrilled that they got married but I would be so disapointed to miss out on all the fun stuff that comnes along with planning a wedding. It is a great bonding time for girlfriends and some of your friends may just be waiting to be a part of your planning. You know your situation better than anyone but if my bestie did this I would be shatted as I personally would want to be apart of the spoiling, planning, shopping and the hype that comes with it. All the best :)

Those are some of the reasons I specifically avoided a 'proper' wedding.
Not my thing at all and all of my friends respect that and they all had a wonderful time.
The only ones that didn't make couldn't due to either sickness or work commitments. All of my best friends were there though.

Entropy

04-06-2010, 16:05

I agree Florence. I did the whole "proper" wedding thing and I really didn't enjoy it. Looking back, I wish I had of stood up to everyone and said NO! I don't look back on my wedding day all that fondly cause it was what everyone else expected...not really what I wanted...

I hated the hype, I hated all the planning and hoo-haa that went along with it...

florence

04-06-2010, 16:16

bub2010

04-06-2010, 16:28

My sister did it, she is an aussie girl who married a maltese guy, in his extended family everything is overborad and very competitive.. ( his sister was just married.. $80,000 later)

They both dreaded the idea of having an engagement party and then every family get together have to hear everyone's opinions on how and what they should do.... For their wedding!!!

And to both know that when the day finally came everyone would have their own opinion on what could have been done better...

They ruled out all of that stress by just telling their mothers and fathers and bridesmaids and groomsmen what was going on... My sister still did all of the fun girlie things before the wedding, no one knew it was for her hens night as she did that around her birthday but she had the time of her life!!

The day and night of the wedding was exactly as they had planned, but the excitement of it all was so much better than any of us could have hoped for...

All of his hard to please relatives couldn't say a bad thing about it cause they were all too surprised...

LoveAgain

07-06-2010, 23:11

Thanks Ladies! Great advice! So excited now, planning planning!

Seacretsquirrel

08-06-2010, 08:50

I know of someone who got married at their childs first birthday which I thought was a tad odd (taking away from the birthday boy) but they then got really cranky when people turned up in shorts and t-shirts - after being invited to a kids birthday party and they also got annoyed with the amount of alcohol people brought (a couple of people brought a carton) after being told it was a BYO event.

But as an engagement party turned into a wedding I think it is great! - perhaps send invites with a dress code etc so people look nice (if your friends and family are the type not to get dressed up but would for a wedding).
I would prob let a few people in on it esp if I knew they would maybe miss the engagement party but would be at the wedding.....
Good luck with your planning hope you have a perfect and relaxing day:goodvibes:

Pax

08-06-2010, 09:02

It is a lovely idea.

there may be probs with people that may not be able to attend and may say "If i had known it was your wedding i would definately had got there"

that sort of thing.. but do what you want, love it and enjoy it.

what a wonderful memory to create.

florence

08-06-2010, 09:04

Oh how exciting! Good luck!
I don't know what the trend is with engagement parties these days but we had ours on a Friday night so people weren't suspicious :detective:
We just had finger food and drinks and it was lovely :cloud9:
All the best! Keep me updated if you don't mind!!

SuPeRsTaRrR

08-06-2010, 10:08

MummaBear03

08-06-2010, 10:12

I'm someone who missed a wedding as I already had plans I couldn't get out of and it was 'the engagement party' so thought nothing of it!

I think the idea is great but people not showing up (or even wearing white) is a risk!

Yep and 6 months on, my cousin's DD is still not talking to me, I asked about her son's first birthday because I'd like to see him, he turned 1 last week and I wasn't invited to his party or anything. My cousin said she holds grudges, but she'll get over it in time, meanwhile I've missed half her son's life over it which is a little unfair since she didn't say it was her wedding, she gave very little notice, and she KNEW the dates for our holiday BEFORE she decided on her own dates. It's just very upsetting to have missed it, but more upsetting that she's going to hold it against me for a long time.

Livvey

08-06-2010, 10:18

My brother and sister in law got married at their engagement party. It was a wonderful surprise. They'd organised a small family dinner at a beautiful old restaurant, with only those family members there that they wanted (so they didn't have to get into family politics), and a celebrant turned up. It was a lovely, intimate occasion. They had their actual engagement party (the one where everyone was invited) the following night and announced that they were married. I think it's a wonderful idea :yelclap:

florence

08-06-2010, 14:21

I missed a wedding as the couple did it at their son's first birthday party and we were running late. I was disappointed but the couple realised (and us too when we did it) that is the risk you take with a suprise wedding.
Also, I think the idea of a suprise wedding (mostly, not always) is that it is informal and the bride mostly probably won't be wearing white or won't care if anyone else is.
Our party (wedding) was semi formal and I didn't wear white anyway.
Like I said before, if you are important enough (engagement party or not) those that matter to you will be there regardless.

Gabi

15-06-2010, 09:23

I think it's an awesome idea.

My cousin got married at her 21st birthday party, it was awesome.:yelclap:

Be prepared to tell some people if you have to imo. I live interstate and when we were invited to the 21st I replied with a 'no' because I wanted to save the money towards getting down to her wedding when it was decided on. So she spilled the beans to me. I didn't tell anyone, and I was so glad she told me because I really wanted to be there.

Gabi

15-06-2010, 09:26

Oh, and my cousin wore white and had bridesmaids etc. They told the guests it was a surprise party for her and that the girls (who happened to be her bridesmaids) were taking her out while we all prepared to surprise her. So we were all told 'shhh she's coming' and then out she popped in a white dress :D