Upset and feeling very torn

[alottaboys]

Just found out I'm pregnant with baby number 4. I love my three boys (8,6 and 2) but I didn't plan on having any more. I'd love a daughter, but DH and I decided there were no guarantees in life, and three boys were enough for us. Now a single spontaneous moment has resulted in this pregnancy, and both DH and I are upset.

We've accepted that this is not really something we have a choice in, emotionally speaking, but logistically this is going to be really tough on both of us.

I'm feeling sad and angry at both of us for that single moment of poor judgement.

I'm not 100% sure of dates yet. Looks like an early Feb baby.

Would love to hear from anyone else who has been there done that.

[lambjam]

I haven't, but I'm in exactly the same position you were in. I have 3 boys, would love a girl and while I toyed with the idea of a 4th we've now made a firm decision not to have any more. ATM the thought of an accidental pregnancy makes my blood run cold. I think I'd eventually get on board with it if it happened, but I can imagine that sinking feeling you must have.

I hope as time passes the initial shock gives way to some positive feelings, hugs to you and DH.

[Hooves]

:hugs::hugs::hugs: I just wanted to wrap you in love and support. This was me, not all that long ago.

My 4th child, unplanned also, turns 1 tomorrow.

I was a total mess. I stumbled into bub hub, the day we decided we were in fact keeping our baby. At least I think it was that day.

I had so many things flying around in my head, and was so confused and emotional.

I am not going to pretend to understand where you are coming from. This is your journey to make.

Let me just say, I have come a long long way from that first day here.

AND I have to thank the support I got in here.
Also the fact that my baby boy, really has been a wonderful addition to our life.

Not an easy addition. BUT we get a great deal of pleasure out of him.


May your journey be kind to you, and may you also come out the other side, with a smile on your face and much love in your heart.:hugs:

[~Candy~]

My 4th child was unexpected and I was very angry when I pee'd on the stick and it was positive, I threw the stick at hubby and stormed off!! For one..I get sooo sick during my pregnancies and having to go through that again was just too much. Termination wasn't an option...this baby was/is my kids sibling and I knew I would regrete it had I done it.

He is now 3.5 and he's my little cutie babe. I'm sooo glad he's here.

:hugs:

[Roopee]

My 4th child was unexpected and I was very angry when I pee'd on the stick and it was positive, I threw the stick at hubby and stormed off!! For one..I get sooo sick during my pregnancies and having to go through that again was just too much. Termination wasn't an option...this baby was/is my kids sibling and I knew I would regrete it had I done it.

He is now 3.5 and he's my little cutie babe. I'm sooo glad he's here.

:hugs:
I ould have written ^^^^^! Exept mine was agirl! But everything else is me to a tee.

Our 4th baby was SO unexpected still look at her and feel awful for the things I was thinking while I was pregnant with her but she is honestly the light of our family now.....
Take the time you need to be at peace with it and it'll all be ok.

[sunshinebub]

Wow it must be something to do with 4th babies. I found out on Sunday (on my 43rd birthday mind you!!) that we are pg with our 4th. The inlaws are gonna freak!

We tried for over 3 years with 4 m/c, gave up, bought a farm, I started work again and now bam!!!! Back to the drawing board....

I am in shock, it was so damn easy this time, we weren't even trying, why the heck did we have so much trouble before???

Best wishes to you xx

[Starlet]

I hear you! This happened with number 5, I already had 4 boys and had decided I was done having babies. We are in our first year of business in the middle of nowhere. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. Both hubby and I were so upset.

But then I had the best pregnancy out of all 5 kids and things went pretty smoothly and now I have a beautiful 3 week old daughter and we couldn't be happier.

In saying that, hubby is now going in for the snip!

Just give yourself some time to get use to the idea of another baby. Unplanned pregnancies can be such a shock at first.

[alottaboys]

I hear you! This happened with number 5, I already had 4 boys and had decided I was done having babies. We are in our first year of business in the middle of nowhere. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. Both hubby and I were so upset.

But then I had the best pregnancy out of all 5 kids and things went pretty smoothly and now I have a beautiful 3 week old daughter and we couldn't be happier.

In saying that, hubby is now going in for the snip!

Just give yourself some time to get use to the idea of another baby. Unplanned pregnancies can be such a shock at first.

That's lovely! I don't want to hold out for a daughter, because I don't want to feel too disappointed, but it's in the back of my mind all the time.

Thanks everyone for the supportive words. I helped to be able to tell 'someone', to get used to the reality. I'm going to be ok with this.

We were supposed to be going overseas next year (for a year), and that is still up in the air, but I guess life happens, and we just have to accommodate.

[Sazza05]

I have had the same problem with baby number two. My son has just turned 1 and i found out im preg with number two. The only prob we have is my DH lost his job 3weeks ago and hasn't been able to find anywhere else. Because we are surviving off my wage we were looking at moving back in with my parents until we saved up money. our lease is up in 6weeks. It is stressful and we are both happy but then sad atm...wish both wish we had things planned a lil beta...

[Sharai]

Hi Alottaboys,

My BFF alerted me to this thread as I'm in the exact same position you're in.
I started a thread - Guilty Heart because that's how I feel.
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=335926

I have 3 boys too (8,5 & 20months), DH and I discussed 3 being out limit and I became content with that. March 3 days after my period finished we DTD I was also on the mini pill at the time too and had not long finished weaning DS3 off Bfeeding. So at the time I thought I was pretty safe. I was 5 days late in April and got a HPT just in case - I was hoping that maybe my hormones just played up my cycle but the double lines came up quickly without a doubt.

I was absolutely floored and cried for an hour or two until DH came in to check on me. He saw the test and sat down on the bed with me and gave me a cuddle. He said he'd follow whatever decision I wanted to make. But to me aborting wasn't really on the cards. I was rather hoping that it didn't eventuate instead so it was out of my hands. But that didn't happen either. DH said that he was actually a bit excited, but I didn't share his thoughts. I hoped and prayed that my thoughts would turn around at the scans.

I went to my 12 week scan and felt ashamed I felt nothing. I was disappointed in myself for not embracing a miracle that was obviously meant to be. It took me about 16weeks before I finally did something and got some help. I do see a psychologist but he has put things in perspective for me.

I felt this baby was going to bring all my dreams and goals to a screaming halt. Bigger car, worries of finances, coping with 4 where I'm able to deal ok with 3, 4 scares me. There is all this extra stuff to get that I was not expecting. My moods are all over the place and felt other important avenues in my life were falling apart. I've had to make adjustments and alter my way of thinking. But that has only come with seeing my psychologist. I have pre-natal depression never had depression before in any form so just taking my time through it all.

I am generally one who can cope with most things but the knowledge of the 4 baby coming just collapsed the strength I thought I had. I became teary a lot of the time, stressed, snappy. I promised myself not to get myself into such a little hole, and disappointed with myself for letting it happen. The weight of knowing and trying to think about coping with 4 kids was too much and I had to reach out before it would consume me.

I'm 20weeks today and due in Dec. Things are slowly piecing back together. I did get a gender scan done not that it really mattered either way I did not put up my hopes for a girl. I have been blessed with a girl now. While it is still foreign to me and still trying to sink it all in, I have some great close friends and a few family members that are sticking by me and helping me. From day to day things to looking after the boys so I can have a break now and then.

My DH hugs me often just knowing that even though he may not completely understand he knows that's how he can help me.

My heart goes out to you. And while things feel pretty numb even for me still, its getting better a little each day. I don't cry so much anymore. I do have my moments of meltdown still but recover quicker. Take it one day at a time or an hour at a time. Whatever it takes. Don't be frightened to reach for help. I don't have any medication and feel that's best for me at the moment as I'm responding better to changing my thoughts and dealing with my emotions better.

You're welcome to PM me anytime.

I hope things improve in time for you and your DH, it will take time. I used to grieve for all the special things I thought I had lost. But they are only postponed for a little while and I can still achieve my dreams and goals and have a special wedding anniversary maybe not all this year but in time. And DH has promised me that as they were important for me.

I know its hard to keep your chin up when it feels dark immediately infront of you. I'm happy to walk with you through this if you like.

((HUGS))