Only child = overindulged, spoilt, gets away with everything

[MummaBear03]

What do you think of those sorts of comments?

For instance, at work last week a child's behaviour was being described to me, the staff member said she just gets away with everything at home and is only at daycare 1 day a week and has just started, so she's pretty hard to control. When she started to tell me the things that she does, she said "Well she's an only child so you can understand what I'm talking about there, gets away with everything, the princess of the house, spoilt and overindulged. Only child explains it well."

It's also said by people that the "only child" is never at fault, the parents think they are always right and other kids are to blame for things.

So how does it make you feel when these comments are made?

My child is not spoilt, overindulged, she doesn't get away with everything, she is disciplined and made to use her manners and whenever there is an incident between DD and any other child, I get both sides of the story and go from there. Sometimes she's at fault, sometimes the other child/ren, sometimes it's just a mix-up and nobody did the wrong thing in the disagreement. If it's a little tiff I tell her to sort it out using her words, because kids can often get like that, especially if you have 3 kids together.

[Lil Bugs Mummy]

I don't think that all single children i like that at all its rubbish, i know more families with 3 or more kids that = that behaviour than one its just stupid judgement and if you know ur doing the right thing by ur child then stuff everyone else.:yes:

[RoarsomeMum]

Its an annoying (and generally WAY off mark) generalisation..

What cracks me up is there is also the "other side" Generalisations.. and they seem to equal same thing!

So You have a selfish Only Child - Must be cause you mollycoddle and overindulge and they have not learned to share without siblings.. :no:

So you have a selfish child from a large family? - Must have been Bullied by siblings, Has to share everything and that frustrates them..They can not get enough attention from Mum and Dad..:no:

You can't win.

My Only child is Spoilt!! And yet, thankfully, it has not spoiled her..:goodvibes:

[nugglyboysmum]

meh, people will always have these generalisations, but I know MANY children with siblings who are really spoiled and awful, and i know only children who are delightful, so its a ridiculous judgement really.

My son is just like any other kid i know at this age, only child or not.

[shelle65]

Those sorts of comments make me feel sad for my DD - it's not up to her whether she's an only child or not.

My DD is a bit overindulged and spoilt, because she is also the only grandchild on my side and she is just adored by everyone. She acts like a normal three year old - pushes boundaries, sometimes has tantrums when she doesn't get her own way, doesn't always listen, has to be reminded to use her manners and sometimes is downright horrible. Show me a three year old, regardless of the number of children in their family, who doesn't act like that sometimes.

But people are always trying to find reasons for kids behaving in certain ways, I overheard a conversation at the park the other day about kids who don't share because they did/didn't go to childcare... I mean really, I think people generally forget that kids are kids, they all have different personalities and they are very rarely perfect.

[Mischief]

I used to find it really hurtful... We had planned for Oliver to be an only child after problems with his labour.

It wasnt fear of him being over indulged that changed our mind. It was seeing how lonely he seemed to be, we are rural and didnt have allot to do with other children on a daily or even weekly basis.

That was what decided it for us, why we had another child... (whom we love dearly for himself).

I dont think only children are spoilt. I was an only child in a way (my siblings had all grown and left home when I came along), I was never spoilt, or made to think I was better than I was. I knew my parents loved me, they provided what they could for me.... and Ive worked for everything else.

I know others who come from larger families who have always been spoilt rotten. I dont think number of children has anything to do with it. Its parenting style. Nothing to do with being a single child, or a multiple child!

[danielle13]

My inlaws often make comments like that.

DD is far from spoiled. She does have a few 'issues' with sharing but she's getting alot better and she just has a strong sense of preservation, she knows that toys cost money and she doesn't get new things at the drop of a hat and she doesn't like it when other kids are rough with her things.

Whenever she plays up when dp's grandmother is around she throws in the 'only child' comments.. Apparently every so called-naughty thing she does would be fixed if she had a sibling, which opens a whole new can of worms given that we've been trying for 3 years now to give her one..

:rolleyes:

[MummaBear03]

Actually, what Roarsome Mum said makes sense. DD is spoilt. She's the only child but also only grandchild and we have lots of adults and very few children in the family so she is quite spoilt, but not spoiled. Not bratty. Doesn't expect to be given things, and appreciates and cares for what she has. She is also good at sharing, except with 3 children lol. Somehow if there are 3 children there are fights, but if there are 2 children we have no fights and if there are 4 or more children we have no fights. But she is good at sharing and loves company.

In a way I also relate to what Mischief is saying in that she gets lonely quite a lot, particularly if I'm studying or doing housework. For some things she helps me, but not when it comes to scrubbing the toilet, bathroom and laundry or cleaning the fans or ceilings or mowing the lawns, so she is by herself at those times and craves company. Unfortunately she will never have a sibling, and even if she did have a sibling, the age difference would be too great and she wouldn't have a playmate in her sibling.

[RoarsomeMum]

:hugs: Thanks for understanding..

Definitely not saying "Only children" are spoilt.. Just acknowledging My DD is.. We never thought we would be lucky enough to be blessed with a child, and we DO spoil her :o

But in SPITE of that, she is seen as the "dream child" by others.. Shares well, Is affectionate to everyone, Bright, happy, playful.. because she is ROAR! Not because she is an "Only child".

A different child treated the way we treat Roar may be totally different (as is shown better via large families and more comparison!)

[MummaBear03]

We have neighbours on both sides of us who have 5 kids each. The neighbours on one side are expecting their 6th now actually, found out yesterday. DD is 6. The kid on one side who is also 6 is a naughty, bratty child who has been banned (by the other children) from playing with others in the street. All of them said she's naughty, she uses words that hurt people and she breaks and steals their belongings so she isn't welcome. The 6 year old on the other side is pleasant. She swears too lately but doesn't swear at people, iykwim. She plays well, shares, cares for belongings and packs up after herself.

DD is respectful of her belongings and she will care for her toys and appreciate her toys whether they are the latest and greatest, the most expensive toys, or a 20 cent toy from the op shop. So it isn't anything about how many kids are in the family or how many toys they have. The 6 year old who is not welcome here has very few toys, she breaks what she has. In fact, all 5 of them got a DSi for Christmas, not one of them has a usable one now, they are all lost or broken. The youngest child's turned up in DD's sandpit after we'd been away for a weekend and they tried to blame it on DD lol.

Most of the time she's quite pleasant to be around, thanks to all the work and therapy that's gone into her over this time (she has other additional needs) yet the moment she starts to cry over anything, it's put back to her being an only child. Sometimes I'll tell her to toughen up and sometimes I'll sit with her on my lap and cuddle her until she's calm, it depends on what she's upset over and if it's just sooking or if she's really upset. But the times I sit with her and cuddle her, I'm molly-coddling because she's an only child :rolleyes:

[Pax]

I only know a few 'only children' scenarios personally and in all cases I would say their children are given much more stuff and indulgences than what I would class as normal in a larger family.

Do i think that is the same for all lone children absolutely not. I met one recently who is 13 and he is a lovely kid.

I often think the stereotype of the lone child, when it is a reality in a child, has a lot to do with not having siblings and having to learn to negotiate within their home amongst peers.

[SAgirl]

I'm an only child and my aunties and uncles used to say this! But to be honest I have never met more spoilt kids than my cousins who all have siblings. They r extremely rude to my grandmother and other adults, never shared their toys, were very 'bratty' and nasty and as teens some went 'off the rails'.

I was always taught to share, have good manners, turn the other cheek in a fight, give up my seat to anyone older than me etc etc. None of my cousins ever did that.

I also think anyone can be spoilt! Only child or child with siblings. It all depends on the family and things like money etc. My parents spoilt me with love, a nice warm bed, good healthy food and education. I didn't have heaps and heaps of toys etc like my cousins did.

I even used to have to wear my school shoes after school and on weekend coz we couldn't afford any others. All my friends were wearing nike or other expensive brand name shoes and I used to get teased.

People who say others r spoilt (whether they r referring to only children or children with siblings) have no idea what they r talking about. Each situation is different and each family life is different.

What one considers to be spoilt is perhaps normal for others.

[Fiz]

I was an only child and I was brought up with respect and discipline. I never got my own way and I think why people say they are "spoilt" is that the parents don't have to spread the money over several children so it's easier to buy a lot more for one person.

I knew I had a lot of things but I was always grateful to have them and always appreciated everything (and still do) my parents ever did for me.

I am thankful for the way my parents raised me. They taught me how to share (even when I didn't have people to share with) and have taught me to be a person who looks after other people and not just think about myself.

[babyboo]

I tend to laugh at those sorts of comments.

I have one daughter and ha......what that woman states surely doesnt apply to her. I see myself as a pretty objective parent. My daughter gets treated and disciplined no differently to her cousins, who have brothers I might add. She doesnt behave any differently to them or any other seven year old girl that would like her own way.

She uses her manners, she waits her turn, she gets rewards when she has earn't them, she gets treats like any other child does, she uses her better judgement (the best she can for a seven year old), she is socialable and well adjusted, she is compassionate to other people and animals.

I have witnessed kids who have brothers and sisters with absolutely appalling behaviour and demands. I think it is incredibly old fasiohioned and judgmental these days to put 'only children' into that self obsessed catagory.

I also feel that my daughter being an only child has the advantage of me teaching her the right way to behave, manage herself, reason, and her social skills and do and learn things without distraction. These children are not unfortunate or over compensated - they are loved for who they are and lucky that their parents are in a position to give them tons of love.

I mean how can you possibly 'over love' a child. The problem is people speaking with no experience of having just one child = pure judgement and stereotyping.

[Fuchsia!]

I have seen it happen and i have see it not happen. By best friend was an only child and she was incredibly spoilt! She still is! lol

But i also have some other friends with only child and their kids are far from spoilt and they are well adjusted beautiful families.

[SimplyMum]

My child is over-indulged and very spoilt but like many other children- this has not spoiled him.

His latest report card stated he had 'impeccable manners'. :D

He shares reasonably well- can be a little protective of his belongings but I think that is mainly because he has a cousin or 2 that don't take care of things and so often his things get broken. We have come to an agreement that if he doesn't want to share it or someone touching it- it gets put away as it is not fair otherwise.

Spoiled doesn't come from over-indulgence. It comes from not being taught how to look after their belongings. My nephews get a bit less and much less than DS- and sometimes cheap and utter crap, yet DS is much better at looking after his things than they are. His toys last longer, are in much better condition and more often than not can be sold when he is finished with them, unlike any of his cousins belongings.

He also is not always right but we do negotiate a lot, so the difference being is that he is allowed and encouraged to question (to some extent) where as non-lone children are learnt to toe the line so to speak because there is a time and patience limit. We explain things as much as we can.