We're Trying to Decide if we should have a 3rd Baby???

[MummyStar]

:confused: I would love to hear from anyone that has 3 children, is one of 3 children in the family (especially if you are the middle child), has 2 children & is also trying to decide on having a 3rd child or has 2 children & decided against having a 3rd child (either if you are happy with that decision or if you wish you had a 3rd child).
My husband & I have two beautiful healthy boys, I had always wanted to have 3 babies (3 boys) but my pregnancies are very uncomfortable so during my 2nd pregnancy I agreed with my DH that having our 2 Boys will be enough...My husband is feeling very comfortable with two.
BUT not long after DS2 was born the desire to have a 3rd baby returned (probably as this has been a life long desire) & now I am really confused, my DH has said that the door is not totally closed to having a 3rd bub.
Sometimes I feel 100% sure that if DH gave us the go ahead (in 6 months time) that I would be thrilled but some days I worry about how it would affect DS2 as he would become the middle child & I also think about how full on it is with the two boys already...DS1 has always been a handful (he is getting easier), he has been very demanding & had reflux for his first 7mths :(. DH also worries about finances & having to buy a larger car, as we would need 3 car seats.
Our two boys have a lovely relationship & I get concerned about how a 3rd child would fit in.

I honestly don't know how we will decide, I would like the age gap to be the same as DS1 & DS2 if we do go ahead with having our 3rd baby which is just under 2yrs...I will also be turning 35 this year so I would prefer to fall pregnant next year at the latest.

I would love to hear stories/advice from anyone regarding the pro's or con's of having 3 children. Thanks :)

[MumtoSeb]

Hi

I am in a similar boat. I have DS who just turned 2 yesterday :D and DD who is 6 weeks. when we first decided on a family we wanted to have around 4 kids ( i grew up in a family of 4, and DH grew up in a family of 3) as i think with 3 one gets left out.

Anyway did not go to plan. I hated being pregnant, i was sick from 6 weeks till about the 8th month, i had heartburn, back ache, you name it i had it. I had 3 pregnancies in 2.5yrs ( we lost one at 14 weeks when DS was 6 mths) so i think this also added to me not liking being pregnant and i swore that after DD was born we would not have anymore, BUT..... now that she is here i am thinking i do want that extra one or two but i think i need to wait till DD is around 2 before deciding what to do as if we do have more i don't want a large gap.

I really don't know what to tell you as i change my mind daily :yes: but i think that desire of another child might not go away and i don't want to regrett it 20yrs down the track.

Maybe keep your options open and what happens will happen !

Sorry i wasn't much help :flowerz:

[MummyStar]

Thanks MumtoSeb, I also had heartburn during both PG's - How bad is it! I had never had it until I was PG & it was worse during the 2nd PG, I had Morning Sickness throughout the entire PG's too - it was worse during the 1st PG but then I had really bad Sciatica down my left side during the 2nd PG....amongst other things! They were both born at exactly 37wks - I was so happy to have them 3wks early :).
Yes I'm also changing my mind all day long but I go from being 100% sure to being unsure, I don't actually make it as far as saying no I don't want to...which probably tells me something.
I have never considered having 4.
I'm sorry to hear that you lost a baby, that must be very difficult & heartbreaking. :hugs:
Where was you DH in the family of 3? Did he feel leftout? Do you know of other families of 3 where one gets left out?
Thanks, hopefully we'll both get some good advice ;).

[DomesticDiva]

Thanks for the post mommies. I only have a four year old girl and we are currently busy funding our house construction. Hubby and I decided that after this our next project would be our second baby and since we are freed from house rental, I think we could afford a 3rd. I am so excited and worried at the same time.

[MumtoSeb]

Hi

DH is the last child in his family. His brother is 9 years older than him and his sister is 14mths older. He does not get on with his brother at all and he has a good relationship with his sister now but they didn't when they were younger, it has only improved in the last 3yrs or so.

This is the reason why DH wants 4 as he said in his family he was left out all the time and he see's me with my brothers ( i have 3, I'm the only girl :yes:) and he said he really wants the relationship i have with my sibilings for our kids.

This might have nothing to do with how many kids there are, but when i was growing up there was always someone to play with, and now as adults even though we are spread across the country, we can usually meet up with one or two sibilings a year.

For me, i really enjoyed my childhood, even though there were 4 so we never got everything we wanted, or had the designer brands, i loved it and i really would like to have that with my family. this is why i am so torn as i hate being pregnant!!!!! DH always jokes that he will find us a surrogate :laughing:

HTH :)

[Tieko]

Hi mummystar - just thought I would come and offer my input :wave:

I grew up in a family of 3 children, and I was the middle child too, and I have to say that in my situation yes it was true - someone always missed out when playing! Sure there were times when we all played together, but generally I would either just play with my sister, just play with my brother - or they would play together! I'm not exactly sure why it works out that way...perhaps 3 really is a crowd :confused: However it is partially the reason that I don't want 3 kids. I am currently pregnant with bub #3 though - but I plan on having 4! I always said I would have either 2 or 4 kids :yes: Goodluck with your deciding! I'm sure how your children interact has more to do with personalities/genders/ages etc than it does with the actual number.

[mummy2Luca]

Hi. I am one of a triplet and its true what others have said. 80 percent of the time 2 would play and one would miss out. It varied who missed out. There were some times when we played together but alot of times it was 2 and one alone. I had an older brother but he was 10 years older and that never helped with the left alone child. I know this is a little different as we were all the same ages but i thought it share my input. Good luck making your decision.

[Liddy]

I'm also a middle child born into a family of 3. And my experiences are exactly why I would like 4 children. I hated being the middle child, fortunately i had a sister and a brother so my sister and I always played together but I guess my brother missed out alot.
I don't like odd numbers, but this is just my own personal experience! If I was to have 3 children i'd make sure they were close in age.

[Areca]

I am not one of three, but I do have three children. When my third was born I had three under 4 and I found the first 5 months very demanding and difficult tbh. I just didn't feel like I could stretch myself far enough to meet everyone's needs. DS (our third) is 7 months tomorrow and I love my family of three but it is a fair bit busier, everything takes longer, there's less time in the day (feels that way anyway) but I am sad that DD1 will be off to school next year because I'll miss her!
So far so good on them playing...my girls will often go to their brother and play with him, including him in their games as much as they can etc.
I was one of two growing up and there was no 2 against 1 or anything but I always wanted another sibling. I have a friend who is one of four and for her family at least it was never 2 against 2. She said it was 3 against 1....if they weren't playing together then it was always just one of them that was left out. I have a few friends who are one of three and are choosing to have three kids themselves because they liked it so much (three of them are the middle child in their family) so obviously having three isn't always bad...it's lucky really because I'm not having anymore :laughing:

[Cat13]

For a long time I've also had my heart set on 3 children although now that I have 2 there are days where I'm definitely not sure about this anymore. But how I feel about this changes daily and throughout each day :rolleyes: .

I'm the eldest of 3 kids and I guess that's why I want 3, because it's what I know. For me I liked it because it my case I got to have both a sister and a brother. In regards to one getting left out, I tend to think of it in reverse. If you only have one sibling and they don't want your company well, that's pretty much tough luck. But if you have 2 (or more) siblings then there is always someone else to go to. I'm lucky and we all get along and are close. Of course there were disagreements as kids and as big sister I often took on more of parenting role which did not go down well (my sister is 2 years younger and my brother 6 years younger so I enjoyed playing mum to him).

My sister was the middle child and although you probably could put her picture in the dictionary next to 'middle child syndrome', I've never heard her say she didn't like being one of three. My brother was an 'accident' but definitely has an extra special place in mum's heart - she'd never got rid off her baby stuff even though they had decided they were done after 2 girls but after my brother she had no qualms in doing so as she felt her family was now complete.

My opinion is that there is no ideal number of children and it's all going to come down to a combination of each child's personality, gender, age gap, parenting style and many other family circumstances. I know of people with 1 sibling who don't get along at all, people with more who get on with one but not the other/(s) and some lucky families where all get along.

I probably will end up having three because I'll feel like something is missing if I don't but that is definitely my limit. No inkling whatsoever for 4!

[cindye]

Hi MummyStar:wave:

I have 2 DD's, the eldest turned 2 last month and my baby will be 6 months old in a few weeks.

I want a 3rd, and I'm pretty sure DH has come around to the idea.

Despite the fact that I haven't had a full night's sleep in over 5 months, despite having absolutely no support except for DH as both our families are interstate, despite DD2 having severe reflux which resulted in hours of screaming every day for the first 4 months of her life I want another baby. So the desire is pretty strong.

Like you I hate being pregnant, get bad morning sickness, heartburn and sciatica, and at the moment I'm on a dairy, soy, egg and wheat free diet to help with my DD's reflux. I figure that I just want to get all the pregnancy / breastfeeding over and done with so I can finally have my body back completely!

I am turning 36 next month :eek: so will be thinking of TTC later this year. Yes, there's a new car to consider and DH pointed out the other day that family holiday packages are always for 2 adults and 2 children :rolleyes:.

I think the "middle child" syndrome depends a lot on the personalities of the children and also the age gaps. I know that coming from a family with 6 children there was nearly always someone left out, and that was with even numbers.

My DH is one of 2 children and my MIL has always regretted not having a third.

I know I'm not finished (although I'll have to be after the 3rd!) and don't want to regret the child I don't have.

Good luck with your decision!

[meant2b]

Hi,

I'm pregnant with #3. I would really like 4 but I don't do pregnancy very well :laughing: and I'm a little concerned about the extra debt a car will bring. I don't like saying it like that but I guess it's something we have to consider whether we like it or not.

I'm an only child, so when it comes to the 'sibling' thing I'm a little lost. :confused: To be honest I would have been grateful for any number of siblings and it was often something I would pray to God about. :(

My current theory at the moment is :D I am home alone practically through the entire week with the children so I figure if we were to stop at 3 I would make up the extra person anyway. :laughing:

At the moment with 2 there is sometimes someone that misses out. My children are 15.5mths apart and I feel bad when I'm attending to one and the other may be upset and having to wait. My eldest will be 2yrs and 10mths when the third is born so hopefully that will account for something.

My husband comes from a family of four and just from an outsiders perspective there is still one of his siblings that I consider to be the 'middle child' of the family. I'm hoping it depends more on how you raise them then on a particular number.

It's a very hard decision, so many factors to take into consideration. :yes:

[muls]

I have 2 at the moment 18mths apart and my 3rd is due in Dec at 20mths apart. I wasn't quite ready to be pregnant but surprise here is bub LOL! I can't wait to have 3 and I don't know if I'll end up going to 4 we'll see. I think that 3 is a good number though as you don't have to have a new car if you don't want to and having 3 means that if you are busy with one child (doing homework, reading etc) the remainging children can keep each other occupied - in theory!!

Anyway good luck on your choice :goodvibes:

[babywez]

what a great question, and it has been interesting to read everyone's responses.

I am the eldest of 3 girls. Someone was always left out when we were younger. And I recently had a falling out with the second one that we only just patched up after 2 + years.

I have essentially come to the conclusion it doesn't matter how many you have, or how much time is between them, its how they're raised to treat each other that matters.

Hope this helps!

In saying all that, I've told DH we have to have 2 or 4. I don't want 3. He is one of 5, that's just insane ;)

And my DH also has the argument "Family holidays are for families of 4, not of 3 or 5." So he is all for 2 kids!

[MummyStar]

Thank You so much for all of your replies, I didn't receive any notifications that there were responses so it was a lovely surprise to come back to the thread & read all of your points of view on having 3 children.
I'll come back over the weekend when it's not almost midnight & have another read & post again with some more thoughts ;).
Thanks Again for the feedback, it's very interesting to hear about the different circumstances.
Good Night :sleeping: